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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, February 24th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone - hope you are all ok.
After seeing my counsellor last monday I felt confident enough to ask the freak for his key. I also made him wait on the front door step. This was a big deal for me but I have to say it felt very good. However, this of course would not go unpunished and my dd returned home upset.
She was upset because ow had driven her home because daddy said he had a headache. He always used to get headaches whenever anyone upset him!!
So she was upset because she said it seemed like he couldn't be bothered with her. Well, the truth is he can't.
I am expecting a different approach today when I see him - he will probably be aggressive or with any luck he may not even say hello!
I saw my ex sil last week and she said the baliffs had been round her house looking for him...nothing has changed there. Funny thing is he is keeping ow address nice and clean - until he gets a ring on her finger I suppose!
I am feeling glad I am leaving the mess behind me now.
I hope everyone is doing ok.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, February 24th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

<i>After seeing my counsellor last monday I felt confident enough to ask the freak for his key. I also made him wait on the front door step. </i>

GOOD FOR YOU! This is a good, fantastic step.


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 25th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I agree with Landa!

Bravo, itsa!!!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, February 25th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its why does he still have a key? I can tell you that if it was me I would have changed the locks long ago.

I have made my ex stay on the step quite often. I don't want him in my house and I don't go into his house so I think it is fair. He lost his options when he made his choices.

Keep up the good work. Do what you need to do for YOU.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, February 25th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurrah! (((itsa)))--keep the asshole at bay! This is YOUR life now!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo, lied2!

I had the locks changed the very next day, too. Wasn't taking any chances.

I had a good meeting with IC today.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hooray! Someone bumped the "mirroring" thread in Wayward. It contains a lot of good information that I firmly believe folks here in the NPD thread need. I hunted all over for the thread about a month ago for StungAgain, but couldn't find it.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=120113

Please read the links in the first post of the thread, but contain your discussion of the topic to the NPD thread. Let's not crash the Wayward forum (where the thread is housed) with our goofiness.

Warm hugs for the tribe.

[This message edited by Threnody at 8:21 AM, February 26th (Tuesday)]


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Tribe))))

Threnody? You gotta know I didn't get past the 2nd sentence!
(NLP reference)
hoo boy, this is gonna be interesting.

I have a question for the tribe...

I have a sitch - I'd like help with answers, bc I can't seem to come up with the one that fits.

I am away from her by 300 miles.
She is at this time sending me copies of cellphone bills to ostensibly 'prove' she's being 'good'
- since OCTOBER! (she admiitted contact with him in Oct., but claims it has ended.) But why is he still sending her text messages after 4 months of supposed NC?
- she's pressuring me to divulge my location. When I ask for his last name - she replies with; "Where do you live?"

Look...she frightens the crap outta me, ok? It's deeper than I've been able to say, actually (spiritual stuff - BAD spiritual stuff), and I have told her that's why...

but I can't seem to explain to her - to myself, really (right?) that she needs to be the one who is transparent FIRST gain my trust back, etc...before I'll even THINK ABOUT givin' up my whereabouts.

I need a zinger or two...not mean, really (those are easy, LOLOLOL!!!) -

What do I want? has already been asked of me by a dear friend -
How the hell can I explain what I want? I want peace, the fkkkers last name, my sons' card collection -

I WANT SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT from NPD land before the realization that D's been filed hits her.

I got maybe today, am thinking she'll get the notice in the mail tomorrow - then I doubt there'd be any more pleasant communication.

As it is - I expect to hear what a fool she was for "making her" try to prove her innocence with the cell phone records.


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

<i>I WANT SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT from NPD land </i>

Won't happen darlin'.

With that in mind: you know what you want, and you won't get it from her. Not ever. So how do you go about dealing with it?

Time helps more than anything.


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JJ)))
I've been there with ya. There is no resolution. As time passes, this will become clearer. Time. It's all about time and distance and healing and getting your bearings back.

As my counselor said back when I was trying to make heads or tails about what was going on and why I couldn't reach STBXPDW, "Move on, move on, move on."

Resoution and or answers will come from within as you learn to accept that it wasn't you, it wasn't anything you didn't or did say, etc. It is as it's always ever has been and ever will be, all about her.

Take a step back and detache from yourself. Look at your self as one of your good friends. What would you do for or what would you say to your friend in this situation?

I know that this is so very very hard to deal with. She was your dream. But she was a mirror of that which is you, until the mirror cracked and you so they abyss that lies behind (LOL).

I find studying Proverbs, 2 Timothy, and a bunch of Buddhist and Taoist stuff helped me a lot. To see things as they are. As SadToo and Veritas tags read:
'it is what it is, not what we hope it can be'.~SadToo
Actions unmask what words disguise.~Veritas

Hope this helps.

Meditation helps a lot. Sit. Breathe. Into your belly. Thru your nose. Close your eyes. Crack a smile. As thoughts and feelings come and go, watch as they arise then fall away. Just watch, don't engage.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you friends.

I'm kinda sad about coulda been.

I will read and read again what you say. try to get it to sink in.

Wish i had the answers to give that would unlock the disorder.
been hard, still harder to see that the effort was vain, wasted...maybe not on me, so that's good - I've learned & changed alot, and I am not unthankful for that part of it.
Thank you again for helping me thru this. It's a difficult thing. A difficult time. I don't like giving up.


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj~ I don't like *giving up* either...but this N stuff...it has us all WIPED OUT, I'm afraid.

IC explained this to me for the umpteenth time yesterday.

((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks dream. It's just *not me* to feel wiped out, but you're so kind...I appreciate you.
ALL of you!

I'm gonna weigh-in here on the link to the NLP stuff Threnody posted.

I studied NLP, years ago when I was in school - as several classmates were excitedly talking about it, and I wanted to find out about it. As I recall, I got about 2, maybe 3 chapters in when it began to hit me as wrong, somehow...manipulative. I didn't finish the book, and have pretty much a rudimentary understanding of it - some of the mechanics of eye-movement, etc. (in order to assess how the target to be manipulated thinks, eye-movement patterns are studied, among other things)

Seeing's how I was mirrored already so effectively, by someone I guarantee didn't know anything about NLP - maybe I'm not the best authority...heh!

The kicker in my particular little corner of the world is this:

STBX (hah! that's the first time I typed that! Does a band play a rousing song now? where?)
Anyway - she JUST started studying NLP.

Your mileage may vary, but I have extremely strong distaste for NLP.
uhhh NPDs too...

Combine the two?
The devil's own cocktail.

I'm not sure how many here can read the NLP stuff without having ...let's just say "negative reactions". I'm sure it can be useful to know about - in order to defend yourself against it in the future - not that your antennae aren't already up & on high alert!

I'm not far along enough, I guess, to study it. Too creeped out when I read those links. Reminds me too much of the calculating abusive cruelty I'm hoping to forget about soon.

...just sayin'


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Threatened to murder me.

No.
I am not kidding.

You want, we can call from your office - make it look like it's comin from my phone# on her caller ID

get it on tape, her admitting it.

She aint yer normal mean bitch.
she's a psycho nympho narcissist -

My penis shrinks & my balls get tight just thinking about her....

& No.
I aint kidding about that neither!

(emailed to the lawyer in response to his question after my nagging for confirmation of the D filing
he asked; "Goodness gracious! I've never seen anyone so uptight as you! What'd this woman DO to you?")


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all. I have been struggling in my little corner of the world as well. Things took a turn for the worse today and I was fit to be tied. Of course the ex calls and I tell him about all the shit the kids have been getting into making my life miserable and getting themselves into trouble at home and at school (mostly the little one). Then he starts to offer me advice. I lost it. Ya I had had a drink (or 2) because I needed to calm down. I called him a dumbass and told him to go play with his Ho and hung up.

I am really stuck. I can't seem to get the "move on" thing to happen. The kids are really stuggling and I am stuck without a real job trying to work odd jobs mostly helping out my father because my kids can't seem to manage without me being very flexable and here for them most of the time. By 12 and 15 I should be able to have a job and have them manage for a few hours together at home but at times it ends up with them fighting and creating issues for eachother to the point where I can't do it all the time. I am stuck bing the only parent the kids ahve an noone to to really turn to and I hate him for that.

Here is the vent I just wrote him. I am itching to send it so I am posting it in hopes that the urge will pass.

Dear ^%&**&

A*** is not a bully. He loves his brother immensely and is trying to fill YOUR shoes because his brother needs guidance and his father has decided that his children are not worth his time. He tries to take a parenting male role because N***** doesn't have that and the only one to blame is YOU.

Don't offer me your dime store parenting advice until you put the time into parenting YOUR children. At this point you see your children less than once a month for a few hours and have no clue what is happening and what they need. Don't give me the lines that you had no father and turned out alright. Clearly YOU didn't or else you never would have taken the path you have. You didn't have a father so had no expections and didn't have to grieve the loss over and over when your father appeared, made promises, and then disappeared into his own oblivion for an undetermined amount of time. It is all the more painful for the boys since you have been living 6 blocks away for the last few years and had ample time since you work just 4 days a week. You make less time for the children than you spent taking a crap, it certainly doesn't make me wonder why they are so angry and are having a hard time adjusting to being abandoned.

N***** doesn't listen and won't follow instrustion, both at home and in school. He is a very difficult child to be around because he does motor actions and sound effects almost continuously. Don't even start making cracks about medicating him since you take the same medication as well as other things to manage your life. given the fact that you have done little to help him find the control of his actions, you need to keep your comments to yourself.

I am stuck in this situation and have little I can do about it other than stuggle to be there for my children every day the best I can. You have made your choices and continue to harm your children both through your actions and lack there of. Until you have some real solutions that involve you being a REAL parent keep your mouth shut and stay out of my hair.

Lied2


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

get rid of the "I'm stuck" type of references....

o dam!
((((lied2)))))

remember, though - i don't know jack


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The "I'm stuck" comes from having a hard time accepting that this nightmare is my "new" life and parenting 2 special needs all alone and not having a life is my folly. I am still pissed at him because my kids hurt because of his selfish actions and abandonment and when it comes out I get told over and over that I have not moved on and I have to just forgive him (over my dead body) and move on (like if I am am not happy and dancing in a aisles that he is marrying the ho and moving away 2 cities and further abandoning the kids for me to raise while spouting parenting advice and telling me how I am doing everything wrong and ruining the kids).

I HATE MY LIFE TODAY AND I HATE BEING A PARENT AND ALONE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING. I HATE THAT SPERM DONOR WITH EVERY INCH OF MY BEING AND AM SAD EVERYDAY THAT I EVER SET EYES ON HIM.

I want/need a different reality if only for a little while.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lied2))), I hate him too! What a dickhead! Hell, send him the damned e-mail. It won't make things any better, but how could it possibly make anything worse? It's all just the damned bloody truth!

(((JJ))), I hate her, too. I hate that you are gripping those chains so tightly. Let go, brother. Damn the cards, damn the name of the guy, damn the acknowledgment. They are hooks in your heart. Let go.

I am so sorry for the sadness, for the sickness, for the pain. I wish there was something I could say that would do some good.


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
I'm with LL.

Lied2,
I'm so sad for you that he has taken a good chunk of life from you and that his pathetic ass NPD Freak-ness will never grasp what he has done to you and the boys. He has no fucking clue as to what he has put you through and the crosses that you have had to bear because of his stupid and asinine behaviors. Itsa too. All of us.

I do get really sad and bothered when I can really hear your pain coming through the postings. Dealing with an NPD Freak is very lonely as not to many people understand what we are going through. Thank God and the stars above for this thread.

Lied, hold on. You will be OK. Today will pass. Send the letter? Well, I get plenty of hell for the ones I've sent (LOL), but if it makes you feel better, isn't that what really matters? You know he's to fucked up to get it, but you do, and sometimes just voicing something is so very healing. Even if the Fucktard*Asshat (SI Latin) will never get it. This is for and about you. You deserve some peace.

JJ, as a guy with a similar lot in life, namely an NPD Freak of the female persuasion, do not underestimate your self. She/It is not the end of the world. There are many more much more deserving and able to reciprocate ladies out there, for you to waste to much more time worrying about her. She's fucked up, Dude. As your Dude friend here, I say, get the fuck away from her and stay the fuck away from her. And besides, your super-kewl writing style should not be wasted on a wretch such as she. I know it's hard, just keep doing what your doing and move forward. Things will change and you will feel better.
On a side note: Do you wanna help me with the snow in the garage to clean it out thing? LOL.

I don't want to, nor do I like to, use such words as "hate" in describing feelings towards the disordered. In describing their behaviors I can and will use such words, as in, I "hate" their behaviors, but as people, they are what they are, disordered.

Oh, yeah, I'm really sick and my head is spinning like a top, so I might not be making a whole lot of sense right now. LOL !!! DDs are both sick too, but we're managing fine.

(((Tribe))), I am always sorry to hear when the disordered get under your skin like this. The disordered suck.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 10:19 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, February 26th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my god
i will never be the same
i will cry easier
love and pray for people i never met
see the pain in eyes
carried heavily, asymmetrically in bodies
shoulders forward and heads anteriorly toe looking
pinched
i see it.

how big a scar does that hook-ripping leave, huh?
thank scars who cares it's healed

bent down bowed down I will not
stop now.

what was used to break me
angelhands turned
to make me.

I believe it.


Posts: 6013 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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