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User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Threnody we will send a gang to help you tie him up and toss him in a river with cement block tied to his feet and other regions.

I hope today is better for you. Perhaps it would be better to have someone else listen to the messages for you for a while.

Veritas I don't have a cellphone so text messaging is out. I would assume that text messages would also be considered calling the phone so I would not go there either. I have very little contact with him as it is but I do feel that I should be able to contact him about the kids if it was an emergency. The last round of nonsense takes me off the hook for that for now as well.

The part that frustrates me the most is that everyone, including the kids, says that I am fighting with him when I stand up and say "NO" to him and he flips out. I am not fighting with him, I have my own opinion and I am not going to back down because he has a tantrum. Just because he chooses to go off the deep end doesn't mean it is my fault. He doesn't discuss anything calmly so I don't discuss, I just tell him where I stand and then don't waver on it. I don't have to so why should I? He just can't handle not being in control but he can't handle being in control either. I can't win no matter how hard I try. I just want what is best for my kids.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
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Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas I don't have a cellphone so text messaging is out. I would assume that text messages would also be considered calling the phone so I would not go there either. I have very little contact with him as it is but I do feel that I should be able to contact him about the kids if it was an emergency. The last round of nonsense takes me off the hook for that for now as well.

I would say so. My brother used to ignore his baby mama calling (because she's a chain-caller) until she called the police for an escort to the house (she wanted a dress). He doesn't ignore her calls anymore, both because of the police and because of the dressing down my mother gave him. WRT text messaging, I've called people and left voicemail, and instead of calling me back they sent texts. He probably IS just plain ignoring you out of hand, but I know some people do view text messages differently, and it would be actually be a written form of documentation.

And no, no one can understand what it is like to be with someone that you can't let budge the tiniest inch. I've quit snooping or at least quit sniping about my finds for brief periods, picked the snooping back up to find out that a whole lotta stuff was going on in the few little moments that I turned my back. You can't afford to give that little inch; you just can't.

*or at least, i can't*


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
itsabattle
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Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thren - I understand your feelings of freaking out. I would as well in your situation. I fully understand about the baying hounds of hell...that is what my ex always represented to me. I am sure some of my friends think I am being dramatic when I say I have looked into the eyes of evil. Unless you have been involved with one of these freaks you will never understand.

My ex sent ow to pick up the kids today. She waited in the car. I feel quite violated that she came to my house - even if that sounds silly. They both pretend that everyone is happy now and do this disgusting act of happy families. It seems that I am quite alone in thinking that their moral corruption is unacceptabel. My counsellor says I need to define my boundries: when I think I have they seem to be knocked down again. I believe it is the nature of the beast I deal with. Totally exhausting and unfair and he does it through the kids everytime. This is such a hard one for me to put right...

They are so disgusting these people and even though I know it is because it is a personality disorder that he is such a nasty bastard, it does not seem enough of a reason to suffer so much at his hands.

It is one step forward and twenty back but I've got to keep trying. I wish I could change things but I don't know how.
I am sorry that we have to face this ordeal.

Sad - it is always good to see you on here.
Cj - happy birthday - may this year be a good one.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
lied2
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Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday CJ. Sending you huge hugs and best wishes.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Tribe))))
dear Lord!
(((((Threnody))))
just damn

This stuff you're dealing with?
Pffft! MY stuff's a walk in the park compared to your NPDhells.
I just can only pray sometimes.


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
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Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still here.

Not much happening on my NPD front. (SadToo knocks on wood) I think this last arrest and protection order really got his attention.

One of "our" friends ran into XNPDH yesterday. This friend had been in our wedding and stood up with XNPDH. After we seperated, this friend was helping me move a horse. XNPDH called this friend's wife and called her every name in the book because she refused to provide him with details regarding "HIS" horse and "HIS" trailer.

According to my friend, XNPDH acted as though nothing had happened. He acted like they were long lost buddies. Not one indication of embarassment at his behavior, nothing. He whipped out his wallet to show our friend pictures of his fiance' and "their" daughter. (daughter is with OW#1, not the fiance who is OW#2 ) Told our friend that his daughter is FOUR years old. (She's actually 7.) He said that he and fiance are getting married right after she graduates from med school. (she's getting her licensed practical nursing certificate.)

One lie after another. Amazing.

Other than that, life is good. I'm waiting for my baby to come. We've got about 24 days left. (Not a human baby, a horse baby!)

I'm so excited, I can't stand it!!

Stay strong, all of you.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 4:22 PM, March 5th (Wednesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))),
Some BoB stuff:
Things are better in that I do have Primary Placement of my children with one day a week and everyother weekend that they spend overnight with STBXPDW. They see her for a couple hours three other afternoons during the week after school. They tend to be brought home late, or a couple hours early as their mother has been scheduling her work time during her visitation times with the kids, in direct violation of the Mediation Agreement. The Personality Disordered never stop. LOL.
As the kids have been spending more time at STBXPDW's, they are getting a bit shitty when they come home. DD13 often acts like her Passive-Aggresive mother and today she's really pouring it on.
I honestly don't like the kids exposed to their mom's world much, as it is totally fucked up. It's a really shitty environment over there.
I feel bad correcting the behavior they bring home, but it's not acceptable. Just because their damned mother and her friends and family are all fucked up, doesn't mean the kids should be also.
That's it here. When the kids are not in contact with their mom for a few days, they are awesome again, polite, more considerate, more open, less negative, etc.

The Disordered Fucking Suck !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some Passive-Aggressive Stuff:
------
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior
------
Common signs of passive-aggressive personality disorder

There are certain behaviors that help identify passive-aggressive behavior.

Ambiguity
Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
Blaming others
Chronic lateness and forgetfulness
Complaining
Does not express hostility or anger openly - (e.g., expresses it instead by leaving notes)
Fear of authority
Fear of competition
Fear of dependency
Fear of intimacy (infidelity as a means to act out anger)
Fosters chaos
Intentional inefficiency
Making excuses
Losing things
Lying
Obstructionism
Procrastination
Resentment
Resists suggestions from others
Sarcasm
Stubbornness
Sullenness
Willful witholding of understanding

A passive-aggressive may not have all of these behaviours, and may have other non-passive-aggressive traits.
------
http://passiveaggressive.homestead.com/PATraits.html
------
*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.

*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.

*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.

*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.

*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.

*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.

*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.

*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.

*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.

*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.

*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.

A passive-aggressive man won't have every single one of these traits, but he'll have many of them. He may have other traits as well, which are not passive-aggressive.

FROM: Kaplan, H.I. & Saddock, B.J. (1997) SYNOPSIS OF PSYCHIATRY, 8th ed. Baltimore: Williams & Wilkins

The following is an excerpt from the above:

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

People with PAPD are characterized by covert obstructionism, procrastination, stubbornness, and inefficiency. Such behavior is a manifestation of passively expressed underlying aggression. In the DSM-IV the disorder is also called negativistic PD.

CLINICAL FEATURES

PAPD patients characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend; yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed.

In interpersonal relationships, these people attempt to manipulate themselves into a position of dependence, but others often experience this passive, self-detrimental behavior as punitive and munipulative. People with this disorder expect others to do their errands and to carry out their routine responsibilities. Friends and clinicians may become enmeshed in trying to assuage the patients' many claims of unjust treatment. The close relationships of people with PAPD, however, are rarely tranquil or happy. Because they are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction, they may never even formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life. People with this disorder lack self-confidence and are typically pessimistic about the future.

DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSIS:

PAPD must be differentiated from histrionic and borderline PD. Patients with PAPD, however, are less flamboyant, dramatic, affective and openly aggressive than those with histrionic and borderline PD.
------
http://www.ptypes.com/passive-aggpd.html
------
The Disease Perspective

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-IV (American Psychiatric Association, 1994, pp. 634-635), for research purposes, describes Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks;
complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others;
is sullen and argumentative;
unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority;
expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate;
voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune;
alternates between hostile defiance and contrition.
The disorder does not occur exclusively during Major Depressive Episodes and is not better accounted for by Dysthymic Disorder.

The Dimensional Perspective

Here is a hypothetical profile, in terms of the five-factor model of personality, for Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder (speculatively constructed from McCrae, 1994, pg. 306):

High Neuroticism
Chronic negative affects, including anxiety, fearfulness, tension, irritability, anger, dejection, hopelessness, guilt, shame; difficulty in inhibiting impulses: for example, to eat, drink, or spend money; irrational beliefs: for example, unrealistic expectations, perfectionistic demands on self, unwarranted pessimism; unfounded somatic concerns; helplessness and dependence on others for emotional support and decision making.

High Extraversion
Excessive talking, leading to inappropriate self-disclosure and social friction; inability to spend time alone; attention seeking and overly dramatic expression of emotions; reckless excitement seeking; inappropriate attempts to dominate and control others.

Low Openness
Difficulty adapting to social or personal change; low tolerance or understanding of different points of view or lifestyles; emotional blandness and inability to understand and verbalize own feelings; alexythymia; constricted range of interests; insensitivity to art and beauty; excessive conformity to authority.

Low Agreeableness
Cynicism and paranoid thinking; inability to trust even friends or family; quarrelsomeness; too ready to pick fights; exploitive and manipulative; lying; rude and inconsiderate manner alienates friends, limits social support; lack of respect for social conventions can lead to troubles with the law; inflated and grandiose sense of self; arrogance.

High Conscientiousness
Overachievement: workaholic absorption in job or cause to the exclusion of family, social, and personal interests; compulsiveness, including excessive cleanliness, tidiness, and attention to detail; rigid self-discipline and an inability to set tasks aside and relax; lack of spontaneity; overscrupulousness in moral behavior.

Character Weaknesses and Vices*
procrastination
argumentativeness
dilatoriness at work
querulousness
obstructionistic behavior
scornful of authority
resentful of suggestions
"forgets" obligations
unaware of being incompetent
-------------------------

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
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Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As confusing as it sounds the PAPD is not the same as someone being PA in a relationship. This behaviour must permiate the persons life and someone with a true PAPD is quite rare compared to NPD etc. My understand is these people are much less flamboyant and social so they have far fewer friends and perhaps fewer victims.

Thanks for sharing BOB.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
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Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadtoo))) both kudos and am knocking on wood for you that ex REMAINS an ex -- which means firmly planted in the background. I hope he finally, finally gets it and stays out of your life.

[This message edited by veritas at 8:01 AM, March 6th (Thursday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lied2)))
Please tell more, as I would like a better understanding (As I can be Stoopid like that. LOL.).

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))),
Hmmmmm......
I hope ya'll are OK.
We've not heard from birthday girl CJ in awhile. Or NoC.
Maybe everyone could check in, so that we don't forget you and that we know you have not forgotten us.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
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Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob I am only going by what I studied in university but I know that they said very emphtically that PAPD was not the same as PA behaviours. In reading through the different descriptions they have some of the same traits but from what I have experienced the PAPD tends more to the passive and the PA behaviours tends more towards the acting out and aggressive actions to manipulate and harm others.

I believe that some of it is definitally learned and that can be changed with counceling and help. The PA behaviours would be more situational and done to obtain a result where the PAPD would begin earlier as a result of serious trauma to a very young child and thus be far more ingrained as a part of their coping strategies in the world.

The PAPD is not actually on the Diagnosic criteria for DSM-IV because there is still much debate about what it is. It is thus not a cluster B and in many ways tends towards the depressive PD in the negativism and passive traits that the person has. These people are often very withdrawn and will more become agressive if provoked.

"Passive-aggression is a learned behavior often developed in response to overcontroling parents during childhood. Later this "overcontrol" might be projected onto authority figures like bosses, teachers, and spouses. Sometimes this unassertive behavior may be modeled within families. Because it's a learned behavior, passive-aggression can be replaced by developing an awareness of this behavior and the anger behind it as well as learning and applying assertive behaviors."

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders36.html

"Passive-aggressiveness has a lot in common with pathological narcissism: the destructive envy, the recurrent attempts to buttress grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience, the lack of impulse control, the deficient ability to empathize, and the sense of entitlement, often incommensurate with its real-life achievements.

No wonder, therefore, that negativistic, narcissistic, and borderline organizations share similar traits and identical psychological defenses: most notably denial (mainly of the existence of problems and complaints), and projection (blaming the group's failures and dysfunction on its clients)."

I believe that PAPD is part of the cluster C where as the NPD, borderline and histronic are part of the Cluster B disorders. Clearly there is a level of degree in PDs in that everyone has traits of these disorders on some level and it is only when there traits take over the persons life and become pathological are they considered a disorder.

Much of the PA behaviours I see are situational and are done as means of manipulation, avoidance or for whatever other reason to get what they person wants. Someone with a PAPD would not really be able to not act in a PA way with basically everyone he interacts with, thus alienating pretty much everyone around them, adding to their feelings of the world being out to get them (thus negativity).

This link is quite good in defining the differences

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/personality-disorders/DS00562

I know my ex uses alot of PA behaviours but in his case he is fully aware of what he is doing and it is a means to manipulate people around him. He will say he will do XYZ and have no intention of doing those things. He used to even go so far as to tell his friend that he had agree to do these things but then would say he did it just to shut me up. PA definitally, but it is more the manipulation and trying to save face while doing whatever he wants. In a PAPD this kind of behaviour would likely be less intentional and they would likely have no idea that this kind of manipulation was unacceptable. Instead it would be so much a part of how they cope that it would just happen since they have no other strategies to interact with the world.

Does that make any sense? ( it is all so sick it is hard to wrap my brain around)

Update because my grammer sucks today.

[This message edited by lied2 at 9:48 AM, March 6th (Thursday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Threnody
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Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: Phone calls made. No longer deleting any contact. Doesn't fall under stalking laws, only harassment unless he's making statements in the messages meant to alarm or annoy me. His presence in my history is apparently not annoyance enough. Once I have several messages, I can file a police report. After that, an protection order. I hope it doesn't escalate to that. I think I'd be happy if he got Ebola or something so it won't have to come to that.

So. That's where I sit. I tried to be nice and just ignore things, because he doesn't always have a good attention span and I figured he'd get bored and stop. I've been away from the crazy for so long that I forgot how it works on the fine level. I'm getting refreshed, though.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lied2)))
That was awesome and very helpful !!!

(((Threnody)))
Ebola? That's funny !!! My curse on him still stands just in case he doesn't get ebola. LOL.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
sadtoo
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Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thren,
Please start documenting his contacts as completely as you can. I know you'd like to ignore him, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

It's somewhat alarming that after all this time he is back to bother you. He also seems to be escallating him means of contact. First he visits your blog (anonomously) and now leaving voice mails. Remember this is AFTER you have contacted his wife.

NPD's are sneaky cowards. You cannot be too careful.

Document, document, document.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
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Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was reading the PA stuff and what keeps going through my head is that the do some of this crap for attention like little kids. They thrive on the chaos because they need the attention. If you react to them they get what they want and other times not reacting gives them what they want. Of course they never tell you what they want so you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I can clearly remember not reacting to him when he would flip out and it would make him flip out more . It was very scary.

In reading I see my kids picking up some of these habits. I don't give a crap about my ex. I would rather he rots in hell or get Ebola right along side Threnody's freak. I don't want my kids living a life like that.

How the heck do we correct the children when they act this stuff out. So often I find myself nagging at my kids to do stuff and they will "forget" or avoid and I don't think it really helps them all the much to learn good behaviours.

Other parents what are your thoughts on this effect on the kids? How much of this psycho crap are they learning and acting out in their own ways?


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Suspicious  Posted: 10:09 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I just solved another mystery. I put a tracker on my myspace page, and I did wonder why I was getting so many hits. I'd heard some bad things about mixmap, so I figured that was just it, plus trackers only work on non-java browsers.

I finally use the statistics view -- and see that the Destination Page for many of the hits is NOT my myspace page -- it's actually HIS COOKING WEBPAGE. Which generates a LOT of hits.

So basically, when he broke into my account, not only did he delete a very clever blog that I wrote about The Troll, he found the tracker and added his own tracker so that I would try to track down those IP addresses, leading me on a wild goose chase, essentially.

And he was basically telling me that. His tagline for his myspace account is "I don't know how THAT got in there..."

Yeah, whatever, fucker. I won't even give you the satisfaction of knowing that I found it. It's gone, and now I can pick you and your mother out much more easily.

lied2: still thinking about the kids thing. I have 2 very different kids who had very different early years (but they are both his). I'm just braindead and stressed out here.

[This message edited by veritas at 10:12 PM, March 6th (Thursday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, March 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you figured the out Veritas. He is a real jerk doing that.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On Dealing With Children:

I have two older children, both of whom were conceived out of wedlock. They were brought up, however, very differently in their formative years (birth to two).

My oldest child was basically brought up in those years by myself and my parents. He was a classic, textbook kid: if the baby book said that he should be doing something, then he was doing it exactly then. He is very intuitive and was always sensitive to my moods.

My second child was conceived out of wedlock, but born after I left my parents' house and married my husband. He was totally off the charts: started walking at 7 months, but hospitalized at 1 and 3 months for respiratory illnesses. He exhibited many qualities of subsequent "bad" maternal bonding: emotional immaturity, premature confidence (most kids of a certain age will express fear of heights, danger, etc., but many was the time that he climbed to the top of the entertainment center and jumped off). He also exhibits many signs of antisocial behavior.

How I deal with it?

With my older son, he has a tendency to withdraw. When my NPD goes on his rages, my older son leaps to figure out the way to solve the problem and does it. I have had him in counseling before, and he is very resistant to talking about his problems.

With my younger son, he has the willingness to talk about it -- but change is hard and slow in coming. He knows that sometimes he is behaving inappropriately for a situation, and he even knows that sometimes his anger is misdirected, but he is not always willing to do what it takes to fix the problem.

I guess my approach is that I try to put out the fires in whatever mode I feel is appropriate for the situation. If I think one son is the problem, I try to focus on talking to that particular son about his issues. Since counseling doesn't seem to have helped, I am hoping to lead by making issues of examples, if that makes any sense.

Unfortunately, sometimes the situations themselves don't lead the way to example. If my NPD is raging, all he wants is for the situation to be fixed, so it is hard to try to teach lessons when the only real peaceful outcome is that he will be appeased.

*i guess the answer is just that you do the best you can with what you have*

[This message edited by veritas at 10:40 PM, March 7th (Friday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

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