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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
kelly69
♀ New Member
Member # 27793
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, February 28th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My story is too long and I should be writing a book about it.
In a nutshell, we have been married for 14 yrs, he was sent on an IA for 6 months. He met someone there and had an affair. He was extended for 6 more months and told me he really didn't want to come back. I had a feeling it was because he had met someone.

Upon his return to the states in December 2006, he was a very different man. He was off for 2 weeks when I noticed these calls to a # in DC. I called the # and found out about her. She didn't know he was married. He told her he was a widower. I had died in an accident and he was a single father of our 5 yr old. She had been planning to surprise him for his birthday that December until I ruined it all. He begged me to forgive him and was willing to go to marriage counseling. We worked on our marriage. After 3 yrs I can tell you we should have parted ways. I don't feel anything for him anymore and he just doesn't seem happy anymore with me.

We are currently living overseas because of the military but I'm thinking of coming home early and filing for divorce.


Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2010
hurting2much
♀ Member
Member # 25643
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 28th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((kelly69))))

Have you tried IC and/or MC? Is he still in contact with her?

Sorry you are in this position, but we are here for you!


Divorced

Posts: 1101 | Registered: Sep 2009
enoyrgna
♀ New Member
Member # 27609
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, March 5th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate..Hubby was deployed to Afghanistan, and his 6am wake up call was her midnight rendezvous. He had some wonderful "Excuses" for what he had done....only to find out this had been going on with a number of women since 2005...being on course as well as deployed. After 24 yrs of marriage..it is a slap in the face. Being at home with three children, supporting him 100%, and waiting for his safe return and keeping the household in order...while he was lying through his teeth every time we spoke....Its very hard to move on and try and reconcile..we do the best we can, but things will never be the same. Do they not realize what is at stake???..How much they stand to lose???...I guess they just don't care...and shame on those women who I consider home wreckers....

Posts: 7 | Registered: Feb 2010
Wasted me
♀ Member
Member # 25494
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, March 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need some help...My husband threw me out almost 6 months ago. I moved over 600 miles away. WH is in the navy and screwing his married boss. Now he is talking about taking me off his life insurance and other things. I didn't want to involve the navy but he isn't leaving me much choice but I don't even know where to start. Can anyone point me in the right direction...dumbass is stationed in Norfolk Va.


Me-32
Dumbass-37
2 awesome sons
D-day 9-10-2009

Posts: 165 | Registered: Sep 2009
crushed0209
♀ New Member
Member # 22885
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, March 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wanted Me, I would first contact JAG to see what your rights are and point you in the right direction. Since your h is with his married boss, I would definetly report this to their chain of command (her boss). They both can be in a lot of trouble over this. Does the ow's h know? You might want to contact him as well if he doesn't already know. Please feel free to contact me. My fwh has been in the military for over 20 yrs.


BS-39
FWH-39
married 15 years
2 kids
dday 2/8/09

Posts: 41 | Registered: Feb 2009
crushed0209
♀ New Member
Member # 22885
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, March 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry last post meant for wasted me, not Wanted Me!


BS-39
FWH-39
married 15 years
2 kids
dday 2/8/09

Posts: 41 | Registered: Feb 2009
hurting2much
♀ Member
Member # 25643
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, April 14th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, time is creeping up.

In May 2008, I deployed to Afghanistan and when I returned I was TT'd about poor behavior and OW#1, which occurred while I was deployed.

May 2010, I am going back to Afghanistan (WH comes back from Korea next week for vacation, and then back from Korea for good in June).

I am triggering BADLY. I talked a little to WH about this, and his response "I will never do that again."...well buddy I never thought you would do it in the first place!!

Getting out of the deployment is not an option.

I am so afraid to go, not b/c of my job, but b/c I won't know what is going on at home. I know I can't control him, but how difficult is it to understand that although I don't control him, his actions have a direct negative effect on me?...

Focus on my job, work out, and keep my head in the game...guess that is all I can really do.

Thanks for listening!


Divorced

Posts: 1101 | Registered: Sep 2009
QuietPro
♂ Member
Member # 27985
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, April 14th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I belong here. My stay-at-home WW began an A one month after I was in Iraq. I had a wonderful deployment much job satisfaction. When I came home, I began losing weight due to the TT. I eventually found out 4 months after coming home. I have been a mess since. But I am now healing. Whore.

Posts: 96 | Registered: Mar 2010
hurting2much
♀ Member
Member # 25643
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, April 14th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you...WH started his A while I was on deployment #2. So much for "I support you during your deployment"...pisses me off.


Divorced

Posts: 1101 | Registered: Sep 2009
punkin1959
♀ New Member
Member # 28235
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, May 4th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is retiring at the end of this year. Left me when I confronted him about PTSD/Alcohol. Now he claims OW is involved. At this late date, is there really any reason to involve JAG?


me 51
him 48
married 20 years
7 kids ( blended family)
12 grands

Posts: 49 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: United States
ducttapeheart
♀ Member
Member # 22573
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 5th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Punkin,
It depends on whether or not you want some of his retirement depending on how long you have been married(I think it is at least 10) you have a right to ask for a portion in the divorce you may even have claims to healthcare again depending on how long you have been married. The military has no problem throwing someone out right before retirement so they end up with nothing, leaving you with nothing. I wouold find out what you are entitled to in a divorce either via Military One Source or through the Legal Office at your base/post. They should offer help and info for spouses facing divorce or seperation. I hope that helps.

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jan 2009
mommy41
♀ Member
Member # 28469
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 9th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate. I posted my novel in Just Found Out today.

I've been going to IC pretty much since I found out; I did it through Military One Source. I like my counselor but she hasn't given me much 'hope' about my situation. She deals with tons of military people and says this sort of thing runs rampant. My WH has been in the Army for 22 years and we have been married for 6.5 years. He was the first military person I had ever really known. It's all still such a shock to me.


Me: 41
WH: 41
Married 6 years
One DD, 6
DDay#1: 3/15/10...internet affair while he was deployed. Found out the day after he came home.
DD#2 & 3 in May 2010
Kind of R I guess.

Posts: 75 | Registered: May 2010
ali30471
♀ Member
Member # 25582
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, May 22nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mommy41, I'm sorry you are going thru this too. We were in couples therapy when I found out. Needless to say he stopped going, volunteered to deploy early...so yea...lots of communication...NOT

I hate the fact that being in the military it seems that it's common place to have any kind of affair...it's almost a given and it's rare to find a couple that have NOT had issues of one sort or another.


Me 48
Wh 43
6 kids, 3 mine, 3 his, 3 living at home.
D-day July 11,2009

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2009
AkKat22
♀ Member
Member # 28598
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, May 31st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH started an internet affair with a girl he had known as a teenager. She actually called our house and I spoke to her. She told me she had heard through other friends that he was deployed and wanted to offer her support as a friend. YES, I was that freakin stupid! I gave that whore my husbands email address. She told me she was married with five kids. She failed to mention she was going through a divorce. I thought my husband was depressed and lonely and needed as much support as possible from family and friends. Geez. I was so worried for him. The internet affair was about 3 months long and then she flew herself here to greet him back from Iraq with open legs. Of course he jumped right on that. I still had no idea. We picked her up at the airport and brought her to our house and she met our kids, she hugged me and smiled and pretended we were friends. I still get soooo angry that they involved all our kids in the affair. I found out a couple weeks after she left and have been completely devastated ever since. Finally starting IC/MC on Tuesday. WH convinced me that counseling was a bad idea. Did I not learn?! OMG. He obviously makes bad decisions, and I just followed along.

I am sorry for all of us who are here, but am glad that there are those who can truly feel where I'm at. I am not alone after all. Unfortunately I guess.

WH deploys again in a month. I am so not ready. I think he is afraid now that I won't wait for him this time. We're both a mess.


Me: BS 46
FWH: 42
D-day: EA/PA 19 June 09
5 Children
M: 20 years
Separated

Posts: 83 | Registered: May 2010 | From: North
Hurtwife/mom
♀ Member
Member # 28123
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, May 31st (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this strictly for A during Deployments or military issues? My H has chosen A's throughout our marriage and recently one big ole one prior to our friends PCS and he left for Iraq but got sent home early for current pull out reasons and personal reasons. I figured ALL OF IT OUT while he was deployed. Well I knew about most of it but found out about more while he was there. Does anyone know about the non-contested divorce through JAG?


Married- 12 yrs
Together- 13 yrs
D-Day's- multiple over 11yrs
Son- 11yr
Son- 8yr
Daughter- 7yr
Daughter- 4yr
Me- 34yr
He- 35yr
Why did this Happen?

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: not my home anymore
punkin1959
♀ New Member
Member # 28235
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today marks the 3 month mark of his having started an affair with a military co-worker 15 years his junior. I knew immediately by his attitude towards me. He might as well have had it tattoed on his forehead. We have been no contact for 3 weeks, as all his msgs. were angry rants at me. He has regular contact with one of our daughters, who refuses to be used as his source of info about me, but he passes me msgs. about things he needs from our home. Is that his way of staying in touch or am I being over hopeful?


me 51
him 48
married 20 years
7 kids ( blended family)
12 grands

Posts: 49 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: United States
alexanderl42
♀ Member
Member # 18947
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 4th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pumpkin, I wanted to reply to this and message on the way in the morning!! Doing chores!! Anyway, it is his way of keeping up with you! Is the trying to control, I would keep up with what you are doing! So he wants things out of the house, tell him to get it at Walmart. Or have him give daughter a list and you will give her the things. No contact means no contact. Or work it out through the attorney! Remember this is what he wanted! Stay strong sweetie!

[This message edited by alexanderl42 at 10:08 PM, June 4th (Friday)]


Posts: 529 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Tennessee
ba1987
♀ Member
Member # 28761
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, June 11th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WS (I hate the term Wayward spouse,it makes is sound so benign, like just lost his way) started his crap after his second deployment. He came back very distant (maybe he actually started before? I don't know), and I felt like I had to "give him space" to re-integrate into family life. I now believe this was the stupidest thing I could have done. It was during the time between deployments that I first started to suspect something was going on. Lot's of long late night phone conversations to a local business. This is a very small town and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who all worked there. So, I then started checking the rest of the phone bill. When I asked him about it, he told me it was one of his soldiers who had a drug problem and he was talking to him about it. I was a dumbass, and bought his crap. Since then, things have gone down hill.
Now, I've found where he's been putting his profile of dating websites. I confront him, he admits it. He wants to do marriage counseling, but claims that he can't call or else his command will find out and it will damage his career (he's been in 22 years).

If you;ve made it this far,my question is, is that true? Or is he just trying to manipulate me? I want him to make the effort to seek counseling so I know he's serious.


D-day: May 6, 2010
TT ever since

Looking for peace among the madness


Posts: 436 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Texas
mommy41
♀ Member
Member # 28469
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, June 12th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ba1987 that is crap. I used www.militaryonesource.com to find my counselor and could use them for MC as well. My WH (he is active duty Army) could also use them confidentially, if he chose to do so. It is completely confidential. The only way any thing would be reported is if the counselor feels there is abuse or something illegal going on.
I can't speak to other counseling resources in the military but I know militaryonesource is definitely not going to tell his command.


Me: 41
WH: 41
Married 6 years
One DD, 6
DDay#1: 3/15/10...internet affair while he was deployed. Found out the day after he came home.
DD#2 & 3 in May 2010
Kind of R I guess.

Posts: 75 | Registered: May 2010
ali30471
♀ Member
Member # 25582
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, June 12th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, the "get in trouble with command" is total bullshit and a way of him getting out of owning up to what he did. The only way command finds out is if someone tells them, and they will not get in trouble. My WS stopped going to MC because he "didn't want to get beat up anymore". I went to his command and said look, you need to make him go, of course they couldn't cuz it wasn't done thru the COC...he wasn't ordered to go for abuse or anything. I got smoke blown up my ass.

Do what you need to do for YOU. If he is unwilling then that's his loss. It just shows how much effort he wants to put into himself and you.


Me 48
Wh 43
6 kids, 3 mine, 3 his, 3 living at home.
D-day July 11,2009

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2009
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