we have not had an opportunity to talk about much since then. will talk about it tonight
wish me luck
Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option.
I wish you luck, but hold your ground. This a huge violation of trust she just committed. You desearve be treated better bottom line.
That is utter bullshit. There is no slack here. She is either in the game or out.
You deserve better.
i'm still in the D-process,
but GOOD FOR YOU!
to keep yer dam boundaries -
get the FUCK away from the UTTER BULLSHIT!
You Just Know.
then the laughter.
just gotta be patient.
jjct, a change
wh5 - 12% ($20)
tputer - 14% ($20)
Nvis Man -16%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20% ($30)
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited – 23%
Ready - 25%
t2g - 27%
Hope it helps.
Hope it helps.
I'm in for $40 (tapped out my Paypal balance!!).
"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List
We at 230?
Wimmens in BIG trouble!
I just wanted to yell it out somewhere, I don't feel like it is important, and it wont go anywhere, but I am so tired of all of it.
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
That and I am trying so hard to R, but it is a one way street, its me. I mean she is here, she is remorsefull and has said sorry. But thats it. Her IC told her like 9 months after A that she had done everything possible and now it was up to me to fix me. He simply enabled her to drop any effort at all.
I have asked many times to go to MC, she answers either no or if you need me to, I'll go (very sarcasticly). I already know that that is a complete waste of time and hope.
I hate all of these feelings that keep boiling up inside of me that I cant do anything with. I am not willing to walk away from the kids. Life here is not untolerable, but the internal stuff kills me. I just don't know how to dump it and accept what I have.
99.9 percent of all of this is below the surface, I know better than to bring it out. ANd W is just as happy to not deal with it. I feel like she feels that since she has it all under control (SAb), then I should also. Guess I am not a good as her in that area. I don't know how to close the lid.
And on top of that I am dealing with my adult and teenage kids who are just so full of themselves. And some of the crap is just so hurtful to a soul.
That and no jobs. This economy has wiped out my job, nothing out there on the horizion either. The local paper has had less that 20 ads each day since November. I don't qualify for most. At the general ones, wow, the shear number of applicants . Not the best of times for a 53 yo guy with a couple of health issues.
Trick is I am so very tired of the fight. I hurt all the time, physically and emotionally. I see no end. to it. I struggle so hard to find any value to me. I feel like that gutted guy that was left on the side of the road on dday. I live my life saying sorry for everything I do or say.
I just hate this frickin life. And yet I am stuck in it.
Right now I have a job lined up in June and July in the mountains in New Mexico. I am looking forward to that, it is outdoors and doing what I like to do. So - maybe.
Anyway guys, thats a small side of it. I appreciate the ear. I just have no support system here IRL. It just kinda sucks.
I do understand some of what your going through. After DDay #1 I was trying so hard to save the M, to make it work. We did go through MC, not a very good one, but one. I was told I was the one that needed to step up in the M, basically I was 50% part of the reason my W had an A in the first place.
For SAB survivors this is all their taught, and learned their whole life. WW can bury it, put it in the past no problem, and your supposed to to the same.
I was so stupid to buy into it.. If I did everything the MC was asking for, somehow it would fix that broken. My XWW of course was good at doing the minimum needed, placating the MC. Course skirting around all the SAB issues. Until they actually realize that there line of thinking is not normal, and healthy ways are available to handle their lives... Well they have to do it that for themselves, no one can hold a mirror up to them.
Hurts, it suck your stuck in her spiral, but know shes never going to change. The economy totally sucks, and theres really nothing you can do about that. Good you got a job prospect for the summer. Lots of people around here are losing their long time jobs. Sucks...
I didn't know better, or have the insight to infidelity like I do now.
I want to help you figure out how to dump it, as you say - cause if you don't...well don't mean to be exaggerating, but you know...eats up inside. Yep.
Some call it 'ideating', I'll just call it waving a magic wand and fixing it for you.
So what I imagine, since I've never been able to express myself either -
is to interview, or 'screen' several MC's, IC's.
Too many stories on here of dumbass counselors that piss me off to no end! -
so I aint taking a chance.
I'm going to make sure they 'get it', and are talented/gifted 2X4-wielders.
I will lay out all the patterns of deception, lies, gaslighting, avoidance - and subsequent cruelty to me, in advance.
Then I haul her sarcastic ass in. I'm making a 2-hour appointment!
I got my list, and I got color-coded cards to hold up for each one of her patterned-"avoidance behaviors". All planned out.
I am doing the big dump. All reasonable-like...
no shouting...nope...don't need to.
You know why?
Cause I don't care about the outcome for her; whether she listens, or gets it, or not.
I already know the outcome for me.
But it's for me, and it'll feel great to finally be able to express myself without interruptions, rage, diversions, tangents, bullshit!
It's a real "letting go of the outcome" moment for me!
Man, I feel better after just typing this thing! lol!
Also, it feels like I am living out a sentence in my M one painful day at a time and completely unable to change things for the better. FWW isn't serious about MC or IC, but she could benefit from both. The A topic always lurks on the edges, but we never talk about it any more. When I bring it up she gets defensive and angry.
I am right there with you feeling that life sucks and you can't do much about it.
This causes major problems later in life. Since what they have gone through early in life these coping mechanisms take hold. We as people that don't understand their mindset don't understand. Later in life they act out, for attention, usually sexually.
Link to an article about it:
Some act out, some hide under anti depressents, some other try to find out why they are feeling this way.
I would venture to guess that 90%+ of all of us BH are dealing with WW that have been through this.
My FWW is a victim of childhood SAb.
It's a terrible thing. Not their fault that they never developed proper coping mechanisms. Part of the fall out for me is her inability to be empathetic. It tears me apart.
The only relief I get is when I internalize my pain and stop looking toward her to meet my needs. But then I get resentful.
3 years out. Life isn't turning out for me the way I had envisioned.
I ended up selling tools that I didn't use alot any more. Many scan tools, my DRB3, Tech 2, PDS, a Modis. I also sold off my Landcruiser, and MR2 that I have had since highschool. I did it all to pay off my XWW on Child support for my son to be current. I had enought left over to buy this sweet little 2004 Audi S4 convert off of ebay. Black on black 4.2 v8 6 speed, 340hp, quattro. It was delevered today at the shop. I simply can't afford it insurance wise. I ended up selling it to a customer, that offered to buy it.
For once in my life I could have something this nice... I could just envision my son sitting in the back, seeing the world as only one can in a convertable during the summer. God he would have just plain loved it, totally a different experiance.
I had so many dreams, envisioning a future, it seems like every time I try to make stuff happen... Well back to reality...
Course didn't help driving home in my 20 year old Celica that 3 Doors Down Loser came on... I can totally understand that song now...
It shouldn't have to be like this. Im sick of the Drama, im sick of fighting tooth and nail for what is right. Im sick of trying to make it work and falling right back down. Im tired of fighting, working my ass of to make a life work. IM sick of moving 2 steps forward only to be pulled back... By a person that should not have control of me, but through the court system does... How much longer do I have to pay for it!?
I hear you. I did a lot and swallowed a lot to keep my family together (I didn't want to pay CS and alimony and live in my parents' basement).
My daily driver is a battered, 13 year old Toyota Tercel. My fun vehicle is a small, leaky, 30 year old Japanese motorcycle. I pick up a lot of my clothing at thrift shops.
But my girls have a home, they're fed, and they may not have what their friends do, but they have enough.
I guess I'm saying a good relationship with your son is worth more than any material thing.