I second everything shyguy says. Don't worry too much about the forgiveness at this point. Wory about getting through the day, and then the week. You're in for a long term battle here, so be kind to yourself.
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
I would add exercise. If you are not working out you should start. Every day. Run/walk one day and weights the next.
It might be hard at first but it does help out a lot in the long run.
Hang in there
I think you and Connie need to sit down and hash this out. No anger, no worrying about what the people here think. Just talk it out. It may help to have a neutral 3rd party involved.
The way you've (both of you) have been handling it is not working. Time to try something new, and get this resolved. Wishing you the best of luck with this. I don't envy you.
Jimi, I read through all of the responses to your FWW thread. I gotta tell ya, you really do need to sit down and talk this one out. I think any post made in general about this type of thing is going to be made out to the Nth degree as an A. I truly don't understand that your FWW knows that you won't have an A, shes more worried about this other woman showing you stuff about horses, and your FWW feels that she should be the only one showing you. Im sorry this is selfish, shes projecting her short comings onto you. Thats not fair, you aren't the one that has the history. As far as getting trashed and labeled in the forums, thats to be expected I guess, because alot of the people on their are raw. They are looking for the worst possible, because that is all they know at this point.
I say talk it out one on one with your FWW, putting it out like that in the forums isn't constructive.
I can't say enough about how SI has helped me stay reasonably sane & functioning.
It has been such a safe place for me to process the crappiness, but also (& interestingly to me) -
it has been a challenge.
The challenge to "think of it this way" or "see it different"...in ways I wouldn't have considered, has been essential to opening my mind, to see beyond "me" -
& also to see "within" me!
It sorta goes both ways, truly stretching, and thereby lengthening my capabilities (to heal).
"Challenge" seems to be the theme-du-jour for me...
"Carpe challenge", guys!
Our running-bet, on the men-to-women ratio is:
10 dollars a number.
Pick a number...Proceeds to SI, let's keep it running for other folks, eh?
wh5 - 12% (20 bucks!)
tputer - 14%
Nvis Man -16%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited – 23%
Ready - 25%
t2g - 27%
Window's still open...need at least 3 more to get to 200!
C'mon! Let's do it!
But, I'm a BH, so I certainly fit here somehow.
At this point I feel like we are pretending to R. I get nothing. She just doesn't seem to get how much she has hurt me. Thinks it should just be swept under the carpet.
She's not currently doing other guys, so all is supposed to be good, right? I mean, it's not like I need any real attention, or time with her as a couple, right? I should be content, sitting home, available to the kids and their needs (including my disabled daughter), while she's out with her friends, or rehearsal (then friends), right?
It's not like I need any physical contact with her when she finally comes to bed at night, right?
Two OM, back to back (well, actually some overlap), a potential 3rd (scared him off), a potential 4th in the wings.
Fuck me blind! I'm so sick of this shit.
I really don't see any remorse. Seriously.
Fact is I'm getting kind of pissed off tonight. Almost 7 months from d-day#1, though that not really where all this started.
One sided R just suck, its where you do all the work. Yet WW is out living life pretending nothing happened. Your left feeling like the old shoe. I played that game way to long, it totally sucked the life outta me.
You cannot go on with it, it will suck the life outta you also. It sucks and they just don't get it at all! They would rather do nothing towards the M or the kids, get by on the minimal to keep it going. Its like a freaking game of how much they can duck outta any resposiblity for their family. While they go off doing what ever the fuck they please.
I swear they hold you in their spiral till something they feel better comes along. The whole sad part of this is, they know. They know if D comes up they got that upper hand with kids...
Selfish Bitchs the lot of them!
For now I'll spare the details because so much of it is so familiar when I read the posts of others.
It's been over 4 months now since she delivered the blow, and like many here I had no idea. I'm trying to hang in there and see what the future may bring and not make any big decisions too soon.
She hit me hard, life sure sucks most of the time now. I was the happiest guy I knew at one time, but no more.
Are you a comic genius, though? I almost swallowed my tongue when I read
but of course I enjoy her respect.
It's ok. I'm the insane one here. I say shit like that. It's just me...
manhugs for you all))))))))
If a sheep is a ram, and a donkey's an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?
This marks my second and final attempt at comedy tonight.
WS: desperately trying to unfuck the donkey
Yeah feelings.. Don't ya just love how after they are caught they bring that up. Feelings... Gotta love that, how about commitment, trust, and responisiblity! Gee how quickly those got lost in the heat of their new right now. Make you wonder if these broken people ever even have a clue of what love is. Its not a flavor of the month chasing butterflies, and rainbow feelings.
Ya know, if they were truly feeling that at the time, it could have been brought it back then, Right? Naw they never wanted to be found out, bottom line. Now its all damage control after the fact.
If adding a few colorful metaphors helps drive a point home and makes someone feel a little better then so be it.
I would venture to guess that 50% of all infidelity is female. Yet there is no checks and balances on it. They don't have near as much to loose during a D. Add children and they have a steady income. 97% of all childsupport and 99% of all alimony is paid by males. Something is not right in the matrix.
WW have nothing to loose, there is no punishment only reward, the only punishment is the BH. How many posts have we seen where BW or even WW have decided having full custody of a problem child isn't working, and they pass it to the other parent? Yet every BW or WW comes together protecting that they don't pay CS on that? Something has to change... I don't think a WW has a fucking clue on how to raise a kid alone. I don't think they can see beyond themselves!
I'm sure that doesn't help we BH's feelings of embarrassment...I know it hasn't helped me a lot. That's why these forums are great, it gives BH's a chance to share with others that understand.