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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evening Tribe,

Veritas, PLEASE go to the Shelter, I went for six weeks last summer, and although hard, I believe it was the best thing I ever did. We will be right here, holding your hand, your heart, everything.((hugs)) to all of you, and your boys and Lola.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

asshat: fact: whenever you
mention it, I'm gonna react poorly
[08:56] asshat: fact: the later you mention it, the worse the response

First of all, what kind of garbage is this?

Secondly - this is completely bizarre. How does he get away with working like this?

I don't use clocks, calendares or plan for anything, personal or work
[09:28] asshat: I leave home early so I can get a hot shower, I dont start work in the mornings until I feel like it... I leave work when I'm ready.
[09:28] asshat: I go home , or stopp of and fuck with potheads


09:30] asshat: I have no real friends in my life.

[08:57] asshat: fact: I can't remember anything from an hour ago
[08:57] asshat: fact: I don't give a fuck

And these last comments sound exactly like my WH. Why can't he remember things? That is very concerning about his state of mind. Is he doing a lot of drugs?

Does your WH have more going on than NPD? Could he be bipolar or something else too? My WH is bipolar and he says things like this quite often.

Do you have this type of conversation with him often? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It is so awful to have to try to deal with an irrational person. Please take care of yourself.

[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 6:58 PM, January 31st (Thursday)]


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm....tension in my shoulders, the feeling like my stomach is being squeezed in a vice, foggy thinking, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. You guessed it...he's in the house for a visit with our son. Amazing how my body had adapted to this level of anxiety the whole time we were together. Now it is so obviously related to him.
Veritas...you have been such a help to everyone here. You are in my thoughts as you try to disentangle...


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

KT - isn't it amazing the amount of stress we all have learned to live with? We often don't even realize how much stress we are under until the situation is changed. I think all of us have done an incredible job of dealing with situations and stress that most people would never be able to imagine, much less handle.

And we are all still here and dealing. That says a lot.


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
napewastewin
♀ Member
Member # 15297
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good night and sleep safely in God's care tonight and everynight. 4:00 am comes to darn early


take your candle and go light your world

Posts: 1443 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Michigan
secondwife
♀ New Member
Member # 17566
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry to break in but does any one else believe in Karma. I am a strong believer in what goes around, come around and that somehow you will always pay for what you do. WH is getting his out of the blue and I didn't even have to do anything. But now he is getting a little taste of what he has done to other people and not liking it at all.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Jan 2008
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Second wife!

Appreciate the KARMA report!

Keep posting if you ever need to here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veritas~ it sounds like Paranoid Pete has really flipped out!
We just want you & children to be *safe* -- whatever/where ever this may be!

Damn, you just don't deserve this at all, sweetie.

(((((huge hugs)))))

[This message edited by dreamlife at 7:52 PM, January 31st (Thursday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all.

A question for all of you here who understand the NPD situation. Add bipolar WH to the mix as well.

I am going to file in a couple of weeks. I have been trying to find a part time job or start out on my own business in my profession so that my time would be flexible to take care of the kids.

Full time would be tough. I have two young children, and it would be difficult to put them in both before and after school care. One of them sees a psychologist regularly, and I am always going to doctors for them. I also have fibromyalgia and some other health issues (all related to stress from Mr. Wonderful)

No luck on anything part time. Starting out on my own can be done - I've talked to some friends who have done it. But it takes a certain amount of time to build up steady income.

I have been offered a full time job.

Part of me wants to take this because I worry about what WH will be like when I file. Will he go off the deep end, or just be a jerk, not pay support right away, etc? I do have enough money saved for about 2 months time.

Taking a full time job would give me guaranteed money. But my mother, and franky I also, question whether I'd be able to keep up a full time job. My fibro is manageable as long as I don't completely overtire myself.

Also, taking a full time job might be shooting myself in the foot when it comes to temporary support and then permanent alimony.

I may take the full time job and then not be able to maintain it. WH may use it as a means to say he should not have to pay me as much.

What do you think?

[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 8:04 PM, January 31st (Thursday)]


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IDK~

Have you discussed this with your atty?

I am in pretty much the same predicament (no kids, but having *health issues*, etc.)...N was also *urging* me to work at a menial job -- which made me extremely suspicious considering the $ he has (that $ that I do know about in a concrete manner now)...my atty said DO NOT do it.

Yes, this will screw you out of the financial end, his future *support* $, & anything that worsens your HEALTH is just not worth it.

"Health is wealth"!

Take good care of YOU.

Its easy to be given "advice" but when the nitty-gritty time of paying bills, maintaining one's HEALTH, etc., must be addressed...well, then that is the REAL Reality to be faced & dealt with.

Please speak with your atty, first.

Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

[This message edited by dreamlife at 8:16 PM, January 31st (Thursday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 8:02 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas,

It is time to get serious about getting out of there or him leaving. You may have to placate him for awhile. Back off until your ready to leave. Do everything "in his best interest" to get him out of there.

I have faith in you. You are strong and capable.

Many positive thoughts.

DF


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Veritas)))
How are you?

(((KT)))
Want a massage? LOL. Yoga? Meditate? I find these help, along with AD, to kill the anxiety.

(((IDB)))
You can do this !!!!

(((secondwife)))
Wanda23 has a tag that reads like this:
Karma's a Bitch and she slaps hard! (stolen from Broken 721... God Bless Broken, who is infinitely wise!)

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 11:29 PM, January 31st (Thursday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas,

It is time to get serious about getting out of there or him leaving. You may have to placate him for awhile. Back off until your ready to leave. Do everything "in his best interest" to get him out of there.

I have faith in you. You are strong and capable.

Many positive thoughts.

DF

Thank you, all of you, and I think I will have to shorten my timetable. I had suspected for a long time that he is bipolar, in part because he exhibits "narcissism of small things:" he HATES other bipolar people, even people that he didn't know were bipolar. I am sure that none of this is helped by the fact that he is a heavy marijuana user. And a KISAS. His reference to his friends -- he has a lot of friends, but he mainly likes to hang out with losers. The friends who have actually told him that he he needs to straighten up and fly right go by the wayside.

All the bad things he mentions are his own fault, or his own responsibility. He has the power to change; he just doesn't want to.

Normally, I don't challenge him like that. Unfortunately, I have some hormonal things going on myself. I have PMS and before I was on BC, once a month was miserable. I'm irritable and not taking ANY crap. I'm normally a very patient person. And since I am on Depo, this only happens once every 3 months, and it really hasn't happened in a while, but every cycle is different, and I can feel The Bitch rising. She's got 10 days to go, too. I'm not able to hold my tongue as well as I usually do, and that's not a good way for me to be. Not with him, not in this situation.

[This message edited by veritas at 6:15 AM, February 1st (Friday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bob...you are right on about managing the anxiety...yoga, meditation and massage are saving me right now....along with medication that I went on during the relationship, which I'm sure in time I will be able to go off.
here's something I want to throw out there for everyone....did any of you try to date soon after "ending" your relationships? I have gotten in touch with someone from my past who has always been wonderful to me...the timing just wasn't right back then. I'm scared to death.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 8:03 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bluberry
♀ Member
Member # 15021
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are N's more capable of murder?
My NSTBXH is the biggest loser: stopped paying child support 6 weeks ago (and he only paid $100 a week for 3 kids), doesn't visit the kids in between his weekends (even though he has time), rarely calls the kids and rarely returns their calls when they call and leave him messages, two of his friends just told me he has screwed them out of money (one $900 and the other a couple thousand) and then stopped returning their phone calls, and yesterday he threatened to do something terrible to me if I keep his kids from him (this was after I told him he could pick them up Saturday morning instead of Friday night because his psycho mother was going to watch them while he worked until midnight. Umm..not trying to keep them from him) When my oldest was about 2 1/2 he came home wasted and we got in a fight. I told him I was leaving him. He was blacked out drunk and in front of our son he told me he would kill me if I took his kids away from him. My son heard this and got very scared. Why didn't I leave then? I wish I knew.
I live in Mi right now and I am going back to school.I would like to go to school out of state. I feel like I need a fresh start. Plus, I've always hated living here. I HATE winter. I have SAD (seasonal Affective Disorder, winter depression) I have to go tanning all winter and take 5HTP or else I get really depressed. I'm afraid if I move, he will kill me. Or hire someone to kill me. He has a terrible temper and no conscience.
Am I being paranoid?

Also, he keeps disappointing the kids by not being there. They always ask if dad is coming over and why they can't see him more. My daughter obsesses over the phone, hoping it's her dad calling her- it never is. I know he'll just continue to disappoint them, and I'm afaraid some of his bad traits will rub off on them. they already have on my son a little bit. He yells just like him and talks down to his sister just like his dad does to people, especially me. I think moving away from him will actually benefit the kids in the end. And get them away from his pill-popping alcoholic mother that he lives with and takes the kids around everyother weekend. Everyone who knows her, knows she is a nutcase. She did raise a psycho.

Oh, and he went to jail-AGAIN- a few months ago. He also drives everyday on a suspended license, doesn't show up to court when he's suppose to. He can't hold down a job for longer than 6 months. He lives with his mom, drives her car because he doesn't have one, and still can't pay for his kids. He owes my mom thousands, my dad $2,000, my sister $300, and who knows who else he owes. This is my kids role model, their father. Do you see why I want to move? Did I mention he lies ALL THE TIME? It's always poor me. He's never at fault.

[This message edited by bluberry at 8:55 AM, February 1st (Friday)]


BW 27
STBXH 30 professional liar
married 4 years, Together 10 years
3 kids
Cheated the whole time I was pregnant for our 3rd
In the process of Divorce, and I finally feel FREE!!!

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: U.S.
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bluberry, I think that if he says he will kill you, you should believe that he means it. Terrible temper + no conscience = potential murderer.

Have you made sure that local law enforcement is aware of these threats?

I can understand why you would want to move, but I can't tell you what the legal ramifications are. Have you discussed it with a lawyer?


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Bluberry

When my STBXH was acting this way, paranoid, following me, calling and then not calling, saying really mean things, I got in touch with a shelter. I called them as many times as I wanted, and still can to this day, I could/can stay there too. The reason I am saying this to you is that they can help you set up a "safe" plan. That is if you are in a threatening situation with your STBXH, you call the shelter (but pretend you are calling a g/f or something) and say to them "I am going to be a few minutes late". If that is your key phrase, the shelter will call the police in your area, and have them sent over ASAP.

I have this set up with two of my shelters. One in my town and one out of town. I did the one out of town because that was where I was seeing a counselor there and for me just knowing I had this in place gave me a sense of power and control.

((V)) I would encourage you to talk to your attorney. Reason being even in my legal matters (non related to X or N) for the longest time he told me not to go to work due to complicating the financial end of things. I am now working P/T and all is ok, but in your case, chat with him, see what he says, listen to his advice and decide from there. Do you have friends or family who could help take care of the kids in case you do take the full time job?

Also do you have a "safe plan" set up especially since you are filing in a couple of weeks.

Tribe, I am feeling mixed up right now and I wonder if you can help me sort thru it.

STBXH has advised me that OW and STBXH have discussed the $$ regarding the sale of the farm. Anyways, now that the paperwork is in the midst of being drawn up (offer to purchase etc), I am feeling "strange". I can't explain it, sad, sometimes angry, flat, (being sick doesn't help), uncertain.

I know that at times I only helped STBXH with using the laptop and finding what he needed properly and legally, yes I guess enabling him since it would be me on the computer and then letting him look at the links etc.

I don't know what I should feel right now. Elation because it is truly over between them? Sadness that dam near 2 years of my life was caught up in this mess caused by STBXH and at times her as well.

Now believe it or not, there is a part of me wondering if "there is a chance" now. I know, I know, scary thought. He is still attending IC and seems very dedicated to it.

I have told him that I am not willing to live at the farm (once my home)now that I am finally adjusted to living on my own, took me months to adjust after years of living with someone.

I haven't been able to get into my IC, either he was called away to something else on my appointment dates or this week I have been really sick as you all know.

And another thing, I went and saw my family doctor for a check up and he gave me some additional medication for this bronchitis. I have been having trouble with heaviness in my chest, and he said that my puffer wasn't enough and so he added one that has cortisone in it, he also said it could take up to a week before I feel any better.

Now I ask you, I am scheduled to work at the retail store tonight, (I got another doctor's note incase I need it) and I told them that I won't be closing because I am not 100%. But I see on my schedule list at home they have me on for a full day tomorrow and Sunday. I am really not feeling up to this at all.

I thought I would go in tonight and give it a whirl and see what happened, and let them know in advance that if I am not feeling well etc., that I would be leaving and here is the doctor's note.

Thoughts? I know there are about 3 or 4 things on this little post of mine.

*sigh*


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stung, I'm so sorry you are in such ill health, sweetie.

Please use that doctor's note and apply for disability, ASAP!

OMG! Why are you going to worsen your health like this?

(((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, February 1st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dream, I am not sure what is going on right now. Feeling kinda mixed up at the moment.

I wonder if it is my own "shock" you know what I mean, after all I have been thru this last while, and you know what I have been thru (you all do). I am sure it will pass and is probably temporary.

As for work, I have been feeling a little restless and guess there is an "old recording" in my head (you know the one that says, you are feeling better you should go to work recording and that if you don't you could lose your job. That is what is playing in my head.

As for STBXH, I am not THAT worried about him. I was just wondering if my emotions are "normal" after all this time?


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
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