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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, January 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, TT. My wife is diagnosed, on regular treatment and in the care of a psychiatrist who specializes in bipolar disorder.

Her secondary diagnoses are borderline personality disorder and schizotypal something-or-other.

So, yeah, I've got all the merit badges.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WAL,
So why stay in her spiral? She obvisuly doesn't have remorse or a clue about what she has done. Nor does she have the ablity to reconize the damage done, or the ablity to relate. Her statements to the fact of a guy having an affair is different. How long are you going to be in damage control?

As someone that spent 7 years in R, trying to make it work. Only to dragged back into it again. How many chances are you willing to give? I have learned that a true R doesn't or cannot take place until a total and proper ownership of the action of the betrayal. I refuse to live my life with a person that is unable to have ownership of their actions. I choose me...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I caution you guys to not try and diagnose any mental/physical disorder. Doing so is difficult for even the experts.

We menz suck at diagnosing stuff anyways... 5 million years later we still have not figured out the Z factor! <yes - there is a theory that there is a Z chromosome that creates the female>

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Finallyawake
♂ Member
Member # 21554
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THat BPD definition on the mayo clinic seems a lot like Borderline Personality Disorder, not BiPolar.

The big difference according to my IC is that Borderlines cannot be helped by medication. They have to learn about why they think the way they do. BiPolars on the other hand can be helped by the right medication or combination of medications.

If your WW is Borderline they have to WANT to be better on their own. They cannot rely on medication to help them. Without that commitment they will likely keep doing what they do.

bpdcentral.com is a good site for info on Borderline Personality Disorder.


On my own and a better man for it

Posts: 458 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Phoenix
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the record, I agree with t2g that it's dangerous to draw any conclusions from patterns observed by amateurs. That's why I was so hesitant to bring up the bipolar thing in the first place. Just because it looks bipolar to me doesn't mean anything.

And TT,

So why stay in her spiral? She obvisuly doesn't have remorse or a clue about what she has done. Nor does she have the ablity to reconize the damage done, or the ablity to relate. Her statements to the fact of a guy having an affair is different. How long are you going to be in damage control?

I have kids. I could elaborate, but that's a probably sufficient explanation in this forum. We all understand.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj-10%
wh5 - 12% (20 bucks)
Finally -13%
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20%
Kuwaited - (hey K, pick 23 or 4, ok? I didn't want anyone to pull their hair out having to figure the answer)
t2g - 27%

We're doing great. 120 bucks!
10 bucks.
What is the % of men to women on SI?
In my original thinking, I was only thinking betrayed...uh huh. Factor in the WS board...yep. Hoo boy.
Haven't heard back from 'he who has all the answers' yet, so the bettin window's still open.
Bring it on.

Even the docs who diagnose "what flavor of sick is this?"
...have a tough time. It's actually a seat-of-the-pants thing, where
BPD feels like this, and
NPD feels like this, and
Bipolar feels like this, etc...

Meds get adjusted, as progress (or lack of) is observed.
Current thought, not quite carved in stone, is that the meds are for managing the secondary behaviors of the underlying disorder - but that the thing itself cannot be fixed.
"Mostly"...there are some variables.
Door #4 is; "they're broken"
I get that we're all a little broken...
"Diagnose" =
Di (2 people)
a or ag (against)
gnosis (knowing).
Diagnosing is two people agreeing that they don't have a clue anyway.

One of the guys, Ron, posited that more commonly, men get the N dx, and women get the B (borderline) dx. Both dx's have that much in common!
Remember too, borderline means borderline psychotic!

Add that little spicey dash of sociopathy that they all seem to share, and the fact that what is known is derived primarily from their victims
(most of them "don't have a problem", you see)-
& you got quite a toxic stew going. Man I wanna see WAL's merit badges!

My reading has led me to understand the genesis of these things...well, what I believe to be the cause of them...
Toxic Shame. Bradshaw. Google.

That your WS seeks counseling at all I take as at least a ray of some hope...though hours, months, years of lying to an IC/MC has got to be one of the most painful stabs.

Manhugs guys))))))))))))


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS
I do believe this, too:

Amazing, but I believe SI contains the world's greatest treasure-trove of information regarding these things...
Think about that.
10 bucks.
Let's keep this fantastic place rollin.


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my original thinking, I was only thinking betrayed...uh huh. Factor in the WS board...yep. Hoo boy.
Haven't heard back from 'he who has all the answers' yet, so the bettin window's still open.

Because of the title fo this thread we are inadvertantly excluding the dudes from the WS. I wonder if we could get a SI Bros thread?

Can you set that up jj? Any powers in that department?


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No powers in that department, but only because I bequeathed them all to Ser, who now makes regular secret incursions deep into the mod fortress.

Sounds like a worthy-enough idea to slap up on the screen, though...
I know many of the veteran BS's go over to the WS threads to help, where the men, I think, far outnumber the women...
The mods have recently instituted new rules, to keep BS's away...wouldn't want a SI-bro thread to cause them any more work...
I dunno t2g...beside a time or two? I haven't had much contact with WS's, men or women. That's 'just me', though - right?
I mean, these are honorable people, working toward healing by 'owning it'.
I think it takes a special kind of bravery to fess up & fix this kind of fuck-up...
hmmm.
Maybe a bro thread could help those guys...sure...ok...
Being selfish, I'm open to the idea that it could help me too, though honestly,
man, you know,
dammit jim

but hey, you know what? if it helps?
someone?
it's a dam good thing.


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
tputer
♂ Member
Member # 11353
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, January 15th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm, toughie. Think I'll go with 13.5%. There's got to be at least one half-a-guy posting here


Me FBH/WS: 48
FWW/BW (JP12861): 48
Married 25 years
Kids: 2 DD's 24, 20
My DDay: 7/16/06
Hers: 4/5/10

Posts: 20518 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: San Diego Area
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get in line, there's been 3 half-guys!
Ser saw the error of his ways right quick...fixed it quick.
kuwaited's leaning,
and you're....

late?
yeah.
late to the betting, coconut-boy!

130?
shoot!

i'm putting ANOTHER ten-spot on 28 percent! (now that i'm thinking)
140!

i didn't say you couldn't have 2 bets!

jj-10%
wh5 - 12% (20 bucks)
Finally -13%
tputer - 14% (stfu!)
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20%
Kuwaited - (hey K, pick!)
t2g - 27%
jj- 28%

Cmon slow ones!
Whole numbers, a-wholes!
lol!


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Finallyawake
♂ Member
Member # 21554
Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time to hedge:

Give me another 10 on 21%.

I can step up for two bets any day of the week!


On my own and a better man for it

Posts: 458 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Phoenix
sportsfan
♂ Member
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now swallowing jjct's bait - i'm in for 10 on 11%....geez what am i doing here???

Posts: 1915 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj-10%
sportsfan -11%
wh5 - 12% (20 bucks!)
Finally -13%
tputer - 14%
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20%
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited - (hey K, pick!)
t2g - 27%
jj- 28%

160 bucks! wooohooo!

I didn't want mh to have to 'write code', or work too hard at finding the answer, so I suggested a 'sample' of the new registrations, going back on a month-by-month basis until a men/women ratio-pattern developed...
It was my thought that it would be easier that way...

So, I suspect the answer is coming along, which means the betting-window is starting to close.
So guys?
GREAT JOB SO FAR!
Y'all are keekin it!

Let's push this up to 2hundred!

4 more 10 dollar bets will do it!

What is the percentage of men to women on SI? 10 bucks, pick a number!!!!

you 'higher-number' guys...I've got a suspicion about the inclusion of the WS guys... will definitely be a larger % than I first thought.
(hint much?)

& sportsfan))))), what you're doing here is surviving dammit!
You WILL!


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

160 bucks! wooohooo!

Ahem! This ain't no betting board! I say we are betting for bragging rights. Once we have the answer me thinks all proceeds should be donated to SI -- right???? We can then give a paper crown or something to the winner! Something like the goofy BK King wears!

<say yes because that is the only answer!>


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES!
Resoundingly!

I know I started the idea with "whatever" in my mind...and posted it, too...

the mind's a funny thing though.
Well, my mind is.

Seems I morphed into pure malicious eeeeeeevul...
wh5 getz it...

see, lissen....we'z gonna pwn the wimmenz
we gotz us a minority, but we can HIT!
CMON NOW...

4 MORE.
10 bucks! a coupla starbucks!


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, January 16th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

see, lissen....we'z gonna pwn the wimmenz
we gotz us a minority, but we can HIT!
CMON NOW...

<(whispering)just don't tell them yet!>


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, January 17th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Well, there may be some rumbling in the estrogen jungle,
but
I don't think they know what's coming yet...
Let's say our 200 $tomping boot$ haven't quite cleared their horizon...

Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, January 19th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quote from Theodore Roosevelt that I think we can apply to those of us who find ourselves here:

It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the string man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and at worst, fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know niether victory nor defeat.

None of us are here by choice, but we're fighting the battle each day. I'm proud to be associated with each of you, even though I don't like the reason that brought us together.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35358 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, January 19th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've loved teddy for long & long.
My HS history teacher used to rib me about him...
great great quote.
thanks, man
reminds me of another quote, i think orwell:

"People sleep peacefully in their beds at night because brave men and women stand at the ready to fight evil on their behalf."

I've found myself living on the edge of such quotes through this shaking time,
thinking of the end of time's counting to make me happy.

Keeping focus on far shores, and the digging within from my strong-shouldered brothers))) here,
yes,

if any have ever wondered, then yes
there is one who has been helped!
That would be me. (would that i could soon survive - i fuckin WILL! - and do the same)


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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