Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs -V I I
Brokenworld
♀ Member
Member # 15293
Frustrated  Posted: 5:53 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartache07 - I only have a sec my H is on his way home and we are going out of town for the holiday, but I wanted you to know that we understand that when you lie and look to deceive like our H's did the damage done to all the good years is somehow tainted. That being said it takes major work on both of you parts (mostly his) for you to feel comfortable and trusting again. Be strong, talk often and more importantly listen - you'd be surprised what is said between the lines. good luck to you - I'll check in on you next week.
BW


Me: BS
Him: FWH LTA 10+ years
Married:32 years; Together 34
In R I pray
1 Daughter; 1 Son
D-Day 7/2003
Confrontation 8/2004
Relapse 8/2006
Reconciliation...2008

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: SE US
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've either slowed down or ya'll have sped up. I just can't seem to keep up anymore.

Welcome to the newbies. Hate to see you have to be here, but glad you found your way.

O.K. wedding details.
Beautiful
DD's dress was white, strapless, and had burgundy red embroidery that started at the top and tapered down to just below the waist. Her vail was trimmed in the same. Her hair was curled in Shirley Temple kind of curls with the top pulled back, her vail was made onto a tierra that held the top of her hair back. Just lovely. Him, he had black on. I didn't really notice much more about him. Maid of honor was in burgundy red with black and the two brides maids (her two sisters) were in black with the burgundy red bouquets. Sounds different but it was beautiful. The hall was fixed up very nice with a lovely archway with lights and bows. They had a unity candle ceremony. And when it ended, as far the LAST NAME

I naturally already knew it ahead of time (she's been going with this boy for about 5 years) but when I heard it said out loud attached to my DD, I just had to turn to H and get a good dig in. Actually snaggletooth's name and SIL's name are spelled with one letter difference but pronounced the same. I keep trying in my head to pronounce them differently, if you try real hard you can. Especially when I dub snaggletooth with the last name bitch, which is more fitting to her. We got some good pictures, if I can learn how to I might PM ya'll one when I get them. We had a nice reception with way more food than we could all eat, but we gave it our best shot. ALL my kids and their spouses and their kids were there. Our family picture will be something to behold. And most all of us dressed in the black and burgundy red theme. DD was flying high with happiness. SIL, well who cares. But he was well behaved and very nice. But FSA got to have her fun rehearsal night. I stool in for the bride, and boy oh boy I had some fun with that. SIL is lucky he didn't get some tongue at the part where you get to kiss the bride. I should have. But I did do alot of joking and hand holding and hugging and making lovely eyes at him. He turned red quite a number of times. The preacher took the rehearsal very serious and made us repeat all the vows. I told him I would not do so until he assured me that it was not binding in any way. Also when my H went to give me away as the bride, the preacher said that he could kiss the bride, but I said oh no not tonight. H knew where I was coming from. Anyway, I had a blast if no one else did.

Again my DD was just beautiful. And she's happy and that's all that matters for now. But she better stay that way or SIL will have FSA to deal with. Me eating shit is one thing, but not my kids.

LOL
FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds wonderful, fsa.

Your humor is what will pull you out of your hole every time. Treasure it!


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to find some of that humor tonight.
I've been in a pretty stronghold against H for lying to me yet again. Just how TF does he think he's ever going to regain any kind of trust with more lies. Damn he's stupid.

I played around with SIL so much at the rehearsal, that at one point I overheard his mother say "she might really like my son alot". Actually he's o.k. It's just his history. And he knows without a doubt how I feel about that.
Another one for FSA. Before the preacher ended the ceremony he told the kids that he felt a special bond with them and that he wanted to give them some words of advise. He gave them almost verbatim(sp?) the same advise I had given them a couple of weeks ago. If only they will take heed and listen.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evg all...
62 messages already! I'm so glad to have SI. I think we are a formidable group when it comes to posting and this is such great support. Thanks everyone! Hugs to those in need.
Welcome to the newbies.
FSA... glad to hear the wedding went well. You are my heroine in this regard. We had 2 weddings last year and I don't know how I would have behaved. Instead I was totally unaware. But having the knowledge now makes the memories 'difficult'... for lack of a better word. And OW has MY 1st name!

LostS


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lostsuol, surely your 1st name is not bitch. That's what all OW 1st and last name is.
Sorry, just my dry sense of humor.

Actually they are known on the LTA forum as:
snaggletooth, waddlenecked, slut monkey, cum sucking, saggy assed, butt ugly, sorry excuse for a human, life stealing, money grubbing, skanky, butt ugly, dried up, stinky no deod using, waste of space, butt ugly, low life, ho's.



FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotta get my supper finished.

Maybe I can check in later, being as I'm hardly talking to H. I'd rather no conversation over lies.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
ziggy
♀ Member
Member # 16086
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

heartache07 and Brokenworld

I am right there with you! Married for 32+ years with 3 adult children and 5 grandchildren. In spite of everything he has done, I still love him and cannot imagine my life without him. Which he finds very hard to believe or understand. He keeps telling me he has done too much damage and I can not get over it. I tell him not to tell me what I can or cannot do! I prefer to think about it this way. I will never get "over" it, but I do intend to get through it!


Posts: 115 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Pittsburgh
zanny
♀ Member
Member # 13183
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI All:
Whew, I just can't keep up. the names are rough on me too...I can't seem to keep them straight!

Welcome to the new ones..so sorry you are here. For the person that is 6 weeks out....the information comes out in new ways. You get the first wave, and you mull it over. Then, more questions, and more questions...you begin putting the pieces together. When they stop fitting neatly, that's when you get more information that's usually not that great and sets you back. It's a long process, after 6 weeks, you are just in the beginning. Like Run said, do for yourself as much as possible because it's going to go on for a while.

FSA, the wedding sounds like it was beautiful. I am sorry about your H's lie. I don't know what it was. I think sometimes the details escape them. They just don't seem to matter because they are trying to move past it. He was clearer in the beginning, now the memory seems to fade faster and faster.

I am 15 months out...I ask a few things periodically, but it seems to matter less and less.

No SVS...I have been thinking of her.

Lost Soul...hang tight. I really think that your H pushed the limits of this to test you. If your M fails over this because you hold your ground, you at least know the truth. No man would let his M fail over a letter if he wants to be married. You are right, it's time to stand firm.


BS-Me
WS-Him
D-day #1 LTA
False Reconciliation then
D-day #2
In reconciliation


"Just when the caterpillar thought it was over, she became a butterfly."


Posts: 573 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: The Middle of Somewhere
quiet one
Member
Member # 16850
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just came across this thread (after seeing it suggested some where else).

My FWH had a PA-only (his words) "relationship" that was on-again, off-again over a period of three years. He claims they only got together 3 or 4 times a year for weekends and a couple of drinks after work on occasion.

He tells me that during this time when he was with me he was 100% with me and that she was purely for sex. But I am wondering how that can be. I just want to understand it all and I fear that is something that just will never happen.

Every photo of our lives over the last three years is a trigger right now. We have a 2 yo DS so there are TONS of photos and it breaks my heart that when I look at them I think "that was while he was deceiving me" instead of remembering the happy times with my little one.

Anyway, thought I would pop in here and say "hi"


Barn's burnt down...now I can see the stars

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Somewhere I don't recognize
zanny
♀ Member
Member # 13183
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Quiet One. I am glad you posted, as with the other new people. It helps when people continue to post..we get to know you a bit more.

Yes, the triggers with the photos. That still stays with me after 15 months, it's still hard to not put our lives in the framework of the A. Like your H, he says it's physical...he was always with me and the children. He compartmentalized it. I guess we all begin to do that after time, it gets too hard to live with the pain so raw. Eventually, we learn how to put it away.

Just a note, Dr. Seuss was a big time cheating kind of guy...had an LTA with a business associate whom his wife knew. I discovered that after d-day, and Dr. Seuss isn't one of my favorite people!!


BS-Me
WS-Him
D-day #1 LTA
False Reconciliation then
D-day #2
In reconciliation


"Just when the caterpillar thought it was over, she became a butterfly."


Posts: 573 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: The Middle of Somewhere
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Lord! You ladies have been busy! Welcome Heartacheo7. Sorry you're here, but at least you're in the right place.
When we are together having quiet dinner over a glass of wine or he is writing me his feelings I feel good and think there is hope....and then when we are apart I start triggering and start questioning. Am I getting duped again? Sad! Does it ever change?
Yes, it changes. And there are a lot of stages to get there. You're in early days and you're in for a mariad of emotions and quite a ride. But I am one of the ones here who can say it's well worth it. My H and I are almost 2 years out and we've done a LOT of work and we've come to a very happy place together. I think Run had the best piece of advice for you right now. Start taking good care of yourself starting today. You're body, mind and soul go through quite a bit on this journey. You'll find that just about all of us here have experienced our H's to lie, withhold and give out information in stages. There's a lot to take in and quite frankly I think my H would have sent me over the edge without a return ticket in the beginning had he told me all of it at once. He basically gave me a complete overview but there were a LOT of missing details that made a difference. Wanting to know everything is normal and asking questions and digging for truth is part of the process. It's an ugly and crazy making dance most of us know the steps to all too well! It is part of the process though for most of us. You can make it work, but it will take two of you to do this. For those of us who have gotten through this fastest or most successfully the strategy was to work on and within ourselves to make ourselves strong and confident we'd be OK no matter what our H's chose to do. This, IMO, is the only way to keep your sanity while you go through the stages. Truth is, we will never be able to control what they do or don't do. Only they can make those choices. So we have to focus on what we can control and that's within us and around our choices only. Stick around. There is much sage advice and sharing that goes on here. And please know that you'll see some of us in the game for awhile have bad days too still. We all hold one another up here when we can. Hang in there.

Wonderful decorating Zanny! I can smell the pine boughs as I walked in! As they say in Ireland, "It's the lasht word in deck-o-ratin"

FSA - You ROCK!!! I'm so glad to see that sense of humor back!! I'm with Run. It pulls you out every time. And as for that H? Well stupid is a real good name for him this week. You tell him the Cowgirl said to knock that shit off or we're all comin down there to smack a little sense into him! I sure hope he looked around yesterday at all he has with your gorgeous family all around and realized his crazy, stupid, unnecessary lies can fuck it all up!

Welcome QuietOne - You're in the right place. Sorry to hear your story. You'll find most of us here are facing LTA's of 5 years on up. At 3 years you're more than qualified to be here. Bet you could think of better things to be qualified for though! Pull up a chair and jump in at any time.

If I forgot anyone else new, my apologies. It's been pretty active in our new digs here! 70 posts on day one!! YIKES!

And last - SVS had to go out of state for court so we most likely won't hear from her until Wed. or Thurs. Keep holding her in your thoughts though as I'm sure whatever the outcome she's drained and a bit beat up. Thinking of ya SVS. (((((SVS)))))


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lostsuol, surely your 1st name is not bitch. That's what all OW 1st and last name is.

FSA! No, at least that's not the name on my birth certificate. LOL! But it is what it is, and it justs adds to the betrayal I feel. It's sad though when being called by your name is a trigger.

Humour! why do so many of his emails (sent by both men and women (another fact I've brought up with him but had no luck with curtailing) contain 'humour' in the form of marriage or infidelity jokes, images and videos? Of course, none of these people know of his A! And they wouldn't believe it of him either!

Uh Oh! venting mode kicking in... not good for R but then again gotta air it somewhere. {{{LTA}}}



Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
heartache07
♀ New Member
Member # 16582
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you One Tough Cowgirl...It really helps to hear that people like yourself have "made" it. Right now it seems so impossible at times. Your words help to give me strength. I will try to take care of myself - probably something I haven't done. I think I have kept worrying about what "if" he cheats again or goes back on i-net and then as you said "we will never be able to control what they do or don't do" I think I finally get it. I need to stop worrying about that and worry about whay I can control which is me. I will sleep better tonight. Thanks for all the words of wisdom to everyone....

Posts: 27 | Registered: Oct 2007
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, my friends. Just have a moment - we are still out of state. Court was sooooooooo draining today. Everything is being argued. AND ... we have to go back tomorrow morning. HO got on the stand today and lied, lied, lied. Lucky for us our attorney very carefully picked apart her testimony pretty well. Tomorrow she will testify some more and then H will go up on the stand. Sigh. We have lots and lots of documentation, hopefully it will be noticed. Everything the HO claims - no documentation. Everything H claims - documentation. Seems like a no brainer to me.

Thank you for your vibes and prayers and hugs. I really need them. This is probably the toughest battle I have ever had to face.

But believe me, that effing HO had me staring her down, directly across from her, while she sat in the witness chair trying to testify.

Sorry if I ramble. I will post more details when I get home. But please please keep those vibes, hugs and prayers coming tomorrow. We are close to completely exposing the HO.

Blessings and Hugs to everyone,
SVS



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SVS))))) Hang in there kid. We're all rooting for you! Give that whore what for!! Just know we're all here, behind you. Just like the Verizon commercial! ((((SVS))))


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartache - Worrying about him going back to it is also part of the process. Please know that you've sustained a major trauma. There is an element of this that causes PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and the wild feelings and fears are all part of it. Familiarize yourself with symptoms of PTSD. It may help. Many counselors and therapists miss this whole thing and don't address it as part of their treatment. This is all normal and to be expected. We've all been there. And even in the times where you feel like you can't make it, know you can. Come here and join with us. We're living proof that you will get through this.

Shirley girl - How ya doin? You've been in my thoughts a lot. I hope the ground is coming back under your feet a little. ((((((Shirley)))))


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SVS, more prayers and good thoughts heading your way. Hang in there.


FSA, that sounds like a wonderful day. I'm so happy for you and your daughter. I hope you didn't freak your new SIL out too badly.


Welcome to all the newcomers, and sorry you have to be here. Hope everyone else is doing OK.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((((((svs))))))))))))))

Fingers crossed, girlfriend. Best of luck. Hang in there!


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((SVS))))))

I am sending positive thoughts that the truth will prevail in your case. I know from personal experience how draining emotionally the litigation is, and please take care of you. It must be hard listening to Ho lie. But I'm glad you were mad-dogging her on the stand. You GO, girl!

Keep us posted.

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.