In mediation my XH insisted that he have our DD 3 weekends out of the month, but he wanted to keep it flexible in case I wanted to spend time with our her. He has just recently moved back here from being out of state for 2 years.
He is now pestering me to take her every other weekend. Our DD also has church activities that she must participate in through the year that are on the weekends and he is questioning why I am involving him in that. He says he should not have responsibility for it. I wrote back that he should do it because he is her father.
He is really pestering me about the weekend thing....it is so blatantly obvious he doesnt want her around. He is such a prick.
I bet y'all thought I was joking about the nightmares being a sixth sense.
I've been calm throughout most of the morning, but it's done nothing to help my bad mood, and less to help my unsettled stomach. I believe at this point I've thrown up everything I've eaten for the last four days.
JJCT, I agree with your unleash Hell!!
Cerise, your XH sounds like such a Prick. Any chance of talking to your lawyer and seeing if you could get custody? And that way XH would have to work with "your" schedule and have to deal with it!!
Me, well I spoke to X this morning, he is such a putz
He tells me this morning on the phone that he is "worried" because OW hasn't talked to him and didn't want to talk to him at all last night, he says he is wondering what she is thinking. Typical N behavior, only worried about himself. I even tried to explain to him that she has a lot on her plate, a lot of emotions, betrayal etc. Know what his answer is "oh well, maybe she will talk later on!!"
You know I am seeing more of these N traits the more I read and take to heart the information that helps me from this forum and this thread.
Any help would be appreciated. I messed up completely.
[Edit to fix URL]
[This message edited by MangledHeart at 11:48 AM, January 24th (Thursday)]
"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"
Dragonfly: What is that smell? Hmmm... burnt feathers. Sounds like PhD is smelling it too: CPS coming down on f'head, her most excellent self refusing services but demanding contact... are you sure this chick isn't NPD as well???
Threnody: I am so, so very sorry that Tweedledum has decided to try to slither back into your life again.
To read up on his situation go to the JFO and the thread is called I am going to lose my children....
Welcome AM I, you are safe here.
Shortly after he had seduced and married his third wife, a Controller named "Tom" developed a calculating and classically "I hate you-I love you" borderline way of sexually controlling his woman. Since he knew that the marked conscientiousness of his wife's character made her particularly loyal, he was certain his method of erotic control would work because, no matter how much she desired sex, she would never seek it with someone else. This was the key to his method, and his way of making her feel simultaneously responsible and guilty for her own desires and his cunning manipulation of them.
Knowing that he had control of her loyalty, he would "work" her sexual longing by timing its gratification. He would do this by turning her on, then losing interest by feigning "a tough day at the office," "a sore back," or some other pretext. All the while, his borderline instinct for reading her level of sexual frustration watched and waited, until he could tell that she was in a state of carnal gridlock. Then he released the laser intensity of his loin-lions upon her now fever-pitched libido and gratified her to the nth-degree.
To increase the agonizing effect of this cycle upon her, he added two more factors of frustration. He initiated the first by catching her while she secretly masturbated. And when he caught her, he always feigned outraged and agonized sexual betrayal. This ratcheted up her sense of guilt even further. Then - just to twist that ratchet one last click - he dropped using excuses like tough days at the office and sore backs for one that was a psychological coup de trompe' of controller manipulation. He started accusing her of sexually abusing him!
He had completely succeeded in deceiving her into believing that she was manipulating poor, erotically-exhausted him. And he had gotten her to cling to him! Once a Borderline Controller has succeeded in this kind of sexual "trick," or in other less genital manipulations, the Hater appears. This hateful part of him may have emerged before, but you probably will not see it in full, acidic bloom until he feels he has achieved a firm hold on your conscience and compassion. But when that part makes it's first appearance, rage is how it breaks into your life.
What gives this rage its characteristically borderline flavor is that it is very difficult for someone witnessing it to know what triggered it in reality. But that is its primary identifying clue: the actual rage-trigger is difficult for you to see. But in the Borderline's mind it always seems to be very clear. To him, there is always a cause. And the cause is always you. Whether it is the tone of your voice, how you think, how you feel, dress, move or breathe - or "the way you're looking at me," - he will always justify his rage by blaming you for "having to hurt you."
Rage reactions are also unpredictable and unexpected. They happen when you least expect it. And they can become extremely dangerous.
If a Controller is solely Borderline, his rages may remain verbal. You might be ducking a lot of dishes, glasses and other breakables, or the occasional airborne frying pan or flying cutlery set. But do not deceive yourself into believing that he is not directly aiming any of these missiles at you. Sooner or later one of them will "just happen" to hit you-or the kids, the cat or dog. And his excuse will be, "It was an accident," or "I didn't mean to hit you," or the ever-classic "Why didn't you duck?" - Not, "Why do I act so insane?" ...
Blame is their way of unloading their character defects onto you. Listen closely to the hateful things they say to you about you. You are listening to verbatim descriptions of their character defects. This is extremely important to remember, especially in the midst of verbal attack. These are the only moments when you will hear the truth about the man who lies concealed behind the steel wall of his personality disorder. ...
Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles
Thank you for posting it. I'm going to show Mr. Threnody because I think in some ways the after-affects of this are impacting my sexual life now.
The whole point of getting a divorce will be that you agree on certain things. You can't be screwing him on things that he agrees to. So for him to say that you will screw him on the things that he agrees to is ludicrous in the extreme: 1, because you won't; 2, because these are things that he agrees to. Him saying that is just a dig; he wants you to say, "Of course not, sweet pea! How dare you think so! I never, ever would!" And so you never agree on anything. You won't be able to until a lawyer comes in and forces his hand. Why? He doesn't want to agree to anything not because you're going to screw him, but because he doesn't want anyone to tell him that he has to back up what he promises. He wants the latitude to do exactly what, when, where, why, and how he wants to do it.
So you can do one of two things: you can either "try" to agree on things with him and have him driving you nuts with his changing his mind all of the time and crying over what a bad boy he's been. He'll drive you nuts right up until the settlement. You'll be so sick and tired of dealing with him that you'll rush through the arrangements and agree to everything he wants, just to get him off of your back. Or you can just accept the fact that he's going to continue to be an asshole until the divorce comes, shut down convos about what an asshole he is and how you're going to screw him, make a very clear list of what you want and expect, and stick to it when the time arrives. You don't have to try to make his nonsense make any sense.
*geez, what a moron he is. he sounds like he's about two*
Well as for me, I have a horrid headache today, not sure why but it is bad enough to keep me from not being on here for too long.
BTW anyone wanna guess why OW would be looking at getting insurance on the home that she is in the midst of selling to X? My spidey senses are tingling!!
I heard thru the grapevine that she had the agent over to the house and then she was seen at his office.... me thinks she could be changing her mind. But then again she can't insure the contents of the home, because the home is not presently insurable, it still has things that are needed to be met to code before it is eligible.