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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hear, hear, & bravo, itsa & NC!

(esp. with respect to the 'small willied' part! )


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You had that as well Dream!!

I guess it is part of the disorder - believing things are bigger and better than what they really are!!

I will stop now but being a bitch about him is so refreshing!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, itsa, for your words about the slow process that this is. It really is like trying to disentangle myself from a large fishing net in trying to separate and divorce this person. I find myself resorting to old caregiving behaviors and needing to ground myself constantly after getting into it with my stbx. But I have found that if I don't bring up any "important" issues, neither does he, so this can go on for quite awhile! I am actually trying to slow down the divorce process until my son is in school so that I don't have to disrupt his life too much and take too much on at once for myself (working full time, possibly moving, putting my son in daycare).
As long as he isn't living here, things are peaceful and I want to try to stretch this out for as long as possible to give myself time to get my head back.
I am in agreement about the other woman getting what she deserves. I have alot of compassion and love in my heart and I have even managed to muster some for her, but I am not going to give her any insight into his behavior at all. She has all the data she may need to make a decision about him, sadly, probably just as much as I did and chose to overlook. I think that the hardest part of all of this is really taking a look at how I ended up in a relationship that sucked me dry emotionally and how willing I was to conform myself into who he needed me to be. I am trying to not be too hard on myself, but I do need to have this understanding for the next relationship I get into...a long time from now when I have healed a bit from this. I know I will never be the same.
Last night, my stbx was talking to me about some of the things that had happened to him at work that day that were causing him to reflect back on all of the events that happened in his life. I can see that he is in a bad way, and I can also see that he has run away from himself for so long that he can't possibly manage all of it. But it was different this time. His pain was "over there" because I made it "over there" and I didn't let myself take care of him for it. I acknowledged it and stopped it there. I think that the biggest thing was getting myself emotionally netted into whatever was going on with him. As long as I took the blame for his pain, he never had to do it himself and I became a target because I trusted him to know that he wasn't putting his own issues all over me. I was wrong.
Thanks to everyone on this board for all of your insight...this space is helping me so much...


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, we have an Island of big headed small willied NPD freaks, (male) and bitchy raggidy ass mirror hootchies.

((((everyone)))


BoB!!!!Do not do a SHARED PARENTING PLAN for that matter ANYONE that is going through this that has not gotten to the Judge yet

DO NOT DO A SHARED PARENTING PLAN


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, yes, itsa...he even had a NAME for *it*!
It was his "BB"-- as in *best buddy*
Damn, I wanted to be that close to him, but how could I compete...& when N looked downward...he saw this amped up inflated GRAND penis-- when in truth, it was just a lil shriveled up thingie!
Oh, some days I just revel in Heartless Bitchdom.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dragon)))
Please tell more about shared parenting.
Thanks.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is impossible to co-parent with a narcissist and difficult to make anyone else understand that fact.

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can only imagine what a shared parenting plan would be like in practice with an N. It was hard enough having my working dog around one (she was a therapy animal that I took to facilities). He couldn't understand how I needed to be the primary bond for her, and also how I needed to be the alpha. You'd think it'd be kind of clear, considering the hundreds of books I had on therapy topics, but nope. Not to him. Because, yanno, none of the books were telling him that HE got the job of alpha.

Yes, we battled about that. I can only imagine what horror would have been involved if it'd been over something like a medical situation or, sweet baby Jesus in the manger, potty training.

Warmest hugs to those of you going through parenting with an N, especially a shared plan. When your kid(s) turn 18, you need an award.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
I'm still looking for one way tickets to the moon. LOL. I'll let ya know if I find some.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BoB You're at the LIMIT!!!

Okay here we go.. SHARED PARENTING .....

At the time, It sounded GREAT.. that's before I realized Asshole was an NPDratbasterdfromhell.

1. Legal Term: Joint Child Custody Plan. ---However it is in no way similar to Joint Custody..

2. I have "Legal Custody" of the Children and am their Primary Physical Custodian. ---- Sounds fairly simple right... WRONG
3. You HAVE to reasonably confer with STBXNPD..as BOTH parents have "equal rights" and neither shall have rights Superior to the other except as is otherwise written in the "Shared Parenting Plan" that has 12 subparagraphs with sub subparagraphs

This means you have to agree on any/all services Medical, Mental and Overall Moral Wellbeing of the children. Which means NC is NOT really an option. Asshole has the right to accept or reject service providers and he always REJECTS!!! ALWAYS!!!

Also, this is not Shared Parenting but common in decrees You cannot relocate without letting XNPD know 30 days prior and you HAVE to know where, when and why you are moving. Then XNPD has 30 days to contest the move. Asshole waited until the 29th day...

I lost my relocation hearing

Ulimately that is when Asshole realized how much "POWER" there was in the Shared Parenting Plan. As WE ALL know so well, if these NPD FREAKS find POWER they will abuse it..

The lawyers make is sound as though you have SOUL CUSTODY but nothing can be further from the truth...

IT IS THE MOST LUDICROUS THING THE COURT SYSTEM EVER CREATED


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dragon)))
What does this mean:
BoB You're at the LIMIT!!!

Brain Dead BoB

In our state (Confusion. LOL.) there is "Custody" as in who makes the decisions. There are two flavors Vanilla and Pistachio, OOooopppssss, Joint and Sole.
Then there is "Placement". Where the children live and how much where.

Looking at joint custody (although if I can I'll take full sole custody though that is rare in this state) and primary placement with visitation for STBXPDW.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was given Sole custody by the courts by the child protection judge. In the divorce the ex's lawyer tried to add that we would discuss the care of the children but that I would have final say. The would have meant that I would have to consult him about the kids. I refused to sign because it was less than I already had and I was not going to be put in that position. I knew that he was not interested in parenting and we would be at war the whole time about everything.

Sole custody or as close to that as you can get. Take away their weapons, in this case it is the kids that are the weapons. That is further abuse to them and they sure don't need that.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could not send a PM cause you're at the "limit"


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dragon)))
It's cleaned !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lied2)))
That (your post) really made a few things clearer. I do want sole custody for the same reasons, to lower the chances for conflicts with STBXPDW. Hmmmmmmmm... I like it !!!! (((HUGS)))

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, January 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart just goes out to everyone here who has a child/children w/ an N because I just cannot fathom how CRAZY-making it must be...this would've been the proverbial straw breaking the camel's back for me -- if we did.

I feel so "out of the loop" here & totally useless (I guess *age* has its advantages at rare times)...wish I could offer suggestions or help in some way. Just please know that I'm sending my healing thoughts your way in having to endure such a trial.

(((((hugs, everyone))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm I need someone to take this apart and tell me WHY my X would want this?

I went to get into my truck this morning to head to town, I opened the door and inside on my seat was a note from X (I haven't heard from him since his blow up at me on the phone on Tuesday morning) It said that if I needed oil, here is a winter oil that is thinner. There was also a piece of mail attached to this note, (I have changed my mail and had it rerouted), anyways, he asks me if he can have a copy of my key since he thinks it must be box *** if I am ok with that???

WTF why on earth would he need a copy of my key, all he would have to do is give the mail to the postal clerk. He isn't getting a copy of my key, if anything I should have a copy of his mail key, as that used to be MY mail box, and he changed it without even telling me till after the fact and HE is the only one allowed to have a key!!

Ok what is this all about?

BTW I just wanted to let you know I don't have children either, just fur babies, but it sounds like maybe as much as I would give anything to be able to have a child, perhaps it is best that STBX and I didn't have any, as sad as that feels for me.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((StungAgain)))
Because he's nuts. LOL. It's because he's a "NPD Freak".
Can you think of something that he maybe up to? Maybe he has something being mailed to you that he wants to be able to intercept? Maybe he did something concerning you that he wants to intercept? As stated many times from our stories, It would appear he wants something or is up to something.
Hope this helps.

BoB

ETA: Maybe tax returns?

[This message edited by bobelina at 1:00 AM, January 12th (Saturday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((chriscross)))&(((TwiceTorn))),
I believe that you are new to the (((Tribe))) of Lightbulbs and Toasters, AKA: The N-Survivors Club, AKA: The Club of and From Hell, AKA: The Island of Misfit Toys. Welcome. Sorry that you find yourself here.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ktshadow - your last post shows how well you are doing as you are really understanding what npd freaks are all about. The best thing you can do is put distance between you both. My ex used to moan about everything that was wrong with his life (besides me!) and it took him a long time before he realised I did not care. I had put the distance between us by that point. In terms of not pushing the divorce, I suggest you do what works for you. Manipulate him, use him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. It is not in our natures to do this but it is something you get used to! There is not a soul on the planet that I manipulate apart from him.

Stung - he wants you to think about him, he wants you to wonder what he is up to etc. Who cares what he is doing? Just keep your distance from him and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you are worrying about what he is doing. Once you show him you don't care what he does, life does become easier. I promise. My ex used to wind me up a treat (and still does sometimes) but when I let go of trying to figure him out my life got easier. Their lives equal insanity and chaos; yours doesn't have to.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
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