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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm gonna hug you again (((landa)))
I understand the OW crawling out of the woodwork too...
I personally started digging, but the more I dug the sicker it got!
He still doesn't have a CLUE that I know as much as I do.
So sorry, hun, I really am.

It most likely will get worse, as far as his self-absorption. Don't shoot the messenger here! You're in my thoughts.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone keeping up with the 53 year old cop who's 23 year old 4th wife is missing? The same cop who has a dead 3rd wife who had a protection order against him and was found face down in a dry bath tub with a bloody head? The death that was ruled an "accident"?

He had $1 million on her life and instead of splitting their $600K estate in their divorce, he got to keep it all?

At the time, the then 17 year old girlfriend (now missing 23 year old wife) was having an affair with Mr. Romeo and they were driving by wife #3's house and harassing her, taking her picture, and doing all sorts of other terrible things to her.

I can't believe nobody even raised an eyebrow about her death.

Isn't "dating" or having an affair or having sex with a minor ILLEGAL???

Geesh!!

This one gives me the creeps. This guy is so over the tops. Talk about a narcissist.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 5:01 PM, November 12th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if it actually gets worse or if with distance, you begin to see things more clearly.

I'm sure there is some of that at play, too. Which is sad.

Landabear~ can you find a way to protect the children from this crazy-making behavior?

Iím trying Ė thatís why some of this information is coming to light now, Iím starting to really dig after it. Unfortunately with our legal system...

It most likely will get worse, as far as his self-absorption. Don't shoot the messenger here! You're in my thoughts.

Thanks for the hugs, and LOL I wonít shoot the messenger. I am shocked at the number of women that were OW AND then number that heís cheated on since our marriage ended. There is overlap in every.single.relationship heís had since the divorce, and there have been plenty of relationships to boot. Itís sickening.

He still doesn't have a CLUE that I know as much as I do.

Mine has no idea. Yet. I cannot wait to see the look on his face when it dawns on him, though....


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many of my friends and family (actually every single one!) said they never liked him and how he treated me. Originally everyone fell for showman routine but nobody like him. Even if anyone had said anything to me I wouldn't have listened! I was to busy falling for the image!

Land - I am not sure it will make any difference when he finds out you know about his women...npds are so wrapped up in themselves; they don't care about anyone else. I just want you to be prepared for this...

After my counselling yesterday I have been doing a lot of thinking. My true liberation came from not actually caring what he thinks. If he lives happily ever after or rots in hell...I don't care either way. It is this feeling that enabled me to reclaim myself.
My counsellor also said I was very brave to call an end to my marriage as he would of stayed with me draining the life from me until there was nothing left. She is right. She also said that he will se me changing back to the the person I once was and he won't like it. He will seek to undermine me - especially if his new relationship was to end. She is basically saying for me to always be on my guard with him.
I have a shared appointment at the kid's school on Thursday and she said just observe him. Don't give him any info about yourself - just always be aware of what he is.
This warning freaked me out a bit! I am not surprised as I realise he will always keep tabs on me (Thren's situation proves this) but when someone warns you of this it is a bit of an eye-opener. I suppose I will have to accept that this is what I live with.
On a separate note the cognitive behaviour therapy is well worth a shot. The theory behind it makes sense to people like us. I would recommend it.
When I say people like us I mean people who have been treated very badly through no fault of their own. People who will survive.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsa, I'm glad your IC knows her stuff! It's helpful to me to hear that your IC echoes what mine says. I just wish I had known what I know now BEFORE I wrote to BizarroX.

Everyone says to just ignore him and he'll stop writing, but I don't think so. I hope so, but I just don't think so. His curiosity (or something more sinister) is piqued now. In any case, I'm not responding to his last letter. If there is another one, I'll have to rethink.

ssssiiiiiggghhhhhhh

Anyway, I think your IC is giving you some excellent advice. Keep your distance and observe him objectively. Keep us posted about the meeting!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, November 12th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apparently, mine would tell inappropriate or uncomfortable jokes to people.

Mine would do that frequently as well.

My ex was not well liked by my family because of the way he treated me. They tolerated him. His family hated me and I can only assume that it is the twisted crap he told them about me. They consider me a bitch or worse when I have been kind and considerate to them over the years. I have accepted that he has to make someone out to be the villan so I am it.

I am always aware of the ex and his actions and words now. I have observed him and he tries very hard to appear to everyone as the good father and loving person, almost too hard.

I find it a bit freaky that my ex will keep popping up in my life trying to keep tabs on me. He does it through the kids at this point. Now much I can do about that.

I was watching a show about Hitler's secretary and how she was sucked into his service by his ability to act caring towards people when in reality he didn't care about people and their siffering. She said that the people being killed in the war were basically abstact to him. He really did hate the Jews and that was one of his only goals, to destroy them at any cost. The way she described him reminded me of an over-grown little boy playing with his plastic army men. He was truely creepy and evil.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I'm sure you all know, it's my understanding that unlike a sociopath, who has no feelings, a narcissist has their own feelings - they just cannot understand or empathize with OTHER people's feelings.

So yesterday, unbelievably, WH spent an hour yesterday ranting about how he doesn't trust his business partner to keep his word. His partner has decided not to retire next year as planned because he needs the money.

I had to listen to how his partner lied to him about how much longer he was going to work before retiring and how he doesn't like partner anymore. He doesn't like him because because he feels as if he cannot believe a word he says.

Too freaking unbelievable to be coming out of this NPD POS's mouth!

I was speechless for a moment while he expected me to sympathize with him. Too bad, so sad.

Finally, I said "I can understand why you wouldn't like someone who lies to you"

He turns to me and says sarcastically "I knew you would make this all about you"!!!!!

This is the man who has lied to me for 16 years, including the last 5 months after dday.

Sick fuck, he still actually thinks his little "betrayal" by his partner is SO much worse than what he has put me through???!!!!


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By the way, my NPD bipolar WH wants to R. He never wants to leave me.

He has been high every weekend for years, always out of the house every Saturday and Sunday for HOURS, neglecting me and the kids. Always had to meet me and the kids when we went somewhere, so he could get high first and so he could leave whenever he wanted, when he got bored.

He also ignored me, so our sex life suffered (not to mention because he was always high) He told me 5 months ago, during a manic episode, that he had gone to strip clubs and massage parlors for YEARS. This is the one thing he always told me he would never do. He always just told me that he had a pot problem and a problem with bipolar and couldnt stand to be in one place for too long.

So why does he want to stay so much? Why does he want R? I just don't get it.


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because he's a clingy sick fuck like my N is. He would rather do a Legal Seperation (not a D with all its finality) because he "cares" for me.
He's worried I won't be able to get health insurance, etc.
Oh, I forgot...its autumn. This is his "cozying season".

sad, that deranged murdering cop story is happening in what state? I don't recall hearing a thing about such a blatant travesty!

lied2, I agree.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Land - I am not sure it will make any difference when he finds out you know about his women...npds are so wrapped up in themselves; they don't care about anyone else. I just want you to be prepared for this...

He'll care once he figures out that's just one thing out of 50 I am presenting in court.

My true liberation came from not actually caring what he thinks. If he lives happily ever after or rots in hell...I don't care either way. It is this feeling that enabled me to reclaim myself.

This was probably the hardest thing I had to learn, too. I am a natural chatter-er and would just spill my guts to him as a way to break the silence. It takes actual physical restraint for me to remain quiet around him.

But the pay off is HUGE. Now *he* is filling the silence, and I get little golden nuggets of information from HIM that I can use.

And it gets easier with time. He called me last week to tell me his father was sick, and I was able to say "I'm sorry to hear that, take care, bye now" and just get off the phone. I didn't let him wallow in his self-pity like I would have before.

I don't care if he thinks I am a raving bitch. I just plain don't. I used to care what he thought of me, but now, no. I don't even say good bye on the phone or in person any longer - last night, we happened to cross paths in a parking lot, and the kids wanted hugs from me. I gave them hugs, then shut the car door and left.

I realized about 10 minutes later I didn't say a word to him when I left!! Just shut the door and walked to my vehicle. He's reached almost non-existence status for me.

This can only bode well.


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 730 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

landa~ "Silence is golden".


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((landabear))))
Good job !!! It sounds as if you are well on the way to healing.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((big hugs to everyone this morning)))

Here's wishing that you all have a happy, joyful day!


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so...my sister's exboyfriend emailed me today (long story, we'll skip it) and said something that just warmed my grinchy little heart.
I think we ALL need to remember this:

You should never underestimate yourself. You did your best to make things work out with that asshole (pardon the french) and did everything you could for him, even when he walked all over you. Be proud of that, it is a good trait.

So often I forget (even tho we all KNOW this) that we are WONDERFUL PEOPLE with WONDERFUL TRAITS! Traits that good, caring, feeling, "normal" people appreciate and even admire. So even if those traits were the ones that the N's were drawn to to fill their empty holes...those are the traits we retain! They can never take them away and never *have* us. They can hurt us, but never diminish *who* we are. And we are beautiful spirits. We really are.
I feel like it's my time to shine!
I'm gonna walk away from the shadows of yesterday and find someplace warm to be who I was always meant to be.
You *know* we're worth it!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thnx, NoC!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spot on NC! Time to blossom. I really hope we all reach the point where we don't care about the npd freaks and we don't give them a second thought.

I deserve - the irony is astonishing. My ex used to talk about a friend of mine whose husband was unfaithful saying how bad he was. He really did not see the link with his own behaviour. I think I just stood there with my mouth open! I think he still wants it to work as he believes he controls you. I am sorry if that is harsh but it seems to be how these type of people are. They make no sense.

Land - ignoring him is the best thing to do. I hope you nail him in court.

I hope you all have a good day and there is some serious blossoming going on!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BAD POETRY WARNING!!

I've had an interesting evening. As some of you know, I'm in the process of dredging up and examining the details of my previous marriage so that I can DELETE as much as I can and file away the rest.

Tonight, I've been sorting through some things I wrote back when I was in the process of leaving. It's a strange and somehow soothing to look at them now with the knowledge that I've gained from you folks and my IC. Can YOU spot the NPD here? I have to say, I'm proud of the woman who finally said (though sadly) ENOUGH!
[AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST]

[This message edited by Longlost at 9:56 PM, November 13th (Tuesday)]


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is such a freaking self centered NPD control freak.

He has told me that if we split up he will just buy the house across the street. He wants to be able to do whatever he wants and still see us all the time whenever he wants to.

I hate him. Such a NPD control freak fuckhead.

Any ideas?


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
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