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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((IDeserveBetter))))))
YouDeserveBetter. Patience. Knowledge. IC. NC/Silence on you thoughts. He doesn't need to know where your heart and thoughts and spirit are. Take care of yourself first, then kids.
As my Buddhist/Thearpist has pointed out to me:
It's like being on an airplane. The airplane has a problem. The masks fall down. You are advised to *take care of yourself* first, by putting on your mask. Do it. Then help the kids.
You are of no use to them until you take care of yourself first. After you take care of yourself, then you are useful to them.

Hope this helps.

And remember: You are taking action in response to his behaviours, not yours. This is/he is the problem. Silence, patience and a plan.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ideservebetter))) It is easier when we "catch them in lies" because we're conditioned to have normal responses to normal behavior. And when we see something that mimics normal behavior, we have a normal response to it. But that's the thing to remember about the narcissist: it's all a lie. The good, the bad, the ugly: none of it is actually real except the anger and the hostility. How it manifests itself is based on what stage the NPD wants to act on for the moment. There's maybe only a tiny part of it that might actually have a grain of truth in it. It's like dealing with a walking, talking black hole: it has no matter of its own; it's just looking for something to feed on.

Just this weekend, I had to listen to my NPD rage about how he was out of weed, and how this was my fault because I forced him to give up all of his female contacts. First of all, I ain't forced him to do diddley squat. I told him he was a pathetic loser to be trolling for dates in an MR facility, and I pointed out where he had lied to me, saying he was going one place when he was really going to meet CDs, and that was it. I didn't mention it after that. I didn't tell him he had to do anything. Second of all, he waited until a week after I confronted him, and two days of that was him taking off of work early to go chase after her! That's what the phone logs say! So obviously, it wasn't me. He was probably complaining to one of his friends, and THEY probably hassled him about it. Hell, there's another woman's phone number from last MONDAY on the phone, and I'm pretty sure that since he was out until 8 without calling or coming home, that that's where he was. So even if he really did cut off contact and hasn't just been using his friend's phones like he usually does, it wasn't anything I did or said. Had I not seen the evidence with my own two eyes, I might have felt guilty just because he was so mad and so out of control. But I know better. The facts are my anchor. The NPD has no facts, no truth. That's what makes them both hard to catch hold of and hard to let go.

(((itsa))): As usual, it falls to us. I guarantee you, however, that a happier you will guarantee the kids a happier holiday. Call me psychic, but I'd be willing to bet that his most significant contribution to the holiday was his physical presence, and that was if he didn't take it upon himself to make snarky comments about commercialism and how the holidays suck, and try to ruin it with his selfish behavior. It might end up being one of the best holidays ever.

[This message edited by veritas at 9:25 AM, November 19th (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! So much good stuff while I was (briefly) away!
BoB- loved the article...Its- you are an absolute DOLL and of course your holidays will be wonderful...
SO much more I can't try to catch up so I'll deal with the immediate (and apologies if I've missed anything)...

(((LongLost))) I agree with who it was who said you've put your feelings on the shelf, just moving on but perhaps not completely "dealing" with the scars- and honestly, how could you deal with them? I'm sure the extent of WHAT you were dealing with was beyond comprehension. Now that you've had time and space, the imprints have surfaced. Of course it's painful and strange- it's abuse. But you are doing so wonderfully, you really are. Like Its said- you may never understand that relationship/part of your past because it was based on sheer madness! (loved that, btw, its!) As far as finding something he wrote that tugged at the heart strings- at least you have that to hold, but do remember that as you said- everything that man said to you was meant to manipulate you. The kind words are candy coated crap! Don't look at it fondly, remember it's ALL lies. I hope you're better this week. You are so wonderful.

(((IDeserve))) Yes, catching him in a lie would be nice as far as a catalyst/reason for doing NOW what you want to do...but you don't need a catalyst. You do what you want when you want to. Just be safe and don't provoke his rage. Those that suffer from this problem are so dangerous when called on their shit, and an S when he's "trying so hard" would likely send him over the edge! Silence, secrecy...these are your protectors. But once you're free you will be able to LIVE OUT LOUD!!!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.

http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2007/11/thanksgiving-holiday-narcissists-will.html

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone around for NC support?

pm pls.


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Downfall, I'm here. How can I help?


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Advice:
On three different boards tonight have been warnings of the WS and NPD's lurking.

Caution.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think I'm ok now.

Even the queen of NC needs support sometimes.

Remember NC = no new hurts.

Many positive thoughts for all.


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A Sad Reminder:
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=440655&LastModified=4675648711028199127

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, November 19th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen to that Bob. Most days I'm certain that was his intention for a very long time.

ETA: my IC once asked me why I hadn't gone there. Born and raised Roman Catholic ... cited the doctrine. She said she was shocked that I didn't say it was because of my kids. I feel you can reason yourself out of that even. When it came down to it; it was my belief that a higher power created you for a reason. Maybe even to battle a N.

[This message edited by downfall at 10:57 PM, November 19th (Monday)]


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, downfall! Hope you're feeling better this morning!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! How is everyone doing today?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I count my blessings at my wonderful in-laws' table on Thursday, I will certainly be counting you, my friends.

I owe some responses, and I don't know when I'll be able to catch up. We'll be preparing to travel or on the road for a few days. Just know that I am thinking of you with gratitude, care, and hope.

Please take good care of yourselves and be of good cheer when you can. You are wonderful people!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More insight to the NPD mind. OW#1 sent an email to XNPDH informing him of her son's wedding that is taking place in Florida. OC is IN the wedding as the groom is her 1/2 brother.

The following is XNPDH's response to OW#1's email. I have removed names.
______________________________

In response to your e-mail dated 11-19-07:

I plan on having my regularly scheduled visitation with DD on Wednesday, November 21st. DD’s school is dismissed for Thanksgiving break at 2 pm on Wednesday, November 21st, and per Wilson vs. Wilson, the Thanksgiving holiday “will commence at 8:30 am on the day after the children are released from school and concludes at 7:00 pm on the day before the children return to school.”

As far as the visitation schedule for the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, it would be in DD’s best interests if we abide by the Wilson vs. Wilson Holiday Schedule set forth by Judge D in our Parenting Plan. In light of your recent irrational behavior and instability, I don’t believe deviating from the court’s order would be in DD’s best interests.

Regarding your proposed departure to Florida with DD, I have several concerns with your planned itinerary. You stated in your e-mail that you plan to leave for Florida on December 12th for a wedding that is scheduled on December 15th. My visitation with DD is on Wednesday the 12th, and my weekend of visitation is scheduled for the following weekend (December 14th – December 16th). You failed to mention the date that DD is returning home. Your scheduled departure is less than a month from today, and you have failed to discuss this with me until the last minute. We have several holiday events scheduled with DD that conflict your itinerary.

Because of your willingness to violate court directives governing my visitation in the past, I will take action in the event that you once again decide to violate my visitation schedule with DD. I will notify the Airport Authority of the pending court order violation on Wednesday, December 15th and, if by chance you depart for Florida with some other mode of transportation, I will also notify the military Provost Marshall for Elgin Air Force Base as well as the Okaloosa County Sheriffs Office.

I will notify Judge D of your violations of his directives, including previous violations.

Govern yourself accordingly.

Fuckface
_____________________________

He wrote this email to her last night at around midnight. He must have had a very bad day, as he was arraigned in court on the stalking charges.

He write this email like HE is the lawyer. What a complete lunatic!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sadtoo))))
Oh, my...

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though I still have many problems with him, (stalking, sitting outside my house, etc) I am so thankful everyday that I am not married to him any longer, nor do I have any children with him.

I don't know how one could co-parent with him. I feel so bad for OW#1. She is truly in a no-win situation.

OW#2 (the current fiance) ignores the whole thing and will not communicate with OW#1.

OW#1 has NO idea what the "irrational behavior" is he's talking about. I told her to ask him for details. (dates and specific incidents.)

BTW, the trial date is the 30th. I'll keep you posted.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Sad))) Did he just *assume* that she was violating? Or was she actually doing it? Sorry, I'm a bit confused...(as usual)


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Longlost~ have a safe & wonderful trip! You are such an asset to our little thread; will keep you in my thoughts, too!

sad~ OW1 should be very grateful that she has you as a sort of "helpful guide". Yes, do keep us posted!

I am grateful he is just OUT of my home.
That I don't have to see him upon awakening each morning.
For this one fact alone, I am very *grateful*!!!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC,
She hasn't *done* anything. She just sent him an email telling him that they are *planning* to go to Florida for her son's wedding.

He is *overreacting* as usual. He is going to do all of this to her because of the *pending violation*

PSYCHO!!

Don't worry about being confused. How could you not?? That's how he likes to keep things. CONFUSING.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh boy. I wonder what festivities he has planned that will trump being in a wedding???

*poor little girl*


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
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