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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affaris - X
SI Staff
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Member # 10
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hellooo???Guys?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am exhausted, otherwise I would have loved to play house. I am just too tired to do this any justice, so I am hoping that someone, in a better mood, comes along soon.

See you all tomorrow night.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello....
New digs so soon?
Glad to read that you had a good 1st day at the new joy, LostH.

We sure are prolific but I'm glad cuz this tribe is so helpful. I am struggling... another meltdown this wkend. Not good when FWH is away on business. He called last night and we breathed at each other for a good portion of an hour and a half!

I'm trying to work my way through the following web page:
http://www.marriagemissions.com/quotes-on-bitterness-and-forgiveness/

I have never felt so much anger/rage/venom as the past 2 days. I read here at SI. I 'google' for articles on infidelity and forgiveness.

To quote BeStrong in Reconciliation today: "I just want to get to a place where I can find some peace and not have this whole thing in my head all the time."


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys!

I vote these digs be that of a spa. We're all lying around in white terry robes with cream on our faces. When our eyes are closed, there are cucumbers on our eyes. We mingle in and out of the massage rooms at our leisure. There is a constant flow of wine (or sparkling water) and people giving pedis and manis while we chat.

Any objections?


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
Going To Make It
♀ Member
Member # 17010
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all. I was reading over in R and Mom2 posted something that has plagued me for almost 4 years now. What will time do? But one better, what has time done for me/us?

At this time, I'm on the down side of the roller coaster. I'm constantly fighting back tears, I don't feel unique or special. There isn't anything sexual that I can do to/with him that she didn't do first.

Why the hell does it matter to me? And, how the heck do I make it not matter?


BW 47
M 1982 4 Adult Children
2 Grandkids - the light & loves of my life.
LTA Started before we were married and lsted until 9/02 DDay 4/4/04, TT till 9/24/2011

Posts: 948 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Still Wandering in the Desert
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

run- a spa sounds heavenly right now! Can it be an open aired spa on a sparkling white beach with the sounds of the ocean in the background? Lazy ceiling fans twirling around to keep us cool while we are getting our massages........

GTMI-

At this time, I'm on the down side of the roller coaster. I'm constantly fighting back tears, I don't feel unique or special. There isn't anything sexual that I can do to/with him that she didn't do first.

Why the hell does it matter to me? And, how the heck do I make it not matter?


I wish I had the answers to that, I really do. Ow didn't do anything first with WH, but there's nothing that was left to be special just between us. In fact, WH and I had a bad night last night over this very issue- and it wasn't even about sex. It was about holding hands. "But it didn't mean the same thing as when I do it with you....."
I freaking hate those words.

ETA- (((((lostsoul)))))
Those business trips are so hard, especially during that first year of recovery. They seem to bring out every vile emotion that has been trapped inside. Remember to take care of YOU while he's gone.

[This message edited by unabletocope at 5:18 PM, March 3rd (Monday)]


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Run, do they give hot stone massages. I haven't had one of those yet and I hear they're wonderful! What a great idea for all of us as we try to renew ourselves.
Hugs to LostSoul & GTMI. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Hope we can help. (((LS & GTMI)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You won't get any arguments on the spa decor from me Run. Remember, I'm the original spa slut!


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I figured you'd go for it, OTC!

Yes, a spa on the beach sounds heavenly. And the lazy fans are just what I pictured.

And of course they do hot stones! Mmmmmmmmmmm.


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ooooohhhh! Can we do group manis and pedis....did that this weekend. We could talk while being pampered. It was one of the reasons I made it through telling my friends IRL.

GTMI - thanks for telling us about mums post in general. It really resonated with me right now. That is definitely where I am right now. It is good to hear from people why "time" matters.

I wish I could help those of you who are further along and struggling but what can I say when I am just at the beginning of this awful journey. I guess I can just say....(((LTA)))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Going To Make It
♀ Member
Member # 17010
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry I didn't comment on the new digs... I think the benches, pictures and things should all give the impression of water or waves.

I visited the Native American Museum in DC and it was shaped to convey water and waves, it is such a beautiful building and so peaceful.

UC, it started last night for us too. He said let's go park and... like we use to. I just looked at him and said he got me mixed up with the other wife ( ow )

His explaination is he really thought we had done that. Now, even if I wanted to, I would feel as if I'm in compition with her.


BW 47
M 1982 4 Adult Children
2 Grandkids - the light & loves of my life.
LTA Started before we were married and lsted until 9/02 DDay 4/4/04, TT till 9/24/2011

Posts: 948 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Still Wandering in the Desert
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So what's up with last night? H and I had a problem in the bedroom too. Things were fine (almost anyway) and then he said something that just shut me down completely. Still way down today. And he just can't understand why I can't put it behind me and be happy. Why? Why? Maybe b/c I know that he was shagging her for 10 freaking years and another one before her. Maybe that might have something to do with me having a problem putting it all behind me and being happy again. Ugh!!!!!!! I feel a rant coming on and I just don't know if it's the healthy thing to do or not. I'm my old self right now that Cowgirl talked about one time. Sitting over the keyboard with shoulders hunched and pounding away. Hell I can even hear the darn music!!!!!
Why, why can't I move forward. I don't think I have a good IC but then I've got about all you can get around here. I think she is caring and trying to help me. But she is just too limited. For her to think that she hadn't heard from me in a couple of weeks meant that I was doing good, just goes to show you how little she really understands me. She hadn't heard from me b/c I couldn't even function well enough to call her. I'm afraid maybe I haven't even shown her the true depth of my pain b/c sh'es like any other outsider, you hide what it's really like. I'm not doing that on purpose but maybe I am doing it b/c that's what you do with everyone IRL, you hide it. I don't know how to make decisions anymore. I don't trust myself enough to make decisions. When my teen DD asked if she can go and do something, I honestly don't know the right answer. I can't decide if it is an o.k. thing for her to do or not.
Am I on the verge of falling completely apart? Sometimes I feel like it. At times I'm just not sure how much longer I can hold things together. I am suffering miserably!!!! WTF is wrong with me???

Sorry, just a crappy night once again. I'm truly sorry. But I needed to get it out of me.

FSA

PS I freaking hate that snaggletooth bitch!!!

Again I'm sorry for being such a bitchy basket case.


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think I'll take a couple of xanax and try to pass out.
Nite nite


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FSA Don't be sorry! Vent away!

I love the spa Run. Sounds wonderful... just what we need. Oh and -(love the icons in your msg for OTC) how do you do that?

ETA-((((lostsoul))))
Those business trips are so hard, especially during that first year of recovery.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

GTMakeIT I'm also following mom2's thread on time. Great posts.

Oprah's classroom is open. I don't have the book yet (out of stock) but I'm listening to the webcast.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm afraid maybe I haven't even shown her the true depth of my pain b/c sh'es like any other outsider, you hide what it's really like. I'm not doing that on purpose but maybe I am doing it b/c that's what you do with everyone IRL, you hide it.

(((FSA))) I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time lately. Please don't apologize for coming here and sharing with us this "crappy" time. That's what we're here for - to help each other through these tough times. Every one of us has gained the support we needed to pull us through and when we can give a little something back, then we're so happy to do that.
I did want to comment on the quote above. FSA - she is the one person, other than your H, who you have to trust enough to be honest with your feelings. That is her job - that is what hopefully she is qualified to help you with. I hid my true feelings with many friends and family members but I never hesitated sharing them with my H, my MC/IC, my sister and my best friend. It is critical to be able to do this. I don't believe we can heal without having an outlet for our painful thoughts, feelings, and fears. If you feel she let you down, tell her that. I don't think it's unusual for her to have said that, at least from my perspective, because every time I start to feel better, I slow down my IC appointments. But if you're not sharing your deepest pain with her, she doesn't really know how much you're hurting - you need to share this with her and give her a chance to help you. If she fails you then, it is time to look elsewhere. But if she is the caring person you say she is, I think you may find that she is capable of helping you work through this.
I'll be on and off all night so keep ranting if you need to.
(((FSA))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF, I do try to be honest with IC. But I hold back just how bad I can get b/c I'm afraid that she might have me locked up in some hospital, and I can't afford to have that happen.


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Going To Make It
♀ Member
Member # 17010
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FSA, thanks so much for saying what i'm thinking. I imagine that we all think that way.

Have a good night, I'm on the west coast so I have to get dinner made.


BW 47
M 1982 4 Adult Children
2 Grandkids - the light & loves of my life.
LTA Started before we were married and lsted until 9/02 DDay 4/4/04, TT till 9/24/2011

Posts: 948 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Still Wandering in the Desert
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FSA, I don't think she'd be able to do that unless she thought you were a danger to yourself or others. I don't know if anyone else can verify this, but unless you suggested that you were having suicidal thoughts, I doubt that would be a problem. I would ask her directly. She will tell you. Once you know what her obligations as a therapist are, then you can proceed and be more honest and open without fear. I have sat and cried and poured out my pain to my IC and he never once suggested that I might need to be hospitalized. He just kept reassuring me that I needed to lance my wound and get out all that poison if I wanted to move beyond the pain.
When is your next appointment? Hopefully she can give you the reassurance you need.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GTMI hope you have a nice dinner.
Xanax are kicking in, so I'm chilling down a little bit. No more pounding on the keyboard.
FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
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