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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, October 4th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think mania is a sliding scale between BPI and BPII.

I've got a boss (now retired) with whom I was very close who is BPI. When he was younger, mania meant buying up a load of illegal weapons and smuggling them into small caribbean nations in an attempt to overthrow the local government.

(That is not hyperbole.)

I spent some time with him manic a few months ago, and while it was intense, it wasn't at the same level of his younger manic experiences. It had many features, in fact, common with my wife's BPII mania, only more intense -- more clearly "off" -- than BPII sorts of mania.

By a strict DSM definition, I could be persuaded that BPII "mania" doesn't really exist, but in a horseshoes-and-hand grenades reality, the term works as well as any to describe the intensely elevated/consequence free moods of BPII "mania".


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, October 5th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ WAL ~ re: your boss...reminds me of some of the exploits of "Electro Boy" (book/site).

IC also feels the hypersexuality from his mania pushes him into wanting The Gay Thing with other men.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, October 6th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes he seems so average/normal...that I wonder if he's just putting one over on me.
Any one go through this and think like this, too?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
MarriedtoStupid
♀ Member
Member # 28270
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 19th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean about the putting one over on you/normal. Sometimes it seems as though he can control so many aspects of his BP and not others.


Me, BS - 35
Him, FWH - 31
4 kids - 17, 14, 4 and 2
Married 7/07
DDay 3/11/2010
Reconciled and starting anew

Posts: 120 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Northeast Ohio by way of Michigan
augustseptember
♀ Member
Member # 29904
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, October 21st (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a BP woman married to a so called emotionally stable husband. Yet, he had an A. I am a different type of BP. I stay in in mixed states, which is actually a new type of BP that Drs. have acknowledged.(Update 10/26/10: I asked my Dr. what my diagnosis was today. I got slammed with BP1. I honestly thought thatmy "mixed states" were their own little section in the Crazy People's Handbook.WTF...)It means that I feel all my emotions at one time. I take my meds and now I just feel numb. I think numb is a good place to be right now due to him having an affair. I just get tired of hearing that my BP caused his affair...NO, my husband being a dumbass caused his affair. We've been married 16 years, he suspected BP with the birth of our 1st child which was 15 years ago(It was confirmed 2 years later). So that excuse doesnt fly. I find that my husband can't give me an excuse for what he has done, ie."I don't know...". Which is really funny, cuz that is the official BP statement. I have to ask our MC about that today!

[This message edited by augustseptember at 2:30 PM, October 26th (Tuesday)]


Me: BW 38
Him: WH 39 (NC_FOOL)
D16 S14 S13
M17 DD9-7-10
Better to be an old maid, than just made..........

For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.
Hebrews 8:12


Posts: 134 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: NC
watchdog12
♂ Member
Member # 25691
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can someone who showed all the symptoms and mania behavior and was diagnosed as BP, later be told they were 'misdiagnosed'? This person showed all the symptoms of BP (anxiety, depression, multiple A's, wild spending, mood swings, suicidal thoughts, binge drinking, weight loss/gain, grandiose beliefs about themselves, etc). They seemed like the poster child for the diagnoses. Now they say they 'arent' and d'never were'. Is that possible? If they weren't, what IS their problem?


"I once had a dream where I ate a tuna and peanut butter sandwich and it was delicious. When I woke up, I made that sandwich and it sucked. I guess some dreams are not to be followed."
Michael Scott, "The Office"

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

augustseptember --

I too am a mixed bipolar with a WH who had my bipolar triggered by pregnancy.

most bipolar relationships suffer infidelity -- so much that infidelity is a symptom. While it is usually the bipolar that is the WS, about 30% of the time it is the spouse.

It is VERY isolating to be married to an active bipolar. It's also very isolating even if you take your meds if your meds change your personality.

My WH also had an LTA. He's not close enough to his family to receive support from them and wound up confiding in someone who I thought was a friend of his, but who was actually a friend with benefits and they wound up renewing their arrangement.

To Million Pieces -- I wanted to say it was about 3 years before I was well enough to work on anything but me. I was 100% compliant with my treatment the entire time. However, by then, my WH was deep into his A and was attached to OW more than me. He vilified me, emotionally abused me, marginalized me because I was "crazy" -- all to protect himeself from the pain of "losing" me to BP and to protect his A, of course.

It took me another 2 years to uncover his A. And a year to mourn it. So, now, about 6 years after I started treatment, now that my WH understands that he's got me back so to speak and that the troubles I have now are NOT BP but healing from the A -- now we are starting to fix our marriage.

So, I guess my WH and I are really stubborn. We each chose to stay when presented with a situation where most would leave.

augustseptember -- have you considered trying a different med? I was numb when I was on Geodon and it bothered my WH hugely. It was like I had no personality. He said I looked like I was going to start crying at any moment all the time, but he knew I really wasn't because he knew I actually had no emotions at all. I take Lamictal now. It's a wonder drug for me. It will be hard to R if you're numb.

watchdog 12 -- the answer to your question is "no." Its an excuse because this person wants to remain manic.

And MTS -- yes, you can completely control bipolar. You need a good pdoc, a compliant patient, and the patient must be VERY determined to control it, but it can be done.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
augustseptember
♀ Member
Member # 29904
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m334455

My doctor had just suggested last week to try Lamictal if things get worse.I have had some side effects from Seroquel at first that just killed me. The dry mouth was the worst. I wasn't having the best time due to the newness of the affair. She said it was something you would have to work onto slowly. By that time I was already on a dosage of 400mg of Seroquel, which the Dr. said was a little above average. She said she wanted to wait until I had stabilized and my life wasn't such a freakin' three ring circus. Believe me, my husband couldn't handle me if I wasn't just numb. I tend to get very violent and have a penchant for doing dirty things to people who have wronged me. That and my Dr. is so awesome. I have yet to pay for a prescription because she stocks me up on what the pharmaceutical companies bring to her office.


Me: BW 38
Him: WH 39 (NC_FOOL)
D16 S14 S13
M17 DD9-7-10
Better to be an old maid, than just made..........

For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.
Hebrews 8:12


Posts: 134 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: NC
augustseptember
♀ Member
Member # 29904
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by augustseptember at 8:16 PM, October 24th (Sunday)]


Me: BW 38
Him: WH 39 (NC_FOOL)
D16 S14 S13
M17 DD9-7-10
Better to be an old maid, than just made..........

For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.
Hebrews 8:12


Posts: 134 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: NC
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MarriedtoStupid ~ that is interesting as I see you are in R. How do you cope with this situation? I hate to feel duped! Even his psychiatrist called him out on it!
The Doc called him "deceptive and dishonest" 3X in one session when I was present.
It made me feel validated.
And he furthermore went on to tell me right in front of bipolar WH that his "bad memory" was: *selective*!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Mainely_sad
♀ Member
Member # 29804
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, October 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! Nice to know I'm not the only one out there!

For more information have a look at my Journal.

FWH is only marginally bipolar - but he goes through periods when his sense of reality wanders off and he makes really bad decisions. I really wish I had known about the BP when we first got together, but his parents made him so ashamed of his "weakness", and he is so good at pretending to be normal, that he didn't tell me until the end of last year!

Unfortunately, it has made him a really good liar and very defensive, which is a problem in R.


Me: 42
FWH: 49 (Bipolar tendencies)
Married: 20 years (together for 22)
MOW: (3 kids under 5): 35
EA: 8 months
DD: 9/1/10
Current State: Reconciliation going well :)
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Nietzsche

Posts: 223 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Maine
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, October 30th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone's bipolar writes/speak in like a "code" or some sort of strange lingo?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Iwant2heal
Member
Member # 29985
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 30th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry forgot to quote the PP. MY WH speak weirdly when he is manic. Like almost like he's slurring his words and uses much larger words than is in his normal vocab.

I have a question. Wh has been taking 900 mg of lithium since Jan. He had an episode 3 wks ago. In which he went back to his ex. He stopped taking his meds for 1 1/2 before the episode (he idnd't "technically" just stop taking them. he couldn't find them forgot to ask and days just kept going by, not that is an excuse...the reason why he couldn't find them was partially my fault because I didn't unpack our bags from a trip. Anyways this is the first episode since Jan. And the episode came after not taking meds. If he was to always take his meds correctly and properly...Does that mean he WONT have an episode? I'm new to all of this


Posts: 77 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Indiana
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:36 AM, October 31st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Meds are NO guarantee.
My WH was on all his meds, the whole lot of them, and cheating up a storm!

((((hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
count5
♀ New Member
Member # 29988
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 31st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a relief to find this topic on a board. I am married to a BP for 23 years. I can't even count the number of affairs that he has had. He was DX with MS in July. Is now disabled. He was a long haul truck driver for 22 years. So, he had ample time for affairs. The latest one I found out about before Christmas. He broke it off and then it started up again. The OW befriended me. Texted me with her problems with her husband etc. We never discussed my husband. The whole time they are still seeing each other. After the DX of MS I found out about the affair and freaked. Was stressful for a few weeks and then found a secret email. So there were again at it. He is a great liar and manipulator. Said he planning on leaving after Christmas. I told him to leave now. So he has been gone a week. The OW is living with her cousin, staying in a room with one of the cousin's children. And my H is living in his car. But he is happy. Insulin dependent diabetic and MS.

I have talked to him since leaving. He did cut me off for a few days. He said this is the "one". I have been controlling for 23 years. And it would be better for me to stop loving and caring about him. Such painful things. He seems to be a new man. He is so self confident and this is the "real" him. He is going to see a Psychiatrist on Tuesday and continue to see his counselor. I set this all up before he left.

So, here I am with three children under 18 left to raise and he is the "real" him. And he is happy. He will be by on Tuesday after hid doctor visit to see the two youngest. The others don't really want to see him. Anything familiar in this?


Posts: 1 | Registered: Oct 2010
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:18 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome count5!
Yes, all very familiar to me.

Today is our 7th wedding anniversay...he makes NO mention of it (he used to), but instead sends me an online gift certificate from amazon.com for *Halloween*!

I'm nearly halfway now through reading Electro boy and I cannot recommend it highly enough for everyone on this thread.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, November 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just saw this on another thread's title here:

"Just when I think its safe to go back in the water"...is how I feel with WH's bipolar manic swings. Damn!

Anyone else feel this way, too?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
MarriedtoStupid
♀ Member
Member # 28270
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dreamlife - I do take it one day at a time, hehe. As long as WFH is on his meds, it seems, things are good. They aren't perfect as he does have the mood swings, irritability and depression, but the mania is controlled by the meds.

FWH does seem to have a very selective memory and it does drive me nuts as well. If there is something that I have an issue with (ie the A) I'll ask him a few times and kind "poll" an answer from him. Then, I'll call him out on it. He just lies about the stupidest things sometimes, like the car needing brakes or whatever. But asking him the same question a few different times usually leads me to the truth, hehe.


Me, BS - 35
Him, FWH - 31
4 kids - 17, 14, 4 and 2
Married 7/07
DDay 3/11/2010
Reconciled and starting anew

Posts: 120 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Northeast Ohio by way of Michigan
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MtS~ Gosh, I totally understand!
WH just decided to *change* our wedding anniversary date!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
lulykr
♀ Member
Member # 29697
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a connection with temporal lobe disorder and bipolar. My H has a terrible time placing events in time. He has memories of what happened but no chronology. I knew this prior to A. It makes constructing an accurate timeline next to impossible. I have found that working together we have been able to put together one that is acceptable to me. Tying in what I saw and learned from gleaning through FB cell phone records plane trips etc.
It was also a deal breaker for me if he stopped taking his meds. He took
them for years until one day he decided he chose to stop
unbenouced to me. It was his choice and with in one months time he had started up an old A, lost a job and blown through 1k plus on drugs.
I'm am still here. He is back on his meds and not using drugs. He is working a program to stay clean and learn about himself. Never say never. Today I know that I really don't know what I am prepared to do until I'm in it.

Posts: 589 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Gainesville FL
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