Now, how about a little Cowgirl humor to bring a smile to your face SVS and anyone else who is struggling right now(you all know what's coming, don'tcha?)
1. OW Ho-Bitch (or OM) pinata. We all get to take a swing but you get to bust her open. Good Lord, what do you think would spill out though? Wouldn't be anything sweet - that's for sure!
2. OW Ho-Bitch (or OM)remote tazer. Every time you have to suffer with painful thoughts, so does she/he! Just push the remote and think about her/him going stiff with 120V's running through her/him somewhere.
3. The OW Ho-Bitch gauntlet. Let that bitch just TRY to get past the tribe.
4. And my old favorite - OW Ho-Bitch (or OM)SURVIVOR show. Ho-Bitch is set loose with just the clothes on her/his back. Tribe is there waiting with a full arsenal. Feel lucky ho?
OK, hope this made you laugh a little.
If not, here is a link of a hilarious explanation of compartmentalizing I thought you'd all like: http://marriageresourcecenter.org/videogallery/4/med/VideoWidget8.htm
It's a good one!
At some point you're going to have to decide if you can live with what you do know, and proceed with recovery anyway--or leave and proceed with your recovery. It really boils down to that.
This topic has reminded me of something....
We very recently lost a much loved family member to cancer....she was too young to die....her illness was so shocking for her, and for us.
However, she chose NOT to know all of the lurid details, once she accepted her fate.
Instead, she let her H and others keep some of those details from her.
In not knowing all involved, she was able to cope with her "reality" far better than if she had been fully aware of all the stats and pieces.
I know it is a totally different scenario but, in a way, similar... about the unique way that every person deals with things that are soul-wrenchingly painful and irreversible.
i seem like a complete idiot for even wanting for a second to stay in this marriage.
If you let yourself think that way, that's how it will be... you an idiot, him completely clueless. But somehow I don't sense that's what you have in mind.
As ROBT just said to me, I may have to accept that I won't ever know what I want to know. That's a tough one to swallow, I tell you. I don't know if IC can help with that or whether it's just a decision we make.
The problem for me is that I don't have any confidence in my decision making abilities any more. My IC says I may need a med change. Great
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
I've been too busy to keep up with all you gabby people.
I hate to get on here and post and say me me me and by the way I haven't read a word of what anyone else has had to say.
So as soon as I find some time to get caught up I'll check back in with ya'll.
All are in my thoughts.
You all have been my key to survival. I don't know what I would have done without each of you.
BTW I'm feeling great today, hope you are too. Hope I find some time to catch up.
If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?
ROBT, Somehow, some way, we have to move on. This state of limbo is where I deal with revelations (no more majors, thank goodness), assess the fall out from the A, examine my WH behaviour before, during and after the A, look to my own faults and place in the A, look at the man I loved unconditionally for 30-odd years and see if the one I fell in love with is still there, look at me to see if I still have those qualities he fell in love with, put the jigsaw back together, look at the picture and decide. But I’ll do it when I’m good and ready.
OTC, I can’t do the hate OW bit. Not really. Sometimes I sound off about her, but not much. My H did all the pursuing and seduction. Emotionally she’s a very needy person. I once said she stood about as much resistance to his advances as a sapling in a hurricane. She hadn’t stopped loving him, or at least harbouring sweet memories of their first love. After all, she left the less significant stuff on my doorstep – she didn’t return the engagement ring (how sad was it to keep that?) or the recent poetry and she kept all his texts and emails on her laptop and backup discs. She knew he was married, but …. Sometimes I want to ask her if she ever thought about what it would do to me once I found out. Mostly it’s my FWH I want to beat the sh*t out of. He knew she wouldn’t turn him down.
Like the link tho’, makes A LOT of sense!!
Hi to mindisgone. See you’ve just joined, so let the LTA tribe bring you into our membership. I don’t have time to read your post now, but will be back later to catch up. There are plenty here to help you through this dreadful time.
Sorry for the rant. Sorry for hogging. Now feel 7 outta 10, not 4, as I was earlier. Except he’ll be leaving work soon and driving that old familiar road ….. sigh
He told the guy to tell me what he just said to him, what does he think this pig is going to do?
So, I should have called his friend a pig and hung up on him. So why didn't my H call him one and hang up on him? Because it's ok to make fun of the wife but not the husband.
He says he wouldn't care if I made comments to other people about the pathetic losers who troll Chinatown looking for whores because they can't get it up with their wives. He said that wouldn't bother him. So I asked what if I made it personal and told people what he'd done. He said he wouldn't care. Apparently he has no more shame either.
He said he couldn't talk any longer, was I done. So I asked him if he understood why I was so upset and he said no. So I said then we're done talking until he gets a clue.
What prompted all this? Because I jokingly told a friend that he wanted me back to work... that I wouldn't last 3 weeks at home, that I told a friend he would have to "suck it up and be the breadwinner for a while." He's been calling me a "lazy load" since I got laid off thinking it was "funny".
I fucking hate him so much right now.
I'm going to text him that.
[This message edited by weepy at 12:33 PM, January 15th (Tuesday)]
He said he couldn't talk any longer, was I done.
If I had a penny for every time WS has said that to me, we'd all be having pina colada's on the SI cruise ship I could have bought with them... mega ugh...
Talking of lowest forms (his “friend”), got a joke for you: (any gentlemen, look away now)
What’s the difference between a bloke and a pig?
A pig doesn’t turn into a bloke after two pints of beer.
Mind you, sounds like he doesn’t even need the beer, so perhaps he is a genetic experiment.
Being there, with him trying, allows you the opportunity for truth, acceptance and closure eventually.
Weepy (Hear the steam coming out of my ears) You are not a “lazy load” while you are dealing with his truck load of sh*t. And so what anyhow? How much would he get if he was laid off? Doesn’t he get it that you are finding very little funny right now and his sarcasm really is the lowest form of wit.
I know I'm not, but I told him after my IC last week, just last week, that I was putting enough pressure on myself, that I didn't need any from him.
And guess what? He was laid off twice in the last 2 1/2 years. Had almost a year off and did very little around the house that he was goign to do "when he had the time." He said it was discouraging to be out of work, and yet, he can't seem to equate those feelings to me.
I never, once called him a load. Never once did I tell him to get a job or make fun of the time he spent watching TV instead of cleaning up his garage or tool boxes or whatever the "plan" was for the day.
And no, he doesn't get that I don't find him funny. He called and actually sounded pissed off, maybe if I could have seen the "twinkle" in his eye or his mouth twitch trying not to smile, maybe then I would have known he was kidding. But he outright accused me of talking badly about him behind his back, making him out to be some kind of ogre. NEVER HAPPENED and I got pissed, because I was already pissed. And I fell into the trap that I eluded all yesterday. I hold his anger for him. He gets to be the "wit" and I get to be the bitch.
And I still fucking hate him.
[This message edited by weepy at 1:17 PM, January 15th (Tuesday)]
Let me suggest something, only b/c I make the same mistake over and over.
I've tried desperately to drag the truth out of my H. But when he has told me things I have gone off the deep end with the screaming, hitting, and all else. It is out in the open that his was LTA, but I have always felt like there is much more that I do not know. Anyway, I think I have brought some of his "holding back" on myself by my reactions when he has talked to me. But I totally understand your doing that, I myself have done the same thing more than once.
As far as you feeling bad about actually staying with H after what has happened. Hey, each and every once of us here and done just the same thing. It was comforting to me to know that I was not the only one in the world that would actually stay after LTA. You're in good company. We all have stayed.
At work, better go. Maybe I can find some more time tonight. But then hopefully maybe I won't find that time. You see, when I'm missing, maybe it's b/c LTA isn't on the top of my mind at the time, which is a good thing. But I never forget about all of ya'll.
PS:MIG, you have to excuse my rambling ways, it's just me.
Now my vent from hell. Excuse any bad language.
WS is LTA's are really messed up people. So much so their garbage spills into the BS mind.
I believe they love us only for the stable home life. that is it. Our stability turned into control for them over time and they always want more. They have failed to grasp that their is no perfect. Their will always be someting missing. You can have something really special. Betraying those who love you will destroy that chance forever!
How could you really understand what love is while you are fucking someone else? Kissing, showing your body, doing EVERYTHING with them. Damn it you promised me for life! You lied. You violated our vows. In my case it started 3 months into our marriage and the birth of our child.
How the fuck do you think I feel having to get a paternity test on my own child? Beyond brutal!
Now that the A is found out I am suppose to sit their kiss your ass and meet your needs. You fucking killed me! How bout kissing MY ASS. Shelfish fucking assholes.
It will NEVER be enough for you. You are broken.
You think I should not be angry and pissed off? For YEARS you lied to me and did not come close to loving me like I loved you. I was a roomate with privlidges. I thought you were my soulmate. I guess I was not yours. That hurts like hell and I have EVERY right to be mad at that.
How the heck can you lie dead to my face after being with them? Asshole!
How in the world can you say you really loved me doing this? You have no idea what it is like to love someone at all except your selfish self. Bastards.
Damn it. I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING!
Does that even matter to you?
Wew sorry vent vent vent.
I have figured this out and really plan to get on the boat today to a new life:
I WILL MAKE IT!
I AM MOVING ON!
I refuse to have my life defined by an affair that was not my fault. I am not perfect but not so flawed as to do this. I am the MUCH better person.
We all must move on. Reengage with life, workout, make new friends, enjoy everything that is still good in life, and try new exciting experiences.
Life is too short to wait for a damaged individual to come around.
They can choose to come along for a new better journey with a new better me or wallow and stay the pathetic individuals they have become.
Still, Brooke, meeting you was just awesome (I cant think of a better word). Thank you. And the pecan pie was great too!
Welcome MIG. Hope to get to know you well soon.
FSA, you can go ME ME ME anytime here, you know that. We do miss you, but if you find something better to do at night, we understand, dont we girls? :blush
Fnf, my heart ached when I read your post. My Ic told me similar too. In fact H told me that he will never love me as much as I love him, but he will love me the best he can anyone. At the time, I thought that was fine, but IC asked me, "Dont I think I deserve better?
This is still a fresh observation for you, and you will be mulling it over and over for awhile..like I am. I havent found an answer yet that I like, or which works for me.Maybe I am not ready to.
Hey Weepy. Dont let him wear you down. Protect yourself friend.
HSmurf (why did you choose that name anyway?
)I am glad you are sounding stronger. Good for you!