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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, January 13th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ironically I decided today to leave my job in retail and took up housecleaning with my neighbour she has a successful business, and combined it with the job I have in janitorial at the high school. I feel really good about making these decisions because they are about me, and no one else.

Stung, please be careful. That man has his hooks so deep in you that no matter what you realize rationally, you are still likely to behave very irrationally and with little regard for the consequences to yourself. Don't let these emotions cause you to wreck your little boat. You have a real chance for some security and peace. Don't let these vultures take it away from you. It is your RIGHT and your OBLIGATION to take care of Stung, and you have had too many clear demonstrations that this man is NOT going to do it. Here's a true fact. Repeat this to yourself. Write it somewhere, and don't forget it for a moment. Everybody you know can want whatever they want and need whatever they need. It is NOT your obligation or your job to respond to their wants and needs, MOST ESPECIALLY when it means wrecking your own chances for happiness. Be wary. Don't let an impulsive action in a vulnerable moment impact the rest of your life. You have choices.

LL I can tell you are speaking from the heart, and that has really affected me greatly. In fact all of what you have all said has kept me "afloat" in the "real world" not my "heart" world. Thank you all so much.

He has no choice but to get a loan or credit or whatever you call it. I have made it clear he will NEVER have a dollar of what is mine, just like my family won't either. Amazing what $$ does to people!

All I have done is listened, let him used the computer to look up things (he doesn't have one at the farm) regarding loans, bank loans etc. and that is it. No physical between us, and I think that is best. You know I must have retained more between here and IC because I didn't realize how much stronger I really am. I am not invincible by any means, nor am I cocky or stupid enough to believe I have the world by the balls either.

But I have now seen what his true colors are, what he is capable of, and to realize that what he is concerned about is the $$, not her, not me. The money and the farm. That is his mess, and he isn't about to get a fast fix, not from me or anyone else and that is something he has to face and realize on his own.

I told him he can keep on blaming me or anyone else for that matter, but when he decides to look in the mirror and be real, he will see something that will not be very nice to look at, but perhaps it will be the time to decide what he wants to do about it.

Last I heard she text ed him and said that he needs to find somewhere else to stay as she is not comfortable with him being there, but he figured he would just stay on the couch. I said be careful what you do, because every step you take may be one step that she says "f*** you, I am not selling this place back to you".

Amazing what a woman can do with a bit of power

I also realized today that I don't need him, he actually needs me. My how time has changed things for me. I have always "needed" him because I was so dependent on him, and for the first time I realized "I don't need him for $$ anymore." Wow what a milestone for me today.

But at the moment I can be honest I am having a coffee and a bit of baileys type stuff in it and Cheering myself to what he is going thru, I have waited for this day for dam near two years and I am going to relish that karma bus hitting them both right between the eyes.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stung - you sound so strong. From an objective point of view it does sound like he is trying to keep all of the balls in the air until one falls. Remember you don't owe him anything, you are not responsible for him in any way and he has created the mess he is in.
You keep traveling your own path, you are doing really well.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
Hmmmmmmmm....

I see this super-gnarly-kewl song a bit differently now:
----------
The Zombies-She's Not There
----------
Well, no one told me about her
The way she lied
Well, no one told me about her
How many people cried

But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care?
Please don't bother trying to find her
She's not there

Well, let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she acts and the color of her hair
Her voice was soft and cool, her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there

Well, no one told me about her
What could I do?
Well, no one told me about her
Though they all knew

But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care?
Please don't bother trying to find her
She's not there

Well, let me tell you about the way she looked
The way she acts and the color of her hair
Her voice was soft and cool, her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there

SOLO

But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care?
Please don't bother trying to find her
She's not there

Well, let me tell you about the way she looked
The way she acts and the color of her hair
Her voice was soft and cool, her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there
----------

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi (((Tribe))),
Here is today's STOOPID Story:

STBXPDW calls/texts DD13 that she's coming to get her and her sister. And that she ordered a pizza. DD13 asks if she can go. I think to my self, that would be cool. Then I think a bit more:
WTF? Why not pre-plan?
STBXPDW days are Wed-Thur-Fri afternoons. Is this really all that big of a deal, today? Absoulutely not. But it's more of the same disruptive bullshit.
I tell DD13 "No" as we did have things to do, such as go to Health Foods store, get glasses fixed, shop and the DDs did have chores (non-existant at STBXPDWs house) and homework to do.
STBXPDW starts calling and texting DDs and trying to get them to leave with her. They keep asking me, can they go. They start getting mad at me. Arggghhhhhhhhhh !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
I sit them down. DD8 has been learning about bullying at school and we had a discussion about it a couple days ago. "Does mom bully us?"
Yes.
S now I'm in the position again (today) of defending my decisions on how we, DDs and I live. Sundays, for I don't know how long now, have been generally disrupted by STBXPDW and FOO non-sense. "No, your not going".
I explain to them that their being mad at me has nothing to do with me or them but their mom. She's manipulating you guys. Because of her behaviors, your mad and mad at me. I didn't do anything. You guys didn't do anything. We have plans.
So again the topic and behaviors about and of "mom" are addressed.
PITA. Monkey Wrench Mainia. IT NEVER FUCKING ENDS. ARRRRGGGHHHHH>>>>>>> LOL.

Whatfuckingever.

STBXPDW texts me that she's coming to get the kids. I grab the kids and leave. "Why Dad?". "Cause I don't want any trouble with your mom".

We do our shopping and stuff. We had fun. They haven't been to the Health Foods store and they were digging it. They picked out some good food and cider and teas. Did the glasses thing and other shopping.
Get home. Have lunch. They do there chores. They do their homework. Order some acne meds I learned about on another board here on SI for DD13. Talk. Have fun. Make dinner together. A small turkey breast roll, mashed taters, bisquits, etc. They both help.

We played "The Game of Life". I put them to bed. Not once did they ask for STBXPDW.

I'm getting tired of this STBXPDW and FOO bullshit.

Our life IS good without STBXPDW/FOO interference. Kids are kids. They argue. They don't always co-operate. So what. They're kids. It's all good and it's all real. But when STBXPDW/FOO start in, there is great gnashing of teeth, chaos, etc. anger, pissiness, confusion, etc.
Fucking*Bastard NPD Freak*BullShit.

So, that's todays fun. All good in the end. But Man 'O' Man, I'll tell ya (as you all already know. LOL.) what a PITA it is to get everything regrouped and regrounded after an N-Attack. Jee-Fucking-Pers.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 1:23 AM, January 14th (Monday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((StungAgain))) Stay strong, NPDs never mean what they say.

(((BoB))) I can so relate. Your stxw is supposed to make plans through you and not the kids. It makes you look like the bad guy. my XH does this all the time. He talks about not using our daughter as a pawn and he talks about not passing information through her, but he does it every week.


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to all of the situations that you have all posted. The most difficult for me is when I come to realizations about my own part in the relationship or about us and when I see or hear something that reminds me of him or that I want to share with him. I have not been able to stop myself from doing that all the time and it definitely keeps me stuck and engaged in the relationship with him. I am reading "eat, pray, love" and there is an analogy in there about a dog who is licking at an old can in a dump trying with all it's might to get the last morsel of food out of the bottom of an empty can. The irony is that then you are walking around with an empty can on your face like a muzzle. I am this dog with my stbx. Sad state of affairs. I keep tricking myself into thinking that we can be friends or whatever and I still want his relationship with OW to fail and him to want me back, even though I would never take him back. This process is long and hard.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:42 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jjct)))
What did I say ?!?!? What did I say ?!?!? LOL.

Confused BoB.


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always think it is funny that they will go so far as quoting the bible. I guess they can gloss over all the parts that talk about fornicators and adulterers all not going to heaven and still play the part of "pure hearts" and committed believers.

Bob my ex has pulled the same crap and tried to use it against me as a reason why he doesn't see the kids. He says that when he does try and see them I won't let him. Making plans to see the kids as a last minute after thought because you are bored just disrupts their lives and causes confusion more than anything else.

I don't see anything wrong with how you handled it. She is bullying and manipulating your daughters. In time they will learn to stand up to her. I think it rots that she starts with the kids to get them all psyched about going rather than ask you if it is ok. My ex pulls that as well even though the court order clearly states that he must arrange visits with me. Total mind games.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks (((Lied))).

"Making plans to see the kids as a last minute after thought because you are bored just disrupts their lives and causes confusion more than anything else."

Ain't that the freakin' truth!?!?!?!?!......
............ It NEVER ENDS !??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! ARRRRgggggHHhhghhghhghh?!?!?!?!?!?!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all,

Haven't headed out on my road trip yet, on my way shortly.

Sending my GPS system to Dragon so that my karma bus can zoom on over and help her out!


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh lawd grant me strength. Ex is at it again. I think we had a two day lull there. <sigh>

If it even looks like he's not in control of a situation, he tries to exert control. Even worse, when it's *obvious* I'm not following directives as they are given, he goes all ape-shit.

Bizarrely, I thought he was still OK this morning, as I spoke to him on the phone and he seemed fine.

Then, a few minutes ago, I get an email demanding I change arrangements with a doctor, arrangements he originally requested and agreed I would make.

<This message intentionally vague, as I have the sneaking suspicion he reads here occasionally>


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((StungAgain)))

I need that BUS ASAP...

CS did not show up in the mail Not a huge suprise... Maybe he ran out of stamps with my boys and OW printed on them

Going to get set up with Child Support Enforcement tomorrow. As my dad said "just one less pile of shit you'll have to deal with from that man, if you can call him a man!".. That's right take away what he consideres POWER bit by bit and asshole will freak.. and hopefully trip and fall into the hole he's been a diggin for the past 6 months.

Contacted another Lawyer today, he did say I had grounds for Modification of Child Custody.. YAY! Heard it from a 'professional'!! Of course he wants 3000 smackers upfront to take on the case. Emailed him back and told him my situation, have not heard back..
Doubt I will either!

That's my day.. how is everyone else?


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))), I am so sorry that so many of you have to deal with your NPD creatures so often. I thank my lucky stars that Bizarro seems content to just have the last word. I haven't heard anything further from him since his Halloween letter.

Stung, I'm proud of the new resolve I'm hearing. Keep up the good work. YOU come first.

BoB, dear one, I think you've got your theme song, now. Between this and the litte "vision" we discussed, I think you have ample armour. Look at that picture and hum this tune anytime you start to feel a little nostalgic!

I don't know how we all manage to maintain a semblance of sanity. I really don't.

(((Tribe))), I really treasure you.


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay I am mad now
NEVER before EVER has this happened but tonight... Asshole calls to talk to the boys and puts OW on the phone to talk to them... My Autistic son has formed a bond with her and was SOO excited to talk to her!

While I can not deny what makes my boys happy, I cannot help but say WTF! This is yet another attempt from him to make me give up the fight. And a sick one at that. HOW DARE HE,,,, I NEVER NEVER did that with my Fiancee not once. If they asked to talk to him, then fine but I never just PUT HIM ON THE PHONE!!!!

FILTHFLARINGFITHFLARING STUPIDRATBASTARDFROMHELL

I will not let him know that this has me so HOT,,NO I say nothing to him, but I can vent about it here.. and only here... I did not even let my boys know how upset it made me.

[This message edited by Dragonfly32 at 7:39 PM, January 14th (Monday)]


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

after 6 months.. of abandoning us. ( yeah she leave me and my 3 yr old baby girl) no text no call no nothing.. during those 6 months. my XNPDWW called me yesterday and she says that she wanted to talk. i immediately cancel her call without a word and turn my cellphone off. then She IM me also saying that she wanted to talk.. i didnt response again. then she emailed me with the same message..

what do you think guys? should i talk to her?

i heard from a friend that she lost her job and she ended up her relationship with her bf. well i dont give a damn.. its just that i started to pissed off because she didnt sorry or acknowledge her faults for the the traumatic things we suffer because of her.. what do you thinks she calls me? its the what you called "fog" already lifted?


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

chriscross..more info please.. But she comes from out of the blue to talk? Any indication as to why or what she wants, or just to "talk"?


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
There must be some kinda fu**ked up solar flare or something happining in outer space to get all these damn*rat*bastard (Latin) Ns so worked up and in a tizzy lately.

Uggghhhhhhh......

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 8:03 PM, January 14th (Monday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BoB

Ya Know.. my Cosmic Calender said WARNING the other day.. maybe it's a few days off.


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There must be some kinda fu**ked up solar flare or something happining in outer space to get all these damn*rat*bastard (Latin) Ns so worked up and in a tizzy lately.

He owes me money. Like clockwork, when he owes me money OR is about to reneg on some promise he's made? BOOM. N Must Cause A Scene about....something.

Once, it was about the kids' bedtimes.


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
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