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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet once again my oldest asked why we don't move *home* tonight. Meaning with my family and friends. I said because shared custody does not allow such a thing. He said we can pad little one's bra and claim she is 13 to give consent. Sigh. How much I would like to take them away. How much they are ready for away. Another 3 years to go. For all the newbies (replace months with years):

Kelly Clarkson Sober Lyrics

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know

It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

[This message edited by downfall at 1:38 AM, January 12th (Saturday)]


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because he's nuts. LOL. It's because he's a "NPD Freak".
Can you think of something that he maybe up to? Maybe he has something being mailed to you that he wants to be able to intercept? Maybe he did something concerning you that he wants to intercept? As stated many times from our stories, It would appear he wants something or is up to something.
Hope this helps.

Bob, nope our original mail box is the one he has, mine is the new one that I got AFTER he changed the lock on it, without telling me. The reason he did it was because I "outted" him to OW

I guess he has "won" so to speak, he does have my attention, I don't like it when I have to wonder what is going on. Either leave you said you were, or don't but leave me alone. Don't leave me here to wonder what his next move will be, what action he will take.

I am beginning to think he isn't stable at all!!!

I leave for out of town tomorrow for 4 days, wanna bet he shows up between now and then, just to make things difficult?


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((StungAgain)))
I just noticed this in your profile:
Jan7/08 OW splits with X

Hmmmmmmmm... Interesting. LOL.

Maybe he's trying to use you as supply?

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 10:36 AM, January 12th (Saturday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StungAgain, please be very careful right now. Your personal safety is paramount at this time.

One reason he could want the key is to intercept some piece of mail or another. It's highly likely that he has opened a line of credit somewhere in your name, using your current address and financial information. I think you need to contact the "big 3" credit agencies and put a possible fraud alert on your accounts. And do not give him a key to that box, for any reason whatsoever.

It sounds ghastly, and like an over-reaction. The sad truth is that N's often do behave this way, and no step you take to protect yourself is an over-reaction.

If you're not able to wrap your head around what you've been through thus far, it's okay. It's going to take some time. But right now you need to understand that you're in your N's sites as a target. You're someone to "win." And "winning" means "gaining control". He'll do it through manipulation. He'll do it through fear. He'll wear you down until you give in.

The end result is still that he'll win, and you'll be lost and broken.

You owe yourself the chance to survive with your life and health and mental wellness intact.

Go completely NC with him and start locking your truck and home so he cannot gain further entry. If he does something like this again, please honestly consider a restraining order. He's starting to act stalkerish and he's invading your personal spaces. This is a man to whom boundaries mean nothing.

Warmest hugs for you, dear one. You're doing so well and being so strong. You're going to make it through this.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:36 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((jjct)))
Do you have kids with her? (No I believe).

Well, then......

JUST RUN LIKE HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No sane person (You) can wrap there heads around why the N (Her) do as they do.

We can understand that it's NPD but to really get inside it, nope. We're not NPD. We're targets of NPD.

Your ability to introspect, to accept responsibility, to fix the situation, to own up to and to try to repair your part in the failure of your marriage. etc. is what they use to continue to manipulate. They use you against you.

She DOES NOT CARE. N's lack Responsibility, Empathy and Conscience. Obviously you don't.

Keep reading and posting. Get your learn on. Protect yourself. You have been abused, used, manipulated and left for dead, as we all have. It's the N way.

Let it go. Let her go. She, the one you thought you married, was never there. She didn't and doesn't exist. Let her go. And yes, it is really hard to do.

Ns are character (personality) flawed (disordered). In reality, she's fucked up. You didn't break her, and you can't fix her.

I know Brother, as I'm in the same spot as you. I tried and I failed. Dealing with an N is a no win, no compromise, no negotiating situation. You've done nothing wrong doing the admirable thing. But you've been dealing with someone who is far less than admirable.

I'm so very sorry that you are dealing with this.

Hope this helps.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:37 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj~ interesting about that 'divide/conquer'...the last thing my N ever wanted was for me to speak to his XW...but I did after he turned so *strange* on me.
Wow, what a wealth of INFO she & I traded back & forth!

ETA: Beware! N's are always, always, ALWAYS UP TO *SOMETHING*

itsa is so right, too: Gain the upper hand, even momentarily, by *gaslighting* the N back...keeps 'em off balance...just be careful.

Its a wonderful mental TOOL to use back at their MIRROR.

[This message edited by dreamlife at 12:12 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jj))) (and others of you who are trying to recover yourselves),
please listen to BoB and the others. You are having these problems because you are a sensitive, loving, generous, giving person, and you want to save your marriage and you want to fix a broken person. But, as BoB said, that person you thought you married was never there. Never. The potential was there, but she only used that to snare you. The potential will not and cannot ever be realized. It may be that she doesn't intend any harm. But she has harmed you, and she will again, as long as you allow it.

I understand your desire to know. Part of it, at least, is the desire to confirm that she really is that bad. Give it up, dear. The confirmation is your current condition. It's time to start focusing that care on you. It's time to start putting one foot in front of another in ANY DIRECTION THAT DOES NOT LEAD TO HER!! When you have enough distance away from her, then you make more rational choices of direction. For now, the correct direction is AWAY from her.

[This message edited by Longlost at 12:10 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jjct)))
"Logical" (In my best Mr. Spock voice. LOL.).

You'll make it, Buddy. It takes time.

How are the Step kids doing? Are you close with them?

(((Dreamy))) Hi !!!

(((LL))) That rocked !!!

(((NC))) How's (((Babie Luna)))?

(((Tribe))) So many hugs and well wishes to you all. And Gumbo !!!

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 12:13 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great advice, Ll!

Hi, BoB! I am better as its early in the day...its the afternoon & dark hours that I struggle with.

Still doing No Contact!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPDs confuse and conquer...they are crazy making. I had trouble with major depression in my late 20s. My counselor told me she believes it is because of my XH.

NPDs always have an ulterior motive. They cannot be trusted. They are not your friend. They do not change. It took me a long time to get my brain around that.

NC is the only way.

I believe jounaling and writing your feelings, whether good or bad, is a positive and healthy thing to do.


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:37 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))) this is a poem that I ran across all those years ago when I was in the process of escaping from Bizarro World. It is a sad one, but I found it therapeutic, and I find it even more so now that I understand that NPD is the explanation for so much of the pain in my life. I hope that it will help some of you to deal with the feelings that come with the horrible epiphanies that you are facing.

After great pain, a formal feeling comes —
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs —
The stiff Heart questions was it He, that bore,
And Yesterday, or Centuries before?

The Feet, mechanical, go round —
Of Ground, or Air, or Ought
A Wooden way
Regardless grown,
A Quartz contentment, like a stone —

This is the Hour of Lead —
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow —
First — Chill — then Stupor — then the letting go —

--Emily Dickinson

ETA: to give proper credit to Miss Emily

[This message edited by Longlost at 1:51 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:38 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is interesting how our brains can play tricks on us when we are going through all the drama and the trauma. I would kind of shut down emotionally and go into extreme denial.

(((jjct))) a great book is "The Betrayal Bond" and I believe the author is Patrick Carnes. Google trauma bonding.


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:39 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there, done that! Stockholm Syndrome.

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:40 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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