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User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, November 11th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check this out:

http://www.emofree.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_Freedom_Techniques

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, November 11th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

threnody: one can only hope...

I kind of disagree with the notion that NPD's just pick nice people. I have known some very nice people who kicked their partners to the curb at the first signs that they weren't dealing with someone who was normal. I would not necessarily categorize it as bi-polar or co-dependent, but it is something to keep accepting outrageous, atrocious behavior.

(((all))) hugs to all. Someone asked a little while back how to explain what living with a psychopath was like. Tell them to watch "The Last King of Scotland." Idi Amin was a ruthless, brutal man, but many people loved him. He didn't sit around picking his teeth with human bones; he had parties, and bestowed gifts, and he danced, and sang. His children to this day speak well of him as a loving father. The movie was triggery for me, but it was worth it to watch.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, veritas. That would be far too simplistic about "nice" people, however its a well known fact that bastards & bitches don't really end up being attracted to & M each other, right?
<Someone would be DEAD, shortly!!!>
Also there's the case of --"Opposites attract", etc.

No, I could not ever watch a movie like that.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsabattle,
Great news about the house!! Congrats to you.

gns1,
It's very difficult to deal with the feelings of being victimized. I have had the most trouble with this. At first you deal with the pain and the hurt, then your faced with unbelievable anger, and then the "I can't believe how stupid I've been" sets in. That has been almost more than I can bear. Seeing him today and hearing his lies, realizing that I had actually bought into that crap at one time makes me sick to my stomach.

Time is the only that that makes it better. Get into IC. That will help you sort through some of it and help you realize that when you are targeting by someone like this, this is usually little you can do.

Distance and going NC with an NPD will speed up the healing process. Continuing any type of relationship with an NPD will only allow them to continue controlling your life and your emotions.

CJ,
You have come a long way. You're really doing good!!

Hugs to all!



It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, veritas. That would be far too simplistic about "nice" people, however its a well known fact that bastards & bitches don't really end up being attracted to & M each other, right?
<Someone would be DEAD, shortly!!!>
Also there's the case of --"Opposites attract", etc.

I quite agree. They pick us because we either feed their narcissistic supply, or we do the grunt work. They would definitely not pick someone like them AT ALL. It would not last long. In fact, I have met people who remind me of my husband (males) -- and he has HATED them. Like with a passion. OTOH, I've encountered females who give off that same vibe -- and that's the kind of female that he chases after and courts. At the same time, he would never marry this type of woman. I have heard him speak disparagingly of relationships with non-monogamous women -- he could never do that! To him, it is a testament of his magnanimity that he is friends with such women (and takes them out and spends tons of money on them, etc.). His cover story is that he's trying to save them from their dangerous lifestyle. In reality, they are loose enough to provide him with the sexual admiration he craves -- and detached enough to send him home afterwards.

As much as he looo-oves his friends, I have yet for him to find a single friend that he did not talk about like a dog behind their backs.

No, I could not ever watch a movie like that.

The movie's saving grace, to me, was that the focus wasn't on Idi Amin, but on a fictional adviser. I don't think I could have watched a biopic and seen him directly, but looking at it slantwise was interesting.

[This message edited by veritas at 10:54 AM, November 12th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Narcissists are parasites.

They are attracted to what they don't have and to what they want. These "wants" can be very unique and individual to the narcissist. It isn't always a nice person and in fact there are cases where two narcissist have been known to hook up. Can you imagine?

If the N strives for power and money, he will seek out a victim that can help launch him into a certain society circle or provide him with money.

If the N strives for a certain lifestyle, he will seek out a person who will fit into or is already in that particular lifestyle.

If the N's motives are to be surrounded by only beautiful people, he will seek out only someone who is beautiful.

Whatever his version of "perfection" is, he will seek it out. He will then try to take it all from you, like a vampire sucks the blood from his victim.

When you have nothing left to give, he deems you worthless and either leaves you and never speaks to you again, or he creates a monsterous smear champaign against you telling the whole world what a horrible person you are. He will use everything he can against you, even your darkest secrets you have told him. He will lie and smear your name to all who will listen.

I believe the nicer the victim, the more staying power the victim has and the more determined that victim is to make the relationship work. I also think that a kinder, more dedicated, devoted type of person is more likely to stay in the realtionship for the long-haul and take the vows more seriousely. The "nicer" the victim and the more dedicated and devoted the victim is to the narcissist and the relationship or the marriage, the deeper the damage is to this victim.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:27 AM, November 12th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the N's motives are to be surrounded by only beautiful people, he will seek out only someone who is beautiful.

So that is what it is...

I totally agree that they target someone who is nice. I am a decent human being who treats people fairly. I am not perfect by any means and I know my limitations.

I am what he wanted to be.

I spoke to my counsellor today about this issue and she agrees with me. She also said I have a great sense of self-awareness. I took it as a compliment!

They target us because they want to be us. But they never will.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rant warning. Please be aware that this is directed as much to myself as to anyone else. BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU AND ABOUT MYSELF!!!

It is amazing that victims of abuse so often blame themselves for the abuse. (Think about abused children trying to figure out what THEY can do to make everything OK--to not upset Mommy or Daddy.)

We ALL hate to think of ourselves as victims. But it's a simple fact that we WERE victims. That doesn't mean that we have to stay victims forever. (One of the reasons we're here is to declare our freedom from the victim state and to protect others if we can. That's CRYSTAL clear, all you wonderful people!)

Think about it, though. You go to an ATM to withdraw a little spending money, some guy sticks a gun in your ribs and makes you take all the money out of your account. He leaves you alive, but fearful, traumatized, vigilant. How much time do you spend beating yourself up for "allowing" yourself to be victimized? I mean, you might think, I should have gone to a more public ATM or inside the bank, but seriously--do you REALLY think that you played an active role in getting yourself robbed? NO! YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE!!! You wouldn't have willingly endangered yourself. You were victimized. You dust yourself off and get over it, but some SOB stuck a gun in your ribs and took your money!!!

But it's damned hard to visualize an emotional shotgun in the hand of someone that we love/loved and understand that we didn't have anything to do with arming that once-beloved person against us.
When someone that you love, that you devote yourself to, that you work hard to make happy (and to try to be happy with) lies, undermines you, twists everything you say and uses it against you, seems happy only when you are miserable, does everything possible to make a fool of you, that person is vicious SOB, and YOU ARE A VICTIM. You have been deceived into believing that the NPD is a "normal" person who will never deliberately harm you and who will be grateful for your care and concern. NOT because you are stupid but because these people are adept at feeding you whatever it takes to keep you dancing for them.

I'm a proud woman, too. And I'm a damned strong woman. And you ask anyone who knows me (OTHER than Bizarro)whether I'm intelligent. Hell no, I don't like thinking of myself as a victim, and it's damn hard getting my head wrapped around the fact that someone I loved, someone that I took in when he had no one else to count on and brought into my loving family is basically a hollow thing who looks like a human being and who set about destroying my self-concept because for some warped reason, it made him feel more whole to harm me. But a victim I was. Facing that fact and working understanding it is my best defense against ever being that particular kind of victim EVER again!

Did anyone see Mars Attacks? The Martians consistently announce "We come in peace" or "We mean you no harm" milliseconds before they vaporize their victims. That's my Bizarro. Every time he casually cut me to the bone, he made a point of saying "I'm not the enemy." His little catch-phrase worked for him the same way it worked for the Martians. For a long, long time, it kept me off balance just long enough for him to hack away another little chunk of self-esteem. Yep. He WAS the enemy. And I WAS his victim. I just have to live with that. But I DON'T have to live with him. Or anyone like him.

I have an enormous advantage over most of you--I'm years and many miles away from my NPDX. I know that the pain and the fear and the other emotions are much more immediate for most of you. I wish I could share some of my safe distance with you. I guess that's what I am trying to do now. I just want you to know that to admit that you have been victimized does not mean that you label yourself as a victim for life and sit around moping about it and waiting for the next abuser to come along. I don't think that ANY of you are doing that, but it sometimes seem that you are accusing yourselves of that. Just more evidence of what life with an NPD does to you, I gues.

Sometimes I think that part of what makes us such targets for these SOBs is that so many of us have it in our heads that acknowledging abuse is equivalent to feeling sorry for ourselves. It AIN'T the same thing, folks. But you know what? If someone kicks the holy shit out of you, then maybe you NEED to feel a little sorry for yourself sometimes. Hell, you feel sorry for OTHER people when they get the shit kicked out of them, don't you? Cut yourselves some slack. The next time you start slipping into that "How could I have been so stupid" mode of thinking, try to have a little patience with that person that you were. Go ahead and give YOURSELF a little support and affection. You deserve it. And it will make it easier for you to get on with your life and leave the NPD SOB in the fucking dust!

Here's another excerpt from that useful web site (http://www.ultimate-self.com) that DD123 posted an article from the other day. (Thanks, DD!)

Abuse


More people than we like to admit have a capacity for cruelty and abuse. Such behaviour might be expected toward enemies or rivals but disturbingly, it is often aimed at friends, relatives, co-workers, employees, or romantic partners.
Another quirk of human nature—the fact that if someone behaves badly and gets away with it they feel encouraged to repeat the behaviour and escalate its severity—makes abuse of all kinds extremely common.
Any sort of abuse is always about control. The aim of abuse is to change the victim, to condition their behaviour so that it meets the abuser’s requirements and guarantees the victim’s compliance and submission. Your abuser ‘breaks you in’ by demoralizing you and weakening your resistance and will. Abuse is a form of indoctrination that creates a sense of uncertainty, insecurity, fear, confusion, and a diminished sense of self.
Behind all abuse is the abuser’s belief that they are superior to the person they abuse.
Whether overt violence is used or not, all abuse is a form of hostility and aggression. To be abused is to be attacked (either physically, mentally, emotionally or socially).
If someone repeatedly behaves toward you in any of the following ways it is abuse:
Violence and threats of violence:

The most obvious forms of abuse.

Inequality:

An attitude of disrespect along with numerous messages, subtle or otherwise, that you are not the abuser’s equal. They tell and show you that you are boring, insignificant, unimportant, faulty.

Devaluing:

By letting you know you are ‘less’ the abuser feels ‘more’. If you disappoint in any way you are worthless, bad, inferior, useless, weak, stupid, foolish. The abuser will try to make you look and feel small by putting you down, criticizing, pointing out the slightest fault or mistake, correcting, putting you in your place, teaching you how wrong you are, insulting and name calling. They will label you (and so de-personify you) as a nag, selfish, greedy, neurotic, petty, hysterical, wimp, or as the ‘missus’, ‘the ball and chain’ etc. They don’t listen to you, walk away when you are speaking, interrupt, tune out, read or watch TV. You get the message that what you say is not important. They belittle your opinions and concerns, denigrate your ideas and ambitions. They are dismissive of anything that interests you and in public like to humiliate and ridicule you. They will even turn your positives into negatives. If you are careful with money for example, they label you a ‘miser’, if you are conscientious you become ‘obsessive’. They inflate themselves by deflating you.

Domination, power and control:

The more dependent the abuser is on you the more they need to control you. The abuser is always right, must have whatever they want, and you must comply and submit or take the consequences. They see you as inferior so feel it is their ‘right’ or even their ‘duty’ to control you. For them to win you must lose. And as proof and evidence of their power the abuser needs an emotional response so is actually pleased when their behaviour upsets and hurts you.

Manipulation:

Abusers use deceit and misrepresentation, false information, lies, or promises to persuade you to give and do what you otherwise would not.

Exploitation:

Abusers are users. They take through cunning or force without giving anything in return. They will use your property, assets, money, time, labour, ideas, creativity, information, and talents as though they were their own without request, permission, or giving anything in return.

Imposing a definition:

The abuser makes you up as though you were a character in a novel. They decide who you should be and what they want you to be and are outraged or disappointed when you are yourself. The abuser is not interested in getting to know you—only in assuring that you fulfill their expectations.

Withholding:

To demonstrate their power, as a form of leverage to get you to do what they want, or as a form of punishment, the abuser withholds love, attention, affection, time, interest, information etc. Abusers can be emotionally ungenerous, unyielding and closed up. They don’t want a two-way relationship of depth and quality; they just want their own way. They are often indifferent, disinterested or neglectful. They do not encourage, support, appreciate or value you. They show no empathy or sympathy.

Sabotage:

Only the abuser is entitled to anything, so they sabotage your friendships, career, education, hobbies etc. They undermine your confidence and subvert your efforts. They trivialize anything important to you if it is not important to them. They break promises, change plans, disrupt your schedule, and white ant your self-confidence. They are emotional vandals.

Anger:

Anger can be a controlling tactic, a weapon to frighten and intimidate, or result when unrealistic and irrational expectations are not met. It can be either cold-blooded, explosive, passive aggressive or stubborn resistance. In an abuser, anger is usually the tantrum of a child not getting his own way, rage at others for not agreeing with his or her opinion of themselves or for refusing to submit.

Blaming:

The abuser never admits to being anything but perfect. Everything is your fault (or someone else’s). Even the abuser’s bad behaviour is because you didn’t do or be exactly what they wanted. You (or the Devil) made them do it. You suffer abuse but if you complain it is all your fault—you are neurotic, or overreacting. Even after a violent assault the abuser blames his victim—he was provoked, she let him get away with it, she deserved it, asked for it.

Demanding:

You have no right to say ‘no’. The abuser gives orders and issues instructions, never asks. If you request anything they never, or only rarely comply.


Possessiveness:

The abuser ‘owns’ you and demands total and unconditional commitment. You are not allowed to be yourself or do anything without permission. Everything you are, have or do, should be for the abuser and the abuser alone.

Jealousy:

Normal jealousy is about fear of losing the loved one but some jealousy is more about self-love than love. If you give your attention to someone or something else, you deprive the abuser of it, which they find humiliating, infuriating or unbearable. They want your full attention and want you to be constantly available. Such jealousy can lead to isolating you from family and friends or even activities such as hobbies.

Revenge:

When you fail to play the assigned role, disappoint, criticize, or ask for something—in other words, when you fail to totally support the abuser’s sense of superiority —you must be punished, you must be taught a lesson. Sometimes punishment is not the result of anything you did or didn’t do but simply because the abuser hates their dependence on you and lashes out, or because they have made you a scapegoat. Many spouses for example, pay the price of a partner’s resentment at their parents.

Secrets:

Some abusers lead a double life. They keep crucial information about themselves from their partner—who they are, where they go, what they do, who they are with, how much they earn, how much they spend. They deny their partner the right to a full relationship. This makes them feel superior—if you believe their lies you must be stupid and if you can’t figure things out you must be inferior. Deception is a permanent state of mind that makes a mockery of the relationship.

Hostility:

Even if not linked to physical violence the abuser teases, annoys, hurts, is sarcastic, spoils things, frustrates, denies you things, and upsets you. This can be negative reinforcement to train you how to behave, punishment, or pure spite. Many abusers are sadistic.

So why on earth would anyone put up with such behaviour? Abusers gradually condition their victims to tolerate more and more abuse. But also they are not constantly abusive, only consistently so. The cycle of abuse always includes ‘good’ times (tenderness, kindness, warmth) to give the victim ‘hope’ that things will change, that things really aren’t that bad, or that they really are loved.
If anyone treats you in such ways don’t wait for them to change because they won’t. Put a stop to it, walk away, get help, do what is necessary to protect yourself. Abusers can and do psychologically (and sometimes physically) destroy people.



Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Longlost)))

You and that post ROCK !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever his version of "perfection" is, he will seek it out. He will then try to take it all from you, like a vampire sucks the blood from his victim.

And that's all that I am saying. I agree that we are nice people, but that's because it comes along with the territory of what the NPD wants.

I come from a large family.I have a lot of nice people in my family. I also have a lot of not-so-nice people in my family. Still and all, they're still family. Nobody gets banned from family gatherings, and even if they are just air-kisses, you get greeted just the same.

That kind of family feeling that I had would have been fabulous if I had been with someone who felt the same way, or was at least a decent human being. With a narcissist, however, it became poisonous to me. Like others have said, I got enough of the niceness to shrug off the darkness, and I never realized how much darkness there was until I went looking for it. Even then, I never experienced how dark it really was until I confronted him. I was just so "nice" that it never occurred to me that one human being could exploit another in just that way. But they do, and to me, recognizing how and why I was used isn't blaming myself. It's a signal of what I can and will do better. NONE of that insight could be applied to my dealings with him. He is rotten through and through. The fact that I have changed a lot for the worst in dealing with him, and he has changed not a whit from dealing with me tells me that.

[This message edited by veritas at 1:24 PM, November 12th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BoB)))
Thank you, my friend. It is nice to hear that from someone like you!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thx for the posts, DD & Longlost!

ITS- That's WONDERFUL news! I am so happy for you! Another win for the good guys! I understand the tendency to just collapse after the fight is over- you've been running on adrenaline for so long- get those herbs and be kind to yourself.

Dream- welcome home!

Sad- SO SORRY you're processing dewey dipshit's academy award winning court performance. You think somewhere in his mind he was patting himself on the back for being so "on"?!? Que un gran FUCKTARD!

(((Thren))) thanks so much for reaching out to me last week when I felt like I was gonna come undone.

(((Hugs to you all))) You are ALL amazing!

Question: Did anyone in your family/close friends say *anything* to you at first about NOT liking your N? Did anyone give you the "be careful" speech?
I ask because now that I'm D and tying up loose ends..everyone has come forward "He just seemed BLACK inside" (sisters), and "We knew he was weird/there was something WRONG with him" (coworkers), "He couldn't look me in the eye so I knew he was up to no good, and a coward" (brother)...but NO ONE said ANYTHING To warn me before. Mind you, I'm not blaming them for my failure to see the red flags, just curious if you've had similar experiences.

So who else was told by their loved ones AFTER THE FACT that they saw thru them to begin with???


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi NC,
I had those same things happen.

The only person who said anything before was my brother-in-law. He told me that he didn't like him and that he didn't think he was always nice to me.

AFTER, I got bombarded. I had many, many calls that started with, "I propably should have said something before, but....."

My dad said (after) said that he didn't ever trust him. He said that he thought he was always looking around like he was adding up the value of things.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:33 PM, November 12th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So who else was told by their loved ones AFTER THE FACT that they saw thru them to begin with???

Apparently, mine would tell inappropriate or uncomfortable jokes to people. He liked putting people on the spot, but since he did it with a smile on his face and told a lot of other jokes as well, they chalked it up to him having a weird sense of humor, or just being the type of person who liked to push things to the limit. They didn't see darkness so much as they saw that he was "off."


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Random question: for those with an ex that displays NPD characteristics, did the behavior escalate after divorce?

My ex is cycling through women at an alarming rate. I'm trying to get a read on him so I know how to act around him, and his behavior is....well, frankly, it's *manic*, but I'll never convince him of that.

Any ideas or stories to share?


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((landa)))
sickening, isn't it?
Yes, the TRUE (or as close as I can come to it) face of my X came out after the separation, and more after the divorce. It's like they have nothing left to get from being nice to you...so you're deleted, done, GONE. You don't matter (to that fucktard- of course you're extremely important to those that really matter).
So sorry! It's awful, but try to remember it's HIM, NOT YOU!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

<i>So sorry! It's awful, but try to remember it's HIM, NOT YOU!</i>

It is awful, and I think it's affecting my children. He introduces them to each one.

Mostly, it seems to have really ramped up lately, and I am wondering if there is a whole other plane to this I haven't had the disfortune of visiting yet. Does he get worse? I can't really imagine him being MORE self-absorbed, but this is definitely an escalation of behaviors.

I'm just slightly afraid of what to expect next. I've got women crawling out of the woodwork sharing their stories with me.....


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if it actually gets worse or if with distance, you begin to see things more clearly.

Either way, it's yicky.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Landabear~ can you find a way to protect the children from this crazy-making behavior?
My N cycled through...PEOPLE.
(Not just women).

Thnx for the "welcome home", NoC, but I still feel exhausted.

What FITS my N in a nutshell is what DD posted about LIARS.
That is a terrific site, too.

Itsa~ I totally agree with you. I am so *HAPPY* about your home, & the outcome of your horrid N experience as well!

NPD is so complex & overwhelming...hugs to all.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

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