This came from a man who has NO IDEA the amount of money his OWN wife has dished out to his NPD son, NO IDEA and we are talking in the $500,000+ range just in the last 5 years!
There are so many vendictive things I could do to asshole and the XIn-;aws but refuse to, because I AM NOT THAT PERSON nor do I want to be... I know that each is creating their own special place in the afterlife, I suppose that is my only peace of mind at the moment.
I am slowly and quitely building my case against asshole to get his visitation rights taken away completely based on his lack of common sense for the well being of his children. He is using them to get to me and that is just SICK...
If you need him to pay for the childrens medical bills and he refuses, don't argue with him. Take him back to court and let them deal with him.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
Yes, he had the *hair* thing, too. Blow drying it n washing it with very expensive salon shampoos. Spent thousands on hair transplants, 3 different times. It took 8-10 hours lying on that table getting the first 2 done...each "hair plug" had to be individually set in.
It was painful...but, he stood it. (Almost seemed to Get Off on it! )
Then, he had the plastic surgery on his cock...that mini face lift & nose job & his 'long' earlobes "trimmed"...(XW & I were dyin' over that one! )
He had so many clothes, all packed & boxed by UPS, & all color-coded in the closet. Funny how I thought it as being * en costume*, too, & I never knew anyone else who did this.
He had very expensive sets of cashmere vests & sweaters, Italian suits, shoes...was very fucking FUSSY! I'm a sweater & jeans gal. This dress-up was driving me Crazy! I thought it was just an uptight "midwest thing"...v. me, the laid back hippie chick from CA.
The *off* thing was this: He wore the SAME thing, day in & out...for like a year or 2 at a time AT HOME (green Land's End long slv. shirt & green sweats), just like his food choice would NOT change...2 precise deli turkey slices on dry bread (no mayo), dill pickle.
Jeeeez, I'd get sick of that 3 days straight! No way could I eat that on 2 slices of dry bread...I'd have to have it slathered with mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, red onion & chips on the side...& have *variety*.
However, I'm getting away from the clothing weirdness: He showered daily & wore a white inner Tee & white briefs he called his 'panties'.
This is what he changed daily...& they had to be SNOW WHITE. Shit, I felt like a slob next to him till I saw him picking his nose and NOT WASHING HIS HANDS AFTER. UGH!
He always wanted to *know* what people were going to wear at XYZ event. Then, he tried to fucking DRESS ME, TOO!
Hey! Even my XH of 31 yrs. never bothered to get that INTO what I was GOING to wear!
It was soooo WEIRD.
It was like people were going to be able to SEE the REAL PERSON lurking inside the faux N/sociopath personna & bedimpled smile.
He just was so anal...such a perfectionist. Drove me NUTS.
When he went off to coach/ teach, it was certain clothing with his coach bag. When he worked at the office, it was a certain something, again. He had Ivy League all over which he gloried in...in a mining/cowboy town.
His (plastic surgeon sculpted) nose was "up in the air" a lot.
Obviously, he really thought he was HOT STUFF.
[This message edited by dreamlife at 10:31 AM, December 18th (Tuesday)]
He'd look at himself sideways in the mirror...all scrawny 6 ft, 2 " & 150 lbs. soaking wet with a 32 inch waistline moaning about his "big belly".
The physical appearance FOCUS was always on HIM...unless we were going out together.
Even just prior to our wedding, he told me my hair wasn't right, my dress was too short, & my cleavage was showing!
WRONG! It was not any of those things!!
I just didn't understand then that I was the *mirror* he was looking into & all these perceived "faults" were magnified.
Hey, he's just fucking NUTS, okay?
If I wanted to mind fuck him back...I'd suggest his hair looked "not quite right"...or that he was too hairy...the physical always GOT to him.
Find their achilles heel!
Longlost, where are you?
lied2, cj...check in, please.
I just got a fancy Xmas card as did our very own "cat son"...except N gave me a *gift card* for $50!
Ohhh, wowee...maybe I can use it for a cruise in a cracker jack box!
Considering he gave his XW the first year we were M at least $500 to buy gifts with...hmmm...anyone see anything slightly amiss with this pic?
Like...what does she KNOW that I don't--yet?
I'm intrigued with the clothing discussion.
I'm with NoC on this one. Bizarro finally developed into a very attractive, if miniscule, man. Most of the time we were together, he was not everyone's cup o'tea, and he knew it. He counted on quirkiness and intellect for his charm. He WAS very particular about what he wore, but not in any expected way. He dressed mostly in jeans and oxford cloth shirts with button-down collars. He was painfully self-conscious, and was intensely embarrassed by labels or by anything that seemed even remotely showy. For example, before we were married, I bought him some expensive suede motorcycle boots that he chose from the catalog himself. He never wore them. Eventually, he told me that the kittens had defecated on them. Well, the kittens had a litter box. They had never pooped on anything else, and I don't believe they pooped on his boots. I think that he really liked those boots, but, when they arrived, he could never bring himself to wear them. They were just too good-looking. He was afraid that those sharp boots would cause someone to notice him and ridicule him.
I think that he tried to dress as simply as possible so as not to draw attention to what he perceived as his imperfect appearance. Oddly enough, though, for years, he had very wild-looking hair. It was always long and curly--not frizzy, but very wavy. This got a LOT of attention, but I think that his thinking was that this flagged him as eccentric, which somehow also got him off the hook for not looking the way he thought he ought to look. Does that make any kind of sense to anyone?
I, on the other hand, now that I look back on it, was the trophy--not in the sense of the bejeweled, perfectly made-up and coifed beauty. Trust me, I just don't have that in me! But HE thought I was a "natural beauty." He was extremely fussy about what I wore. And how I wore it! He was constantly pulling my shirts down in the back. And pulling my hair down over my ears. And I gotta tell you--there is NOTHING wrong with my ears. He just didn't want to see them. And my ass WAS something to write home about. Seriously. Most people would have paid me to uncover it back then.
I always had long hair parted down the middle. When I cut it, just to shoulder-length, mind you, and added bangs, he told me "you've ruined yourself."
He ALWAYS chose what I wore when we went out--and we never went ANYWHERE other than to casual restaurants and movies. Geez, it makes me tired just thinking about it. I'm so grateful that Mr. Longlost doesn't care what I wear. Most of the time, he says nothing at all. When he does say something, he says "you look nice," or "I really like that shirt." What a blessing that is! I wouldn't have appreciated that at all if I hadn't lived with Bizarro. Maybe I wouldn't have appreciated a lot of the good things that I enjoy now if I hadn't had it so bad for so long!
(((Dragonfly))) You listen to Veritas and Sad. I know it's hard to do, but you've got to let that asshole go. You are still letting him work your last nerve. As long as you expect anything from him--especially anything approaching normal, compassionate behavior, he is going to exercise his power to disappoint you.
(((Everyone))) I'm here, and I care. My energy level has been kinda low, but I'm lurking.
I wish I could put a hold on all the crazy asshole behavior and give everyone a nice break for Christmas, but we know that isn't going to happen. The best I can do is tell you that I care and that I think about you folks all the time.
Please take good care of yourselves!
[This message edited by Longlost at 9:16 PM, December 18th (Tuesday)]
I visit this thread periodically now since my best friend is Dragonfly32. I've seen all of the "dealings" with her XH throughout the past few years.
Thank you all so much for giving her the great insight and support that she is needing. I knew she would benefit from being able to talk to more people other than myself.
Thank you.... Itty
Theres no scarlet in you, lay your veil down for me
As sure as God made wine, you cant wrap your arms
Around a memory
Take warmth from me, cold autumn winds cut sharp as a
And in the dark for me, youre the candle flame that
Flickers to life
Love breaks the wings of a butterlfy on a wheel
Love will break the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Wise men say all is fair in love and war
Theres no right or wrong in the design of love
And I could only watch as the wind crushed your wings
Broken and torn crushed like the flower under the snow
And like the flower in spring
Love will rise again to heal your wings
Love heals the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
Love will heal the wings of a butterfly on a wheel
[This message edited by bobelina at 12:14 AM, December 19th (Wednesday)]
STBXPDW was reported to CPS by school counselor on Monday.
100 + pages (closer to 200) pages of documents were delivered to Social Services yesterday including previous forgeries concerning Social Services.
For the third time in three weeks, that I know of, STBXPDW has "overslept" and arrived late to pick up kids for school. She seems to have a 50% accuracy rate lately in picking kids up on time for school. She picks them up twice a week to get them to school. The kids have had to call her to wake her up, as happened today, again.
She continues to change DDs contact info at school, but apparently not at the school level. The schools KNOW that DDs live with me. They have said that she has not been in to change this info. I am in contact with schools regularily, she is not. I've changed DDs contact info some 3 times this school year, so far.
I sent a note with DD13 documenting that STBXPDW was late to get her to school, again, because STBXPDWs alarm "didn't go off". I called school to let them know what was going on and to expect the note. They just called and did recieve the note and will file it. STBXPDW has a very bad habit of getting DDs to school on time if, at all and this has been longstanding for years.
Grandma made plans with DDs on Sunday but didn't inform me. I let her know that all plans with DDs go thru me. She was also 3-4+ hours late picking up DDs, so needless to say things were discombobulated.
STBXPDW tried calling me on my cell Saturday. Dumbass me, didn't recognize the number (a work number). I answered it heard her voice and hung up.
She tried to set up, with the kids, a shopping excursion last nite, not her visit nite. She texted me twice looking for DD8 at school. Funny, as yesterday is not a day that she picks up DDs from school, and besides, I picked up DD8 with STBXPDW 2 cars a head of me as she was there to pick up SIL kid. I drove by STBXPDW as DD8 and I were leaving. I ignored the texts. When DD8 and I got home STBXPDW called on DD8s cell trying to make plans. DD8 asked if she could go and I said that she would see her mom the next three afternoons as those are their visit time with STBXPDW.
It never ends does it? LOL. And the worst part is, none of this stuff is that big of a deal on it's own. It's a big deal as a whole, hence the terms "insidious" or things like "ambient (abuse)". Uggghhhhh........ It never ends. LOL.
Hope all are well. I'm glad that the song above gave some hope and help.
ETA:Cause I'm lame at spelling and stuff.
[This message edited by bobelina at 8:32 AM, December 19th (Wednesday)]
That is whacked. Misogynist also? What were those nasty words to describe the disordered (and their "cronies"). LOL.
I'm so sorry that such "monsters" are in your and the childrens lives.
(((Dragonfly))) Hang in there girl. I understand the need to think about what will happen to these cruel, sick individuals once they meet their maker and get what they deserve. When I realized that trail of tears would be nothing but a hinderance to my daughter's growth and mental health, I had a bible verse pop into my head- to paraphrase it's something like: if anyone hurts my little ones, it would be better for them to have a millstone tied to their neck and drowned in the sea. Relax knowing you will get what you deserve and so will he. I know that's precious little comfort considering what you're going through. But you have the support of everyone here, and you are in my prayers. Keep safe and strong.
(((Longlost))) I wanna be you when I grow up.
(((Dream))) So the sick fuck ponied up $50 huh? Well, it's better than a poke in th eye with a sharp stick. I hope you find whatever leverage his XW has on him and milk it. I still want you to call his parents and fill them in. But I realize that may be a dangerous game to play. Just know I think you're doing so well. He won't win. You're so much smarter than he is it's rediculous.
(((BoB))) Sorry your nutjob hosebeast is such a pain in the ass. My thoughts are with you. And thanks for your encouraging post.
(((Everyone))) Merry Christmas. And espcially HAPPY NEW YEAR. I can't wait to kick this one's ass out the door. On to bigger and better things!
it didn't seem to matter that he had been a serial cheater, a wife beater, an alcoholic, a pathalogical liar and had hid an OC for two years. As soon as all of that came to light, he started blame shifting and telling more lies about how I had abused him and drove him to do those things.
They believed him and quickly circled the wagons around him. Poor mistreated XNPDH. I was thrown out of the family like I was last weeks trash and treated even worse. It was horrible.
I don't know what was worse. The realization that my H had been a serial cheater, had an OC and had lied to me our entire marriage and basically lived a double life or having his entire family completely turn on me and believe his horrible lies and turn on me so viciously.
I didn't know what was real, what had been real, who to trust, or if I could even go on. The pain was crippling.
One thing you have to realize early on is that you cannot rationalize with him or anyone who is on "his side." You would be wasting your breath to try and convince anyone who has had their mind poisoned by him at this point.
Deal with your attorney and deal with the courts right now. Things will get better with time.
Try to hang in there. I'm thinking of you.
Agree about your progress, itsa!
Luv the song, BoB.
Seems like a lot of the N's here are substance abusers...JMO.
Notice to weirdo lurkers/N's/substance abusers: Get a fucking life and leave us to deal with ours.
NPD Poll for today: how many of you felt like you were a human sex toy for your N; like you were some sort of flesh dildo he/she used to play with themselves? Graphic, I know, but I'm just coming to terms with my experience...
In retrospect, absoulutely. Used, abused and denied. And then told, it's all my fault !!! LOL.
So, right now I'm waiting for the police. I'll fill ya'll in later. It never ends... LOL. Uggghhhhh......