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User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, April 28th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello,

I am new to this board. I have suspected my WH might be bipolar. We just went through two days of hell where he was totally out of control - hiding my stuff, talking about me badly in front of our kids, staying up all night, etc. He had an A last year, told me he was NC with her but turns out that was never true. He lied about that over and over again. There are other things that have happened but my main question is this:

If you suspect BP (and H went to a IC for awhile who suspected it as well) how do you approach WS about going to see a psychiatrist? He is on an antidepressant and anti-anxiety drug right now but they were prescribed by his family doc so who knows if they are the right ones or if they are triggering the manic episodes.

Also, I have read on this board about BP spouses lying. Is this a frequent symptom of BP? I guess I had not heard of that as a symptom before. I was also intrigued by the bed-wetting and headache indicators - WH has all of those as well. Very interesting.

Thanks!


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, April 29th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anti-depressants can and do trigger mania. Have you told the family doctor?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, April 30th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I have not spoken to the family doc yet nor has WH. After the above-described incidents he is acting like nothing happened. I wrote down everything that happened because I am guessing he either forgot about all the details or is trying to figure out all of the details. I don't know how to approach this issue so that he will listen to me without getting defensive.


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, May 2nd (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in IC?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, May 4th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I am in IC. WH is not. He does not believe he is bipolar. Maybe he is not. All I know is that his behavior is strange. When I discuss it with him he always finds a way to turn it around and make me doubt my feelings. I think I might be dealing with some NPD as well.


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mommy, agree with you about the NPD.
Your WH needs a thorough work up with qualified MDs.
Why not insist on it?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
mommyblonde
♀ Member
Member # 22548
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have told him that he needs to be checked out by a doctor but he continues to insist that he has no problems. I am done trying to convince him to get help - he would rather throw our marriage away than do that. I am working on getting my "ducks in a row" so to speak and file for divorce.


"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo to you, mommy!

((((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
TheDragonfly
♀ New Member
Member # 23463
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, the MC thinks WH is probably Bipolar II, which is no surprise to me or anyone who knows him. He's very reluctant to go on medication, because he enjoys the hypomania and is afraid he won't function well at work without it. He says he'll do it if I insist, or if the MC says she absolutely can't help him anymore and tells him he has to go to a psychiatrist. So he's kind of open to it, but really wants to try to manage his moods with just cognitive behavioral therapy and no meds. Is this doable? He wants to stay with the counselor we're currently seeing (both IC and MC) and not a psychiatrist.

One thing about him that's a little unusual is that he cheats during the depressive phase and not the manic phase. When he's manic, he flirts a lot, but has no attention span to do more than that. Also, he spends more time with me, and I can keep and eye on him. When he gets depressed, he withdraws and starts sneaking around and hanging out in bars behind me back.


BS (me) 37
WS (him) 42
Married 20 years in June '09
DDay #1 5/2004 ONS bar tramp #1
DDay #2 3/25/09
OW- 25 yr old bar tramp #2
Trying to R, in MC

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, this just goes to illustrate the variances of bipolar.
contrary to the "usual", my WH eats a LOT during mania!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
therainisgone
New Member
Member # 5734
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband takes anti-depressants (Cymbalta) and I have suspected for a very long time that he has some sort of bi-polar since he wigs out on me about every 7 years. It's like the medication induces a sort of mania and he thinks he can do whatever he wants. He won;t even talk about it because he's "sick of me making him feel like a nut".


me - BW: 44
him -WS: 48
married: 22 years
2 kids: 20 and 14

Posts: 37 | Registered: Nov 2004
feelingfoolish
♀ Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, May 14th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H just told me yesterday that he hasn't taken his meds for 5 weeks now. Truthfully, I haven't noticed. I am nervous as hell about what is going to happen. He said if I see that he is starting to act bad/manic/depressed, that I can tell him and he will start them again. Any suggestions? I'm sick to my stomach and can't handle any more stress.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 517 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
feelingfoolish
♀ Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, May 14th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MommyBlonde-I would look at the internet under Symptoms of Bipolar. There are a lot of great websites with some great resources. Best Wishes.


me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 517 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
momof1
♀ Member
Member # 23766
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

feelingfoolish - if he has told you that he wants to know if you see signs so he can go back on he meds then I would look at that as a good thing. He is just trying to see if he can learn to be ok without them. I am bi-polar & I refuse to take meds, have for years. I use only natural remedies b/c pharmacuticals mess with me. All I do is sleep... and when I am awake I don't have the energy or motivation to do anything. I just live in a limbo world. And I would rather be manic depressive then just merely exist with no real rhyme or reason. Just b/c a bipolar person seems like they are ok on meds, you can't truly know how hard meds can be on some people. How much of a challange simply things become (It would take me an hour just to get a shower taken - off meds, 15 min. But when you have to talk yourself into finding the energy to breath, not much else gets done with ease). If he does feel as though his meds don't let him 'live' & make him a zombie then talk to his doc about trying different meds or look into all natural treatments to try. But be glad that he is wanting you to warn him if you see problems. This is a very positive sign & he is probably just trying to find his way. Just simply having to take the meds can make you feel like a total, straight jacket needing loon. So keep that in mind. How would you feel if everyday you had to question if you are a nutjob or not... and not talking about the 'making you feel crazy' stuff in the A issues, but an honest to god diagnoses that basically labels you as crazy. Hope anything I said helps.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Washington
feelingfoolish
♀ Member
Member # 22804
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 3rd (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Momof1. I appreciate the insight and actually, my H has said a lot of the same things you have. I try to be as supportive as possible regarding the meds.

I've just been observing him and keeping an eye out for any unsafe behavior. We talked about it and I expressed my concerns, fears and worries. If he gets to where I am really concerned, then we will talk about it and he said he will start back on them.
Well, actually, I didn't have to get to that point, he told me today that he was going to start back because he has been feeling a little too "manic".



me-44y
H-45y M-12 yrs
2 DS-21,15

06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
R-??? trying
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.


Posts: 517 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, June 7th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH has switched to PM shift @ job...sounded very manic for a few weeks in his e-mails to me ...recently admitted he had been drinking "Power/Energy drinks" to stay awake.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its just amazing...how the mood swings show right through his e-mails! AMAZING.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, July 19th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

for my birthday, i got the equivalent gift certificate as i did on mother's day. but last x'mas, wow, it was OTT nuts!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
DAAT
♂ Member
Member # 24477
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been married 10 months to second wife. Iím 41 and sheís 33. I have 3 small kids and she has 1. We dated 6 months prior to getting married. Things were great for the first 3 months then started to get a little rough because of my x-wife, but we got married anyway. About 2 weeks after we got married, I thought to myself, you married someone bipolar. I was blaming the rough times on my x-wife, but now see that the rough times may have been there regardless.

Her History: sexually abused as child, parents ignored it, anorexic, suicidal, battered wife, had many jobs and many relationships.

My History: X-wife left me for my best friend and now whishes she hadnít, but thatís because things didnít work out with her and the OM. I waited a year and a half for her and have a lot of guilt for my poor behavior in that marriage. My new wife knows this and she knows I still have some grieving over the break up of that family. I discussed this with her prior to marriage, but she said she would give me time to grieve.

My wife is wonderful when sheís feeling good, but it occurred to me that her lows are so ugly that Iím actually afraid of them. Sheís a caring Christian woman until the lows, then the F bomb starts flying and I have to listen to how horrible I am for the next hour. A number of times sheís left only to return and tell me how sorry she was and that the problem is with her and how wonderful I am. Her lows are often triggered by her insecurities (which I understand) and she blames my grieving for the cause of her lows.

What does my grieving look like? depression, lack of motivation and quietness. I try and reassure her, but I know I have done a poor job of that. Partly because things got so bad over the winter that I felt like I made a mistake marrying her.

Donít know if my wife is Bipolar or not. Our MC/IC didnít think she was, but he also doesnít live with her. By some classification I may be bipolar. But I don't take my lows out on others.

I have figured out that she is a highly sensitive person and I'm more of a low sensitivity person which has been hard for both of us to adapt too. She also hates her self in depressed states and whishes she could die. According to the IC she has an anger problem which I agree with. But is it just anger or is it Bipolar.

Sheís has been on antidepressant for 32 months and once tried to overdose.

She cheated on me at month 4 months and then became extremely remorseful. Last week I lost it and briefly grabbed her arm to move her to a place where we could talk. As I was walking with my back to here she hit me in the back of the head. I grabbed her by both arms and she says I shoved her to the floor, I actually think she fell back and I left her go, then she got up and started yelling at me and punched me in the face while I was looking down. She cited the reason for hitting me because she was scared citing her past abuse, I told her I thought she was lying about that because I was not threatening her at all. Both times I was not yelling or touching her when she hit me.

It seems we canít go more than 3 days before thereís a crisis. Her lows last from a hour to several hours. When she comes out of it thereís self loathing and then sheís back to being supper happy. Thereís little in-between, its either supper happy or angry and depressed. Itís either life his horrible and she hates me and wants a divorce or life is great and why canít I be as excited as she is?


Any thoughts?


Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2009
sparklemotion
♀ Member
Member # 13289
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 13th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

recently admitted he had been drinking "Power/Energy drinks" to stay awake.

My husband literally looks like he's going to burst through his skin when he drinks energy drinks, complete with exteme skin flushing and a "crazy" look in his eyes.

I cringe every time I discover he's drinking alcohol while taking Lamictal.

[This message edited by sparklemotion at 9:05 AM, August 13th (Thursday)]


A matter of complication
When you become a twist
For their latest drink
As they're transitioning

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