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Newest Member: DevastatedWH (43169)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 26th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Summer=Mania!
Well, the official time of WH bipolar Weirdness has begun, again!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Phoenix3711
♀ Member
Member # 28910
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Summer=Mania!
Well, the official time of WH bipolar Weirdness has begun, again!

Summer sucks for me too. Third one in a row. I'm so freaking exhausted.


DDay-6/24 2010
His DD-7/24 2010
BW/WW-me 38-ONS after D-day
WH/BH-36-multiple online EA/1XPA
Married 11 years
3 beautiful children
Trying to R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 27th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't get the meds right, or won't they take them? If there are seasonal changes, so be it, but they must be managed...properly.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Phoenix3711
♀ Member
Member # 28910
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DH wants to appear to be "trying" by taking lithium most of the time. He forgets often and I pay the price for his neglect. He has been having terrible mood swings for months and knows he needs some more/different medication, but gets pissed when I bring it up or suggest he make an appointment. He does this until I remind him that staying medicated was a condition of our R. Only then or if I threaten to leave will he get serious about treatment.

I don't know why the summer's are the worst, but they really, really are.


DDay-6/24 2010
His DD-7/24 2010
BW/WW-me 38-ONS after D-day
WH/BH-36-multiple online EA/1XPA
Married 11 years
3 beautiful children
Trying to R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, June 29th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. If you have to threaten anything then he's not serious about treatment.

Imagine him as an alcoholic or addict and then figure what you would do if that were the problem instead.

See, right now, he's not HIS problem, he's YOUR problem. He won't get serious about treatment until that changes.

Good luck!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Phoenix3711
♀ Member
Member # 28910
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, June 30th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says he's serious this time. I hope he means it, because I can honestly say I've reached my breaking point. I don't even know if I can get over his latest antics. Usually my love for him is enough to forgive and keep trying, but I'm not feeling that way anymore. I can't find the glue that has kept me from leaving for 11 years.
This isn't a conscious decision, it's just not happening this time. I see him trying, he's on new meds, he has a new psychologist, he's not drinking, he's being patient and thinking before he reacts and, I'm just...angry. He's reading books and says he's starting to understand himself better, and all I can muster is, "that's nice". Six months ago I would have been over the moon with this kind of effort. I still love him, but something has changed for me. I'm really confused about what this means, maybe I just need more time, more follow through from him? I wish I knew what to do.

[This message edited by Phoenix3711 at 11:33 AM, June 30th (Thursday)]


DDay-6/24 2010
His DD-7/24 2010
BW/WW-me 38-ONS after D-day
WH/BH-36-multiple online EA/1XPA
Married 11 years
3 beautiful children
Trying to R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, June 30th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe try Alanon? Or some IC? I've read that with alcoholics when the alcoholic gets sober things can get worse for the spouse sometimes -- this is probably like that too. I'm sure there's resentment on your part. (I don't mean this in a blaming way -- more like --"well, why couldn't you do this 11 years ago?!" anyone would feel that way.)


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Phoenix3711
♀ Member
Member # 28910
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 30th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should contact my IC. Haven't seen him since the fall. The thought of calling for a appointment makes me, you guessed it, angry! Being depressed makes me angry, being sad makes me angry, you get the point


DDay-6/24 2010
His DD-7/24 2010
BW/WW-me 38-ONS after D-day
WH/BH-36-multiple online EA/1XPA
Married 11 years
3 beautiful children
Trying to R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, June 30th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I DO get the point. Totally. At some point you need for things to be normal and boring. You know? Like my WH said the A was exciting and I said take up skydiving, jackass. The crazy-train ain't the way to spice things up. Saving $ to go to Bali is the way to spice your life up: not skipping your lithium and spending $400 on CD's at Barnes and Noble instead of showing up for work. Unmedicated BP's do the most pointless shit...

Hang in there. He is his problem. You are your problem. Fix your problem and see what happens.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 1st (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my sitch, its a matter of biding my time.
It so helps not to have him living with me.
I also noticed it really starts in Spring (Mania) but seems to come off the rails by Summer.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, July 11th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH frequently mentions in his e-mails to me stuff like..."I know we were the God Parents of XYZ in my first M but I honestly don't recall being there at the ceremony at all", etc.

It seems like he has these memory black outs and am just wondering how many others have also experienced this?

Lastly: Is it genuine?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 13th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I ask a few questions of the collective wisdom here? I have just read (most) of this post and can identify with much of it. I empathize with all of you.

My SAfWH is also BiPolar 2. He was included in a double blind study which resulted in him being prescribed Effexor XR ONLY. He has had good results. But for almost a week he has been without them, a prescribing snafu. His mania is evident. He is happy, funny, etc. Of course what goes up must come down. The trouble is that the doctor he'll see on Fri is a NEW psych. A resident who he has never met. I don't know whether or not he'll just prescribe the same meds and dose or want to fool around. He sees a separate very good IC for his real "work.

I KNOW that AD aren't usually given alone for BP2. And I also realize that, although I haven't seen this UP side of the mania (I love it) I did see the bad, angry, nasty side of it for years. That anger subsided almost entirely with the medicine use.

Does anyone else have any experience with JUST AD being an effective treatment for BP2? And I guess my other question is, how do we preserve that part of the mania that is positive? Or is that a dream?


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Phoenix3711
♀ Member
Member # 28910
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, July 14th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The goal is to be somewhere in the middle between the mania and depression, as close to "normal" as possible. Usually that means a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant, however medication regimens are inherently individual. what works for one doesn't work for all. It can take years to find the right combo and dose.

An update on my WH, he's increased his lithium and added an AD finally! He's really stable right now and finally found a therapist for IC, he will go once a week. So, he's following through with everything he promised, but we will see how long it lasts. I'm freakin a mess though, definitely depressed. I guess it's time to call my IC and get my butt back in therapy.


DDay-6/24 2010
His DD-7/24 2010
BW/WW-me 38-ONS after D-day
WH/BH-36-multiple online EA/1XPA
Married 11 years
3 beautiful children
Trying to R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2010
lulykr
♀ Member
Member # 29697
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, July 15th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My h is bipolar 2 and effexor xr did not help him at all. He has been on every med you can think of.
He has had success with Topamax.
As long as he takes it!!! He went off it two years ago, hence my SI membership.

My h also has horrific memory issues. Really frustrating for trying to reconstruct an A timeline. I have read online that there is a connection between bipolar and
Temporal lobe disorder, which messes with memories.

I really like pendulum.org. It's a great support for those who love a bipolar.


Posts: 589 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Gainesville FL
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, July 17th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I guess the main thing about medication is that it truly is individual. I take topamax for prevention of migraine headaches!
His "newest" dr. put him back on the effexor and he seems back to "normal." He's going to begin to see another doctor asap that isn't part of a large group to get better continuity.

Hang in there everyone.
SK


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, August 4th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how do we preserve that part of the mania that is positive? Or is that a dream?

It's a dream. It's the dream that leads bipolars to stop their meds. One of the most dangerous dreams out there.

Because NOTHING is better than the positive mania. But it never lasts. Watch "Limitless" with Robert DeNiro and Bradley Cooper. It's a nice depiction of the experience of positive mania.

I have memory problems. Hey -- maybe I'll forget my husband cheated on me for 6 years!

Yeah, I think memory problems and bipolar go together. I forget all sorts of things everyone else remembers. I think there is a pattern though: I think it's emotionally significant memories that we forget. As in, if the bipolar wasn't in just the right frame of mind emotionally at the time the event occurred then he/she won't remember it. Like, in Oct. 2005 I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage. I can remember being in the kitchen talking to my WH about the positive pregnancy test and him saying he was "cautiously optimisitic" (it was my 4th pregnancy with only one live child) but I don't remember having the actual miscarriage later that month. So, yes, even big things can be forgotten.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
sad12008
♀ Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, August 22nd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back again on this thread...to recap my bio since it's been a while, fWH is dx'd BP-II & severe ADD...now there's a party! Been through the proverbial wringer and I could extract so many statements from others' posts on this thread and label them as my own it's not funny. However, my fWH has been very medication compliant in the past couple years and we continue in MC. In fact, we had just gotten to a point of contentment which led us to say, "y'know, let's only do MC once every 4-5 weeks now!" I was a little nervous (because historically it seems there's always that anvil falling from the sky a la Wile E. Coyote), but kind of excited and proud we'd made it to that point.

...and then he/we started a trial of a new med, Viibryd. The major issue forever in my fWH's satisfaction with his medication regimen is that the one med in the cocktail he takes which dramatically improves things w/o negative MOOD side effects is Lexapro. But of course, this would be the med that has huge sexual side effects which really wear on him and ultimately makes him feel really depressed/resentful/desperate/etc. Thus, we continue on our quest for the Holy Grail. I don't say that facetiously; I'd love for there to be a good substitute for the Lexapro, sex is less satisfying all around if only one partner is getting satisfied IYKWIM.

So this trial w/Viibryd started about 5 weeks ago, and for the past 3 weeks he's been at the 40mg "therapeutic dosage". The Lexapro dosage has been getting cut back, and my fWH is morphing into Mr. Hyde, or should I say has morphed. I have gone from being quite content to feeling about 175-degrees from that emotion. Of course the H I can talk to, who listens to me, is gone....the body snatcher that remains doesn't see any problem at all. In other words, the manic-y asshole I really dislike a LOT.

He's irritable: I'm always on his case, he delivers edicts to the kids at the dinner table, I hear lots of "I hate" statements, etc.

He's spent innumerable hours either working on one of the wood boats he's made in previous years or else frigging with a broken door latch on his beloved Volvo wagon (well call it, "Christine"). I mean days upon days on that door latch issue, getting ever more frustrated. He won't take it to a guy who works on Volvos (esp. older ones) who could have it done, and done right, for probably $100 or less. Nooooo. So, not only has he not been doing other things that need to be done around here, he's also drained two batteries because somehow the electric door locking system is screwed up now (don't ask me how he managed that...but I can hear the pulsing sound, if that makes sense). I'm actually very mechanically inclined and good at this sort of real-life puzzle, but my help/advice/anything is not welcome with this guy.

We have counseling tonight and I swear it cannot come fast enough. I feel at my wit's end. Issues that we'd worked hard in MC to achieve peace on have re-emerged. Meanwhile, both my teenagers are in very depressed moods (both carry the depression dx; I wish I knew back before getting pregnant what I know now in terms of what was getting carried on our genes, because I adore my kids and am thankful for them, but feel badly to have brought someone into the world only to be afflicted with something as burdensome as depression). I'm in a depressed mood. I feel like running up the driveway and not looking back at times, and probably needless to say, a lot of fWH's recent behavior is very triggery.

I'm sorry to ramble on and on. I just needed to get this out; though I have a great IC (thank God for that!!) he doesn't have a BP spouse, and like understanding the BS experience, it's different when you've lived it.

I hope fWH will listen to reason tonight and agree to get in asap to his psych dr. and get off the Viibryd and go back up on the Lexapro before we really and truly hit my breaking point or he does something rash and stupid that rains trouble down on us.

[This message edited by sad12008 at 2:35 PM, February 9th (Thursday)]


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3770 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH has a new person at his job site. She is young and has a lot of disabilities.
This is freaking him out!
Has anyone experienced this?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
oldtimer97
♀ Member
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read a blip on kindling (sorry I closed link, but will edit it if I find it again, cause I want to read it more) This is my FWH atm..so I'm trying to figure this one out. I'm at the end of my ropes and don't think I can get through another full blown mania. He's undiagnosed, but it's either BPD, a metabolic syndrome or a tumor, nothing else fits.


FWIW, because of brain damage, I write in storyteller form, so hardly any short posts from me & bad eyesight gives me a 50% edit rate..Apologies in advance!

Posts: 3168 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 31st (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

I can't go through it either...happy I moved far away.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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