<Ll~ good & clever one there about him being an Nfant! >
But, he's not physically abusive, right?
Do you have a room with a good
secure lock that you can move into while he vents?
What would happen if you told him, "NO", & just walked away?
If you tune him out, it might help to stop the bullying.
Personally, I just couldn't take living in the same home with some one like that.
Have you contacted your local Battered Women's Shelter?
He IS *emotionally* battering you & what is really horrible is that the 4 children are seeing this! And, it might progress to physical violence one day...
I'm curious: How does he behave around his friends?
Is he a jerk around them as well? Does he even have any friends?
I'm suspicous that this is not his only time. Having a ONS with a "family" member is a very fine line to cross and one that I wouldn't think one would cross unless they were accustomed to the act of cheating and getting away with it.
I would guess that he is only sorry that he got caught.
Did he blame you or her or her H or anyone else for the affair (ONS) or did he take full responsibility for his actions?
Sorry for so many questions. I'm just trying to get a clear picture of him and his thinking.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 4:37 PM, December 11th (Tuesday)]
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
I was wondering because it is common for NPD's to be serial cheaters, pathalogical liars, have muliple marriages / relationships, live double lives, etc.
The "bragging" to the OW is interesting. It's an odd thing to "brag" about, don't you think? I mean, assuming they were starting a relationship, (in the fantasy land of affairville) would you go into it bragging how you got away with cheating with the prior spouse? Odd yes, but unfortunately this sounds very normal for an NPD. The inappropriate association of emotion / circumstances / consequenses.
You say that he eventually took "full responsibilty" for his actions. I have to disagree with you. Taking full responsiblity involves admitting TOTALLY what you have done, coming completely clean, being totally honest, and doing everything that needs to be done in order to repair the damage. He needs to be kissing your ass and thanking God every day that you didn't throw his ass out in the street where he belongs. He should be GRATEFUL. But he's not. He's expecting YOU to be grateful that he didn't leave you.
Again, the inappropriate reponse.
He has not taken full responsibility. He is in the "just get over it" mode.
I think you are so beaten down with the abuse, you are willing to accept this breadcrumb he has offered as him taking responsiblity.
I know my kids deserve better which is why I'm here.
I'm not sure what you meant by this? Here meaning there with him, or here at SI in the NPD forum?
[This message edited by sadtoo at 6:06 PM, December 11th (Tuesday)]
I read these posts and I just get chills! It brings back the memories. I am so thankful that I got out of there when I did.
I ask myself, how did I ever live like that-- how could I not see him for what he is? Why did I let go of myself, my backbone and my world.
Because, we all know that it isn't our world, in a Marriage with an NPD-- it is there world. They create it. They are the reason it is possible, and they can dang sure cut you out of the world so quickily--- Mine would ice me out.
In that, he would simply not talk to me. I'd ask a question, or make a statement. He'd not answer-- I'd repeat myself, and he would say that didnt merit a response. And, that was on the good days.
I spent almost fifteen years trying to make him happy. Trying to be the "good" person. Now that I am out of there, and in a healthy relationship, I see I was his personal servant, ego stroker, prostitute---(as there was never any true intimacy with him. The sex was good, but it was a performance for him. There never was a connection, on his part, a letting down of the guard-- back to the ego stroking--) Sadly enough, he made me feel like a whore.
I was to worship him. I was to be grateful for how good I had it. How lucky I was to be able to stay home. Truth is, he didn't allow me to have a job, that meant I'd not be serving him in a sense. How much better his life would be if I earned six figures and he could stay home.
The sock thing---OMG!! I had to match the socks perfectly. The blacks couldnt have faded differently, etc. And, yes, it was my job to know where they were at all times. I had to make sure his shirts were taken to the cleaners, and it was my fault the cleaners made his shirts have ring around the color.
He wore sixty dollar shirts. I shopped at goodwill. I was made to feel indebted to him because I was lower than him. I was lucky to have him.
I forgot where I was going with this post.
I'll be back,
WW is in IC but based on what she has told me there is not traveling down an NPD path but that isn't really my place...
I'm so lost right now, I read the posts on this board and I see us. I'm scared because it doesn't seem like there is happy end game WITH our family together (kids 2/4/6). I'm starting to feel that I'm N too for staying in this destructive environment.
Funny you mention the house cleaning stuff. My XNPD was a fanatic about house cleaning too. When we first met, I had a cleaning service. After we got married he insisted that I cancel the service and do it myself. (like I had time) Then he went on to dictate how it should be done, right down to what products I used and how and where they should be stored. Then he would go around and "inspect" to see that things were done the way he wanted.
If it wasn't he would order me to do it again.
I'd be like, "If it's not good enough, do yourself" And the fight would be on.
I mean why not just leave it alone? The cleaning service was doing a great job and I had more time to do other things. Total crazy making.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 12:29 PM, December 12th (Wednesday)]
Your not crazy. Your in a crazy making situation. Talk with IC or MC, alone. Express your concern that she maybe disordered. Get help for yourself. Your in for the battle of yours and the kids lives if she is NPD. Protect your ass and assets. LOL. Read my recent posts on the female variety of N.
BoB (A dude)
I had an N dream. Then the kids were being monsters. Then the MC appointment with Mr. Threnody.
I cried all the way home from the appointment, then immediately had to pick my eldest up from school. The fighting began immediately between the siblings. I drove with a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel, still crying.
Mr. T came home early, brought dinner items from the deli, and ushered me out of the dining room so I didn't have to listen to the quibbling.
It took me several hours to get a grip. We finally watched a movie (hilarious film "Keeping Mum," but it may be very triggery for some who are new to infidelity) and made love. And I woke up this morning after having another stressful night of dreams.
I am rambling. I'm just in mid-freak, I guess. I probably won't feel better until the holidays are gone. Then I think I'm out of the window of contact possibility.
I feel like my head is on the block and I'm blindfolded, waiting for the final chop.
On the other hand, reading this:
It was the skid-mark on the stretched-out tightie whities of Suck.
sure made my afternoon a little better.
*every little thing is going to be all right*
*one of my kids told me that what he wanted for christmas was for his brother to stop beating him up; the other said he wanted for his brother to quit calling him gay and a retard*
*i then wanted some earmuffs and a quiet spot in Farthest Asia, Africa, Australia, Anywhereia Away From Thereia*
[This message edited by veritas at 1:42 PM, December 12th (Wednesday)]
Oh, those dreams! They feel so real and so immediate. They permeate everything. You hang in there, Girl. It will fade back again soon.
Meanwhile, when you get that head-on-the-chopping-block feeling, visualize something else on that chopping block, and you wield that Santoku!
(((hugs, thren, & Veritas)))
"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"