Maybe some ice cream would help …..
Ukg, SEE YOUR GP ASAP!!!
We are going to nag you until you take this seriously. My IC is huge on the theory that our body holds the score. Your body is yelling at you...please listen.
Shirley, no 2x4 from me.
Actually, I am in awe. I wish I had been cunning enough (and had a H willing enough)to do that to OW#1.You got a good result: the answers you wanted which tallied with what he said, and she is out from your lives.
Can I suggest something?
Find something from that era of your life which she would have touched (bedsheet, ornament etc) and burn it toegther and shut that door forever. Also,if you find it in you, say a little prayer for that poor life that was aborted.
This so easily could have gone wrong (the phonecall), and I am so pleased for you that it didnt.
And re. the SIL likeness... Ouch.
I am feeling very blue, and I am trying to hold onto it. My IC told me I dont do sadness well...I quickly cover it up or get angry or get lost in food or books.My task for this week was to allow the sadness to be.
Have a good day all.
I love you all too.
H has been in a "mood" all week. Snappish, self-pity, sarcastic. Last night he barely spoke to me. This morning I asked him a question and he jumped down my throat. It was why he needed all the bandaids (like was he hurt and I didn't know). His response was to act all defensive, "I'm using them for the cut on my finger, are you just noticing it? I can't do anything without you questioning it. Well, maybe you better stop asking questions if you don't like the answers." (Oh and nothing A related has even come up for months now) He's been badgering me about if I got a job, what I've been doing all day, why dinner isn't being prepared at 3 :30 in the afternoon when "he's on his way home". (He did it again yesterday and he didn't get home until 5:30, doesn't take 2 hours to prepare pork chops).
I don't get it. I've been avoiding him all week and now I don't know whether to be the adult here and call and ask him what's wrong or wait and see if he comes to his senses. Help.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Okay, I think I just took my anger out in a vent on your H but I really think he is not worthy of you in any way. You keep giving to him and he keeps taking. Not a good, balanced situation at all.
I texted back "I love you too, can we talk later?"
He said "OK, whenever you want."
Yes, shirley, our M has always been out of balance. And no, I gave him that argument when he said something about what I do all day "There were plenty of days that taking a shower and getting dressed was a busy day for you."
I'll just listen to what he has to say.
Really, I am glad he did that. Hopefully, he carries through.
Lost Heart - sit with the sadness. Let it wash over you and cleanse you of your grief.
Thank you for your suggestion BTW. I just went to our linen closet to see if anything was left over from our bed from those days given it was 15 years ago. I did find a set of sheets we almost never used but (knowing him) he might have put on the bed for them. They are going asap into the garbage. Also, we do have a duvet cover somewhere (might be in the room over the garage) that I will hunt down, tear to pieces and dispose of. Can't make me feel worse, right?
This whole episode has me questioning the foundation of our relationship. Do we have one? Can we build one? Does he know what love is? Is he capable of loving outside of selfish love? Can I ever love him again? Are we compatible - really? Has this entire relationship been a mistake founded in a fantasy young love interest from college? on and on and on and on....
Gotta run to the gym with DS. I'll catch up reading when I get back.
At one time, FWH chose the path untrod. I thought we had chosen a path together. Now we seem to walk parallel paths, in the same direction but without ease and comfort that was there before.
I am scard about moving on w/o him--financially as well as being by myself. Don't really want to!
Look at yourself, you're beating yourself up because he's being an ass again. This is the same OW three times now? Does her H know? You need some drastic measures here. He will continue the behavior as long as you allow it.
Have you gone to IC? MC?
The 180 is not about "pretending everything is ok", it's about centering yourself in reality. Taking care of you, forgetting about saving him, saving the M, fixing, obsessing. Another good article is the one in Inspirations on detachment.
You deserve respect, love, gratitude, transparency, a real marriage. If OW is in it, you don't have that. Why are you settling for less than you deserve? I'm sure all of us could make it on our own out there in the scary world. We're tough cookies. The question is why are we choosing to go through life with less than we deserve?
I think this three-way relationship will go on precisely as long as you allow it. We've had people here with husband's who have been in affairs for ten or more years.
After a year or two IMO an affair becomes a way of life. If you do not object, what possible motivation will your husband have for ending the A? If that relationship was going to burn itself out it would have done so a long time ago. It is in the self-sustaining stage at this point. Ignoring it on your end means living with it ad infinitum. Something's got to change the status quo, and it's going to have to be from you.
I would say to read that 180 again and force yourself to do it or resign yourself to living this way forever.
Go and get checked out. If it's an ulcer, it's a very easy treatment regimen now. If it's gastric reflux they can give you pills that will clear it up in a matter of days. Been there, done that.
If you are like me, I almost welcomed physical pain during the worst of times because it deflected somewhat from the torment in my head and heart. But stomach pain is not really anything to allow to go on too long. The damage can become too great.
This whole episode has me questioning the foundation of our relationship. Do we have one? Can we build one? Does he know what love is? Is he capable of loving outside of selfish love? Can I ever love him again? Are we compatible - really? Has this entire relationship been a mistake founded in a fantasy young love interest from college? on and on and on and on.
Does he know what love is? Is he capable of loving outside of selfish love? Can I ever love him again? Are we compatible - really? Has this entire relationship been a mistake founded in a fantasy young love interest from college? on and on and on and on.
We have to each stumble around in this wilderness, trying to find our own path, not just in our M's but more imptly, in ourselves.
And with time, these answers will show them selves. I just pray that my eyes will be open enough to see them.KWIM?
You have been given some good no-nonsense advice.
Keep posting, and lean on us.
I visited a homeopath today. My IC recommended her awhile ago, but I wasnt ready...
I realised, after writing here about all my ailments, that although I think I have it under control, I really dont. I realised it was time to reach out.
She had prescribed 2 remedies for me. She is going to tackle my baggage slowly.So if anyone is interested in alternative remedies, I will keep you informed.
Today is my DS's bday. He would have been 10 years old. I hope that wherever he is, he knows how much I wanted him, how hard I tried to keep him, and that he is loved. Soon his brother and sisters will know about him, and he will have more people to love him.
Hope everyone is keeping on.
On our front, H and I tried to talk again last night. I asked him if anything was bothering him, physically, at work, to have him so irritable. His answer... "you". And I asked what I had done... Well I asked him questions. Apparently stupid questions, like "what are the bandaids for?" and "did you know Greg's dad?" (viewing he went to) or maybe it was the "are you on your way home or back to the office?" (in response to his "when's dinner going to be ready?" Kinda need to know when he's going to get home for that one...
I told him there was the conversation where all I did was answer the phone and he lit into me about what's for dinner, did you get a job, type any pages, do anything (sarcasm intended) today?
Well, apparently that was because I used to do it to him when he was on unemployment...2 1/2 years ago... he lost his job Dday. Yeah, I admit I was a bitch for a few months after that night.
So I'm going to ask him at MC if he feels that resentment and punishment and revenge is the way to make a happy union. If that's the "rules" guess I'm free to sleep around for the next 7 years and he can't say a DAMN thing, right?
Not much time to catch up today, I'll be back when I have time and H is outta the study!
Hugs to all who are struggling today. (((Tribe)))
Now can you drag UK girl with you? Uk giiiirrrrlllll - we aren't letting you off the hook. You need to get checked out!
This whole episode has me questioning the foundation of our relationship. Do we have one? Can we build one? Does he know what love is? Is he capable of loving outside of selfish love? Can I ever love him again? Are we compatible - really? Has this entire relationship been a mistake