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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: False Reconcilation Thread
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if theres SOMETHING positive it would be no more false r's for me.

Wow! I hadn't thought of that.
I will be doing a lot of thinking about that today.
I was so low and depressed last night because of all this.
I miss being happily married.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Boadicea
♀ Member
Member # 18032
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through 3 different False R. I think because of that, 2 years after DDay (June 2006) I'm still obsessing over stuff, even though we are in R. (as far as I know)

My HB during the first False R still makes me want to puke, I feel so humiliated and angry.

To think that my H drove for hours to Md. to see the slut MOW once in June and to fuck her again for 2 days in Aug. while I remained at home or at work and continued to bend over backwards to work on our marriage, makes me want to strangle him. In spite of this, when he gave me to chance to slap him senseless for his betrayal, I couldn't or wouldn't do it.

I feel like such a worthless, wimp of a woman when I look back...

All this to say that I'm in R, but I don't know if it's real, and I don't know if it will last.

Above all, I ask myself how could I put up with such disrespect and still remain in the marriage?

I have to stop right now or I'll make myself miserable the rest of the day. I'll go do my truckload of laundry and later go to my swimming lesson. That should help...


ďOne manís folly is often another manís wife.Ē Helen Rowland

Posts: 751 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: New York City
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys, I dont think I really belong in this thread, but I just wanted to offer you my hugs and support. I know if I find out that Im in a false R, I would be crushed. The reason I dont know is because I found out my WH was in an EA relationship in 08/07, but before that, I had caught him (once, I think it was only once) having online sex w/ someone else. That was 10/06. So Im not sure if I could say it we were in R in between that time. But it sure did hurt. I read your stories and my heart goes out to you.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, February 9th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2yrs, yeah I'd call that a FR.
I'm beginning to think that by him not really ever telling me any details about what all he'd done after I found out and we decided to R the first time set me up for the second FR.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
momofone
♀ Member
Member # 17374
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say that I've had 4 FR. He tells me every time that he is ending it with her but I find evidence of lying every time too. I'm tired of it. This is it for me. I'm going 180 on him and giving it a few weeks....if she's not out of the picture by then, I will have to make a move.

How can they say they love us and do this? I just don't understand.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Dec 2007
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I could handle any more than I've already had.
I still don't understand why he even bothered to string me along.
He never really made an effort to do what it would've taken to have a true R.
I'm seeing that more clearly now.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting a lot of info from this site...also a lot of support, too.
Because if he really loved me, he would not have done the things that he has to me, including FR.

IC pointed this out.

lovefraud.com

hugs, everybody


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just had a thought.
Is it possible that FR is possible when a WS doesn't want to do all the work it takes to repair their relationship w/ their BSO and it's just easier for them to float along and just act like they're having a true Reconciliation?

And at the first difficulty they go actively seeking AP's outside their M?

Is it possible they don't want to look into the abyss inside themselves and see just how much of a POS they are and how much damage they've caused others in their life?

Well, I'll be awake all night now.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Tigger114
♀ Member
Member # 13446
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB I think you are right. They really cant face what they have done. I m not sure if mine was one long false R or several small False Rs. All I know is he didnt have the strength to fight the feelings w and initiated contact again. Over the last 2 years I reckon he has been NC with her at the longest 12 weeks. Yet he kept coming back. Now he says he tried but really when i look he didnt try at all he just went through the motions. And guess what Id still have him back,. I miss him madly I pine for him even after all that . I dont think he cares at all. I can say that all this has turned him into a cold heartless bastard. That was no the man I married.


Me BS 42
Him WH 42
2 years on and off EA/PA
DDay 1 11/02/06
DDay 2 16/09/06
R since oct 06
DDay 3 27/04/07 (same OW)
DDay 4 11/10/07 Here we go again
DDay 5 07/02/08 Kicked him out all over bar the shouting now

Posts: 705 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: England
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB & Tigger~

'cold heartless bastard' points to sociopathy. The inability to have a conscience, the inability to *feel* genuine feelings of remorse, the inability to LEARN & Profit from PAST mistakes as others in successful R have done.

Sometimes I'll lurk awhile in the R Forum & just go, "Wowww".
Its beautiful & honest to read in there.

The WS is genuinely making the *effort* required to R.

There is true remorse for having hurt the BS.

There is true COMMITMENT.

I don't feel this or see this with my WH -- oh, except for past manipulating "lip action" which was insincere to begin with.

Mine is incapable of true R because he just does not want to stop (because if it "feels good, DO IT" without a care in the world; its all me, me, ME.)...he just does not want to expend the EFFORT that it takes.

Its all bullshit.

And, I'm not coming back for repeated helpings at the bullshit banquet table is my stance now that I'm able to think more clearly, thanks to SI, and I recognize the abuse that repeated FR is.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was due to post here. I had remorse for 3 weeks and than woop the contact with OM started. OM wants nothing to do with her. I now am in limbo waiting for her to really step up. I think in a way false R hurts more than the affair. It gives you the feeling WOW you hurt me and just do not care. Life sucks BIG sometimes.


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamy, I don't go into the R forum much.
It's a big dark scary place to me.
And since we aren't R (false or otherwise) I really don't belong there.

Smurfy, I've been waiting for you here.

I think in a way false R hurts more than the affair. It gives you the feeling WOW you hurt me and just do not care.

You said it so well.

That's how I feel.
Like I wasn't important enough or our M wasn't important enough to him to do what he needed to do to try to repair the mess he's created.
It's aaaaall about him and him only.

I've told him for yrs that He does what he wants and he gets what he wants.
I guess that should've been a red flag for me.
Was I too dumb to know?

I guess so.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Kush
♀ Member
Member # 9169
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't now what a false R was. I guess I am too dumb to see the signs or in denial to continue following up. But foir the last 2 weeks WH and I have been talking about marriage counseling. Valentines was spectacular- roses and dinner out.
and then.......
he logged onto Match.com to contact more babes- he called two yesterday to make dates.
I am seeing a thread here
1) he likes the chaos
2) whenever we get close to intimacy- he runs to other women.
There are deep seeded issues he needs to deal with here.
I am wondering whether any of this iw worth it.
I can't spend my life checking him out.....
I feel for all of you who have posted- it's like being on a roller coaster(((to you all))))
Kush


Real honor is standing up for what you say you are, even when no one is looking.

Posts: 425 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Buffalo
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, February 16th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kush, why that sounds EXACTLY like what my WH would do!
(But, I finally said *enough* & kicked him OUT!)


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, February 17th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kush, that's pretty much what broke off our FR's.
Fucktard signed up on a dating site twice.
I found out about it.

So, no more chances for him.
I hope he's having a blast with his online conquests.
Many times I have thought about asking him "How's the online dating "thang" goin' for ya?" just to piss him off and get a dig in.
But I won't do it.
It's fun to think about though.

The D is starting to really heat up and things are very tense right now.

I'm tired of taking the high road.
It's a dead end for me, seems like.

I just want the D over and done.
This butterfly is getting tired of the cocoon.
She wants to spread her wings and fly in her new life.

I noticed while he was involved w/his skanks, he started to really age and look like hell.
I'm sure he's involved w/them again.
So he's probably starting to look bad again.
Hope they like the new improved him.

Not my problem anymore.
I wonder how long it'll be before he cheats on them.
Obviously they aren't supplying whatthefuck ever he needs either if he still has to go online and look for more skanks.
I'm thinking he thinks another skank will fix his ED problems.

Is it me or does that just go to show how fucked up his WS thinking is?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Kush
♀ Member
Member # 9169
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, February 17th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I need to throw in the towel too. I have tried so hard to understand his addiction, maybe I never will and it is time to give up.
Sad day for me.
Kush


Real honor is standing up for what you say you are, even when no one is looking.

Posts: 425 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Buffalo
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, February 17th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been lied to & duped way too many times!

Even if WH were to still give me what I want for a true R *now* (transparency, etc.)...I just can never ever believe him, again.

Its too late!

Done too much damage!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Kush
♀ Member
Member # 9169
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dream Life,
I confronted all the lies. It was a release for me to finally put everything on the table. Actually, I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my back.
H's reaction- it is all my fault (for looking at his emails) Makes no sense to me.
I responded and said if he hadn't used my computer to contact other women we wouldn't be having the discussion, but I said I am grateful to know what he has been up to.
(I have known for a long time, but didn't want to divulge the fact I was monitoring him since I already knew his passwords.
His passwords have all been changed.
I have been in touch with an attorney and am moving ahead to finalize our separation.
((((Thank you all!))))


Real honor is standing up for what you say you are, even when no one is looking.

Posts: 425 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Buffalo
Lonely_and_hurt
♀ Member
Member # 18216
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah i sadly know too how it feels with false R.

Been there so many times in the last 6 months!!

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=216005

Thread contains full story - but sadly think im heading for another false R

OW completely out the picture - as she doesnt want him!! But now fear he is looking for someone else maybe ... either that or im just totally paranoid and over reacting.

Just not sure how many times i can do this.

I either want him to come home and work at this properly or leave me alone and never speak to me again.

Either way ... its gotta be easier than this hell hole


D-Day 1 August 07. D-Day 2 January 08 (same woman).
D-Day 3 March 08 NC never happened.
23 July 08 D-Day 4 NC broken by text. Another false R

Posts: 215 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: UK
Kush
♀ Member
Member # 9169
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((KLonely & Hurt))))
I know the feeling sweetie.
When I looked at his activity on Adult friend finder- there were 91 Kisses sentm in 2 days. Sick huh?
I am beginning to thik my H is delusional.
There were also another 72 contacts in 30 days on Match.com (and he gave everyone of them his cell phone number, and about 20 more through Yahoo personals.
We all need a group hug.
There was no "R" just a fantasy!
Kush


Real honor is standing up for what you say you are, even when no one is looking.

Posts: 425 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Buffalo
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