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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((UK)))))


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((UK))))) I hope that you feel better when you get up.

Everybody sure is quiet tonight.

H went way back lurking and found the "ugly man feet" vent that I did months ago. Oh well, what can I say.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems their is a lot of hurt going around tonight.
((((LTA Tribe))))

Bought my little one and WS a card today. My DD was sick last night. Also got her a balloon. She loves them.

Me to. I feel stronger but have an undercurrent of sadness. I would like one normal day of just being treated nice and loved. I am going to for the rest of the night try to have some fun. Watch a hockey game and play some video games and a little more laundry. Dang it I will find happiness even if it is in myself. Hoping someone will join me.


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just got my mom to bed and came on to find another new member....welcome plesk, please tell us more.

(((UK))) I know you are sleeping but can we send you good dreams? Post in the am if you can and let us know what is going on.

(((weepy))) I wish I had advice for you. It seems like you have tried so much that I can see why you are frustrated.

(((lostsoul))) sorry about your triggers and your antiversary...

I am trying to remember all that I just read and sorry if I forgot anybody. I have been up now for close to 20 hours as I didn't sleep well last night.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Tribe,

Maybe time for a late day pep-talk.

((UK))) and (((Lost))),
and all our across the pond sisters,

Nite and wishes that tomorrow is a better day.

For all of us....

No matter what is going on, or what has gone on, in your/ my/our lives.....

"WE" are not what has been done to us and to our M's....

"We" are what we do for ourselves, and are what we believe about ourselves, despite what has been done.

Surviving is all about pluming our depths and coming up with our core beliefs and vision for self.

I don't think any effort for R can be a reality unless the BS has reached within and found a sense of personal strength...a strength that, ironically, is actually a by-product of the strife and frustration of being betrayed.

Finding that inner strength can be a lonely process and a tiring one. But it is well worth the search.

I remember an exercise from long ago where you were instructed to imagine standing alone on top of a mountain.....feeling the wind, surveying all life and activity far, far below you.

Standing there and feeling the power of life.....

breathing in the energy of life...of being "you"....
....unencumbered, unattached, unimpaired.

** I see us all standing there. **

[This message edited by numb and scared at 8:10 PM, February 8th (Friday)]


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS, Glad to your hear mom is doing OK. What a relief that must be!

Hefty, You are so sweet and your love for your DD oozes right out from the screen. That you can get a card for your WW for VDay also says something about you. I am glad you are also thinking more about what YOU want to make YOU happy. Baby steps...

Weepy, I see and feel that "dance" of control between you and your H. My H and I were in that a lot preA. And to some degree I think your H might be a bit intimidated by you & your strength/independence. Mine was. I know sex is important in a relationship, but I am wondering if there is something underneath *your* pushing this. Everyone has different underlying issues, but I know one of the things my H had was the whole "sex = acceptance" view. I don't hold that same view, but that was also one of our problems. I fully understand now (after the A) how important it was to him for so many reasons. Is it possible your stance on this might have something to do with your FOO or the aftermath of the A? If so, then maybe it is something you can re-direct or change, if you want to. So often our changes in just how we view something can make a big difference in our quality of life. Don't know, but was just a thought that crossed my mind that I wanted to share. I care about you and want to see you happy.

FSA, WOW, I can't believe MR. FSA is willing to read the posts from the Tribe. Brave man. But KUDOS to him. He will get a lot more insight into the BS point of view here, that is for sure. You had me laughing thinking back to the "man feet" posts

Nomor, Great that you are organizing/spear-heading the book and it will come to fruition. And lucky you getting to meet more tribal sisters.

OTC, BT, Run, SVS, Unable.... You guys are awfully quiet. How are things?

Lost, Good job making it through the antiversary. Our spouses probably will never be able to fully understand the significance of that day to us, but you got through it even without your FWS grasping that. It will get better.

To all the rest of the newbies... welcome. And big HUGE hugs to the tribe.

BTW, it's nice to have some men that are sticking it out here

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NAS, My goodness, I almost forgot you. Your recent posts have been inspiring. My friend, I think you have moved into or towards the acceptance phase in all of this. It shows.

Blessings,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nas, fnf, nms, I am
almost
intimidated by the idea of meeting you guys.

hb, I'm sure it has A issues involved. I feel I'm owed, I put up with so much crap all those years. Everything I didn't get he gave away. And now, he can't won't or just doesn't want to. Yes, he has issues about sex. But I have to suffer for it.

It's almost like doing what he did to me... walking out when he's at his lowest.

I don't know if I'm making sense, but I know he's holding back. I know he SAYS he's fully invested in this M, but he's not. If he isn't willing to do the physical part of love, then I have nothing more than I did during the A -- his "your the mother of my children and a friend" love.

Not what I'm looking for.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Tribe.

Things are somewhat okay here. (Thanks for asking Hearbroken.) Wanted to post the other night but couldn't. Damn whore sent another email to H -- this time to his personal account. It made me want to puke. The subject line pretended that she cared how H is. Is there no end to the tricks Hos will try? Good thing -- H showed it to me right away.

Sigh. Apparently this is it for the rest of my life. I am really tired of always looking over my shoulder, behind my back and in every corner for the lurking HO. Perhaps someone could invent HO Spray? You know, something in a can that I can spray to get rid of her.

That email triggered up all kinds of memories. For H too. He got so sad, so quiet. He said the manipulative way of talking in that email was some of what she did to keep the A going. Looked at me and said How could I have been so stupid?

I just want to scrub this all away. I want to feel that there was some kind of reason. I get that H is broken. I see the steps he is taking to heal himself. And perhaps that is the reason -- so H would find a way to heal his broken self.

Is it selfish to wonder, why me?

Surviving is all about pluming our depths and coming up with our core beliefs and vision for self.

I hear you, NAS. But did this journey have to come with so much pain?

Perhaps, as H and I continue to work on our M and ourselves, these unwanted and unrelenting attempts at contact will become less painful. Less of a reminder of H's gigantic mistake and more a reminder of our reconciliation.

One can hope for the future. But this week -- sigh. This week --



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps someone could invent HO Spray? You know, something in a can that I can spray to get rid of her.

Oh, svs,
I don't want to make light of your situation....sincere and caring hugs for all you are going thru....
BUT....
You have come up with the PERECT V-day gift for male FWS....

*** "HO-SPRAY" **

A multi-purpose repellent AND antiseptic/disinfectent spray.

cowgirl, are you reading....
Put some cans of this in those sequined holsters..

weepy...hey,we are all "sisters"...


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did this journey have to come with so much pain?


I wonder this often, SVS. Sometimes I think, for me at least, the answer is yes. I was so adept at ignoring and denying all the things I didn't want to see that it had to be something so harsh, so intense to snap me out of it. I think a crowbar to the head was probably the only thing that would have gotten through.

I got that and more.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But did this journey have to come with so much pain?

it had to be something so harsh, so intense to snap me out of it.


SVS and BT,

I know it did for me too.

That is one of the incredible (in the true sense of the word) things about the LTAs. The actuality of that sweeping a betrayal... for so, so long...it is a blow that just HAS to result in a self-discovery that is life-altering.
Labor and delivery even could never hurt as much as this process does.

[This message edited by numb and scared at 10:03 PM, February 8th (Friday)]


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*** "HO-SPRAY" **

A multi-purpose repellent AND antiseptic/disinfectent spray.

NAS -- anytime I can find a way to make light of this situation, I will gladly take hold of it.

Thanks for helping me laugh. Now to strap on my scuba gear so I can handle this tidal wave bearing down.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn whore sent another email to H -- this time to his personal account.

svs, I think I just might hate your H's OW more than my own H's OW. Does she have absolutely NO FRICKING SHAME??? Good Grief!

WHAT...A...WHORE!!!

SHOO!


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:15 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning and sorry everyone. Im thoroughly embarrassed and somewhat sheepish about my last post. Being drunk is never an excuse and I am going to punish myself by taking my body and hangover down the gym.

Thanks for your concerns. Im embarrassed about that too! (But all hugs gratefully accepted >sigh<) Ill be back later, when the ache has moved away from behind my eyes and I can focus properly again!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((UK))))

I wish I had some solutions. Like I said, I was too chicken to follow that line, and just left it. I chose to take his word on it (yes, the same man who has cheated and lied through our whole M).

What are your plans this weekend? Since you dont have little ones, you could spend the WHOLE weekend on you! Take your boys to lunch, go gyming (freakshow! ); movies; you HAVE to try that smoothie...anything to keep you focused on healing YOU.

***
Weepy, if what H is offering/capable of not what you are looking for...what then?

***
((((SVS))))

Is it selfish to wonder, why me?

No.

***

Nas..HoSpray!

A multi-purpose repellent AND antiseptic/disinfectent spray.
:

***

But did this journey have to come with so much pain?

I also ponder that.
I have my moments when I beat my chest and wail to the skies, "Havent You tested me enough? You have been hurtling these boulders from since before I was born, and You havent stopped. Enough already. Please."

However, I guess He is listening to more needy ears.

But you know, our pain is one thing. What about what all this crap does to our children? <shaking head>

***
(((ROBT)))

Are you ok?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi LostH. Prob just you and me at the moment. Now Ive cleared up, I must get out or Ill end up a blob.

svs, just peered in to read your post. What can I say other than how dare she??? Hope your H has absolutely not intention of responding. Shes costing enough without spending more time that she doesnt deserve. That b*tch should be in prison and her kids adopted by decent folk. The lowest level of Hell would be too good for her, the moral-free, skanky, lying tow-rag who was only prowling around in the first place only because someone left her cage door open. Someone clean out her kennel and put her back in it - and on a very short chain.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UK...
You tell her girl!!!

Its a lovely day here for a change. So taking the kids to the park for a picnic lunch. Of course we will be wrapped up warmly as winter has left us yet.

The sun is shining. The kids are in a good mood. Seems a waste to be sitting indoors.

((((Tribe))))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double post.

[This message edited by Lost Heart at 11:26 AM, February 9th (Saturday)]


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SVS)) I wish the POS would just rot in hell or is that a fate too good for it.

*** "HO-SPRAY" **
A multi-purpose repellent AND antiseptic/disinfectent spray.

Lost your post about boulder being thrown at you since birth made me think of this quote from Mother Teresa I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. IMHO, he does trust you and for good reason.

UK I am glad you are in a better place this morning.

NAS -

Finding that inner strength can be a lonely process and a tiring one. But it is well worth the search.

Here is part of a post from DesertLotus that is helpful to both my H and myself. I hope she doesnt mind that I am copying it over to LTA.

There comes a time after being betrayed when the never ending thoughts of what a WS "could" be doing while the BS isn't around becomes overwhelming. See, every second a WS is out of a BS presence is an unknown. The benefit of the doubt went out the window on DDay, and blind trust will never come back. A WS's willingness to stay married is actually meaningless as far as fidelity. It's like "So what if you're still here? You were here before and that didn't stop you from cheating". KWIM? Then, the futility of the constant worrying hits. Then, the utter powerlessness to prevent this again hits. Then, despair can set in. This was rock bottom for me - but it precipitated the most profound life altering epiphany that forever changed me. I "really got" the serenity prayer. I know that sounds silly - I had read that prayer thousands of times before in my life. I always thought I understood it. But suddenly, I really understood it to the core of who I was. I can't explain it any better than that. The first thing I felt was sheer terror. Then an overwhelming relief. I finally understood that my husband's happiness and growth were his responsibility - and I also understood that my happiness and growth was mine and only mine. That's when I stopped waiting for my husband to "fix" my pain. Because he couldn't. Laying it at his feet was doing us both a disservice.
And I didn't reach this point until almost a year out from DDay.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

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