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User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couldntbe,

Have you posted in general or Recon to people that have done the 180? I remember hearing many success stories.

I can see how it would SUCK at first- but it's a form of "tough love", if you will. And if you give in, it won't work. Stay strong. You deserve so much more.

And the 180 doesn't mean you have to ignore your kids..... this to me says you are depressed and perhaps could use some help (IC, meds, etc.) It's OK to reach out for help. I never thought I'd take antiDs, but they saved my life in the beginning.

HUGS,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
couldntbeme
♀ Member
Member # 19448
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess what I was trying to say is that I'm feeling miserable, and because I'm feeling miserable and depressed I don't want to be around my kids b/c then I'm a bitch, and in turn feel guilty. I fully understand that 180 has nothing to do w/ my kids. But while trying to maintain a 180 I'm increasingly agitated b/c I'm exploding w/ questions that I'm not supposed to ask. I've tried antid's b/c I spent the past 3 years blaming myself for our failing marriage. But they didn't work b/c as my therapist puts it: I'm not depressed, I'm surviving a crisis. Currently I'm taking Xanax when I need it. I didn't want to take one today, so I thought posting my struggle would help. It appears as though I'm a combination of JFO and LTA who is reaching out.

Posts: 107 | Registered: May 2008
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couldn't-

I hope you didn't see my post as a two by four- none was intended. Posting on here does help- vent away!!!

There are no easy answers in the aftermath of an LTA. There just aren't. I am so glad that you are in IC.

HUGS,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi TRIBE- Hope everyone is surviving or enjoying their weekend. For the newbies, I just wanted to pipe up and tell you that today was my wedding anniversary. After wanting NOTHING to do with this day, for the first time since dday I wasn't bitter today or resentful towards this day. It will never have quite the same meaning, but H and I managed to have a nice day together and even spoke of some of our fonder wedding memories That, my friends, is progress.

Peace & hugs to all
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
couldntbeme
♀ Member
Member # 19448
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Funny.. I just learned about the two by four today, there's so much to read.
I've decided that we're in limbo. We're not fighting, we're not speaking.
Simply b/c I'm working the 180. Ready to implode, but I refuse to grill or ask anymore.
He'll bring it up or not right?

Posts: 107 | Registered: May 2008
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy I want to smack your H upside the head! and I'm not normally a violent person but WT*?

hearbroken After wanting NOTHING to do with this day, for the first time since dday I wasn't bitter today or resentful towards this day. It will never have quite the same meaning, but H and I managed to have a nice day together and even spoke of some of our fonder wedding memories. That, my friends, is progress.
I am glad to hear of your day. In June is our 35th anniv., then 2nd one since Dday and I doubt I'll be able to say that. We are planning a few days away at the end of this month and it's all I can do to not spoil it by asking questions about his A.

Sorry Couldntbe I have no experience with the 180 but I wish you strength in your efforts.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

couldntbeme – how are you today? Sounds like the w/e was tough. Has he stopped all contact with this woman? Is she still texting/emailing him? Is he offering any signs that he is out of the fog? What is he offering to do to try and mend your marriage? He has to accept responsibility for the decision to have an affair. You were not consulted and his affair made any chips, dents or fractures in your relationship deeper and far more damaging than would otherwise have been the case.

Keep reading. Knowledge is power.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looks like I’ve opened up for this week. Hi tribe, hope the weather’s better where you are, it’s way too cold for May here. Had a call from DS1&2 out in Brisbane (boo-hoo, sob!) and they are set on doing a second year out there. I think they will become Australians. Love them and let them go, but it is so, so hard.

Damn stupid man.

Too bloody true. Keep your gunpowder dry and wait for the right moment. Un-fucking-believable - the man seems intent on staying in fantasy-land. I’m just so sorry he’s still doing this to you, weepy. >>>>>Just sitting here shaking my head.<<<<<

My WH is thinking about calling his "friend" who is the Ow#1's ex-H. He (the other H) is aware of the situation now (just recently) and the A between my WH & his WW ended over 2 years ago.

WN28, to what purpose?

I can’t settle on how to explain to FWH my need to “divorce” and get rid of the old marriage. I really do not want to be married to him at all and for once I’m lost for words even in my journal. I think the difference for me is that my FWH actually asked OW to marry him. All part of the “game”, maybe, but the fact is he did propose (and more than once) and the effect has rendered our own marriage meaningless (wedding anniversary too).

I took my rings off a couple of weeks after DDay and gave them to him to look after. I accepted back my eternity ring and engagement ring (which we bought the Christmas after DS1 was born) on my birthday and wore them for – 12 days. OW told me about his proposals to her, so they were off again. I have worn nothing he has bought me since. I think the white gold heart necklace for a while. I don’t know what to do with it all. 4xM friend on the coast said sell them all and buy something really nice with the money. I do know a second time married friend who did that and she had the most enormous sapphire and diamond ring as her gift to herself. But I think my FWH would be deeply upset if I did that. He says they were all bought for me, with only me in mind. But really, a past, present and future ring in the midst of his affair?? Although I pointed out what the ring represented, just what sort of future was he thinking of – and who with? “Stop wondering now, grasp the edge of the seat, fly, decide on whom, why and what you want tomorrow” Answer? He didn’t know.

I really, really don’t want to be married and I don’t know what to say. Any suggestions?

[This message edited by UKgirl at 9:50 AM, May 19th (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
snowbaby796
♀ Member
Member # 13882
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

weepy, why after all this time is your WH starting up with A related behaiors? It's been almost 3 years since dday, and I think you said he had stopped for years before you found out. I'm so sorry, it sounds so suspicious and not all at conducive to R or to moving forward or to having a good happy marriage now. What is that man thinking?

As far as the comment that ending an LTA is the same as seeing a movie or reading a book and getting involved in what is going on, then you leave it behind and return to real life: I think it is different because to watch a movie or read a book you are passively watching other people do these things. But, in my WH actually did them. They actually touched each other, actually kissed, had sex, etc. It is so much deeper, to me than watching it on a movie screen. That's why I don't get how the WS can just forget so easily and act so detached. They were there, they did feel it, they obviously enjoyed it or they wouldn't have kept going back for more all those years. I wish I could believe and feel that it is capable to just walk away with no longing for it back, but I am not there yet that is for sure.


"Betrayal of yourself is still betrayal nonetheless, it is the highest betrayal" Neale Donald Walsch
"State the obvious I didn't get my perfect fantasy I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me" Taylor Swift

Posts: 563 | Registered: Mar 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

weepy, why after all this time is your WH starting up with A related behaiors? It's been almost 3 years since dday, and I think you said he had stopped for years before you found out

snow, these are NOT A-related behaviors to him.... basically that consisted of screwing other women and lying to me about it and where he was during the time he was with them, etc. A-behaviors to him mean "having an A" and all the resulting (but necessary ) covering up, etc.

So, since he's not having an A, just seeing these people, just calling an ex-GF, running hot/cold on our sex life are NOT A behaviors.

I'm pretty sure he just dialed the number and no one answered, the all was 26 seconds long. I am going to check however.

Now, on a good note... I'm back in school, registered today. Bought the book, even signed up for the internet version of the class so I don't even have to get out of my jammies.

#2 good thing. I bought 2 tickets to see The Eagles in July. I'm calling it for our anniversary. I find it so much easier to celebrate on a different day now. I thought H would be furious because he's on such a tight-no extra spending rant since I haven't found a job yet.

I called him (and he started his new assignment at the company today) and he's thrilled. Partially because he's back doing what he is comfortable doing and is working outside. But I don't care, he's not going to ruin my day.

I'm not even going to cook tonight. We have leftovers from the after-graduation luncheon yesterday.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT and HB, thank you both so much for taking the time to reply to me.

Apart from IC, there is noone else I can talk to IRL, even just to bounce thoughts/vent to, so all of you are really my lifeline.

Or you could both decide to be really married for the first time in a true partnership that will last a lifetime and be among the greatest joys in your life.

That is what keeps me carrying on. Can you believe that we have only now in the last few months really been practising as partners? Not just in the family, but kind of in the M as well. we have a LONG way to go, but the potential for both of us, is HUGE.

I can especially see him stepping up since I started work, and I wonder if that is because he can see that he is really wanted AND needed.

Keep focused on what you can control and don't let what you can't slow you down.

That so needs to become my mantra.

I am such a worrywort. I take think of 10 possible scenarios how things can go wrong, and then start planning. And its when I run out of plans, that I start panicking.

From my heart I will share with you in hopes that you feel you are not alone & maybe even to give you some hope

Oh, HB.
Thank you. I know how painful it is talking about our babies.

Few questions for you.

while I thought my H and I were grieving together, he had an additional outlet with his A partner- an additional someone to give him support, a boost, a high
.

US too.

I think I am esp angry with myself, because I tried to swallow up my grief and my needs to make him feel better. He didnt ask me to, I know that it was my choice, but to know that he was running to her on top of that, really hurts. 2 months after our baby died, H tells me that we have to leave the country, he needed to get away. I so didnt want to leave my baby behind. I really really didnt want to. But he had changed so much in that year,had become so hard and cold, our families noticed too, and all advised me to support him; that maybe it would be better for all of us. I am not blaming for my choice...it just sucks that I was so weak.

He recently told me that that was the worst decision he had made in his life (leaving our home country).He felt that his life just spiralled down after that. Pity. I can think of alot more.

Btw, he also said that he hardly spoke to OW#1 about our baby, even though I was in and out of hospital for most of the pg. He said that they had other things to talk about, which included bitching about their spouses.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oooohhhh...was starting to vent there, and had to take a breather. Sorry.

And I found that with time my H actually started to participate in these rituals more and more

Regarding the rituals, I always did them by myself.HE did say that he was willing to join this year, but a very selfish part of me, wants to deny him this. How did you allow your heart to accept his involvment, HB?
I know it would be good for him to join, and maybe it might be good for us too.But dammit, he doesnt deserve too. He ..... wasnt a father to my baby. Sure he helped arrange a little of the funeral, and he gave him a bathe.But that was the beginning and end of his involvement. I have so many painful memories around this period...
He NEVER ONCE offered to get help. EVen when I couldnt sleep because I was hearing my baby cry months after he died...he didnt even try to help. Just made me think I was nuts.

I am going to stop now. I am losing control of this post and I am so sorry. I will try to post another day.

Thank you all again

(((To those who are struggling)))

I am sorry I dontbhave anythign else ot offeer.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Whatnow28
♀ Member
Member # 19345
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKGirl- WH wants to apologize I think to "settle" things with the other guy...they're not "friends" anymore but I think just as a way of owning his mistake and moving forward.


Wh lied to me today...things have been going really really well and I came home from work and checked the history on the computer. he started telling me about part of the history deleting by mistake somehow and then I saw something that was porn related and he tried to lie about that and then I found more and gave up waiting for the truth. He did eventually admit to looking at porn and admitted he had lied by omission regarding the history, how/why he got to the porn site, etc. (Although part of the history supposedly did get deleted somehow)...

He says he felt bad after looking and then once the history got messed up he got worried that I would assume he was hiding more than the porn so then he tried to cover everything up. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We talked/argued about it and it's done. I'm not happy but he's just showing his true colors I guess.

[This message edited by Whatnow28 at 7:02 PM, May 19th (Monday)]


ME: BW, 30 H: WH, 30 2 little boys

D-day 3/4/08 Whole "truth" from OW 3/12/08
Ow#1, 6 months PA
Ow#2, 2 years PA & EA

"It takes 3 seconds to say "I love you", 3 hours to explain it, & a lifetime to prove it".


Posts: 517 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: NE Coast
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH,

I am going to stop now. I am losing control of this post and I am so sorry

Never apologize for how you feel or what you post here. Your feelings/thoughts are safe. I relate to your grief, sweetie. I'm going to post more later in a PM to you. I posted openly in the event that others in our situation read/lurk. But I will share more with you privately.

Hang on. You will make it through this.

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello tribe. Welcome newbies. I see you have already received sage advice. LTA certainly sucks but this group has been a godsend to me.

Just checking in although it's late here... the end of a holiday wkend to celebrate Queen Victoria's birthday. Very uneventful - busy but pleasant as my H left on business again yesterday. I've had trouble sleeping and not coped well on his last trips but last night was actually OK... Progress! And he called this morning to see how I was, telling me he'd been thinking of me since he awoke. Hearing his voice last thing at night and first thing this morning really helped. He called twice during the day too which I didn't expect due to his busy schedule. Hopefully this is the beginning of a new stage in our reconciliation.

UKgirl Are you talking about a 'symbolic divorce' or actually making a legal move to end your marriage? No suggestions on how to tell FWH. I don't know how you manage dealing with him and the OW crap on a daily basis! And are able to be supportive here as well. {{UKgirl}}

Weepy You go girl!!! Great day today... the Eagles! I'm envious.

I'll be away til the end of the month and don't know what internet access I'll have but I'll try to read the forum if possible and will keep the tribe in my prayers as always.
{{{LTA tribe}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LH))) So painful those memories of what should have been vs what was. These are the moments I know we'll never forgive. (((LH)))


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Snowbaby, I understand what you mean, there are no analogies or parallels that came be drawn with a LTA. Yes, he was there while he was with her, in his escape from this oh so terrible life he was having with me, the family and work, but when he left, he had had his fix which would see him through until the next time, and he didn’t think about it much and when he did it was as if it wasn’t real. Well, I guess I have trouble buying into that b/c it went on for soooo long. And then he said, in the latter stages as soon as he was with her, he wanted to get away. Didn’t stop him fucking her though, he still did that. All excuses dressed up as reasons. He did it b/c he wanted to, he had to see if there was any relationship worth pursuing and if there was he’d have been out of the door. As it was, it became habit, part of his routine and quite enjoyable too until she started pressing him to leave me.
*****
Weepy, can he not see that these behaviours are PRE-A behaviours? That he is tickling the trout? (as it were). And wotcha gonna study? Something interesting?
*****
LostH. You were not weak. The traumas and problems you have had – you were in not fit state to challenge him or what you were doing or deal with much of what was happening in your life. Grief is what it is. There is nothing you can do and nothing you should do to hide your pain. I can understand the stance of keeping your baby’s special day to yourself, it is something you have created and he has wanted no part of it before. Why don’t you just let him observe and leave it at that? And please do not apologise for “losing control of this post”. That’s fine by us, we’ll just sit it out with you.
*****
WN28, is this for himself or for you? I assume he is owning his “mistake” in full view of you, and if so, I can’t see any benefit to telling the other bloke. It could even open another can of worms and you could be dragged into something that is nothing to do with either of you. Be careful.

Porn? When did this start?
*****
As for me and the “divorce”, I’m not talking about a legal divorce, that would be a waste of money and pretty pointless if we are still together. It may also have the effect of becoming a reality. We all know what those lawyers are like. Symbolic. I want to not be married to him, I want to take a step away and be able to breathe and think properly. Get rid of that lead that’s lining my chest cavity. He’s still waiting in the wings for me to finish my part and get off the stage. Why can’t he just grab my hand and do something impulsive? He did for her, why not for me?

And the other problem I’ve got now is very hard to explain. She and I are physically different. She is more “womanly” and curvy and I have always been slight, almost boyish. I don’t “do” dresses or frills and stuff (although I do “do” shoes!!). She has a girly voice, a bit breathy. Mine’s a straight forward Essex accent with all the jarring that goes with it. Yet somehow, when H & I were making love, I could “accommodate” her, now I can’t. She is separate and I find myself thinking of his hands on her, of them pre and post coitally, and I feel sick and sad at his feelings for her. Why this so far on? I have no idea, but it’s happened and I don’t know how to deal with it.

But I’m going to try by going shopping and find a smile moment. Have a good day everyone. Check in later. Big hugs (((((Tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy, can he not see that these behaviours are PRE-A behaviours? That he is tickling the trout? (as it were). And wotcha gonna study? Something interesting?

No, UK, he can't. He's very literal and if he's not cheating on me, then none of this behavior has anything to do with why he did it, how he did it, or why he's not really recovered or "getting" it. He's always lied, he's always been miserable, he's no different than pre-A (he thinks). But that's not good enough for me.

I'm not studying anything interesting... medical terminology. It's one area I can't do support.. the medical field, because I don't have much experience there. And I figure, people are always going to get sick, there will always be dr. offices and drs who have to transcribe their charts, so it's a great backup.

We gave DD her inscribed waterglobe last night. She cried, I cried, H cried. He said "well, it's one thing I never did, finish college." (he never even got past the first semester). And I told her the same for me, but that I was back and on my way to a degree if I lived long enough.... 3 credits at a time.

Gotta run, chores and errands and I have to take DS down to the train station to reacquaint him with it for his trip to see GF on Thursday.

Hope everyone has a strong, happy day for themselves.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all.

Thank you for all your support and understanding.

This feels so surreal.On the outside,I look so normal...just getting on with things, a little more stressed and snappy..but normal all the same.
But inside...its all a mess.

Bet we all know that duplicity too well, dont we?

H is going through his own bad patch. In fact has been for a month now..he is really really depressed, and his IC is pissing me off, because she is not recommending that he gets onto anitdeps. He has hardly worked recently, and I am so scared that he will get fired. It came to a head today when after my almost desp prompting last night, he confessed to his manager that he had in fact hardly worked these past few weeks and is suffering from depression. I am proud of him for doing this. He is not one to make his problems known, let alone to work. It has been v impt to him all these years, how they view him. So I am grateful that he managed to put his ego aside and confess. Fortunately, his managers were understanding and set up some time this week to meet with him and see how they can help.

I am worried about him. He is not suicidal...but is slipping into the abyss.
I am trying not to upset him. But he has gone so sensitive, that even if I dont say anything, he can tell that I am miffed.I think I have to fake harder now.

Have any of your H's been through this?

I would like to call his IC and tell her how serious this is, mybe he is not getting that across to her.

I hate seeing him like this. He seems so ...defeated. There is just so much I can do.

Part of me is resenting him for getting like this..now.I need him in June.
Part of me is angry with myself for trying to help him ,when he did f-all for me all those years.

And then theres the other parts that grieve to see him like this; that want to help make it better; that feels so sorry for him for being in this position.

I know that this is something he has to go through,; that I cant rescue him; that he has to face up to himself and that there are no easy fixes.

And I also know, above all, that I MUST not fail myself again; that I must be on guard to protect myself and not give him the last lifejacket..again.

Its all such a turmoil, and I am so grateful for every word that I get here.

Thank you all.I hate hogging the board like this...and I know that thre are some here who need help and support much more than I do.

((((LTA TRIBE)))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
snowbaby796
♀ Member
Member # 13882
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy, I'm sorry your WH still doesn't get it and continues to hurt you.

UKgirl, I hope you will be able to have your symbolic D and get some space and breathing room. The OW will always be a demon in our heads won't they? Whatever they looked like or sounded like or acted like, those memories will haunt and taunt us all for the rest of our lives. Which is why I don't get how WH could act like they were not very important and detach so easily. I wish I could put them out of my mind so easily.

Whatnow: Is no porn part of your conditions for R and he broke it? Sorry, as far as my WH is once a liar always a liar. I caught him in a lie today and just went ballistic on him. I just cannot take his deceit and like you said he lies more and does more to hide the lie and makes it worse and worse. Then says I need help for my anger. Which yes I do, but do they have some pill you could take for your lying you a-hole?

Lost H: so sorry about your baby and your WH depression. I know how you feel in regards to the WH being depressed and what about me? In the beginning he was depressed and I put him first and did everything to help him, partly because I read on here about WS depression, etc. I probably wouldn't have tried so hard for him if I had not read that stuff. And now I wish I hadn't. When he felt better, instead or reciprocating and helping me, he went back to the same cocky arrogant spoiled brat narcissitic inconsiderate jerk he had always been. So, to this day he has still never really tried for me. I wish I hadn't tried for him.


"Betrayal of yourself is still betrayal nonetheless, it is the highest betrayal" Neale Donald Walsch
"State the obvious I didn't get my perfect fantasy I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me" Taylor Swift

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