Thanks for the info on the psychopharmacology cert -- I will certainly check this out!!!
I have BPII and I'm an open book, very honest about the good and the bad and work like crazy to keep myself stable. He is BPI and he was/is a fucktard and led his double life, loved the secrecy and depravity and anything forbidden.
It just depends on the person.
LTA with woman 'friend' 06-07
EA with woman 'friend' '07
D-Day for both: 10/07
XWS moved out for OW#2: 11/07
XWS wants to possibly R: 2/08
The person's *CHARACTER*.
I keep asking myself...WHY...all the secrets...when he was so totally OPEN the first year or 2?
What made him decide to clam up?
Would appreciate ANY feed back on the secrecy aspect because it just ASTOUNDS me!
Its like he went from being a person who told me about compulsively masturbating as a young teen '4-5X daily...almost till it bled' & about a sexual harrassment charge at his job ...why tell me all of this back then & clam up about ordinary & every day life events??
I just DON"T GET IT, PEOPLE!!!!
Before his crisis almost 5 years ago, he did tend to do some things secretly, but only due to superstition...ie if he told people he was doing something, like learning to drive, he might fail. That seemed logical, if perhaps a bit unusual, to me.
Since the crisis he's been super-secretive, and not just to me. Currently, his whereabouts are unknown (apparently it would break "the ground rules" to tell me where he is), and he's succeeded in breaking down contact between the groups that support him. Obviously there's a heap of paranoia in there. Also a need to have as much control of his life as possible, even when he's in an episode. Beyond that, I can't say. I'd love to know what he'd be like if he was medicated, but he's still resisting.
[This message edited by groundhogday at 7:21 AM, January 24th (Thursday)]
I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.
Aside from protecting themselves from unwanted consequences, people can sure love their secrets--especially if it involves something pleasurable that they are not supposed to do--naughty stuff. And, since hypomania/mania are all too common in the BP (BPI in particular) they are driven to act impulsively and pleasure-seek without thought to the consequences. And if confronted, they lie. It's easier.
XWS finally gave me some info about his LTA. As to why her? He said it was opportunity. They spent time alone, she was single and older and she came on to him. Then as to why? He said it was his craziness, and his selfish pleasure-seeking behavior when in that state.
He said he felt guilty--but obviously not so guilty that it kept him from going back. But, if he truly was hypo/manic during those encounters, then he was only thinking about his d*ck and the insane drive to be sexually satisfied, made more attractive by the forbidden nature of his relationship with her.
I've experienced hypersexuality with hypomania--sex is ALL you can think about. Of course some people choose to control those impulses and some don't. And I don't know if it's character or if it's severity of illness or what.
So, there is a need for the secret because it protects them from consequences and there is a thrill in the secret when they are being naughty and getting what they want--when they know it's not right.
I don't know if this is all BP specific. I know others who delight in dirty little secrets who are supposed to be perfectly sane. But, there is surely that element in the BP.
I guess I was somewhat glad that XWS finally admitted that his 'craziness' played a large part of his cheating. But will he do anything about it? That remains to be seen.
I'm wondering if his meds induced this secrecy & paranoia.
Its incredible all the things he freely burbled out to me-- prior!!
My XWS was very manic when we were breaking up (the first time he left me he was manic, too) and he told me all sorts of things that he never would have otherwise.
I feel like I have a baby (that I didn't want).
I feel like a parent to my H instead of a lover.
I feel like this wasn't in my "job description."
I know it's in my best interests too to do this, but I resent and dislike it.
He has not stopped the lying...no remorse...n its over.
I wanted to ask if anyone ever felt they were going to just cut n run one day?
I got this weird feeling that WH was going to be the type of guy one hears/reads about..."Oh, I'm just going to the store for a carton of milk, or cigs, etc."
Then they disappear completely!
It happened to my XH's aunt...so I personally KNOW that this indeed happens n its not just a story from the newspapers.
WH was busily "romancing" me with flower deliveries, cards, letters, mails...but my gut still picked this up!
When I mentioned it several times to him, he assured me that he would never do such a thing, (much less "cheat" on me...yet he has done so numerous times!)
Just curious if anyone else here ever got that feeling they could not fully *trust*...that he/she was "flighty"?
It does change the dynamics though, and I know it doesn't suit everyone. But I'd hope someone would do it for me in the same circumstances. Obviously WH won't, because he's in denial that we're married right now.
Does it feel like you're intruding? It's hard (impossible?) to be a mind reader, and it's a lot of responsibility.
He turned up today to do some tax paperwork, then sat here all afternoon and didn't do it. It was funny....it felt kind of normal, watching TV and youtube stuff together. Now he's gone and I probably won't see him for months.
I'm never able to anticipate anything that happens. It's always a surprise.
Kind of like The Time Traveler's Wife, in a way, except she knew he loved her, and I don't have a clue what's in his mind.
Your WH sounds like the classic bipolar. My WH has blocked me on aol's AIM so I can't see him either.
It almost makes me want to laugh, really. It ludicrous.
We are seperated (I kicked him out for lying compulsively, etc.)...there will be no R.
Its a chemical imbalance and he needs his meds (which he has stopped) so who knows what mischief he'll be up to soon? Well, I won't be there to catch him when he falls...been there n done that-- nearly went mad...time to save ME.
He did not see me & I left shortly after & went to another store.
She thought it odd about his flashy prominent wedding band...
She told me she thinks he got a really BIG *promotion*!
He's never mentioned any of this...more paranoia about me "knowing" TOO MUCH of HIS personal business?
This is just Crazy!
And, YES...in the e-mails is also written documentation of his gross PARANOIA! I just did not see it then, but my GUT did feel funny as I read in my replies back to him.
Anyone here have a life-altering event like *retirement* affect their bipolar so adversely?
She'd always been bipolar (though we didn't know it), but all of her prior episodes had been depressive.
Her psychiatrist explained to me that any life stress can become a threshold event once the threshold is crossed the first time. Hell, studying for an exam in her nursing program can make her manic now (or at least it could before she started taking Lamictal).