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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) to all of you. I see that you have been busy.

Bob: Just keep strong, keep the faith, and keep documenting. Yes, the law DOES consider you equal. For my brother's mediation meeting, they still gave her custody even though they implied that they thought she lied at the custody hearing (she was trying to get sole custody). They try every avenue to maintain some kind of joint custody. That's why reporting the big things and documenting the big and small things is invaluable. The more your paper trail speaks, the better. My brother just had some kookus over Christmas with her, where she accused him of being in arrears and demanding garnishment, then admitting over the phone that he wasn't, then refusing to sign an affadavit to that affect until they finally pinned her down in court 2 days before Christmas. Will she be prosecuted or her visitation rights repealed for that? No. A judge will eventually get tired of her shenanigans, but there's no legal grounds for being kookus.

And speaking of kookus, the latest in the Paranoid Pete saga is that he is now suspicious that someone has planted a mole at work because the new guy listened to him talk business with someone, then told him that he wouldn't allow employees to do such if he owned a business. This also means that he's no longer IM'ing his little harem from work


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob - If only you were this side of the ocean, I'd be happy for you to take my kids to school! I missed a meeting at work today because I had to pick up the dudes. Once again, I had to explain to my boss about my situation...you'd think after the millionth explanation I would find it less embarrassing! Hell, no!

I have given quite a lot of thought to why I have felt so down over the last few days and I think it is because I am at last acknowledging the hurt that has been caused to me. I think this is what Longlost has tried to say to many of us.
We spend such a lot of time and strength fighting the battle against the freaks (i.e.getting a divorce and beginning a normal life!) that when that bit is accomplished we are left with lots of turmoil still. I so did not want to be hurt that I denied it, hoping the feelings would go away. Not a chance. They have to be dealt with and that is not very nice. I dealt with these feelings by writing the letter I would never send:

Dear ...

I cannot believe that my life had ended up like this. There is only one person to blame and it is you.
You lied to me right from the start, you pretended to be something you are not: a decent man. You don't even know how to spell the word!
You stood in front of me and promised to love me until death do us part - or did you really meant until some loose bitch dropped her knickers for you?
You didn't mean a word of the promise, just like you havn't meant any of the false lies you have said over the years.
I really do hate you , like I have never hated anyone before. And do you know why? Because of what you did to me. You have taken my innocence about life, my faith in people, the core of what I am. And why? Because underneath all of the crap I know you are deeply jealous of what I am.
Even so, I can't understand why you treated me like you did. You really wanted me dead didn't you? Was in the life insurance or just so you could play another part on the stage that is your life? You wanted to destroy me and you so nearly did.
I will never forgive you for what you have done to my children - you deserve to roast in hell for the pain you have caused us. There are many times when I wished you dead, you are a waste of air.
I look at you now and you disgust me. How I ever thought I love you???Ha Ha Ha.
You are as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside. Still, it didn't work did it? You didn't destroy me did you. I'll give you your due - you nearly did and your legacy will be with me for a while. But one day I will have someone to love who loves me like I should be loved. And you will be a distant memory.
I am sorry it ended like this, I thought I loved you once. I did love you I think. But you were a lie - you never existed.
I pity you but I don't ever want you near my heart again. I still think I could kill you for what you have done to me. Once I thought it was my only escape from you. But no more. I have escaped from you and it is my life now. Goodbye .... you are dead to me now.

I am sorry if this seems a bit shocking - when I read it I was surprised by what I have said. I would never really be that violent - I am a peaceful person really! I just needed to get this off my chest and I can't really say some of these things to people in case I get locked up!!

thank you for letting me share this with you.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((itsa)))

I could have easily written that letter. Some days I get on myself about how long this is taking.... but I try to remember that when I first arrived at SI they told me things like it would take half the time of the marriage to heal. That number NOT including the N influence.

Many positive thoughts for you!


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((its)) many parts of your letter are like a reading of what I have felt many times. I don't think you are a bad, or mean person, but this is a safe place to write out all that you are feeling ((hugs))

Bob, you know I commend you for your hard work, and continual unconditional support for your babes.

Dragon glad to see you back friend, glad the karma bus did a bit of a dent to your X

Been a tough day today. X went to his own IC which is good I suppose, but on the way he stopped in because I had a "patch" for his satellite dish, it is the same patch I used last night for mine.

So he texts and asks if I have heard from anymore of the mortgage people he applied to. He did in fact get a response from one of them offering $90,000 instead of the $100,000 that he requested. I told him to take it, that the interest is not bad, and probably better than a bank. Know what he told me, "stop pushing!" I said Umm WTF??

So I told him today on the phone after I asked him if he was coming over for coffee as I wanted to hear more about the whole mortgage thing. (I have never had a mortgage before so I am not up on the "how to's" etc.) He said that he would probably go to the farm and upload the patch that I gave him. I said I could have written your next move, that is why you came over this morning.

Then suddenly I felt this huge purge come over me and it went something like this.

You know something X I have started to see that all this time, going back to that Saturday night when you showed up here and I know I could have slammed the door in your face, but chose not to I let you in. You wanted help on how to go about your next moves, so you in your own way asked me because you knew I wouldn't say no. Now you are getting what you want and guess what, surprise surprise, you have little to do with me. I am seeing you as someone who is a user (tears were starting to fall at this point, but I didn't let him hear me on the phone), you only wanted something from me, it isn't that you have feelings for me, it is because I serve a purpose.

I said do you realize I am now working 3 jobs, something I never thought I would do. Trying to find myself in this situation called a "mind fuck", along with getting my independence back, which by the way I never even realized I lost.

I said so now that you are just days away from your mortgage, "now what" he said "I don't know" I said well as far as I can see, how about this for a scenario:

OW gets her money and she tells you she wants to try again after all she now has her money and she did come all this way.....

He says not going to happen.

I said yea, well on this end, why wouldn't it.

I said, it is I who has always abided by your rules, and X it is your rules, it always has been. The minute I ask if you want to do something etc. you tell me I am pushing you?! I said I don't need this, no matter how much I am emotionally attached, I don't need this or your mind games. I just can't do it, I have 3 jobs and responsibilities to take care of that don't involve the up and downs of your life.

I also said that I am not hiding to you or to her or to anyone.

Once you get the property back in your name, if you choose to come over to see me, or meet me or whatever, I will not be meeting you at some hidden spot so she doesn't see you talking to me, because god forbid she takes it out in spite and sells the house right from underneath you. (in a lot of ways I just wish she would, I know that she doesn't want the place)

This is my day off, did a ton of housework and now I am just trying to relax, hopefully get another nap in, and then go to my second job tonight.

I picked up another cleaning job with my neighbor and I am going with her tomorrow and working with her for a couple of hours, then a break, and then off to my third job which is the retail job.

My hips are sore either from the injuries from the car accidents, or it is a combo of that, plus the work and the weather.

Just wanted to share this and get it out there. Feel a bit better, sometimes I feel like I am making progress and other times I feel like I just took a step backwards.

thoughts??


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the most bizarre conversations with exN these days.

Actually, we have two conversations - one in which I use logic and one in which he tries to get me to do and agree to things which are not logical. And so we just go round and round.

The latest: he's sick. Okay, what about it? Well, says he, did you want to pick up the kids instead of me?

*blink* Well when *I'm* sick they are still with me, so....."

Right, but I'm sick.

Right, but they already saw you this morning, so chances are they were already exposed - if you are even contagious. So they are already probably going to get sick, whether or not I take them this evening.

Well....but....I might need to see the doctor.

I have been dragging the kids with me to the doctor since my first 6-week postpartum checkup after pushing out Oldest. I'm reasonably sure the doctor is familiar with the concept.

Oh. Well, okay, but I don't have any money so can you cover the therapy appointment for Oldest tomorrow? I'll pay you back when I get paid....I just don't have any cash...

Didn't we already arrange that I would watch Youngest while you took Oldest? So, if you are really so sick you can't look after the kids, wouldn't it be better for ME to take Oldest to his therapists office, so that you don't get her sick? She's unexposed at this point....

Oh, right. yeah.

Okay, if you feel better and take him tomorrow, I will call her and give her my debit card information over the phone. If not I will just pay when I take him.

Oh. Well. So. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Toodles!


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once you get the property back in your name, if you choose to come over to see me, or meet me or whatever, I will not be meeting you at some hidden spot so she doesn't see you talking to me, because god forbid she takes it out in spite and sells the house right from underneath you. (in a lot of ways I just wish she would, I know that she doesn't want the place)


You need to go NC with him as much as possible. He is still able to convince you that his problems are YOUR problems. Why would you intercept calls about his mortgage for him? Who gives a flying fuck whether or not his satellite works?

You are making progress, you are starting to see that his way of thinking is not logical.

Where you still need to work is: stop trying to apply logic to the situation. HE IS NOT A LOGICAL BEING, and you are trying to rationalize with someone who is not capable of it.

You are trying to make him see that the way things are won't work, but that's logic talking. You have to simply do what is best for you, and forget him. Seriously.

See my last post: I can promise you my ex didn't want the kids tonight. Period. Either because he really is sick and can barely drag himself out of bed; OR because he is really sick and he wants his flavor of the month to pamper him; OR he's just full of shit and didn't want to deal with it.

The part that you will come to realize is: It.doesn't.Matter.

It matters not WHY he didn't want the kids; the point is that he is supposed to have them, and BY GAWD he should just effin deal with it. yes, I could make his little world oh so better by taking the children, but doing so:

1) Will NOT keep the kids from getting sick and

2) Will only give him supply from me (for jumping at his command) AND from whoever he's tricked into being his flavor of the month.

Tomorrow? Different. My son needs to see his doctor, and I would move the heavens and the earth to make sure that happens. But tonight? I couldn't give a damn if that "sick" man gets a booty call or not.

ETA: I could have tried to make him see my way of thinking - that it's absurd to think *I* would go out of my way for *him* - but it won't work because that's the tricky logic I keep using.

He knows this on a vague level - he knows my kids are my weakness, and tries to use it to his advantage - but he forgot that pesky logic again. They were already exposed to him, and they would be again tomorrow morning (he has them in the mornings before school).

So taking them tonight would be silly with that rascally bastard, Logic.

But trying to explain that to him? HA!

[This message edited by landabear at 5:30 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday)]


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, landa. Called verbal jousting w/ an N or...just plain ole *Mind Fucking*

My N is *both* a cerebral AND a somatic N. With him, its not a case of "either".

Saw IC today.

She feels I've turned an important corner with my depression.
I agree.

Itsa, I could have written a LOT of that. Well stated!

Veritas~ Was Paranoid Pete always inclined to be such... or is it due to the midnight toking? Just curious.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((itsa))), that was good. You GO, girl!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:51 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
taybre
Member
Member # 14685
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a classic N story. So today I get a call from DD(7) school. They indicate she has cut her finger and they are pretty sure she needs stitches. Therefore being the good parent that I am I call SOOPER dad to let him know I am picking her up and going to the clinic. Any normal human being would at least make an attempt to go or at least act like they care right..not these mindfucks. He says "How'd she cut her finger?" I say "I don't know they said on a bookcase" he says "get an incident report we're gonna sue them" fucking asshole..didn't care how bad it was or where we were going or anything. His stupid money hungry workaholic ass only cared about how much money he might be able to get provided she was injured.
Sad thing is DD didn't want to call him before the clinic or after, I had to make her. How sad it must be that your kids don't even want to call you.
Kids are smarter than us sometimes and maybe she realizes at 7 what I never could figure out..he doesn't give a shit about anyone but his self.

Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2007 | From: michigan
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 8:32 PM, February 15th (Friday)]


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Landa ((hugs)) you helped me go from feeling inadequate to sane

Where you still need to work is: stop trying to apply logic to the situation. HE IS NOT A LOGICAL BEING, and you are trying to rationalize with someone who is not capable of it.

You are trying to make him see that the way things are won't work, but that's logic talking. You have to simply do what is best for you, and forget him. Seriously.

I never even considered the fact that I am actually talking logical to someone who apparently can't see logic.

From the other posts I have read here, although it takes time (god I so wish there was something faster than time ) it seems these N people all have similar traits.

As for me, I am beat, just got home from my job, grabbed some dinner, and going to go and veg on my heating pad and relax.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
So much to catch up on with ya'll...

SNAFU (Situation Normal: All Fucked Up)

STBXPDW just emailed that she can not take DDs to school tomorrow morning as she is working. She made arrangements for DD8 pick-up after school and that she can pick up DD13 herself.
I've made arrangements to get them to school.
As always, the Monkey Wrenches continue to fly. LOL.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 9:07 AM, January 23rd (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob, is she really & truly 'working'?
Or is she HUNG OVER?
Why can't she be sent to a court-ordered 12 step program?
They need to be aware that she has these substance abuse problems-- besides the PD's.

(((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

landa: That's all I have to say. My N turns me around that a lot of times I have to tell myself to Stay Focused on the topic.

dreamlife: I really don't know, although I suspect he has always been Paranoid Pete. The toking just makes it much, much worse, because it has a physical toll on his body as well. He has dangerously high blood pressure, and when he goes over to his friend's house and gets some major hits, his blood pressure skyrockets. His solution? He's quitting smoking, which will be good for his blood pressure, so that he can tolerate the blitzes better. It never occurred to him to just quit getting completely f'd up.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evening Tribe,

I am reading and catching up.

Bob, what the F*** us up with your STBXW??? I agree if they could force a 12 step program or detox/rehab .....

Ok these N stories are making ME shake my head and realize in amazement some of the things our mates (-x- etc) are capable of. I used to say a long time, never put anything past anyone. Reason being, when push comes to shove, anyone is capable of anything.

Case in point, look at that Marine who is apparently in Mexico now


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
I'm not sure what and or how much reality altering substances STBXPDW is indulging in these days. I have made note to and where possible to the authorities, courts, police, mediation, etc, that there is/maybe substance abuse, PD, child neglict, etc.

I do know that her behaviors are a PITA. Kids home late again tonight as they were getting haircuts from SIL.

A big deal? Isolated, no. In context, yes. More of the same behaviors. Monkey wrenches.

During the affair time, mucho drinking and who knows how much cocaine use. I've got varying reports from various sources. She has admitted to a few people about the cocaine use.

It was suggested that she was "on drugs". I didn't think so. I was wrong. LOL.
--------------------
As we all know, dealing with the PD and or apparently PD, it never ends. Their reality is not in sync with the rest of the planets reality.

Time, fidelity, truth, etc. for the PD, are "variances/variables". It is all relative. There are no absolutes. Perception is all based on their wants, needs, and or desires. And those can change from moment to moment.

I believe that's why we all have felt like we were going nuts to some degree. It's crazy making (il)logic. It's a very warped reality (theirs).

They always think they've done nothing wrong, it's someone else's fault. Someone else is being too critical, unfair, condescending, manipulative, controlling, etc. whatever.

PDs lack, responsibility, empathy, and conscience. As such, they are disruptive, destructive, damaging, etc.

Are they "evil"? Well, yes. Evil is bringing harm to someone else especially with a nonchalant attitude. Hmmmmmmmmm.... Sounds like the PDs to me. Sounds like evil to me. Ya know?

Or putting it politely, they are "royally messed up".

Either way, it's a no win, no compromise, no negotiation, no agreeing(ment) situation.

It is something to stay as far away, as the ends of the universe, from. Except for us with kids with the "NPD Freaks". Cause then were still in maintanence mode. Damn.

These people are so damned insidious and the sad part is they are somewhat clueless as to their swath of destruction, yet still aware that something is wrong. The disconnect is that they are the thing that is "wrong". Part of the PDs inability to introspect. Whatever. They are a PITA.

It's really too bad. It's really sad. In a way, the kids lose a parent, cause the PDs can never really truly be a parent. They are not capable of it. Selfishness and self-centeredness by definition does not allow it. That's sad, that a human being, who once had a potential, now does not. At least as far as being a whole and complete human being. So sad.

But I, us, we, can only pity them for so long and for so much, cause the fact of the matter and the reality of the situation, once you strip away the emotion (ours), is that these people are toxic.

Just as you would not spend your time inside a nuclear reactor or a blast furnace, so to should you not spend time with the PD.

Once it's recognized that the PD is the root of the problem, it is time to move on, as fast and as far away, as you possibly can. And that way is NC.

How's that for some crazy rambling? Hahahahahahahahahahaha. LOL.

BoB He who is pulling away from the destructive gravitational pull of the blackhole and who has yet to make the Gumbo !!! LOL.

ETA: Cause I'm really Lame at Spelling and Stuff. Really.

[This message edited by bobelina at 11:23 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob - I agree with every word about the freaks, it must be even worse with drugs involved.
Just keep doing what you are doing - you are a fab dad and a decent human being. Keep those walls up to protect yourself from her. Any ideas when you will be divorced? I think that will be a weight lifted off you when that happens. Keep beliving in yourself.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

COSMIC WARNING I know it is coming up on a full moon, cause asshole is trying his best to piss me off.

Sending me text about me "giving him the boys" I SO wanted to send back "false hope are a bitch" but I didn't.. Just did laundry and sang...

Next morning call the home phone 3x in a row with no answer on our end,, Nobody wanted to talk to him


Bitch PhD has come out of hiding Got my letter and left me a message to contact her on said number she'd be available on for 2 - 3 hours.. I called back within the hour straight to V/M left message with time and date.. NO call back

So I plan to go ahead with "I DON'T WANT YOU SEEING MY SON" letter and yesterday bitch PhD calls my Cell while I am at work How did she get that number could it be from asshole who "does not want to get involved"

Can they since the shit storm that is about to be unleashed on the both of them for their actions over the past 6 months I do think they can!!


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


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