Oftentimes, I would have to go and meet my WH - airports, restaurants, etc...invariably, he would be there when I arrived and would never 'show' himself to me...he would be off to the side (playing with his phone) and kind of just watching me like some peeping tom or something waiting for me to 'find' him...it made me incredibly uncomfortable to be the one having to stand and turn in circles to see if I could spot him. It's like he was hiding from me and testing me to see if I could 'spot' him. He would never show himself out in the open or walk up to me when he spotted me...always just hung back propping up some wall waiting for me to find him....creepy...
Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy
Now, I think he was studying me to learn HUMAN behavior and how to apply HUMAN emotion to life situations. He didn't have a clue.
During our time together these were the things that left my head spinning on more than one occasion. In emotionally charged situations,(like a death or a serious accicent) he either completely went FLAT, overreacted, or had very little reaction. It was very strange. Another example was how he would apply the emotion "missing" or "to yearn". He was completely off the mark. There were other situations and his choice of words and or reactions that never fit.
I was always left thinking, "WTF???"
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
(((ALL))) Our sex life has always been about me trying to please him, but it's been different. In our case, he enjoyed marathon sessions and withholding orgasms. It would be 2 hours into a session, I'd be on my second application of K-Y, and he still would not be satisfied. Or think of ways of stimulating me. Many sessions didn't involve any foreplay (for me, that is -- me giving him a blowjob was pretty much de rigeur and sometimes it was the only thing that went on. my jaw would be ready to lock from exhaustion because he liked to prolong that as well). It would pretty much be in, out, in out, in out, for hours at a time. Finishing often would involve him putting me in an excruciating position where he basically ground into me from the most uncomfortable angle possible. I couldn't cuddle afterwards; I was often too sore and if I didn't go soak in some warm water, walking would be impossible the next day. If I initiated sex, I was coming on too strong, and he could not get it up. But he complained all the time about how I never initiated sex.
WRT Housework: He doesn't help clean up the house because if I cared about it, it would be clean already. So since I "don't care," he doesn't need to help clean, and if I "did care," then the house would be clean and he wouldn't need to do any housework, anyway. See how that works out for him???
*different man, but the same story, over and over again*
[This message edited by veritas at 10:13 AM, July 14th (Monday)]
Divorce is final. Apparently the judge signed it on Friday.
I KNOW that him being gone is best. (Really what type of man demands an abortion or a divorce the month after he tells her they should try to have another baby????)
BUT ARGH!!!!! I hate this. And of course, I have an OB appt today. The timing is ironic.
Bad day. bad day.
Last weekend was my X's weekend with our daughters. He wanted me to drive two hours to St. Louis and drop them off on Friday. Then on Friday, he decides that He wants me to wait until Saturday. And he wants me to drive one of his friend's cars instead of my own. I wait all day Saturday for the friend to drop off the car. It never happens. At 7pm, he calls to say that I will have to wait until Sunday morning.
Sunday morning he calls to tell me that the friend already drove the car to St. Louis so now I will have to drive my own car.
I drive the girls to St. Louis. Then he asks me to stay in St. Louis for seven hours while he and my daughters go to a birthday party. I will need to pick the girls up because he will be drinking. I say, "you can't control yourself and not drink in the afternoon so that you can bring the girls back?"
Fine, so I wait in St. Louis for seven hours and then drive the two hours back home.
I'm not a big fan of every other weekend when it means that I have to wait around for him to decide when the girls can come see him and then I have to drive them to him and wait around for him to be done. However, I am also not a big fan of him driving drunk with the girls. I guess I would rather drive them then risk their lives in his car with him. Why does he have visitation?
I don't think I can stand to be around him for that long.
It's going to delay my camping plans for a little longer.
He doesn't know about those.
I try to keep my life and my plans to myself.
Those aren't his concern any more.
It just bothers me that even w/o realizing it he still interferes w/my life.
I'm sure that he discussed this at length w/OW.
I don't care about that.
I don't care what he does w/his life.
But remember one of their terminals is 7 miles away from her house.
How convenient for them both.
Had to snark for a minute on that one.
If there was any chance of R w/him (there's not) I woul've been triggering on that fact big time.
Thought about it, and didn't care.
I think that shows how much I've moved on in a good way.
How in hell do I deal with him being here for so long?
I don't care to have anymore discussions w/him about anything.
I don't want to fight w/him anymore.
I just don't want him to be around me at all really.
It's stressful when he is.
What can I do?
What are my options?
What an ASS!!
You do not have to run the kids around the state for him! Holy Toledo. That has got to stop. He needs to arrange his life to accommodate his children. What a fucktard he is.
Tell me, please, that your freak is not staying at your house while he is in town this week. I think there must be a nice motel close by for him to spend the week in. Heck, can't he stay with OW??
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
No games, no arguments just hardball.
HB NC. He might be in town but as long as he is not living with you then you won't have to deal with him other than if he came to get DS and then it would be as few words as possible. I would even go so far as to write anything you needed to say to him about DS in a note and send that with DS as he is leaving. NC, NC did I mention No contact?
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
NC, NC did I mention No contact?
HB, did we mention NC?
If I let him stay here then presumably things will stay calm.
I won't be interacting w/him much.
Won't be sleeping w/him at all.
If I let him stay here, it'll be easier for me in many ways.
I just have the stress of it.
And I won't be able to post here until he's gone.
SI is my "go to" place.
This is where my friends and buddies are that have been through what I'm going through and these friends "get it".
If I send him down the road, then it opens up a whole can of worms of fighting and stupid accusations and I don't need that.
Told y'all it sounded lame.
i always tell people how i look is your problem.
i hope it turns out easiest for you though. i REALLY do!
i just like to think of hb laughing in everybody's face.
make it a private joke tween u & DS.
maybe i'm just being selfish for wanting to laugh.
yeah ron, workin on my picker too!
me 2. though i could not claim the substance it must have taken to survive
2 OF THESE!
at least my first wasn't an N.
She had the 'decency' to have me served by surprise one christmas when i was alone.
NO FREAKIN WAY!
still, i'm happy for cj!
& hugs for the rest of the weirdofreakozoidsurvivors!
I think you, and only you, can gauge what you can cope with at this time in your life.
You are still dealing with the loss of your daughter, that is HUGE.
We often hear that we have to "pick our battles" and it sounds like you've chosen the one you are best armed for at this point in time.
If you aren't up to dealing with whatever crap he's apt to pull if you don't let him stay there and just want things to be as calm as possible, I understand and respect that.
H is in Iraq and has been since January. He typically e-mails every day to every other day and calls if, for some reason, he's unable to e-mail for longer than that.
Since I started posting in this thread, I've heard nothing from him but he's been in contact with other people in that time frame, so I know he has the ability to make contact now.
I think he may have found my posts here and, since it's something that would piss him off, he's shut down communication with me. When he's mad at me, I get ignored, the cold shoulder, shut out, etc.
I can't prove he's been reading here but the timing of his withdrawal from me makes me wonder.
H, if you are reading here, all you're doing by ignoring me is proving my suspicions correct. And I'm sure by addressing you directly, you'll think I've just given you a reason to blow off our anniversary on Thursday. Go ahead, blow it off, prove me right. That way, I'll know for sure.
I don't think the new meds are helping me any.
I plan on being cool, calm, collected while he's here.
And distant, as in MT. Kilomanjaro or Mt. Fuji Or Mt. Everest,or K2.