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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry your here. Make sure you Eat, Sleep and drink lots of water. Benadryl is great for sleep. IMHO she needs to find out why she did these things. IC/MC may help. If you can find out why then maybe it can be fixed.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Broken

I second everything shyguy says. Don't worry too much about the forgiveness at this point. Wory about getting through the day, and then the week. You're in for a long term battle here, so be kind to yourself.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35359 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Finallyawake
♂ Member
Member # 21554
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken,

I would add exercise. If you are not working out you should start. Every day. Run/walk one day and weights the next.

It might be hard at first but it does help out a lot in the long run.

Hang in there


On my own and a better man for it

Posts: 458 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Phoenix
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH5, yeah this has been going on for over a year, sure would like to get passed this. As far as anything I can do, I think short of not associating with this woman anymore, the wife is just going to keep seeing something. I avoid any circumstances to be alone with this woman, try to have the wife there as much as possible, which is most of the time. I view this woman as "one of the guys", there is absolutely no physical attraction there at all. I just don't know what else to do.
Now on top of all of this, I'm being trashed, and labelled in the wifes thread. Some days it just doesn't seem worth it to open my eyes in the morning.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jimi,

I think you and Connie need to sit down and hash this out. No anger, no worrying about what the people here think. Just talk it out. It may help to have a neutral 3rd party involved.

The way you've (both of you) have been handling it is not working. Time to try something new, and get this resolved. Wishing you the best of luck with this. I don't envy you.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35359 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appretiate that, my friend. You're right of course, this isn't working.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Broken, I third what shy guy says. Sucks you have to find us, but your in great company here.

Jimi, I read through all of the responses to your FWW thread. I gotta tell ya, you really do need to sit down and talk this one out. I think any post made in general about this type of thing is going to be made out to the Nth degree as an A. I truly don't understand that your FWW knows that you won't have an A, shes more worried about this other woman showing you stuff about horses, and your FWW feels that she should be the only one showing you. Im sorry this is selfish, shes projecting her short comings onto you. Thats not fair, you aren't the one that has the history. As far as getting trashed and labeled in the forums, thats to be expected I guess, because alot of the people on their are raw. They are looking for the worst possible, because that is all they know at this point.

I say talk it out one on one with your FWW, putting it out like that in the forums isn't constructive.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome broken)))
I'd add: keep posting!
Of course, we're knuckle-dragging neanderthals,
scratching, grunting, and farting our way thru life -
so,
actually posting thoughts "out there" is an immense help
(not to mention the outpouring of wisdom from fellow cave-men ).

I can't say enough about how SI has helped me stay reasonably sane & functioning.
It has been such a safe place for me to process the crappiness, but also (& interestingly to me) -
it has been a challenge.
The challenge to "think of it this way" or "see it different"...in ways I wouldn't have considered, has been essential to opening my mind, to see beyond "me" -
& also to see "within" me!
It sorta goes both ways, truly stretching, and thereby lengthening my capabilities (to heal).

"Challenge" seems to be the theme-du-jour for me...
"Carpe challenge", guys!

Our running-bet, on the men-to-women ratio is:
10 dollars a number.
Pick a number...Proceeds to SI, let's keep it running for other folks, eh?

jj-10%
sportsfan -11%
wh5 - 12% (20 bucks!)
Finally -13%
tputer - 14%
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20%
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited 23%
Ready - 25%
t2g - 27%
jj- 28%

170 bucks!

Window's still open...need at least 3 more to get to 200!
C'mon! Let's do it!


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
wishingitwasnt
♂ Member
Member # 20380
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been trying to wade through this thread and make sense of what I see, but being an outsider, well...

But, I'm a BH, so I certainly fit here somehow.

At this point I feel like we are pretending to R. I get nothing. She just doesn't seem to get how much she has hurt me. Thinks it should just be swept under the carpet.

She's not currently doing other guys, so all is supposed to be good, right? I mean, it's not like I need any real attention, or time with her as a couple, right? I should be content, sitting home, available to the kids and their needs (including my disabled daughter), while she's out with her friends, or rehearsal (then friends), right?

It's not like I need any physical contact with her when she finally comes to bed at night, right?

Two OM, back to back (well, actually some overlap), a potential 3rd (scared him off), a potential 4th in the wings.

Fuck me blind! I'm so sick of this shit.

I really don't see any remorse. Seriously.

Fact is I'm getting kind of pissed off tonight. Almost 7 months from d-day#1, though that not really where all this started.


Posts: 2760 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: IA
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[[[wishingitwasnt]]]

One sided R just suck, its where you do all the work. Yet WW is out living life pretending nothing happened. Your left feeling like the old shoe. I played that game way to long, it totally sucked the life outta me.

You cannot go on with it, it will suck the life outta you also. It sucks and they just don't get it at all! They would rather do nothing towards the M or the kids, get by on the minimal to keep it going. Its like a freaking game of how much they can duck outta any resposiblity for their family. While they go off doing what ever the fuck they please.

I swear they hold you in their spiral till something they feel better comes along. The whole sad part of this is, they know. They know if D comes up they got that upper hand with kids...

Selfish Bitchs the lot of them!


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Betrayedin08
♂ Member
Member # 21823
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's time to throw my hat in this ring. My WW says she hasn't had any feelings for me in years, certainly no love, but of course I enjoy her respect. It sure hurts and I'm sadder than I can explain, but I know I'm surrounded here by many others struggling through the same garbage.

For now I'll spare the details because so much of it is so familiar when I read the posts of others.

It's been over 4 months now since she delivered the blow, and like many here I had no idea. I'm trying to hang in there and see what the future may bring and not make any big decisions too soon.

She hit me hard, life sure sucks most of the time now. I was the happiest guy I knew at one time, but no more.


BS-48
XWS-44
D-17 S-16
M-22+yrs.
D final 6/2009.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Badger State
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No wishing)))
You aint an outsider here. Uh uh.
Pissed would be an understatement, so you're one hell of an amazing person.
I couldn't handle it, myself.
You need to save yourself from her destructiveness somehow.
Lawyer up? At least, right?
Get your ducks in a row and know your rights.
Protect yourself and kiddos from the effd up toxicity here!
She won't change until the pain of not changing exceeds the demands of her double-life. (she gets a high off that, too)
She doesn't care enough.
Sounds like she loves the deception and the other-man-fucking like a dam drug (it actually is, to her).
Pissed is good.

Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Betrayedin08)))))))
The point is to survive.
I plan to thrive.

Are you a comic genius, though? I almost swallowed my tongue when I read

but of course I enjoy her respect.

It's ok. I'm the insane one here. I say shit like that. It's just me...
manhugs for you all))))))))


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Betrayedin08
♂ Member
Member # 21823
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct - yep, the respect comment was me at my sarcastic best.

If a sheep is a ram, and a donkey's an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?

This marks my second and final attempt at comedy tonight.


BS-48
XWS-44
D-17 S-16
M-22+yrs.
D final 6/2009.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Badger State
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


One of the gurls has a funny tagline about her WH i just saw:

WS: desperately trying to unfuck the donkey


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[[[Betrayedin08]]]

Yeah feelings.. Don't ya just love how after they are caught they bring that up. Feelings... Gotta love that, how about commitment, trust, and responisiblity! Gee how quickly those got lost in the heat of their new right now. Make you wonder if these broken people ever even have a clue of what love is. Its not a flavor of the month chasing butterflies, and rainbow feelings.

Ya know, if they were truly feeling that at the time, it could have been brought it back then, Right? Naw they never wanted to be found out, bottom line. Now its all damage control after the fact.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Betrayedin08
♂ Member
Member # 21823
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing I will say is that the ladies here do not take a back seat to the guys when it comes to expressing themselves....and I love it.

If adding a few colorful metaphors helps drive a point home and makes someone feel a little better then so be it.


BS-48
XWS-44
D-17 S-16
M-22+yrs.
D final 6/2009.

Posts: 66 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Badger State
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the big thing here to add is what women are feed. How many romance novels, how many friends talking. Overall, they get together and talk, talk about what they would do if their Husbands cheated on them, yet still saying how they would find that new Romeo.

I would venture to guess that 50% of all infidelity is female. Yet there is no checks and balances on it. They don't have near as much to loose during a D. Add children and they have a steady income. 97% of all childsupport and 99% of all alimony is paid by males. Something is not right in the matrix.

WW have nothing to loose, there is no punishment only reward, the only punishment is the BH. How many posts have we seen where BW or even WW have decided having full custody of a problem child isn't working, and they pass it to the other parent? Yet every BW or WW comes together protecting that they don't pay CS on that? Something has to change... I don't think a WW has a fucking clue on how to raise a kid alone. I don't think they can see beyond themselves!


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, guys, we hashed it out Friday night, and came out in good shape. Doing it in the open, in General allows us to not let ourselves get in the way, if that makes sense. It just sux when it gets turned around. That may be unavoidable tho.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
canadude
♂ Member
Member # 21837
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, January 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TwiceTorn - absolutely agree on the consequences. And society doesn't help a lot either. When it's a WH - he's morally corrupt. When it's a WW - it must be the husband's fault.

I'm sure that doesn't help we BH's feelings of embarrassment...I know it hasn't helped me a lot. That's why these forums are great, it gives BH's a chance to share with others that understand.


Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2008
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