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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
RonL
♂ Member
Member # 16018
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, December 21st (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That scares the shit out of me.


D Day August 2007
Me BS 46
WW 42
Married 10 yrs
Son 8
Stepdaughter 17

Posts: 70 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Pacific Nothwest
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can hear that. Too bad it will only be noticed by a very, very small select goup.

generally those in the metioned pickle.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is Christmas day and I feel so down. I tik I am such a selfish person because I wanted to at least be recognized at Christmas. I mean it was ok, but why do I feel like I need or deserve more. I have no idea how to react or to tink. this just blows.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
queequeg
♂ Member
Member # 15395
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strider 75:

Interesting article by Sedgwick, but I would disagree with one thing:

"When a wife wants out, it is usually not out of selfishness or senseless cruelty. Sometimes the love simply runs out. Husbands should do what they can to keep that love alive."

I disagree strongly. Staying married is an act of will and keeping the love alive is work.

You can stop trying and stop working to keep the love alive.

You can begin to degrade your spouse, because you are frustrated.

By degrading your spouse and stopping the work, then of course you will feel that the "love" has run out.

What has really run out is the wife's commitment to her marriage and her husband.

She has made a conscious decision to leave the marriage, and of course when that happens it appears like the "love" has run out.

What has run out is the woman, because she has decided that she is not getting what she wants.

Love just doesn't run out.

The will to stay connected and overcome problems has run out on the part of the wife.

The last year I was married to
XWW, none of my needs were being met.

My wife was cold and distant.

I didn't decide that my love was running out also.

I decided I wanted to stay married and to work with my wife.

My wife decided she would be better off running away with another guy.

I don't think "love" ran out.

I believe my XWW made a conscious and selfish decision to dump me, because, despite the positive things I had done for her, she was disappointed in the things she wasn't getting.

That is pure willful selfishness.

She could just as well have decided that our marriage was important.

[This message edited by queequeg at 8:30 PM, December 25th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: maryland
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well said queequeg!


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

queeqeg -

i agree with you on that part.

the main thing about that article i liked was how it described how unfair the courts are to men in divorces.

we should try to start a grass roots campaign for reform of divorce laws, particularly in cases of infidelity. my own personal opinion is when one spouse is unfaithful...it violates the terms of the marriage contract. a standard condition of such a violation should be automatic forfeiture of all the unfaithful spouse's marital rights (i.e. their half of the marital assets).

infidelity should automatically dissolve the marriage contract...and the infidel as the guilty party should be held accountable by giving the betrayed spouse the right to throw them out on their ear's with nothing except for their clothes, if the BS so chooses to.


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
RonL
♂ Member
Member # 16018
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any of you ever feel like this? NEVER again!!!! If this turns out the way I expect (D), I will never get married again. I may enjoy the friendship of a woman but that's it. If I really want to get laid I'll take a trip to Nevada.


D Day August 2007
Me BS 46
WW 42
Married 10 yrs
Son 8
Stepdaughter 17

Posts: 70 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Pacific Nothwest
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is Christmas day and I feel so down. I tik I am such a selfish person because I wanted to at least be recognized at Christmas. I mean it was ok, but why do I feel like I need or deserve more. I have no idea how to react or to tink. this just blows.

I had the same exact experience. It was the worst Christmas I ever had.

My STBXW, didn't even have the courtesy to buy a present for my son to give to me. I didn't get to open a single present Christmas morning. It crushed me. I felt very selfish, but couldn't help it.

She also went away for the week, so it was him and I. Funny, first Christmas after the end of our marriage and she couldn't even be there with her son.

I had to keep going to my bedroom that morning because I was crying uncontrollably and didn't want my son to see. Not that there is something wrong with crying, I just didn't want to distract him from the joy's of Christmas morning.

In the end, I asked my mother to make sure that someone takes him shopping for my birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, etc. I expected the STBXW to provide that courtesy, but like most things with her, I expected too much.

NEVER again!!!! If this turns out the way I expect (D), I will never get married again. I may enjoy the friendship of a woman but that's it. If I really want to get laid I'll take a trip to Nevada.

Yep. I had a vasectomy after my son was born, so no more children for me. If I'm not going to have more children, seems no reason to get married. But, I also know that someone may come along to change that. I won't "take a trip to Nevada." That's not worth the airfare for me.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kxm,

I've had the same problem with DW, she's not very good with time, so many years I've not gotten something from her in time for Christmas or my birthday. They're the same day every year, I don't get that.

She has gotten better, this year she got me a multitool.

My parents also take our girls out to get something for me, I never said anything, I suspect the 11 year told my parents about those years I got nothing.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, every year I do get appologizies and some excuses. This year I did get some stuff and she did finally hear some parts. I had to keep saying hat I like books and some old DVDs. I usually get lots of candy, that I still have some years old.

But i do recall the years of nothing and one year I got a pair of socks from each child, all from the same $4.00 package. Wow, that was warm and fuzzy.

All I ever hear is how hard i am to shop for, and I say if all else fails, get me a new tape measurer or flashlight, I break or lose or wear out mine all the time. Or how about work gloves, I go through a pair in a few weeks or less. They know my favorite authors, not rocket science here. Besides as I walk through stores with hem I point out stuff all the time.

but alas, the chocolate is getting better.

I turned 52 this year, last week. One would thing you get used to it. But i guess you don't. Thats the selfish part, it is like we think we deserve something.

Maybe I should just go and get what I want and then leave it around with a note to give it to me. lol


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, December 27th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I should just go and get what I want and then leave it around with a note to give it to me.

there's nothing wrong with treating yourself. it's very nice when others do to, but have the self esteem to know you deserve a bit of joy during the holidays, and go get it.

WW i think is going to go to her parent's for new years, and i plan to live it up while she's gone. lining up some aikido classes, the medieval times near my house has a special reduced holiday rate for a dinner show, i think i'm going to go do that...and i'm going to go watch the Orange Bowl with the Va Tech Alumni Club here in Atlanta.

Take care of yourself.


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, January 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

not worth the effort to try, sorry

[This message edited by hurts at 8:45 AM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, January 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a great New Year.

The STBX had my son. I found out later that she dropped him off at her brother's house so she could go out. She could have asked me to be with him on a holiday, but I guess that was expecting too much. So he spent the holiday without either parent oh well...

Anyway, I went out with a friend and we had a blast. I met a girl and made out with her for some time.

I didn't like her one bit (she was cute, just really not my type), didn't exchange phone numbers, but it was still cool to experience some sort of intimacy for the first time in many months.

I felt like an awkward teenager.

2008 is already better than 2007.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has become a real quiet thread. So I pick here.

I am so slipping away. I did fine for a while and now all of a sudden I am once moe being pummelled with the memories of my daughters death. The guilt and sadness is back. I am so low. I am just crying and feel dragged down bad.

I am not looking for anything. I just ned to release something, don't know what. I am also coming to 2nd dday anniv. next week. Why all of this all over again. I am runnign out of room in me to deal ith it. I think about just letting it all go more and more. This sucks.

I do find it helpful to just go rough the threads and post. I am trying to post positive, well that is actually what I am thinking. I like everyone here and I don't feel too much out of place, simply because no one really knows me. Just my pathetic stories.

Anyway, I am so tired of all of this. I see no rest and it is all i would like to have for a few days. My heart just hurts and I want to feel nothing. I almost look for that flat plain again.

Why ca't I just shut this crap out of me and move on. It souds so simple and yet Ican not do it. Am I hat bad of a person.

Again, I am looking for anything here, I just wanted to talk.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like everyone here and I don't feel too much out of place, simply because no one really knows me. Just my pathetic stories.

I get to use the word "hogwash"! hurts - you are as much a icon/fixture on SI as any member here. I love to read your pathetic stories. Get real bro... you are human like the rest of us living life. Nobody ever said it is easy.

Breathe hurts... breathe deeply.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

reading all your comments and posts... makes me think that im not alone.. another betrayed husband here.

Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome chris, sorry you have to find you self here. We do have a great bunch guys here.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks bro.. its like 6 months since she left us. ( im taking care of our 3yr old baby girl)

6 months no text no call no nothing! ahh i forgot she text me last christmas saying "how are you doing?" simple as that.. cold as that..

right now im beginning to love the life i had without her... and STBXNPDWW. whatever you want to call it...

thanks for this site and your posts here.. it help me a lot to find my own happiness.


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

6 mos. Man that is a kicker. But hey, you have your joy with you and life seems to be moving. I think I would say to get your legal custody papers done and declare her as abandoning you and DD.

Hang in there and stay with us. I know that there are some really great guys here that have shifted their lives back to single and are lovin it.

I was in the Phillipines years ago. I loved it there and love the folks I met there.

You take it slow man and keep with us.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome to the thread, chris.

Have you been to a lawyer to legally get full custody?


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
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