BoB- here's my NPD to english translation:
I kno youv been off of wrk n the kids r havin fun with u but im so hurt n depressd i dont know what 2 do. can we pls wrk this out?
I've been watching you and it's clear that you are moving away from my controlling grasp. Therefore, I've decided to roll over and play dead like the dog that I am. I hurt, I need you, I hate that you aren't chasing me anymore. Please note how my legs flop open when I roll over. It's here if you want it! For a limited time only! However, I can't guarantee that it's not slightly more contaminated than before. Between me and you I should probably douche with napalm before you come near it...
OK, so I got off track. But remember, this is HOLLOW. Stay strong and impervious to this type of BS. (((BoB)))
Veritas- SO relieved to hear about your clean bill of health! Thank God!
(((LongLost))) sorry if I made you worry. I don't usually get on SI when I'm not at work. Honestly, I have to take breaks from SI from time to time. I know you understand, as do alot of veterans here. At first, it's a lifeline. Later, you need to distance yourself sometimes. I think it's a normal part of the healing process. It doesn't mean I love you all any less.
Yes, yes, yes...brainwashing, abduction, abuse, the whole gambit! It is all that and more. It's robbery, rape, warfare. It's being an emotional POW. It's wanting to rage and kill. It's suicidal sadness. It's gutwrenching disappointment. It's also temporary. Fuck them. I'll be goddamned if the dark shadow he cast over my life takes up any more time than it should. Fuck him. He'll never take my future happiness or optimism. Hell, he won't take a single shred of my goodness or decency. I am retaining all of that AND my whole heart too. He's not good enough to keep any part of me. I'm *so* OVER it.
I hope you are all well and happy. I have missed you guys.
Please look at Sam Vaknin's malignant self love website. He has a section on divorcing the narcissist. Unfortunately, a great deal of what he said applied to me and my situation.
If you need to talk, I'm here. I got my D from my NPD nightmare in September. Good luck and Godspeed.
If he's going to move on with his OW, then divorce is certain. Who cares if he throws his fits? Get the attorney, file the papers, change your locks, change your telephone number and let the lawyers, the courts and if necessary, the police deal with him.
Legally, you are in a good position. Strike first and strike hard. Get your spousal support and your CS in place NOW.
Look, he's not going to be less mad and or more reasonable later. Actually he's probably be worse. The sooner you start, the sooner it will be over.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
Hope this helps.
NC, that was funny !!! Brutal, but funny !!! It's interesting that you'all have seen her text a bit different then I did. You'all saw an angle of "STBXPDW and myself" where I saw only "STBXPDW and kids". I love you guys so much !!! You see things that I may have missed. Always enlightening to hear your perspectives !!!
ETA:Cause I'm Lame...
[This message edited by bobelina at 7:53 PM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]
You can't be held ransomed by his hissyfits. File and get a shark-in-a-suit. When he sees that he can't get anywhere with the tantrums then he may stop or change tactics. (mine did the delay and not respond and the courts and my lawyer just kept pressing on until it was over).
The law won't allow him the option of not supporting his child. You have to decide to no negotiate with a bully.
I do my best to not speak to my ex in person. I set up an email only for communication with him and nothing else. That way I have a copy of everything that has occured in his words and He can't twist it around or say that he said something different etc. It sure ends alot of game playing.
Bob you are so funny. Hang in there. We have all heard crazy crap that sounds like one thing and means somthing else. We get use to code reading.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
I can see that you and the kids are so much better off without me, and this pisses me off. I was f'd up when I met you, and I was least miserable when I could make you as miserable as me. Can't you let me torture you some more so that we can all be miserable together?
Add your 2 cents or ???
You are not interrupting anything!
(((Cerise))) welcome. Please share when you are ready.
Sometimes I feel like just running away. I just want to leave. I feel trapped in a situation I can't do anything about.
My XH owes me money but I dont have the time or energy to get the information about it together. I'm thinking about letting it go because I just dont want to deal with it.
I feel like dealing with my XH is just sucking the life out of me and I want to spend as little life energy as I can on all this. I want a normal life! I think I have reached the end of my endurance for dealing with the drama. I feel so guilty about this, but I have felt like just handing over my daughter to him and say "You deal with this" because I am sick of it all.
I want to escape.
ETA: Life is short and I feel like I have spent 5 years of my life at war. I don't want to fight anymore. I want to find a peacful life, but I feel trapped.
[This message edited by Cerise at 10:10 AM, January 3rd (Thursday)]
Glad to see you made it !!! For that which you are dealing with, this thread maybe a bit more helpful and understanding (Yes, I know that is an understatement. LOL.) of your situation. You may want to copy or restate over some of your recent posts in D&S. I believe the folks here can be of a lot of assistance.
But you have to do this and get him to copperate. The mediator can help you get this money from him and that will help ease the burden. It will be less money you will have to spend hours earning.
If he starts causing problems then ask the mediator for a different room because he is abusive. Hopefully the mediator will be able to see how he terrorizes you. I know where I live mediation can not be used in situations of abuse because it furthers the victimization.
I wish I could come with you and knock him up side the head. He deserves that or worse.
Can you get together the worse of the unpaid bills? Or at the very least explain to the mediator that he plays these stupid games about refusing to pay his share because he "didn't agree" to the medical care so should no pay. I am sure a mediator can see how stupid that argument is. Last time I checked it was up to the Doctor to decide who needs medical care and it is abuse to not take a child if you even THINK they might need medical care.
Lied2 is right. Strike hard and strike fast. You cannot give up. And to hand your child over to him is the worst thing you can do. I understand your feelings of exhaustion. He is counting on this and he is hoping that his intimidation tactics are working and he won't have to pay, be held accountable, or have to do the right thing.
This is so hallmark of the NPD.
The mediator will help you. Do you have an attorney? If not and money is tight, speak to the mediator about helping you find one and little or no cost to you. You are going to have to find the energy to continue fighting this battle. You're almost there, just KEEP GOING!!
Most mediators, attorneys, judges and other court officials will recognize your STBXH's intimidation tactics as what they are. Threats. He is only threatening you because you want him to pay you the money that HE OWES YOU! Stick to your guns.
The other thing you need to do is STOP taking his calls, block his number and his email address. You have to stop listening to his threats. Let the courts deal with him. As long as you continue to allow him to control you and your actions, you will never be free of him.
Good luck. You can do this.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 11:17 AM, January 3rd (Thursday)]
Please don't hand over a child to a person as vile as this, please!
Hang in there!
It's rough. It's brutal. And there are some knocks that you will take just because you're dealing with a whacko, but there are some things you can avoid, like listening to his deranged rantings. He's a cruel, evil asshat, and the sooner you recognize his separation from the rest of mankind and put him in that box, the better you'll be able to laugh (to yourself) about his dumb threats -- and take them to the mediator. You might even want to tape all of your conversations with him *letting him know this, of course * and mention to the mediator that he threatened to say that you were a child abuser if he ever does it again instead of sitting around waiting for the next blow to fall. I know you're tired of fighting with him, but while normal has limits, whacko has none. He'll be kicking you long after you're down so long as you continue to let him.
(((cerise))) just giving extra hugs
[This message edited by veritas at 11:23 AM, January 3rd (Thursday)]
I can get together the worst of the bills by tomorrow.
I could tell when I talked to the mediator on the phone that he had snowed her.
I'm hoping I can get him to agree to pay his unpaid half and I'll get the rest of the bills together.
The mediator is also going to call our daughter on the phone and talk with her. I think that's a great idea.
One thing that NPD's are notorious for is counting on their charm and their power of pursuasion. This may work for first impressions, but it doesn't last. This is especially true in the court system.
Get those receipts rounded up. This will make you feel really good.
*go get 'em, girlfriend*