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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
SI Staff
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Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
cjonesjag
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Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First!! I get the good swing!!


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((CJ)))
Nice picture at the Awards Show in F&G. LOL. KEWL.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol CJ beat me! I was saving this article for the front page of the new thread.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Definition, Fact Sheet and Tips

What is Narcissism?

A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.

Most narcissists (75%) are men.

NPD is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B").

Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD.

NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviors ("dual diagnosis").

NPD is new (1980) mental health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM).

There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD.

It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD.

Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud. Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Millon, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare.

The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers.

There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder.

Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests").

Narcissists are either "Classic" - see definition below - or they are "Compensatory", or "Inverted" - see definitions here: "The Inverted Narcissist".

NPD is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioral). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and behaviors (such as mood or affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success.

Please read CAREFULLY!

The text in italics is NOT based on the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual, Fourth Edition-Text Revision (2000).

The text in italics IS based on "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited", fourth, revised, printing (2003)

An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:

Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion

Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)

Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply)

Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations

Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends

Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others

Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her

Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted

Some of the language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from:

American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association

The text in italics is based on:

Sam Vaknin. (2003). Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, fourth, revised, printing. Prague and Skopje: Narcissus Publication.

For the exact language of the DSM IV criteria - please refer to the manual itself !!!

FIVE DON'T DO'S
How to Avoid the Wrath of the Narcissist

Never disagree with the narcissist or contradict him

Never offer him any intimacy

Look awed by whatever attribute matters to him (for instance: by his professional achievements or by his good looks, or by his success with women and so on)

Never remind him of life out there and if you do, connect it somehow to his sense of grandiosity

Do not make any comment, which might directly or indirectly impinge on his self-image, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience, skills, capabilities, professional record, or even omnipresence. Bad sentences start with: "I think you overlooked ... made a mistake here ... you don't know ... do you know ... you were not here yesterday so ... you cannot ... you should ... (perceived as rude imposition, narcissists react very badly to restrictions placed on their freedom) ... I (never mention the fact that you are a separate, independent entity, narcissists regard others as extensions of their selves, their internalization processes were screwed up and they did not differentiate properly) ..." You get the gist of it.

The TEN DO'S
How to Make your Narcissist Dependent on You
If you INSIST on Staying with Him

Listen attentively to everything the narcissist says and agree with it all. Don't believe a word of it but let it slide as if everything is just fine, business as usual.

Personally offer something absolutely unique to the narcissist which they cannot obtain anywhere else. Also be prepared to line up future sources of primary NS for your narcissist because you will not be IT for very long, if at all. If you take over the procuring function for the narcissist, they become that much more dependent on you which makes it a bit tougher for them to pull their haughty stuff - an inevitability, in any case.

Be endlessly patient and go way out of your way to be accommodating, thus keeping the narcissistic supply flowing liberally, and keeping the peace (relatively speaking).

Be endlessly giving. This one may not be attractive to you, but it is a take it or leave it proposition.

Be absolutely emotionally and financially independent of the narcissist. Take what you need: the excitement and engulfment and refuse to get upset or hurt when the narcissist does or says something dumb, rude, or insensitive. Yelling back works really well but should be reserved for special occasions when you fear your narcissist may be on the verge of leaving you; the silent treatment is better as an ordinary response, but it must be carried out without any emotional content, more with the air of boredom and "I'll talk to you later, when I am good and ready, and when you are behaving in a more reasonable fashion".

If your narcissist is cerebral and NOT interested in having much sex - then give yourself ample permission to have "hidden" sex with other people. Your cerebral narcissist will not be indifferent to infidelity so discretion and secrecy is of paramount importance.

If your narcissist is somatic and you don't mind, join in on endlessly interesting group sex encounters but make sure that you choose properly for your narcissist. They are heedless and very undiscriminating in respect of sexual partners and that can get very problematic (STDs and blackmail come to mind).

If you are a "fixer", then focus on fixing situations, preferably before they become "situations". Don't for one moment delude yourself that you can FIX the narcissist - it simply will not happen. Not because they are being stubborn - they just simply can't be fixed.

If there is any fixing that can be done, it is to help your narcissist become aware of their condition, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, with no negative implications or accusations in the process at all. It is like living with a physically handicapped person and being able to discuss, calmly, unemotionally, what the limitations and benefits of the handicap are and how the two of you can work with these factors, rather than trying to change them.

FINALLY, and most important of all: KNOW YOURSELF.
What are you getting from the relationship? Are you actually a masochist? A codependent perhaps? Why is this relationship attractive and interesting?
Define for yourself what good and beneficial things you believe you are receiving in this relationship.
Define the things that you find harmful TO YOU. Develop strategies to minimize the harm to yourself. Don't expect that you will cognitively be able to reason with the narcissist to change who they are. You may have some limited success in getting your narcissist to tone down on the really harmful behaviours THAT AFFECT YOU which emanate from the unchangeable WHAT the narcissist is. This can only be accomplished in a very trusting, frank and open relationship.

(Co-authored with Alice Ratzlaff - More here: "The Inverted Narcissist")

From: http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/personality_disorders/narcissism/narcissism_defined.html

Hmmm the italics didn't copy but you can go to the website to see that part.

Many positive thoughts for all.

[This message edited by downfall at 5:33 PM, January 8th (Tuesday)]


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have some good news!

My daughter has depression and anxiety. She had been doing better, but has gotten worse and in fact has had some other serious issues (outside of hitting me) that are the same issues that I had her seen about in the first place. She has been on meds for 6 years.

I wrote to her father asking for her cooperation to go back into counseling. He wrote back with a long list of questions, trying to blame her symptoms on watching too many scary things on TV

I wrote back, cc'd his wife, told him that these were the same symptoms she presented with initially, that I was very concerned, and that the mediator had recommended counseling, and a threw in a "What do you think?" as a gift.

It worked. He agreed to counseling. He said it was a good idea. He flip-flopped.

So strange......


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
sadtoo
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Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey CJ,
How are things going? Any nibbles on the house?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bob...

Downfall..good idea (sorry about that 'being first' thing..) I remember when I LIVED on the Sam Vaknin website when I first started figuring things out. OMG..I had to read over and over "Run, they do not change!"..I STILL need to remind myself of that at times. I even emailed back and forth with Vaknin a couple of times!!

Cerise ~ when you find something that benefits *you* in the end, go with it! They are all a little different in what "works". Sounds like yours needs to feel like he's 'making a decision' or something! Just that simple "what do you think?" gave great results. NOW you know how to word things (in order to get what you wanted in the first place!).

sadtoo..no nibbles.. There was a bunch of showing in the month before Christmas, but I really don't expect much activity this time of year. I told WTF right from the *start* that this place wouldn't sell until the spring or summer. It "shows" VERY well in nice weather (huge yard, huge deck, tiki bar, pool, etc.). Its the PERFECT "party house"!! I'm hopeful that maybe my May or June I will be out from underneath this house. Literally!


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CJ--Did you try to bury the St. Joseph yet? It worked for me!

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cerise...I was reading that in F&G yesterday!! I am going to get a St.Joseph statue this weekend ~ the Christian Book Store is right next to Zoup!


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They said to get it blessed, but I didnt get mine blessed and it worked just fine. It really did! (and that's not just the margaritas talkin' )

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a St. Joseph's statue!

Well, I'm back in my "home, away from home".

downfall, that is SO True:
It was the exact minute when I said "NO"...when I put my foot down...all hell broke loose between N & me.

NC...feels GOOD.

I saw his mails n left them unopened...was talking to my friend in CA when his call beeped in...which I ignored.
Have not bothered to listen to the message...it is, what it is.
Its Shit.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Shutup  Posted: 10:27 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ooooo just give me hugs right now... I tired of the flip flopity of the legal system, DHS and Child welfare....


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had posted this at the end of NPD IV. I repost it as I hope it will not get overlooked as I would like your thoughts. Thanks. BoB
----------
(((Tribe))),
Got a letter from a lawyer stating that they will be representing STBXPDW.

I also picked up copies of the police reports from the last year.

She had filed one, I filed four. In hers she complained that I wouldn't let her see DDs and was being difficult. At the end of hers was a reference from the Police, referencing where I had called the Police the night before and asked if I was in the wrong to not make the children go to STBXPDWs if the children did not want to go and were afraid of her. I also mentioned sociopath and mental disorders along with safety concerns for the children and what the children wanted, and that she had threatened to come and take the kids per conversation she had with counselor.

My first report was the night I had exposed the affair and I had reported that she may cause trouble.

The second report was from a few days before DDs and I moved out stating that there was trouble with STBXPDW and I was concerned for DDs safety.

Third report is the one referenced in her report. That was filed the day before her report.

The last report I stated threats she made (thought about killing me), CC & Welfare fraud, Custody and Placement issues, Neglect, CPS, etc.

Please advise.

Thanks.

BoB

ETA:I'm really getting tired of this..... N-Bullshit stuff.....

DD13 gave me a letter last nite complaining that I say she is complaining, miserable, not trying, etc. and that it hurts her feelings. She doesn't want me to talk about being mindful anymore and to stop bashing STBXPDW and FOO. It's not nice. And why can't we talk about fun things.

Whoa............
................Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....I really hate this shit.

So, I put on my Counselor/Daddie hat and discuss with her her letter. I really am so sick and tired of being put into this position. Being the moral compass. Trying to explain things with out saying them directly or bashing STBXPDW and FOO. Uggghhhhhhh

So I said to my self, "Fuck it". I will use the real examples, but I will state carefully, calmly and as not personally as I possibly can. This is hard to do, as you other parents know. As some of you know, my kids do ask questions and they expect answers, as they should. But what a freakin' mindfield to navigate. Kudos to those guys that navigate peace treaties and stuff.

So we chat for about an hour as I ask her about what I've done to offend her. I then ask her to restate her grievances at STBXPDWs which she described last nite as staying at a hotel where people are coming and going all the time.

So I start to paint word pictures and use kid appropriate analogies. And I'm using the DDs descriptions and words from the DDs reports of goings on, not mine
Examples:
We talk about BIL character: Irresponsible, loud, drunk, philander, running around in his underware all the time, jail time, fights, the way he treats SIL and kids, his kids from many mothers, no drivers license, borrowed car from ILs, no bank accounts, no house, liar, lack of morals, etc. etc. And that he just turned 40. My DD describes him as a kid, and not a good one at that.

STBXPDWs character: Irresponsible, bad mother, liar, drunk, miserable, raging, negative, blaming, etc. etc. disappears on the kids including at nite when they are asleep, won't answer her cell, can't get them to school on time, deceitful, no food in house, etc. etc. etc. (A lot of same as BIL too).

Same with SIL and MIL and the rest of the family.

I ask: How do you feel about these things?

Answer: Bad. I don't trust them. Their mean, irresponsible and so on and so on. Mom's not a good mother.

I ask: How do you feel over there?

Answer: Not taken care of, lied to and so on and so on. (Same stuff I've been posting forever).

I ask: What do you want done about this?

Answer: Stay with you (Me).

We end up talking about STBXPDW and FOOs lifestyles and actions and words and stuff and how that becomes character.

We compare that to how we live now. We compare that to my character and to DDs character. To what our world is now like.

"What do we different?" I ask. "You teach us about mindfulness and responsibility and kindness and how to be happy, etc. etc." And stuff like "You take care of us", etc. etc.

So in the end, it all works out for the best. But I saw much hate having to do this constant proving shit. Poor kids. They constantly get caught in the middle of all of this bullshit. I so fucking can't stand Ns. Fucktards !!! They cause my DDs and I so much time energy and turmoil. But, the silver-lining is I guess, my kids are getting one hell of a set of lessons on life. But it is so exhausting. And once again all because of THEIR fucking behaviors.

I'm sorry if I'm swearing so much, (LOL) but they are such a bunch of fucking assholes !!!

So apparently at STBXPDWs duplex from hell, SILs fridge , washer and dryer are all dead and they are using STBXPDWs. MIL tried to borrow from me a dehumidifier a couple months ago. Kids told me awhile back that the sewers backed up in the basement and no one took care of it for a couple days. They say the recycling is full (I saw from the driveway when I pick up DDs, that the same stuff I put in recycling the day we moved out in July is still there). The place is dirty, etc. etc. etc. We had also talked about this stuff above also.
Thanks for listening/reading and letting me rant and get this off my (hairy. LOL) chest.

I Loves Ya Mang !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 12:11 AM, January 9th (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob be extremely careful about diagnosing her to the professionals. Unless there is an official diagnosis it can make you look like a vendictive spouse and deflecting onto her instead of dealing with the situation.

I know how difficult it is when the children want to talk and ask questions about their other parent and the new person. I have always tried to answer the questions truthfully but trying to not bash anyone (as hard as that is).

It sounds like there is a serious problem if the children are expected to visit a place like you are describing. I know that you have had contact with the child protection. Have they seen the dirty environment? I would be very surprised if they would allow the children to even visit such a place let alone stay for any length of time.

The whole thing sounds terrible. I wish I knew what else to say. It sounds like yo are going a great job with the children. Keep up the good work.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its my ex has had a few hissyfits over the last few year. One I remember clearly was when i "bought" a camera. At the time I was working for the company that made the camera and was able to get a rebate (through their training program) that was worth more then the camera costs to buy. In other words I made money by buying the camera. Of course he is all up in arms because I am spending money when he is so broke or so he says.

The lates has been him whining about my renovations. Much of the renos are one I do myself and often am using supplies we already bought and never finished the work. I am not spending much of anything just the time. He has to ridicule me and say that I never do the work while he was here but now I am doing it all. I did all the work back then and still do it. He is just to brain damaged to remember.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:45 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SadToo)))&(((Lied))),
Thanks for chiming in.
Lied I agree. I phrase very carefully how I state my concerns about STBXPDW and PD. Thank God for my counselors. They both have taught me so much on how to talk.

Your Ex. My STBXPDW. Sad's. Dream's. Everyone's Ex-POS. I so wish there were one way tickets to the Moon !!! LOL.

The worst part for me sometimes is looking back and seeing how much I tolerated. So much. So much. I've apologized to the DDs about having let this crap go on for so long. So many things. Even what they have been fed all these years. Shit. There was just no arguing with the PD. I feel so bad having put up with this for so many years. Poor kids. They have so much to unlearn, relearn and plain old just learn. Me too !!!

Thanks again.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 2:04 AM, January 9th (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
I guess I'm in a mood tonight. LOL. I'll share two stories that took along time to get my finger on:

Story One:
When I met STBXPDW I was a bit of a big deal in a big city. I was for all intents and purposes an up and coming rockstar. I had the bitchin' band. I was a bitchin' guitar player. And we had the holy grail, ie: record labels and headhunters pursuing us. I had a hell of a network of friends and stuff too. We were cool. It was fun.

We visited her parents once after a show in another distant city. She said how she would never want to go back to that little town and that her family and friends were so messed up and on and on. Guess what? Not but a few weeks later she talks me into moving back there with her parents. Aaaarrrrggghhhhh........ !!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (What the hell was I thinking?) I lost everything. My friends, my career, everything. I was in LUUUUUUUVVVVVV......

Story Two:
So being in the middle of nowhere and going from a somebody to being a nobody and on top of it being treated like a freak by the locals and her people, I managed to get back to the big city. Then back to her. A couple of times. Ugggghhhhhhh.....

Then we moved back to the big city. Then back to her parents. Got our own place. Then....... DD13 !!!!! I was excited. She wanted to abort. ABORT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Stupid ass me, should have known. Yeah. I remember constantly reminding her to take her pills cause she would always forget. And of course that made me a manipulative condescinding asshole. I remember that. But she wanted to abort. I said if that's what you want, I'll go with you, been then I'm gone. I didn't want to abort. We had DD13.

Lessons I learned:
Story One.
I never did understand how the things they say about abusers, and all Ns are abusers, is how they isolate you from your people. Duh !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Story Two.
Ns never except any kind of responsibility. Duh Again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry. So sorry. In the end there is no one to blame for this mess, but myself, cause I should have known better. And I did know better.

I sacarificed my principles, my beliefs, etc. for this woman (er, monster. LOL.). I let my boundaries be decimated. No more. Never again.

I left/tried to leave her 3, 4, 5, (?) times and everytime I got reeled back in. The last time I was planning on leaving, she got pregnant. I thought, again, that it was a sign from above, that we were meant to be. Stupid ass me. I was stupid. I was fucking played.

The Buddhist gave me a warning after I shared with him her text from last week. I said, "I'll never go back with her". He told me this any ways (LOL):
If you ever go back with her, it will be that much harder to leave, it will be that much more worse, and you may never get out again.

Thanks again.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 2:16 AM, January 9th (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Brenshay
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Member # 8058
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of this strikes such a chord with me, and I am shocked by how similar my STBX is to all of this and that I didn't realize it until too late.

He has been known to watch himself cry in the mirror because he thinks he looks "beautiful." He is obsessed with his own physique, which is grossly out of proportion to how he actually looks. He has no empathy for anyone, even his own daughters. Everything is about him and his needs and wants. He is obsessed with My Space and trying to get compliments from women there, offering sexual innuendos to them throughout our entire marriage. He has a severe drinking problem and is verbally abusive, especially when he is drunk. There is a lot more, too much to write, but I'm sure you have heard it all before.

I'm just stunned reading some of the stuff here.

[This message edited by Brenshay at 1:29 AM, January 9th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 631 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Florida
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Brenshay)))
Welcome to the (((Tribe))) of Lightbulbs and Toasters, AKA: The N-Survivors Club, AKA: The Club of and From Hell, AKA: The Island of Misfit Toys,
Sorry that you find yourself in the same shoes as the rest of us.
This place is a little different from the general population threads in that we aren't dealing with the general population. We're dealing with "monsters". And yes, they are scary !!! LOL.
Welcome. Post when you are ready. We're here to help. Together we will all get through this nitemare.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
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