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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs V I I I
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

I agree with Cowgirl 1000 percent.

This work is not about this particular relationship. It is about you and any relationship you will ever get into. It's about what is in you because of all the things you went through in your childhood -- the good and the bad.

And it is about him, and all the things he went through. And why his things and your things seem to fit together so well and so badly too.

So, it's about you, Lost. Understanding what's in you and why you chose the mate you did. It's just another way to take care of you.

I also have to tell you that I felt very much the same way you did about your husband and IC. I never thought my husband would be able or willing to do the kind of work he needed to do to fix his issues. But I sold him short. He did and he has and he is still at it.

There was something in your H that made you love him, Lost. Hopefully whatever that was is enough to pull him through. Since I have faith in you, I will have faith in him, too. At least for a while.

Hang in there, my friend.

BT


Weepy: we had the workbook, but didn't really use it because our MC was an Imago therapist and we did the exercises in counseling. I don't know if we would have done them all at home, but I tell you they had a huge impact on us in therapy.

I would recommend an Imago therapist -- or even an Imago weekend workshop -- to anyone. Along with retrouvaille, I think they are just invaluable.

BT

[This message edited by BorrowTrouble at 8:07 PM, January 24th (Thursday)]


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i appreciate every word, every hug..thank you all.
only the tribe knows the walk and i'm so glad to be able to come here for comfort and understanding.
at this point, i'm here because i choose to be and my husband chooses to be here too.
enough about me.
zanny, i hope you're doing well.
i pray we all find peace



Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of you folks who are at the two year mark. I just want to let you know that although two years out was kind of the nadir of the plain of lethal flatness for me, it wasn't that long afterward that things began looking up for real. Somewhere between two, and two-and-a-half years, something changed in me. Life began to take on color again. I can remember laughing with my son about something really silly and realizing with a start that what I was feeling was joy. I was truly shocked at the realization that I could know joy again.

So hang in there, tribe and focus on yourselves and your own healing. Time is on your side.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bt
i'm so glad to hear life goes back to "color" again. thanks for the encouragement

Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You ladies just talk too much during the day for a working girl to keep up.

Has anybody heard from Zolotas? I think the last time she posted was when ow had followed her.

I'll be M I A this weekend. H and I are taking a little trip this weekend. Found a babysitter and plan on a little quite quality time. We get very little of that. So we do enjoy it when we get it.

Gotta go and pack.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of you folks who are at the two year mark. I just want to let you know that although two years out was kind of the nadir of the plain of lethal flatness for me, it wasn't that long afterward that things began looking up for real. Somewhere between two, and two-and-a-half years, something changed in me. Life began to take on color again.

((BT)))

Thanks for the spiritual B-12 shot !!!

Much appreciated.....


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. LostH, I did just what you suggested. Of course the weeks before I remember clear as a bell b/c WH spent nights with OW either side of my trip down south to celebrate a friendís ďsignificantĒ bíday (who also happens to share OW's name). It was OWís 50th and there was NO WAY she was NOT going to be with him. WH saw her before my trip in case he couldnít see her for her actual bíday if I delayed coming home. It was #3 sonís 18th the day after her 50th. We didn't see each other for a week. Thatís why I had real problems with him ďnot rememberingĒ when he was last with her. How could he f*cking forget? Anyway, thatís by the by. We went over all of that, my bíday and then, four days later he booked the flight. He said he had no idea what I was talking about. I told him it couldnít be golf, cos he went to the Scottish Borders with his mates from the Club by car later that summer (at least, thatís what he said and still says and I have to accept). Sooooo. He looked at the statement, I showed him the spreadsheet with a ? next to the entry and he still didnít know. He says he will get to the bottom of it and find out. The usual crying happened. I canít help it. So I have a headache this morning.

But, as you say, LostH. It was before DDay. And like fnf says, really, what does it matter now? He didnít go. The trollop went under the bus. Maybe he was put up to it and booked something to shut her up. Putting off and yet bringing nearer the day of reckoning. Apparently she was always moaning about how they never went away together.

Thanks. Iím a lot better this morning. (((((LTA tribe)))))


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:03 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning.

Thank you NAS, OTC and BT.
You ladies make ALOT of sense.
Between taking what my kickass Tribe and my kickass IC say, I dont feel alone on this journey. I am very grateful.

****
Its Friday, so still time to get some points for being healthy.
So swap the sugar for sweetner
March some miles
Elippe the eliptical (??)
Practice some pilates
We can do it!

*****
A weekend away FSA!
You be a good girl now. What am I saying??
DONT be a good girl!
Seriously though FSA, I hope you and Mr FSA have a great time. You deserve some time out.Enjoy.

****
Ukgirl, sometimes the crying is good. It helps gets all those pentup emotions out.A good cry can be strangely carthatic.
Anyway I am glad that he is willing to solve this mystery for you, and not brush it off. Every small positive step counts.

****
I am off to do dome time at a speed awareness workshop. I was only 5 miles over!
Still, I know..5 miles make a huge diff.

Have a good day folks!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry about the mess a few days ago. Hope all are doing well and have a great weekend.

As I am a rookie just have a question. Where were you in this 10 weeks out? I feel as if I am struggling as the emotion has let go a bit and the reality of what WS has done is really settling in.

Thanks in advance and hugs to all!


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well hefty, I told you where I was at 10 weeks out... a total basket case.

Health update... did nothing but walk around the mall yesterday. I'm eating breakfast and dinner, but still feel like I need that "treat" after meals. The only way I beat that before was to drop ALL sugar from my diet.

And H reminded me that I was going to try and quit smoking while I was off too.

Hope to have the results of my MRI so I know whether or not to do any extended exercise. I really think that might help with my mood.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At 10 weeks in, beginning Oct 06, another revelation was about to be revealed. The computer had also crashed (melted motherboard), which I took as a pretty bad sign! FWH texted me while I was on the phone to my 4xM friend, OW texted me immediately after. I relayed the messages to my friend, cut short the conversation and phoned FWH. He was still texting OW in the mistaken view that he was keeping her away from doing something vindictive and thereby protecting me. Unfortunately, he happened to be in Switzerland at the time. I exploded down the phone at him, saying Iíd had enough and she could have him. I was not going to lose any more dignity. I had already gone over 7mths of copy mobile invoices and found that there were only six days when he didnít contact her, but she may have contacted him. I also discovered by my detective work just how often he saw her and it was a good deal more than he was admitting to. She didnít stop texting until she got a legal NC letter at the end of Nov.

I donít remember much of that time, other than fearing for my sanity. But itís all there in my journal. My life was in shreds.

It took a year for most of the significant details to come out. But if I had known the depth of the relationship within the first couple of months of DDay, I donít think I would have stayed in my M. Itís what makes a LTA such a hard thing to get my head round. After all, how do you have a ďmistakeĒ for five years??

Hang in there, Hefty. It does get better. Time. Patience.

LostH Ė what is a ďspeed awareness workshopĒ?


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hefty,

Technically at 10 weeks, I was unknowingly about to face D-day #2, so I will use 10 weeks after that event as a reference.
The shock, as you said, was wearing off and acknowledgment was sinking in.

Things were testy, to say the least. I devoured all info pertaining to A....hoping to get some direction and solace.

It also was the beginning of the rage stage. Anger was replaced by some wild bouts of unbridled rage. But at least I was no long stuck in the "numb and scared" vacuum.

I started to glimpse bits of myself again and knew I would survive. I also knew it was incumbent on me to figure out how "I" was going to take care of me.

Reason and logic were still inconsistent, but attainable.

We say here in LTA over and over....you have to take care of yourself now.
If Recon is a potential desire and reality, you have to do your "self-work" with intent and honesty.
And even if it isn't.....you still have to do what honors and heals you.

At 10 weeks, I tentatively, but sincerely, started that process. Not as a last ditch, life preserver effort, but as a conscious choice to live the rest of my life somehow, some way, despite the LTA.

It was a day to day process then....many ups and downs.
But at least I had a plan to survive, whether we stayed together or not.

Thinking of you, hefty.

[This message edited by numb and scared at 8:50 AM, January 25th (Friday)]


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((UK))))))))))

I'm glad you're in a better place! I hate those bats to the knees.

Where were you in this 10 weeks out? I feel as if I am struggling as the emotion has let go a bit and the reality of what WS has done is really settling in.

EOH, Geeeyod. Hefty, you are doing great. Trust us. I, like UK, don't have a lot of memory of that time. I wish I had done like she did and written it all down, but I probably wouldn't even be able to recognize the handwriting today. I swung wildly from incapacitating pain to horrendous rage and back to the pain. As most of my old-time LTA friends remember, I spent most of my life the first several months in a ball on the floor in my closet. I couldn't function. I didn't find SI--probably until 8-10 weeks out.

Hefty, are you reading any books on infidelity? (I can't remember.) If you haven't yet picked up a copy, get the infidelity bible "Not 'Just Friends'". It's good for you and your wife. It's a big one though--with small print, so it's LOADED with information. It's a good start.

And honestly, check into IC. The best advice we can give is that you start doing what you need to do to make YOU better. Stop trying to get her to understand--her to fix things--her to change. Yes, she should be showing you remorse, caretaking your feelings, etc. But the fact of the matter is, she may not. And you have to take responsibility for your mental health. The only person you can control is you. Make YOU the most important person in this whole equation. You owe it to yourself and your daughter.

up2me--you too.

FSA, enjoy!

but still feel like I need that "treat" after meals

weepy, know how I "cured" that? I chewed a piece of sugarless gum after my meal. It works!


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to stick my head in and say, I'm thinking of you Zanny. Strength to you.

Also ((())) to all others struggling. I went away for a week and not only is number 8 started but it's half full as well. I hate Valentines too, H is getting nothing (mind you we've never done much for Valentines I must admit). 1st Antiversary in 6 weeks so working myself up to that one at the moment.

SI are going to have to set up a separate forum for us soon, the mods are going to get bored of starting new threads......

Welcome to the newbies. As always, so sorry that you have had to be here.

A quick line for Hefty, I am nearly 11months out and it took my H 7 mths to even get close to remorseful. At 5 mths out I was still getting the line, "I'm sorry I hurt you but I will never be sorry I love ow"
11 months out this has completely changed, he wishes he'd never met her now, he could not be more remorseful if he tried. This has been a gradual process, he too did not want to leave his ow, it took him nearly 6 mths to do it, but he has now and life is very different. The length of the fog does affect my recovery substantially, particularly the lying, but I think in the long run a few months now is so short a time compared to the years of life we have left. Already after only 11 months I think of the first 10 weeks as a blink of my eye, yet at the time I was on the floor, literally, unable to deal with anything, forcing myself to 180 is what worked for me even though it only lasted a few weeks until I moved into depression, it was a bit of relief when I needed it most. Unfortunately we're not the first and we won't be the last either and I hate it but it's true - TIME, give yourself time. Don't set any standards/deadlines. Focus on today. this hour, this minute, this second. The world keeps turning and sometimes that's all we can deal with.

(((Hefty)))

Mum.


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for insight. I am having problems coping wuith scope right now. They had sex 100's of times. It so bothers me that it is paralyzing me in ways. Also the sex talk bugs me too. How could you talk and do things with someone else so many times? LTA's are no accident.
The darn visions too. Being a BS LTA sucks!
Thanks again for the insights and help!
I hope we make it.


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Hefty, BorrowTrouble wrote this to me when i first started on the LTA thread last summer and I must say it was one of the key things that helped me, I won't ever forget it. And she was so right. Maybe some of this could apply in your situation as well. I hope it helps you too.

I know I've said it before BT, but thanks!

Mum:
I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be in your situation. By the time I learned for sure about the affair it was long over and my husband was well aware of just how utterly devoid of good the relationship and the OW was.

But what I was saying before about the effects of a LTA apply to your husband, too. He has been changed, and not in a good way, by all those years of lying, cheating and attempting to split himself into two separate people. If you don't believe that, imagine how the man you knew seven years ago would have viewed a family man who had a seven year affair. Imagine how he would have viewed a woman who would have a LTA with a married man. That man of seven years ago is not the same guy you are living with today. The one who believes he is in love with a woman who would knowingly do this to an innocent wife and child.

He believes the OW is his soul mate because she knows about his perfidy and "loves" him anyway. You, on the other hand, are aghast at his deceit. You are the mirror showing him who he really is. She is the fantasy mirror showing him a make-believe him. At the moment, the make believe him is much preferable to his ego than the real him. But it doesn't have to stay that way

And you know what? Some part of him knows that. That is why he is still there with you. It's not the children. It's not the vows of marriage. It's the knowledge that still remains in that buried part of him that he wants to be a good man. And that you and your family are the place where he can be that good man. Where he doesn't need fanstasy or illusion or outright lies to be a good guy.

Hang in there, Mum. I know it's hard but give him time to finish coming back around. He's headed in the right direction.

BT

P.S. I hope you don't mind me quoting you again BT, you may end up wishing you hadn't replied to me one day!

Mumto3.


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK folks. Dr. upped my meds thanks to the therapist's suggestion. Judging by the unrelenting saddness I've felt since Tuesday of this week, she is right.

And I really don't think it has anything to do with me being out of work and having all this time on my hands. The bouts seem to hit whether I'm busy or not.

Yesterday, driving home from the mall, this morning trying to tell H why it bothered me that he didn't respond to me last night and today. Today I'm thinking I wish I could go back to the period before we got engaged and really ask him if he could ever be happy with just one woman in his life. What was he going to do when the lust aspect faded? Whether he could bear long times apart or the strains of marriage. Why he couldn't be up front with me, ever. Why he led me to believe he loved me when he really wasn't sure. Why he didn't let me go when I had a chance for life with someone else.

Driving home from the food store I was stopped at a red light and on that corner was an attorney's office....

the only good news is that my disc is not herniated an I can go back to the gym. So next Monday I'll have goals to post.

Time for lunch gals. I'm making Chicken salad, no bread and Diet Iced tea.

It's a new day, right?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((weepy)))

What do you think is making you sad?
If you had asked H those questions, do you really think that he would have given you the answers you wanted?
I know because H and I spoke about these issues as nauseum pre-M. I had HUGE issues with infidelity, and I asked all the right questions. He gave me all the right answers, except they werent honest.

Dont beat yourself up Weepy.Theres no way you could have foreseen this.

Good news with the gym!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH, but I knew he was never really faithful to me, until he made the commitment to get engaged. Then I really felt that was it, no more... but there was... one last fling that I didnt' find out about until Dday. I had asked him about her bills showing up in our cancelled checks around the time we bought our first house. He lied then too. 25 years he lied to me. Make that 30 because he's still doing it.

forgot about answering your first question... what's making me sad? That I will never feel secure, loved, by this man, that he hasn't a clue what it really means.

[This message edited by weepy at 12:00 PM, January 25th (Friday)]


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh weepy.
I'm sorry, I just dont know what to tell you.
Do you feel as if you have reached some kind of crossroad? (you mentioned looking at the lawyer)

Ukgirl,the workshop was for first time speed violators. Instead of getting 3 points knocked off my license, I pay a fine and attend the 2.5 hr workshop where we discussed dangers of speeding, impt of being vigilant and observant etc.
It was all good until the last part where they took us through this accident where a child was killed crossing the road, and the driver was only going 7miles over. V upsetting but in a factual way.

***
Hefty,10 weeks after dday#1,I was a zombie. As H lived away from home, I had to look after the kids all by myself, get to school, cook etc. I stopped eating, wandered around the house till early hours of the morning, crash into bed for about 3 hours, wake up again to see to kids, and sink deeper and deeper into the abyss as H blameshifted v successfully in MC.

10 weeks after dday#2, I was ANGRY! very hurt and very angry as the fact that my whole M had been a lie started to sink into my consciousness. Strangely, this also helped liberate me, because H could no longer blameshift. He was f**ked up BEFORE he married me...not as a RESULT of being married to me, which he led me to believe at first.

Its still very early days Hefty. Take each one as it comes. look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Mrs H has her own road to travel, but we hope that she can support you on yours. And when you are ready and strong enough, you will support her.Take care.

****
OTC, if I remember correctly, you has a health check (papsmear)due now'ish, right? Please let us know how that goes.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
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