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User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, my *penitent N* was the poor *victim* of his cruel XW.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
DD123
♀ Member
Member # 13369
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo. You are EXACTLY right.

I wish my STBXN "appeared" crazy. He is so convincing! I sometimes push him so he will do something so I could call the cops on him. Just to "show the world".

But he is too smart for that. He only acts like that around me. He is SO careful to never say things hurtful to me in email -- only in person.

I told him I would call the cops when he wouldn't leave my house and he said "go ahead". I did! And then he left. He wants no hard evidence left behind.

I almost envy those people with outwardly violent NPD.


Married 16 years
Kids - 16, 15, 7
D-day 12/4/06.
Many add'l d-days; many false Rs
Separated 3/18/07; Divorced 2/20/08

"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"


Posts: 667 | Registered: Jan 2007
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD123,
Mine was not outwardly violent all the time. For the most part he was very controlled. He only lost it and became violent when he was drinking heavily.

He was/is very sneaky, sly, manipulative and cunning. He would methodically tear me to shreads with his words until I couldn't take it anymore and I would lash out verbally in anger and pain. I was later shocked to learn that he was recording me as I reacted. He didn't record any of the things that he had said that had caused me to act that way. He just served it up that I had just "lost it" for no apparent reason.

He played these tapes during our divorce. I'll never forget. He's playing them, acting all the victim, with tears in his eyes and everything. It was all I could do NOT to jump over the table and strangle him. I was so PISSED. Then when nobody else is looking, he gives me the "nah-nah-na-nah-nahhh!" look. It's like he's FIVE years old.

It's completely maddening.

This is another reason to get to your doctor and get on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. If your nerves are anything like mine were, you are most likely completely on edge and it's more important now to be able to control your anger and not let this type of thing get to you. This is what I mean by how these guys can literally drive someone insane.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
DD123
♀ Member
Member # 13369
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo: PM sent....


Married 16 years
Kids - 16, 15, 7
D-day 12/4/06.
Many add'l d-days; many false Rs
Separated 3/18/07; Divorced 2/20/08

"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"


Posts: 667 | Registered: Jan 2007
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there is one thing that I can tell those of you that are still very close to your situation, it is that these guys are NOT as good of liars as they seem. I promise.

To YOU, they are good liars and they seem very convincing. This is in part because you have been conditioned to believe his lies.

I used to believe that my XH was the best liar on the face of the earth. I was so AFRAID that everyone would believe every word he would say. There were those unfortunate fools that did continue to believe him who only found themselves used and questioned by the police and in some instances threatened with going to jail.

The people that I was most fearful of him convincing that his lies were true were law enforcement, the lawyers in our divorce and our divorce judge.

Here's the thing. The truth is the truth. THe truth in most cases can be proven. If he claims to have brought all of the money into the marriage, he's going to have to prove it. He can't just go into the courtroom, spin his little tale and hope that everyone believes him.

That's kind of like my XH going in during our hearing when he filed a motion that I had "illegally transported HIS horses over state lines." Well first of all he could talk all day long spinning his tale, but when it came down to whose name was on the owners certificates and other paperwork and who paid the vet bills, the board bills, the training bills, the feed bills, the vaccination bills, the worming schedule, the shoing and hoof trimming bills, and who had the canceled checks to prove it, his stupid ass story went right out the window right along with his receipt for ONE bag of oats.

Document, document, document. Let him talk. He will look like the lying, control freak that he really is. Believe me.

If any of you are watching the Sgt from Illinois whose 4th wife is missing you know what I'm talking about. The wife is presumed dead and murdered by him. The 3rd wife has been exhumed and re-autopsied. Results are pending.

Sgt Peterson goes on national television to try and show the world that he is innocent. He has a HUGE ego and probably feels that he is a pretty good liar. He's trained to lie to get people to confess to crimes, right? He's going on and on trying to paint himself as the "good guy" and these dead and missing wives as the "real problem" because they had "emotional problems" and wife #4 asked for a divorce every time she had her period. (He seriously is trying to gain sympathy here and he really thinks it's working.)

He is revolting.

When Matt Lauer asks him what scares him the most about this whole thing, I couldn't believe his answer. It wasn't that his children might have to grow up without their mother, that she may never really come home, or that something terrible may have happened to her, or that he may be wrongfully accused of a crime he didn't commit. Nope. The thing that scared him the most was how much all of this might cost him.

WHAT????

He goes on to PUBLICALLY ask for an attorney to step forward and represent him for FREE because this is going to be so expensive.

WHAT?????

After the interview, he continues speaking with a female reporter (no doubt trying to impress her) telling her how "spoiled" his wife was and all she had to do was ask. "If she wanted a boob-job, she got it, if she wanted a tummy-tuck, she got it, braces, high end jewlery, you name it." See, he's the good guy here. He's trying to make himself look good.

He looks like a Narcissistic Sociopath to me. One who is so cold blooded, he cannot even hide his distain for women. From the news reports I've seen, most of America sees him the same way. His lies aren't flying.

I'll bet if his 4th wife heard him (if she were alive) make that comment about her having her period, she'd want to whack him again with that "frozen steak." Then he'd be the first to point the finger and say, "See! She abused ME!!"

[This message edited by sadtoo at 6:08 PM, November 16th (Friday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Sad in that the truth does have a habit of letting itself known! I have a file of debts that the ex left behind and sometimes when he was making me doubt myself I had to get it out and look at things in black and white. When he told people that he had no debts I took out the file to remind myself that he is a liar. I think it is a good idea for us all to get as much evidence in black and white as possible.

NC - trust your instincts. Everytime. If you think he is up to something then he probably is.

DD123 - My ex's emails are all very polite. This is because he knows it is evidence. What he does in person is always very different. They are never to be trusted.

Two things happened today: My ex put one hundred and seventy five pounds in my bank account! This is the first penny since February! I think he is up to something!!
And I also signed the final form for possession of the house! I am turning the corner...

It is really strange how I feel when things go well. I am so used to everything being a nightmare that when I get good news I keep looking for the catch! How ridiculous!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone remind me why it's not a good idea to take a baseball bat to his head please.
My wonderful bipolar Narcisstic WH just showed his selfish lazy ass true self again.

I don't let him watch the kids because he's either selfishly sleeping and letting them run around unsupervised or he ends up throwing a temper fit at them and being aggressive.

So I NEVER get any help from him. Now keep in mind I wanted WH to move out and give me some time, but he didn't want to. He talks about how much he wants to work things out. Ha! Sure, at his convenience!

Anyway, I come home late from the grocery store and I'm trying to put all the groceries away myself and the kids are giving me a hard time about getting ready to take showers and get PJ's on. A REALLY hard time. I'm exhausted and busy, so I tell WH please go and make sure they at least get their clothes off to start getting ready.

HIS RESPONSE "Sometimes you amaze me!"

I said what is so amazing about asking for 2 minutes help?

HE SAYS: If I'm such a bad father like you always say, why would you have me help get them ready for their shower?

I f*ing hate his lazy selfishness!!

HE IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO USE HIS SELFISH POS USELESSNESS TO HIS ADVANTAGE BY SAYING I SHOULD NEVER ASK HIM FOR ANYTHING SINCE HE IS SO BAD ANYWAY!!!


He's all about asking to "play" Dad. His idea of trying to reconcile is asking me out to lunch, dinner, asking for us to take the kids to a movie, ALL THE ENTERTAINING, FUN STUFF THAT HE WOULDNT MIND DOING ANYWAY!!

But where is his trying when it is EVER any help I need???

Am I overreacting, or is this TYPICAL SELFISH NARCISSISM????!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 8:02 PM, November 16th (Friday)]


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
DD123
♀ Member
Member # 13369
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like my STBXN before the A started. Actions that if not full-blown NPD is definitely narcissistical in nature.

My STBXN's idea of being together as a family would be "family movie night". In other words him picking out a horrible guy movie, and us having to watch it "or else".

Usually it would be something the girls (3 out of 5 of us) would hate. Or would be totally inappropriate for my 5 year old.

If, for instance, my 16 year old daughter left the family room to go into her room to read he would tell her to get back in here OR ELSE! She would then have to sit through the rest of the movie with tears in her eyes.

If I did or said anything about it he would tell me that I don't care about the family. I just care about everyone doing their own thing. What a mother I am! Then he would shut off the movie and just go by himself into the computer room and say "to hell with you all...I tried".

Thank you for reminding me of this pre-A behavior....

Hopefully two years from now I will be saying his A is the best thing that could have happened to me...

[This message edited by DD123 at 8:11 PM, November 16th (Friday)]


Married 16 years
Kids - 16, 15, 7
D-day 12/4/06.
Many add'l d-days; many false Rs
Separated 3/18/07; Divorced 2/20/08

"Women are like tea bags...you never know how strong they are until they are in hot water!!!"


Posts: 667 | Registered: Jan 2007
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ideservebetter,
You're not over acting. NPD's are NOTORIOUS for being selfish. It's ALL ABOUT THEM and what everyone else is going to do for them.

In fact, they are so self centered and so self focused they can't even "see" how their bizarre behavior affects other people. It seems as if it is impossible for them to "put the shoe on the other foot."


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something else I was going to mention:

Most of us are on or have been on anti-depressant and or anti-anxiety meds. Why? Because we've been / are being abused. We have been in a toxic relationship that has caused severe emotional damage.

One thing that seems to be common with NPD's is to threaten to use this against you and try to prove that you are "mentally ill" "unfit to be a mother" "crazy" or whatever.

Do NOT buy it.

Trust me on this. Judges have seen this time and time again. Abused women are treated for depression and anxiety. This is VERY COMMON. There is a reason you are on this medication. Let him drag this into court. Then you can tell WHY you are taking the meds. It won't be a pretty picture. For HIM.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 8:52 PM, November 16th (Friday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ahhh IDB you are over here. Yes, it is classic N. Using your own words to get you to doubt yourself; force you to backtrack.

Do not back down. This is where the fighting fire with fire method comes in. Wise ass answers deserve reminding what position they are currently in. But you must remain calm. Let it roll off you. He is trying to feed off your reaction. Do not allow it.

I was trying to read through your story somewhere to figure out why you haven't left yet.

Many positive thoughts for you.

ETA: I went back and read some of your previous posts. I have a better understanding where you are at now.

Please go back to the NPD I thread and start reading. Your in desperate need of support here. You can do this! You can make it through this in one piece! It is possible; you just need to start believing in yourself. Trust me, your worth it!

[This message edited by downfall at 9:11 PM, November 16th (Friday)]


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Portable tape recorder. Small. Fresh batteries. Handy.

*Priceless*

Great for catching *private* ABUSIVE outbursts.

Yes, you will get through this.

((((huge hugs)))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, dreamlife, my paid-listener wants me to get a small VAR for *all* interaction with him. I think she wants to be able to CLEARLY point out to me how abusive he is. But I already know that!

The lies and bullshit they tell other people about themselves (and you) are absolutely unbelievable.

I also spent a lot of wasted energy on being upset about him trashing ME to others. You know what guys? The *truth* comes out in the end. Believe it or not, he has even tried to get some of his KIDS to not speak with me!! A *grown man* asking (commanding) his kids to demonstrate loyalty to HIM (for no reason) and not include me in their lives.

Unbelievable.

He has SEVEN kids and one grandchild. These young adults have been a part of my life for a lot of years too!! And I've become fairly close to most of them! In fact, they chose to interact with ME *far more* than their own father.

And his tactic has backfired BIG TIME. His kids are old enough to 'see through' his bullshit, and most of them choose NO RELATIONSHIP with him. They thought it was absolutely unforgiveable for him to try and 'dis-include' me from their lives. At the time it was happening though, it was horrible for me.

I've read lies he's told about me to others, lies he's told about HIMSELF to others, etc. I have found that over time, most people aren't *stupid*...they can see RIGHT through a lot of the bullshit. Especially when its REALLY bullshit!!

I wish I had known that DURING the time I was seeing him do this. It tore me up inside for two reasons: One, that he would actually SAY such horrific things about *me* (his wife) to others; and two, that people might actually BELIEVE him!!

He would look for sympathy from virtually EVERYONE!! "Oh, I'm getting divorced", response: "oh you poor guy, I'm so sorry."

Yeh. He would leave out ALL other information. No reasons "why", no admittance of an A, personal ads, lies, denials, bankruptcy, foreclosure, manic spending habits, NONE of it. He was just a "regular guy", going to school, and his mean wife was divorcing him.

N's usually "dig their own graves." In their future relationships with 'suppliers', they will also lie about themselves, especially their past. There IS no *intimate* partnership with an N, so don't ever think that they will somehow CHANGE and be 'real' with the next person. It doesn't happen.

They will have an equally FAKE relationship, based on lies and deception.

My paid-listener says that they "hate" women. I don't know if thats true of ALL male N's, but it certainly seems true for mine. He has a barely-contained rage towards me, that takes ALL of his energy to keep under control. The reason? I *exist* and don't accept his bullshit. I am the enemy because I do not WANT this crappy-assed marriage based on deception.

He couldn't be honest if his nuts were in a vice. Swear to god!

This is why, when divorcing an N, you absolutely MUST have everything in 'black and white.' That is, no "accusations" allowed, only PROOF of events. Financial disclosures will SHOW dissipation or irresponsibilty ~ let the facts speak for themselves. Just *know* that you will need cut-and-dried documents to compete with his tactics.

No emotions allowed. I have learned a LOT about *this*. They CANNOT tolerate the expression of emotion, especially when it is a *result* of THEIR actions. It creates an almost combative mode within them. Do not ever expect an N to take personal responsibility for ANYTHING. There is always a reason why it is not their fault, and there is always someone else to blame for it. ALWAYS. They, themselves, do not do anything that could be seen as less than 'wonderful.'

Learning about N's has actually really helped me *deal* with it. Although it tends to drag me down sometimes (the enormity of the pure *abusive* nature of it all), it has also allowed me to clarify and 'grow' in a lot of ways.

KNOWING 'stuff' has helped me accept that it is NOT my fault, that I am *not* crazy, and that I am *not* out of line when asking for the basics in a marriage.

He blames me for virtually *everything* TO THIS DAY! Of course he has already 'deleted' me from his mindspace, but also blames me for THAT!

Watching the chaos around an N, and then being blamed for it? How DO we all survive this? It takes really strong people to stand tall when they've been knocked down again and again...like you guys!!


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, cj, I know.

Sometimes I do play the "Crazy Tapes" back. It helps me to FIND my *balance*, again.

I highly recommend this.

Could be another reason why IC wants you to gently press the *RECORD* button.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, November 16th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Hugs For All))))))
What nitemares we've all been through. I'm so sorry for us all and our children.
I was thinking the last couple days about just how much of our lives have been taken up by and or continue to be taken up by the "N"'s. If it's not comforting the kids, it's smear & damage control, or financial issues, or divorces, or ailmony, or STD & health checks, CS, RO, counseling, blah, blah, blah, etc.
These people truly seem to disrupt everything that they get near.
Counseling, AD's, SI, lawyers, etc. all this help we and our children need, all because of *their* behaviours.

As sadtoo's tag reads:
"It is what it is, not what we hope it can be."
And veratis's tag reads:
"Actions unmask what words disguise."

So true, so true...

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, November 17th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH just said to me "Is this ever going to end? about me being mad at him.

It has been 4 WEEKS since we went to the MC who drafted a agreement between us that if he wanted to stay in the house, he had 1 week to get a sponsor at AA, to stop lying, stay on his medications, and get an appointment with an IC.

So far, he has:

1. taken his med, but let one of them run out and has not refilled it for 6 days

2. Called an IC who told him they didn't have an appointment until December. He did not book tha appt or ask to be on the cancellation list.

3. Stopped lying? who knows -I haven't caught him in anything.

4. Gone to AA meetings the same as he has for MONTHS but still has not bothered to get a sponsor. A sponsor is important in order to have some accountability and to have someone to call. He goes to meetings and sits there but does nothing else.

So I said "Monday is 4 weeks since we went to the MC and made that agreement. Why don't you tell me if this is going to take forever?"

Do you all call this doing what he should? He wants credit for going to meetings and taking his meds. I see it as him doing the minimum, like he has done for months.

What is his problem? Do you think he is doing the minimum just to shut me up and keep the status quo the way he wants it?


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, November 17th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes.

He's "going through the motions" just as my N did with IC, meds, etc.

He does NONE of this NOW.

It was all for "show" & to appease ME.

BoB~ agree, & don't forget about The Mind Fuck, too.

[This message edited by dreamlife at 9:47 AM, November 17th (Saturday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, November 17th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EDB,
He most likely doesn't see any of this as HIS problem. He sees this as YOUR problem. Hence the question, Is this ever going to end?

In the NPD mind, he is perfect and without flaw. If you are complaining about him in some way, he can't see that there is really something that needs to be fixed or repaired with him, there is something wrong with you that you DARE to complain. You need to get over it and stop complaining. See?

Most NPD's do not seek out treatment or live up to any agreement unless they are forced by a court or in a very serious situation. (Divorce, been thown in prison, etc.) They won't willingly go to a doctor or therapist. By that time it's usually too late and the NPD only puts forth minimal effort and then reverts back to his old ways.

Bottom line. They don't change. They can't be fixed.

This is how it is living with an NPD. Empty promises, false hope, minimal efforts, constant disapointment, blame shifting, never their fault, failing to live up the their end of the bargain. Raging and possible violence when you dare to ask them to hold up their end of the deal, don't you dare show your disapointment and heartache by crying. Don't you dare show any emotion. You're not entitled to YOUR feelings!

It SUCKS.

It's a no win situation. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:32 AM, November 17th (Saturday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 17th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CJ, Thank you for that post. So much of it is so relevant for me. Even after so many years away from Bizarro World, your words still make my hair stand on end.

I am still learning the things that I need to know--I mean REALLY KNOW at cellular level--in order to push Bizarro back into the past and permanently away from me. Your words are so helpful.

THANK YOU!!!

I need to memorize these and repeat them whenever my compassion threatens to overwhelm my self-preservation!

My paid-listener says that they "hate" women. I don't know if thats true of ALL male N's, but it certainly seems true for mine. He has a barely-contained rage towards me, that takes ALL of his energy to keep under control. The reason? I *exist* and don't accept his bullshit. I am the enemy because I do not WANT this crappy-assed marriage based on deception.

Bizarro always described himself as a feminist, and yet, he almost always referred to women as "bitches" or "females." Not a good sign. He and his friends discussed women as if they were members of an entirely different species. Now why did I ever imagine that I was somehow an exception? And why did I ever WANT to be?! For 20 years, I've been with a man who genuinely loves and LIKES women. I have NEVER heard him refer to women as bitches or females. And he never once treated me like a member of a separate species.

"He couldn't be honest if his nuts were in a vice. Swear to god!"

I have to remember that even the kind, understanding, generous remarks that Bizarro occasionaly made were lies. Why? Because they were intended only to manipulate. There were no genuine expressions of affection or admiration--just manipulations. I have to remember that Bizarro lied most frequently by not saying anything at all.

They CANNOT tolerate the expression of emotion, especially when it is a *result* of THEIR actions. It creates an almost combative mode within them. Do not ever expect an N to take personal responsibility for ANYTHING. There is always a reason why it is not their fault, and there is always someone else to blame for it. ALWAYS. They, themselves, do not do anything that could be seen as less than 'wonderful.'

All true. And they can't stand seeing happiness that they are NOT responsible for. They'll trample it, snuff it in short order!

One by one, I am plucking out the remaining teeny, tiny quills that Bizarro left embedded in my psyche. These wise words will help me to keep that sad little porcupine well away from me.


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, November 17th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And thank you, too, Sad. This is another perfect jewel that I need to memorize and repeat whenever I start to feel sorry for Bizarro:

This is how it is living with an NPD. Empty promises, false hope, minimal efforts, constant disapointment, blame shifting, never their fault, failing to live up the their end of the bargain. Raging and possible violence when you dare to ask them to hold up their end of the deal, don't you dare show your disapointment and heartache by crying. Don't you dare show any emotion. You're not entitled to YOUR feelings!

Yep. 16 years of that was QUITE enough!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
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