Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: remembering (43168)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost never underestimate the delusional power of NPD. If it suited them the sky would be green with black polka dot and red checkmarks. They can convince themselves of anything and often are able to get others to buy into the delusions as well.

That is partly why NC is so very important.

I thought that a divorce can not be granted until a baby is born that is conceived in a marriage.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
lostsahm
Member
Member # 17136
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently not in this state. The statute says that anychild born within 10 months of the divorce is considered a child born of the marriage. All divorces in this state say the words "Wife is not pregnant" or "Wife is pregnant."

Ours says "Wife is pregnant", gives month that I am due, decides child support, custody, visitation, everything. I'm not sure if it is usually that complete, but I didn't want to deal with him anytime soon. ALthough, I suppose he could always change his mind. Currently, he states that he wants to terminate his parental rights to this baby. Now THAT I don't know about since we have another child together as well. I seriously doubt that you can pick and choose which child you want.. But, hey, in his world, he can do anything.


"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 834 | Registered: Nov 2007
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lost, my NPD is the same way with the kids. He only really wants them to put on a show for OW and the mutual friends. To show what a good father he is. I call it the "dog and pony show".

Your X probably has himself and everyone else convinced that the baby you're carrying isn't his. What an ass thinking that he can just pick and choose his children like that.

Sorry about your grandpa. Sucks when all of this stuff gets bunched up together.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7623 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost - he is a delight isn't he? Good for you for coming as far as you have.
JJ - I'm not sure whether you need a formal agreement for supporting your step-daughter or if it could be a private arrangement between the two of you. Could you put the money into her bank account that your ex-wife has no access to? Over here, I have no access to my dd10 bank account unless she signs the withdrawal slip! Just a thought...

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((itsa))) - It's not a logistical problem. I could very well just mail the $$ to the school, and given my feelings for SD (step-daughter, 16, who outed the A to me), I wouldn't need, require, or want any written agreement to pay. I just would.

SD called again last night. (She's currently visiting out-of-town relatives & is not w/ her mother).

I reminded her of the 'tick-list' of ways she would be accountable to me. Heck, all I want is to just be able to talk w/ her! Being the child of an N?
Right.
She needs all the help she can get, and I love her to pieces, so...

It was a tough call, especially when she started crying and said; "Where else am I gonna go?"
She does not want to live w/ her mom - she knows she is NPD, and her mom is living at her mom's (grandma's) - who's not really all that thrilled to have her daughter and grandson (SD's brother, my SS, 18) in residence to begin with.

Point is - given the fungible nature of money, when I give 50 bucks to the school - (I'm going to be using "50 bucks" as a symbol for awhile ) -

it's the same as letting WW keep 50 bucks...

So, I get to feel like a selfish shit to SD for not saying; "Sure, I'll pay. Here you go. No problem."
SD understands - in general terms, for instance - how her mother would spend $$ on herself for *cosmetic purposes*, etc...
80 bucks at a beauty-supply, +
?? $$ for some type of hair-weave/extension -
stuff like that.

I bit my tongue on motel sick.
SD doesn't know about that.

I left it as reassuring as I could with SD, *promising* to "see what I can do" to help.

There will probably be more developments soon.

& (((((((hb)))))))
You getting good practice with Nicole's "stillness"?
& how's that "being boring" thing working for you?

My prayers are with you sistah!

and for all you! ((((tribe))))


Posts: 6003 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Nicole5
♀ Member
Member # 17794
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct,

Do what's in your heart to do because, in the final analysis, that is the only thing that matters!

If possible, spend some time thinking about what this girl's life would be with and without your help and how you will feel about that, when in the rocking chair of your *old* age.

In your imaginings, are you proud of who you are and life as you lived it? Do you have any regrets?

When you live a life of integrity regrets are few. imho

Nicole


divorced my WH on Nov 4, 2011
(see my profile for "the story")


Posts: 338 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: TX
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Nicole -
I just about had it figured that no matter what I do -
she'll find a way to do whatever she wants to do anyway.

Then I read your wise words of long perception, and taking them to heart,
really, thank you!
-
That put the capper on it for me, & I've decided to go ahead & pay.

Just don't be puttin me in no dam rocker yet, though!


Posts: 6003 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*peeking in, looking around for HB*

Oh, HB, where are you? Are you doin' ok?

*waving at everyone else*

Hi, Tribe! Hope all is well in NPD-land.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7623 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure what he is up to but my STBXH was extremely nice today, didn't even try to pick a fight. What the heck is up with that? Anyone elses just ever do that out of the blue? We have been fighting non stop for months now.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

peridot - be on your guard! When my ex-husband is nice it usually means he is about to stab me in the back!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted about this in general because I found something else out. I have a tracker on my myspace page and he has been looking at it all day and night. It's set to private,lol. I just happen to know his IP address. What the heck! He has never looked at it. Maybe once or twice.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok Tribe, he's gone to Indy.
I'm here to let y'all know I survived his time here.

I didn't talk to him much.
He kept asking me if something was wrong or if he had done something to piss me off.
What's up with that?

I didn't sleep w/him.EWWWWW

He didn't even ask.He didn't try to hug me or anything.
I wonder if that's a good sign.
It sure made it easier on me to not have to have him touching me.
Just the thought of it is revolting.

He tried to get me to go swimming w/ him and DS and SIL.
I didn't want to go and didn't.

I did notice one thing though and I want to ask y'all about this.
Keep in mind how he quizzed me on the SA and got off on my pain.
He asked me several questions this week about Niki that made me cry about her.
I didn't have a problem w/him asking if the L was doing anything on Niki's case.
But the other questions did get to me.
My question for y'all is he feeding off of my pain over losing Niki?
It felt like it in a way, but I'm not sure.

And yesterday he asked me how much life insurance he should put on DS on the new job.
That just ripped through me.



Made me cry like hell.
I told him to not ask me that kind of question.
I asked him how could I answer that.
He asked if 10K was a good amount to put on our son.
DAMN! Just DAMN!
It made me feel like he was putting a price on DS' head.

I'm sorry I haven't been much support for y'all.
I did read the last few pages that y'all posted and caught up w/everyone.
Just know that I love y'all and we WILL make it through this.
One way or another.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Balancing Act
♀ Member
Member # 19047
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HB)))

Hey!! glad you survived the week mostly intact...glad he's gone!!

I think his questions about Niki and her case can be assumed to be normal for a parent...I would not look for trouble there and I would just tell myself that he's her dad and he's got questions - normal questions and not try to delve too far down the rabbit hole that is his mind.

On the insurance for your son...hmmm...I have never had life insurance on my kids - only me and their dad. Is that something you normally have?

I've been out of town also and so have not been posting...but have been reading and catching up...

I want to ask for some good mojo from everyone....I have a job interview this week (tuesday afternoon)...this is MY job and I'm totally psyched about it...please send good thoughts my way, k???

(((TRIBE))) y'all hang in there!!!

[This message edited by Balancing Act at 6:09 AM, July 21st (Monday)]


Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: in the middle, somewhat elevated
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. mojo says;..."You're HIRED!"

(((hb))) your strength amazes me. WTG!!!!!!!
Hard to know an answer about if he's feeding, wait, when aren't they feeding?

peridot, I'd say watch yer back, like itsa said.
N's are driven by the darkness w/in them, slaves to 'false image'-polishing
while shackled to their hated true-selves they cannot bear to face.
The energy they spend hiding the hated true self is manifested by the rabidness with which they project their flaws & demons onto others.

Codebook says if there's a recent fixation, checking up to see if you're cheating for instance...

ummm. You know.


Posts: 6003 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BA, I hope you have the job in the bag.
That will help you get on w/your life so well.

I'll wait and see about his questions.
He did say that he was having a tough time dealing w/ her death.
This is the second kid he's lost.
He lost a baby to SIDS years ago in his previous M.
And I know how that has affected him over all the years I've been M to him.

I'm calling down major mojo for every one on this thread.
We all could use some.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB - well done for surviving the visit! I'm not sure what to make of him feeding off your pain...whatever the answer is it is not your concern any more. This is because you are free of him. Whatever rocks his boat, leave him to it. All you need to be interested in is you and ds.

Balancing - good luck!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB, good to have you back! My thinking with the questions about Niki's death is that since he is largely incapable of dealing with his own emotions, he's bouncing his questions off you to see how you react, and therefore, how he should be reacting. Plus, he's got no ability to empathize, so he can't even see that these questions might be upsetting to you.

And about DS's insurance. You always did take care of these kinds of decisions before, right? If you're like me, you handled all of the routine "business end" stuff of the marriage. He still thinks that you will - it's only natural that you would, right?

BA, best of luck with the job prospect! I hope it works out for you.

peridot, yes, watch out, because he's up to something. The last time I had a seemingly "pleasant" phone conversation with my N, he was trying to manipulate something to go his way. Niceness by the NPD is likely something else. Plus, he's still trying to be sure you're there as his "back-up plan". Probably why he's so interested in your myspace. Like jj said, to be sure you're not cheating on him.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7623 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks y'all.
I know he's hurting over losing her.
I asked him a question shortly after losing her if it was harder to lose a baby or a twelve yr old.

I guess that question has really gotten to him.
He's brought it up several times since then.
He says it's worse to lose the older child because the older child has so much personality and you get to know them more as a parent and as a person.
He said that his baby was like a blank slate.
That the baby hadn't really had a chance to develop a personality.
He also said that he misses Niki because she was such a "daddy's girl" and he'll never have that again.

I told him that I have an issue I have to work on about him.
That he still has two other daughters and I resent him and in a way hate him for that.
He said "Fuck that!"
He said it doesn't make it any easier or help in any way.

So what do I do w/this issue?
Is it normal?
I read stories on yahoo news about parents that hurt their kids like that woman that was caught poisoning her 3 yr old daughter w/ salt water and I just want to rip these people apart with my bare hands.

*minivent through a lot of pain*

Don't they realize how precious and wonderful their kids are?
These kids are our future.
One of these kids could find the cure for cancer or AIDs.

Ok, I'll shut up.
I don't want to go off on a tangent.
I can tell that I'm mad woman rambling again.

i

[This message edited by Heartless Bytchh at 1:21 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only other thing that I can think of is that for the last week or so the OW and I have been going back and forth with each other. I had been ignoring her but then she said something to piss me off. I stopped when I realized that he was watching this. Maybe he is getting some cheap thrill out of it. I also seen his sister on there so maybe they are trying to get something on me. Fat chance, anything I have done is nothing compared to what he has done. I haven't even slandered him other than post something that he told me about their relationship, or lack there of.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
BusyMamma
♀ Member
Member # 11027
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I never venture in here because I can never keep up! But I just got done reading an excellant book and thought I'd share. It's The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists. Not sure if you guys know about it, but very informative! Right on actually!

Discovered that my mother may have infact began these NPD tendancies after she developed severe cancer and had to undergo intensive chemo treaments, chemical imbalance in the brain altered her mental state. I just found that really interesting since my grandmother and I have always discussed how when my mom was younger, she never used to be like this! It wasn't until after she had cancer that the behavior began. She had cancer before I was born, a shame I never got to know the kind caring person she used to be...

So anyway, wanted to pass that info along! I'm reading a few other books and I'll let you know how they are once I'm done!


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Jun 2006
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.