It's funny (in an odd way) how once the *problem* (the BS) removes themselves from the situation, the Narcissist STILL seems to have OTHER *problems*. I'm talking about HUGE problems. Worse than normal people have. The *problems* just seem to continue.......
The BS who (according to the N) was the original problem, goes on with her/his life and problems seem to end for the BS. Life seems to iron out, bill collectors quit calling, wrong numbers (OP's) quit calling, cell phone bills don't get lost anymore, and other *odd* things just seem to stop. Hmmm..... I wonder if they were connected to the N???
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Damn Ns !!!!!!!!
[This message edited by jjct at 7:55 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]
You know I too find it humourous that for a brief second today X tried to say that it was because of "my" call to him that OW is pissed at him. I said to him like I always do, this is not my problem and I am not taking responsibility for it. Then he yelled at me and said "I know, but ..." I said again "I am not taking responsibility....." pretty soon he stopped since he realized he wasn't getting anywhere.
You know being sick has its benefits, it has helped me to say "enough, I need to take care of me" and be absolutely ok with it.
Over the Hills and Far Away...
...Where Teletubbies come out to play.
ETA: Just had a fun long talk with DD13:
We both took a PD test:
Talked about PDs (her test had Moderate Histrionic(?), I said intersting, nothing to worry about), how PDs manifest themselves, how they develop, how to not let them develop (mindfulness, attitude, environment, etc.).
Lots of Latin, all the Latin words she notices these days as they study a lot of Latin at school, how the Latin shows up in STBXPDW studies and jobs (Medical), Latin in Psychology. The story of Narcisus part of their Latin studies (that's how we first started to talk about the N word and it's relations).
Talked about Christianity, Taoism, Buddhism. A bunch about mindfulness and how it manifests itself.
Talked about the "Three Treasures" in Taoism; Compassion, Moderation and Humility, and how they manifest themselves in everyday life.
Neurois, psychosis, psychology, psychology and how it manifests itself in Buddhism along with philosophy.
School, people at school and the clicks. External and internal locus of control. Teachers, teaching (I'm a teacher), dealing with students, guiding students, more mindfulness.
We looked over The Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings by Thich Nhat Hanh:
How she and DD8 interact with each other, issues between them, etc. Wew !!!
That was cool. I love talking with my kids like that. She starts kinda sullen but ends very energetic. Interesting. Maybe eventually she will be less sullen and "negative"?
She is a cool kid. DD8 too.
We also talked about her Photoshop skills. I've taught it and used it for years and she is quite good. Mostly self-taught. I taught her how to scan lately and now she scans her drawings and then hacks them up. Kewl !!!
Life is good. I feel useful to her. LOL.
DD8 cleaned up her room and did chores yesterday. Helped a bunch today too. On her own motivation. Awesome. When she's on fire, she's on fire. Kewl kid. Interesting the things she says and the vocabulary she uses.
That's my BoB Report.
ETA2: More STBXPDW paperwork to respond to her Motion for Temp Orders. It looks as though it may not be very pretty for her. I still don't believe she knows of the CPS, Fraud, etc. stuff. I don't think her lawyer does either. Ouch. Oh, well.
If you put your hand in the fire you get burned.
ETA3:I better stop adding stuff or I'll be here all night.
ETA4: Hey check this out !!!
I stumbled across an interesting way to get the wintertime grudge and grime out of the garage today. LOL.
I shoveled a bunch of snow into my garage, trampled around on it, and shoveled it out. Blamo !!! Clean garage (or at least cleaner garage. LOL.).
[This message edited by bobelina at 1:03 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]
Saw N at work yesterday and he was dealing with a customer and talking on the phone.
As I walked by, he suddenly saw me & waved at me with that PHONY *N* SMILE which I've come to recognize -- & DETEST.
I just kept walking on (it felt GREAT!!)...never waved back or nothing.
First time I ever responded to N like that. Hmmm...wondering what repercussions this might bring because we all know how N's liked to be ADORED & fawned over. UGGG
[This message edited by dreamlife at 10:51 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]
Dream, I so know what you mean. When you don't "acknowledge" them the reprocussions can be huge and such a pain in the aftermath!
Bob, you are so funny!
JJ, thank you for posting an update. Any luck "posting elsewhere" for ideas?
Me, not much, still sick and literally living on popsicles and green tea and honey.
[This message edited by jjct at 7:56 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]
dreamlife: Wow! I am so glad you're beginning not to feed the N cycle anymore.
jjct: I think you may have better success if you quit thinking about unleashing hell and focus on getting your son's card collection back. Enlisting people you know is hard. Enlisting people you don't know to do things that they may end up in the middle of hell for -- I wouldn't want to get caught up in it and I would certainly want to get with someone who had a plan. A very, very specific plan.
bob: I actually took that personality test recently, and I scored Moderate in a few categories (OCD, for sure), but mostly lows. Anyhow, a few years ago, when I was still believing in my N, I took it and scored HIGH in quite a few things. I think the more I detach from him, the less kookus I am.
And on that note, I was reading a couple of inferences where mental illness is contagious, which I have found to be sort of true. There is a phenomenon called folie a deux, where people who live with someone who is mentally ill will develop symptoms of that person's particular illness. The cure is just to get away from them. Once they separate, the imposee goes back to normal and improves. This is why our N's probably get into BIG trouble once we TRULY detach ourselves from them. They no longer have us as a stabilizing, normalizing influence.
ktshadow: It's like I was discussing with someone the other day: They are unique, but not original. You're not alone; there are others who have walked this road before and come up against the same moronic behavior that you have. Whatever charm he tries to exert on the rest of the world is wasted on you. One day, you may have the satisfaction of other people finally seeing him for who and what he is, but you never will until he's gone from your life. YOU are the reason why he looks so good. He would not have picked you to begin with if you weren't; that's what N's do.
[This message edited by jjct at 7:57 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]
Just to clarify, I didn't mean that I had it more horrible and terrible than anybody else; I meant that if I read jjct's post right, his idea of hell sounds what civilized people are supposed to do and feel, which is far better than what Cruella and her consort deserve.
[This message edited by veritas at 4:54 PM, January 29th (Tuesday)]
But first, I have to say how much I have appreciated the posts in response to me in the past. I wish to be more of a contributor here and not just someone who seeks help, but honestly I don't feel that I'm very much at the point of healing where I can do all of you much good.
I haven't been keeping up with the posts as much as I'd like. Too much has been going on here in my own little corner of NPD land. I've had some physical problems the doctors say are directly related to stress. Of course, WH's response is that I blame all my problems on him and that I should go find someone else to blame!
WH has been truly unbearable. Wasting cash, yelling, not taking meds properly, not keeping his word on getting a sponsor, telling me he'd like to hit me with a f*ing baseball bat and to get off his case when I ask him if he did the things he promised he would (like for example, getting a blood test for STDs - 8 months later and still not done)
I have retained a lawyer and planned on filing after WH gets a cash bonus mid-February.
New wrinkle however - WH is in a business in which he is frequently offered signing bonuses to switch employers and he is offered buy-outs of his business. He told me today that after his partner leaves in 3 years, he will do a buyout because he will get a lot more money not having to share with his partner. He said if I stay with him and we are together, we will be set for retirement. Basically about 1.5 million. But 3 years is an awful long time to wait. Still, it's hard to walk away knowing I won't be entitled to any of that money if I do and worse - he will get it all. And he REALLY doesn't deserve it!!! He deserves to rot in hell. Truthfully.
How do I get past this?
[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 3:59 PM, January 29th (Tuesday)]
Note to self:
Fed-Ex jjct some snow.
You can add me to the list of feeling like I am not being supportive enough.
I know for me being sick has really thrown a crutch into things. I just feel like utter crap and really want to know when I will start to feel better.
JJCT you want snow??? Here let me send some to you thru the computer, I am sure I can spare tons of it.