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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, May 12th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is good advice Miss Plum, but I would add one mroe thing. Make sure that your WSO is clear o the fact that you are not over this, it's not dead and buried. It's just put to the side at this point due to the circumstances, but that it WILL be dealt with upon return.

If you don't make that clear your spouse could very easily assume it's done and over with and then become upset when presented with all these questions upon return. Reintigration is difficult enough, reconciliation is difficult enough, without your WSO feeling like they were ambushed.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, May 13th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Down to the last week!!!!

I can hardly stand it, I'm so excited! I bought 3 new dresses because I couldn't decide on which one looked best!

I'm frantically trying to get all the last minute errands and chores done so he won't have to worry about anything for the first few days.

Oh I'm nervous too but mostly excited!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY DNO!!!!
I bought a few dresses myself for the same reason! Isnt it exciting!!! Ive got 2!! Its nuts. I cant believe it. And I have so many emotions running thru me is unbelievable.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean LMigs! I just got word that they are delayed a couple days. I'm okay with it because it means I have more time for errands and cleaning (because I'm a procrastinator). Some of the other spouses are pretty upset.

I've just learned to roll with it.

I even got our new bed set up. I'm sleeping on the old mattress in the living room until the thrift store people come and pick it up. Then I'll crash on the guest bed until he gets home. We'll sleep on it for the first time...together!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oooo !! Thats too cute :)... Can you believe its really happening, homecoming?? I cant lol.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, May 18th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so happy for those of you whose homecomings are so close!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I was close to homecoming! I am SO jealous! LOL
Anyways, things are going really well for me and my husband. We talk more now than we ever have at any point in our marriage. He is thinking about re-enlisting and although I don't want him to go on anymore deployments, I DO want him to be happy and the military makes him happy. So yeah. That's where we are right now.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, May 19th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY B!!! :)

I have decided. I hate the tailend of this crap. We are both sooo crazy with emotion that we are clashing. Ugh!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Isn't is crazy that we fight with them before they leave (due to stress of them going) and then we fight with them as they are about to return (due to the stress!)?? What a wicked, vicious cycle!!


Stay positive everyone!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
resilientspouse
♀ Member
Member # 18184
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG I am so glad they put up this thread. I didn't know it was here. My husband had and EA with one female marine and then a full blown affair with another marine during his last deployment. It was his second tour. I found out by her emailing him. He come home after 8months and the OW was to come home after a year. So they kept in contact with the OW he had the affair with. I didn't know about the EA until he came clean about everything. We just moved duty stations. So it's nice being away from both of them. He of course sent out NC letter. I saw both of them at a unit family function just before we left. Very hard for me to act like I was ok. He never left my side and was so sweet. After he confessed to me that he must have had Iraq goggles on because they both are not very cute at all.


Me ~BS 30 years old
Him ~WS 31 years old
3 Kids ~ 11,8, and 1
Married 9 years
D-day 11-27-07
R ~ 12-20-07 - and continuing



Posts: 52 | Registered: Feb 2008
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, Welcome resilientspouse. You will find a lot of wonderful people here that are going to offer you wonderful advice and always have an ear to lend to listen when times get rough for you. And as much as none of us want to be here, I am glad that you found SI. NC letters are a good thing, as well as confessing, IMO. Lately, I have too many relatives and friends whose SO's are cheating on them and they either don't want to give up the OP or they just deny, deny, deny. It's sickening. Anyways.
I have decided. I hate the tailend of this crap. We are both sooo crazy with emotion that we are clashing. Ugh!!

That's exactly how me and my husband are. R&R was a little hetic because he got delayed on his way home and I was PISSED at him. Well, not AT him but in general because of stress so I can just imagine how it is going to be like when we start preparing for him to come home. LOL
Hang in there, L. You are ALMOST there!! YAY!!!


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in R but thought maybe I could get some input from you all as well. UGH. I am sorry if it's rambling.

(Warning: vent)

I feel stuck. Like I have this love/hate thing going for both FWH and for myself. He is away since last week and delayed in return and I am climbing the walls. I get angry at myself when I know many of you have SOs that are actually deployed. I feel guilty for being angry. Mine just goes on missions but is gone A LOT. It will be like this until November. I am okay with it mostly though as this is his dream job. And I honestly support that.

I am just stalled in the process of R. Is it sad that some days, like today, I just pretend that we are over and think about how this could be my new normal? I just this week got MY dream job and that makes me so happy. But then it makes me realize that I really could be fine on my own.

I am set for IC tomorrow and I think I really need to address this. And even through the joy of getting my own classroom this week, I kept coming back to the A and all the shitty ramifications that are now a part of my daily life.

I cried about this last night for the first time in a while. I am starting to feel like there is no point to this and that maybe the A happened for a reason: he just couldn't man up to telling me that he was unhappy. Should I just put this M out of its misery? Is that even what it is????


I am sorry to vent like this. I am not even making total sense to myself so I am sure it is jumbled for everyone here. I am sorry. I am just so tired of it all.......


eta: I think part of my problem may be that it was this time last year that the A was starting/going on. He had come home for a week in May and I *knew* but I tried to ignore it. Note to self: NEVER IGNORE GUT AGAIN!!!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
Despisn3rdWorld
♀ Member
Member # 18660
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First a shout out to the many spouses awaiting the return of their loved ones! Remember...there is life out of the bedroom! Like feeding the kids...walking the dogs... .

((resilientspouse))
Welcome to the mil side of the spectrum...glad you're here...sad for the reasons. Like ragingalone said...many of us here to confide, cry, vent and just plain have a laugh with.

((Piper317))
Many many hugs sent your way! IMHO, I believe that you coming up on your antiversary plays a very big part in your feelings right now. Several months before Dday...I was in the "This time last year..." phase. I was overwhelmed with sadness almost daily. My heart ached like we all know...and even though we were in total R...it hurt sooooo much. As to the anger...I had that for several months but much earlier...and I was absolutely awful...just outright evil. To say that your WS "just goes out on missions"...is an understatement. Sometimes dear, the sporatic missions can be just as difficult as a long deployment. When you have the constant in and out...or the ones that you're not even expecting...how can you even try and apply some sort of "normalcy"? Now top that with an A? Very very difficult. Hang in there and consider the additional mil obstacles that we all have to endure during our healing.


BS - ME
FWS - HIM
Discovery - 03/12/07 made the heartwrenching, body shakin call...
Should have went with my gut a lot sooner...
Total Recon!

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Overseas
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
girl Interrupted
♀ New Member
Member # 19716
Helpless  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad to be here. My H is overseas on deployment. He called me the day b4 mothers day and informed me that he had cheated on me.
Our marriage b4 this was quite blissful really. He even says he is/was very happy in our marriage. Imagine my shock when I was informed that after 15yrs of honest marriage, he betrayed me. He claims to be willing to do anything to earn his way back to me,and our 3 girls aged 7-13. He has talked to church leaders and his commanders in hopes of getting leave to come home and start the healing process to whatever end will come.
Any insights on how this happens?? I truly believe this would have NEVER happened if he were stateside.


ME: BS 35
HIM:WS 36
Married 16yrs.
3 girls ages 13,10,7
DDay:5/10/08-nite B4 Mothers day!
I am in IC- We will start MC when his deployment is over.

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Puget Sound, WA
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome GI.

The shock you get when you dont see a WS as a cheater is beyond overwhelming. Even more so that he did this while deployed. I dont think they will send him home for you guys to R, but when he comes home for R&R or good, yall with have a great chance to work on things. My FWH cheated before he deployed and then deployed before DD2. Weve been Ring as much as the distance lets us. When he comes home, hes going to IC and were going to MC. Were getting 6 free MC sessions thru militaryonesource.com . You should look there. Keep on posting. This topic has a lot of people with different situations so everyone here will know something about something. ((((GI))))


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
alexanderl42
♀ Member
Member # 18947
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

Wanted to add that Tricare is covering our counseling. Check with your military treatment facility mental health. If the military member was is the wars or deployed entittled to couseling benefits. I think through Tricare we get eight visits free. I think that we are owed at least that if not more


Posts: 529 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Tennessee
girl Interrupted
♀ New Member
Member # 19716
Happy  Posted: 11:04 PM, May 30th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OH MY! How can I be so happy while I am so upset?
I just got word that he got a couple weeks leave! The boss took pity on him (he did a lot of begging/pleading but it paid off!) and he'll be coming home next week.
Ok, now a new question... can I act on my feelings, or should I withhold my joy? I don't want me loving on him, wanting him to hold me while I cry, etc. to make him think that this is ok. Because this blindsided me so, I fear that he could fool me into trusting him again too soon and then reoffend.


ME: BS 35
HIM:WS 36
Married 16yrs.
3 girls ages 13,10,7
DDay:5/10/08-nite B4 Mothers day!
I am in IC- We will start MC when his deployment is over.

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Puget Sound, WA
girl Interrupted
♀ New Member
Member # 19716
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't take this emotional rollercoaster anymore! I just found out that in 2001 FWH had an internet chat affair for 3 weeks. He also told me that he had been sightseeing/going to dinner with a married co-worker female who was also overseas without her family. He says that was platonic, but I don't believe it. I felt like I had made so much progress and was well on my way to forgiving and R, but now I feel like I am starting all over again!


ME: BS 35
HIM:WS 36
Married 16yrs.
3 girls ages 13,10,7
DDay:5/10/08-nite B4 Mothers day!
I am in IC- We will start MC when his deployment is over.

Posts: 6 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Puget Sound, WA
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An emotional rollarcoaster is what it is, unfortunately.
I am going to say one thing. Trust your gut. If you believe it wasn't platonic, chances are it wasn't. Trusting my gut was how I figured out about my husband's EA and caught it before it became a PA. Best of luck to you and his upcoming leave. I hope that you guys can work it out.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
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