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User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
mm32
♀ New Member
Member # 19856
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey...

So my therapist thinks that I'm bi-polar due to lots of dif. things, my yo-yo mood swings and the fact that all the anti-depressants i have ever been described making things worse amongst lots of other reasons.

I really don't know much about the whole bi-polar thing or treatments.

On top of all this my D-Day was a few weeks ago so I'm dealing with tons of crap with my WS...

Any one got any info???

I'm supposed to be going in tomorrow to be put on mood stabilizers. I have no clue how they work though or anything about well anything really right now.

I feel like my brain is mush today.

Way too much to process.


D-Day May 12th 2008

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: MI
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mm~

So...how are you feeling tonight?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, June 17th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mm
I've suspected I was bipolar, but only because of my behaviour after dday, and not before.
I was told it was because I was overwhelmed, and that by fighting the anxiety, my moods sometimes became elevated.
No-one has explained why I can't tolerate normal anti-d's.
Will be back later with some references for you.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope these tidbits help some people here:

Bi-polar gives the person an 'inclination' to behave in destructive ways. There is always a way to control them and the best way is behavioral psychology. Drugs help you stabilize to a point but it becomes a crutch if used as a sole source of help.

Bi-polar people definitely need support, openess, and acceptance from their spouses.

My husband and I are working on R. If he's in his manic or depressive state he tells me (or I tell him based on cues I have learned). He learned to be aware of his behaviour and shifts his way of thinking to change his behaviour and bring it back to "normal".

Focus on unselfishness or rather making the other person happy has helped him with his priorities and rethink everything he is doing. This prevents him from overspending or behaving promiscously.

Understanding oneself and be aware of it as well as double-teaming with your spouse to help you with the bi-polar is a tremendous help to life the burden. It makes bi-polar easier to manage (combined with behavioral therapy).

Really, the brain is awesome and neuropathways can still be re-connected in the proper way (I'm not saying cure here, I mean behaviours). Hence why change is ALWAYS possible for those who truly want them no matter how old you dogs are . Pretty much, from what we both learned, behavior and habits can't change unless the mind is trained to do so first.

I am telling you it is possible to live a normal happy life.

[This message edited by Simple at 1:38 PM, July 8th (Tuesday)]


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. Good luck with that.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
rvcurrit
♂ Member
Member # 8105
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!

I just spent over an hour reading every post
I do have a couple questions--
it seems that my W has rewritten history to the point that she has said her multiple A's were because of me as (for want of a better word) punishment!
second she has convinced herself that she does not love me and never has.
could this change if it is just BP talking?


just a couple weeks ago I posted my first vent after three years (there were no cuss words at all) and the next day someone else posted a vent that was plain Nasty.
I answered the other poster and told him that in comparison my vent was a compliment!

my W's response was that I wanted his vent to be mine against her!

She has been down now for a long time (almost all year) and I am very worried about her well being.

any suggestions?
Ron

[This message edited by rvcurrit at 12:56 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


If I had to do it all over again--
I'd do it with you, Samanatha!
I am Married to Samanatha and proud of it!
"Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they hav

Posts: 3377 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: an Island in Alaska
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Ron.

And welcome :)

I'm not full of suggestions because I'm separated from my H. I suspected he was bipolar a couple of years after d-day, but it took two more years for him to realise that his life was out of control, and to face up to the fact he was the one who was ill, not everyone else. He then accepted help, but still has to be firmly in control of his life and surroundings. He's unmedicated, and I don't know whether being medicated would bring back the man he was, or if he's lost for ever.

I'd suggest reading up on the illness to see if it really does match your wife's symptoms. BP can mimic a lot of other illnesses, so you can't diagnose it yourself, but you can become better informed. This document is a few years old but still one that I find useful:

http://www.healthandage.com/html/well_connected/pdf/doc66.pdf

Google is your friend, but as with most things, try to understand the motivation of the people posting information. Sometimes it's a drug company, or a single individual posting about their own experiences. I've also found support groups that focus entirely on the BP person rather than including their carers or supporters are not terribly helpful, because a lot of the time you're talking to people who are in the middle of a mood swing, and that they're not very consistent or reliable.

If your wife is unhappy, she may be open to suggestions that she needs to talk to a doctor and be assessed. However, denial of the disease is quite common, and she may not listen. Still, you may be planting a seed.

Ideally, a BP person who accepts help will have a psychiatrist, who will monitor any necessary medication as well as moods, and a therapist who will see them more regularly. If your BP spouse sticks to a treatment plan, there can be an improvement.

Regarding what your wife actually says...yes, it can change. If she's BP. And if she's BP, there's not a lot of point engaging in these types of conversations if they don't make sense at the time.

Your chances of changing her mind while she's unstable aren't good. Having said that, BP people are very varied, as is the illness....everyone is an individual, even if they show common traits. I'm no expert. I've read that you shouldn't challenge them, but I've also read stories from the SO's of BPs who do challenge them with some degree of success.

So...read, learn, and good luck. And I'm hoping someone might come along with more advice than I can offer.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
jadedandlost
♀ Member
Member # 20204
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH is bi polar. i always knew he had some mental issue but could never get him to treat it DDAY forced him into treatment . b/c he went off the deep end and the police were involved treating his mental illness was better then jail. even though he had a GF i stood by him threw 4 hospitalizations that 1st yr .anyway i have a meds question , my WH is still very depressed but i think thats b/c i just cant commit fully to R yet . he tells me if i want a D he will kill himself (and this is 2 yrs out). it scares me. but he also sleeps constantly ,,,,, far far to much . he thinks its the meds . he also thinks the meds are not doing a thing b/c he is still depressed ( but he isnt swapping manic moods every 30 minutes). do ALL the meds make you tired ? is there a solution? he has tried several meds currently on lamictal and celexa. i mean if left alone he could sleep for days . he goes to work comes home and sleeps . honestly it pisses me off a bit we have 4 kids im tired to i need help . what good is he here if all he does is sleep and cant function

Posts: 81 | Registered: Jul 2008
PTRN
♀ Member
Member # 19730
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jaded, I understand how frustrating the sleeping for days while you're functionally a single parent, can be.

No advice, just commiseration.


Posts: 214 | Registered: Jun 2008
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jaded

I think a dedicated bipolar site might have better answers on the meds. The small numbers of BP spouses here on SI mean you may not get the wide range of responses you need.

People vary so much in their reaction to meds, and it can take a while (and the right kind of medical help) to get the right combination for each individual.

I don't know where you live, but some countries have local branches of mental health support groups that might be useful for you to bounce ideas off.

Do you know what type of BP your H has been diagnosed with? I guess if he's holding down a job he's doing better than many are able to. And regarding what good he is to you ... there has to be recognition that this is a chronic illness. It's a bit like diabetes or any other illness. If he's in a depressed state, then he's depressed and probably not able to function well. Assuming he's med-compliant, (which is a blessing, because many aren't), it may be that his meds need tweaking. What do his doctors say?


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
clearlydazed
♀ Member
Member # 19501
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH just got diognosed with BP II

Does anyone have any knowledge of this - I know that it is different from BP I.

I have searched the web for info, but was hoping my friend here at SI could give me some input.

Thanks!


Posts: 245 | Registered: May 2008
usedtobeme
♀ Member
Member # 5918
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jaded-

I'm bipolar (a BS). A lot of the meds that they initially tried on me made me SO tired. It was just a matter of finding the right meds (or right combination of meds, in my case). Even now, if they adjust the dosage, I feel like I could sleep for days. I can't, though, with 4 kids.

Clearly dazed...Bipolar I is more extreme than bipolar II. That's the way my psych put it. If you throw "rapid cycling" in there, it adds a whole new dynamic in the picture. My husband never knew who I was going to be, day to day.


Where are we? Here.

What time is it? Now.


Posts: 4110 | Registered: Nov 2004
clearlydazed
♀ Member
Member # 19501
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone know what a mood stablizer would do to a person that has been diagnosed as BPII, but my be just depression? Will it have any effect on depression?

Posts: 245 | Registered: May 2008
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is bipolar II. He is presently on lithium, which controls his manic episodes but is not as effective for the depression part of the disease. He was on Effexor and then on Zoloft but that was cut as he was sleeping all the time.

If he gets too depressed, we will try another AD with the lithium but for the time being, just the mood stabilizer for him.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
usedtobeme
♀ Member
Member # 5918
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I take tegretol as a mood stabalizer, and valium to combat the shakiness that the Abilify gives me. It works out well for me...


Where are we? Here.

What time is it? Now.


Posts: 4110 | Registered: Nov 2004
Cliche
♀ Member
Member # 18659
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, September 29th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I have read, Lamictal is a mood stabilizer that also has an anti-depressive action. I am not completely sure, but I thinki, if you really aren't bi-polar, the main problem with being on mood stabilizers are their sucky side affects.


BS - me 55
WS - H 56
DDay 3/28/07 I was 53, H 55)
3 kids 23.21.18
married 31 years
together 30
reconciling....


Posts: 580 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: California
tk59194
♂ New Member
Member # 20874
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 8th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I am a BS and 27 years old. 3 weeks after my wife cheated on me, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. Huh.. Imagine that. I went to a phsychologist because at the time I truly believed it was my fault that my wife had an affair so I went and got diagnosed. I look back now and actually wonder if I am bipolar or if maybe I was just going fucking nuts over the affair...

Posts: 49 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: San Marcos Texas
stobes
♂ New Member
Member # 21218
Default  Posted: 5:01 AM, October 11th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just googled HPD (along with a boatload of other acronyms used here) and was blown away. My ex fits the criteria to a tee. Also ridiculously attractive. A huge tease. Loves excitement and adrenaline rushes. I'm guessing blind sided's ex and mine may have been cast from the same mould.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Melbourne AU
stobes
♂ New Member
Member # 21218
Default  Posted: 5:15 AM, October 11th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by stobes at 6:19 AM, October 11th (Saturday)]


Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Melbourne AU
stobes
♂ New Member
Member # 21218
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, October 11th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by stobes at 6:19 AM, October 11th (Saturday)]


Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Melbourne AU
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