Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: alwaysnforever (44266)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is everyone? I know for a few of us, its getting down to crunch time!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Content  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey to everyone here!
LMigs528, I too was wondering how everyone was doing lately. I myself have not been on SI a lot in the past month or so... for no other reason than just being busy. And then I realized that may be a good thing for me. NOTHING against SI at all, heaven knows it has been such a saving grace for me, but I realized it just means I have been not thinking as much about the A. But now that I have popped on, it is good to see so many positive posts and even some not so positive posts bc that helps me to see that my emotional swings are valid and that I am not alone in this.

We are still in MC (when he is home) and I go IC when he is on a mission. It has been weird having him home but not having him home. I mean, he has been gone a lot but FROM home. Does that make sense? Things have been good for the most part. Honestly, sometimes it is just nice to fight about who will take the garbage out.

I hope everyone else is doing well. I know many of you are eagerly awaiting returns home! YIPPEE!! It must be so exciting.

My H should have been home yesterday but got delayed so he won't be home until possibly late tomorrow evening. And I can honestly say I was a little disappointed about that but I WAS OKAY!!!!!!


Well, it is about 78 degrees outside so I really should not be sitting here at my computer. (Nor should anyone else on a day like today!!) I hope to pop back on now and then to see how everyone is doing.

Hope your weekend is going fabulously!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
alexanderl42
♀ Member
Member # 18947
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey,

I appreciate some of the advice I have received. I am alittle older than most of you, but you all have good advice. I am here again to ask a question. I am in IC and at today's session, he said that when my husband gets back and joins me, he is going to have my husband call the OW during the session, with this being on nuetral ground and tell her than she can never contact him again. The counselor said that he must go this in from of him and me. I am married to a retired Army Major and I don't think he will do it there. Should I tell my spouse in advance or wait until counseling. I just know how he thinks, he thinks he is above this stuff, but I need the truth. I mean we started out struggling with nothing and I just want to get back to honesty and truthfulness. I have been alittle worried about this since IC today.


Posts: 529 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Tennessee
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appreciate some of the advice I have received. I am alittle older than most of you, but you all have good advice. I am here again to ask a question. I am in IC and at today's session, he said that when my husband gets back and joins me, he is going to have my husband call the OW during the session, with this being on nuetral ground and tell her than she can never contact him again. The counselor said that he must go this in from of him and me. I am married to a retired Army Major and I don't think he will do it there. Should I tell my spouse in advance or wait until counseling. I just know how he thinks, he thinks he is above this stuff, but I need the truth. I mean we started out struggling with nothing and I just want to get back to honesty and truthfulness. I have been alittle worried about this since IC today.

A, I am going to be honest, I dont even think I would do that. Its more like making a mockery of him and his pride above everything else. I don't know if you have been to the healing library, but there is plenty of good info about NC. Usually, you send a letter (done with BS/WS, thats all). The letter is short and stern saying A) I made a mistake, You were a mistake B) Im working on my marriage and C) Do not EVER contact me again. Period. I am alittle suprised with your ICs plan. Especially because hes YOUR IC and because thats not something that I would see as proactive. It will not only piss your FWH off, it will probably upset him, make him feel like nothing and embarass him, kwim?


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alex, I'm with Lisa on this one. I don't see any good coming of your WH being forced to make that call, especially during a session. Hearing her voice could even potentially drag him back into the fog. She's a non-entity right now. Non-entities get bare bones form letters, not personal phone calls. They don't rate that kind of attention.


As for us, we're doing good. FWH is home from his deployment and has adjusted amazingly well. He's had a few issues that are to be expected. Loud noises startle him easily, peices of abandoned cars on the side of the road freak him out. He's still dealing with the guilt from having to redeploy the day after two of his friends were seriously injured and one was lost. But these are to be expected. I'm diong my best to make sure he understands that what he's going through is completely normal. Thank god we don't have to deal with any A related drama this time. I couldn't handle both to tell you the truth. But we both feel that our marriage is stronger than ever. Now we're just waiting for baby soldier girl to show up but she's being a stubborn little but.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
alexanderl42
♀ Member
Member # 18947
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was wondering if I should ask my FWS questions about the A on the phone when he calls. It has been awhile (about a month, since I asked) and I want to ask him more questions on the phone. If I ask, then he clams up. He then puts an emotional distince between us. He has told me that they never had sex and I think differently. She even talked about being the next wife and what they would do when they were able to be together. I know he did. I feel the need for the TRUTH again. He figures if we don't talk about it, it will go away. What do I say to him on the phone without getting combative. He is in Kuwait now, I want to ask in a more conversation type way? How to you approach this??? Help!!

[This message edited by alexanderl42 at 7:16 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 529 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Tennessee
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If hes deployed and you haven't began to R yet (meaning he hasn't come clean) then No, I wouldnt ask. Sometimes it takes something like being in a war to pull their heads from their asses (it did for mine).. Now ifs he home but away, I would wait until hes back. In the meantime gather everything you can.. emails, phone records, everything and then confront him. He will lie. He will blame shift and he will think he did nothing wrong. Thats usually the routine. Hell blame it on you. Hell tell you its over. My advice, write him a letter. Tell him what you want to know, why you want to know it, how its vital for your self as well as your marriage, ask him questions and tell him what your expectations of him and your marriage are, your needs of both and your wants of both. That would be a great start.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soldiersgirl - congrats on having your H home! I am so happy for you!

Less than a month for me. I'm starting to freak out about getting everything done before he gets home but I know he won't care as long as I'm there when he arrives.

I can hardly wait!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, April 26th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of our guys (the advance group) came home yesterday. I was at the air terminal last night taking pictures for the historian who is putting together a scrapbook. Watching the reunion of so many made me break down and cry. I know we only have a few weeks left but, damnit, I want him home now!

And a part of me wondered with every reunion, "Is that what a faithful couple looks like?" and I wish I could have the pre-A innocence back (but really nothing else as we had issues from the get go).

Sigh. Soon. And of course my car broke down coming home. It wouldn't be less than a month until reunion unless something went wrong! :)


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Despisn3rdWorld
♀ Member
Member # 18660
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 27th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((DownNotOut)) Hooray for you on your very soon homecoming! You know...yes it would be nice to have the Pre-A innocence...but you know...as horrible as it was...we are true survivors. To know what we know...and still look forward to the first sight of our loved ones. And in essence...someone else looking upon you just might be thinking the same thing..."Is that what a faithful couple looks like?"
Oh...sorry about your tire! But ain't that the truth!


BS - ME
FWS - HIM
Discovery - 03/12/07 made the heartwrenching, body shakin call...
Should have went with my gut a lot sooner...
Total Recon!

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Overseas
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Despisn3rdWorld - Thanks for the hugs. And you are right, we are stronger.

And my car is now fine. It wasn't the tire, it was a sensor gone bad and my transmission needed to be serviced. It was a little scary there for a few minutes though!


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, April 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now that the car is fixed and FWH is due home in less than 3 weeks, our cat gets sick. $500 later he's resting in the bathroom for the night and I hope he is going to be okay.

I also let my temp job go because of the stress.

Why does everything bad happen right before he comes home? It never fails, happens everytime he's about to return from deployment.

So tonight I'm drinking wine, shredding old paperwork and trying to not be too frustrated.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DNO, its without fail. My old mechanic intentionally broke my roter so tomorrow its going back into the shop to get fixed. i just dropped $500 2 weeks ago to fix the front brakes and this fucknut breaks my back ones. FWH dates STILL keep changing and he is due back in a few weeks now. We are having a disagreement regarding when I come out. He was supposed to get a special detail so I booked my flights for a long weekend. Now he is suppose to come back a few weeks before that. So do I change my flight and hotel now or just keep it as it is? He wants me there. I want to be there but I have finals and my thesis and my board reviews. Ugh....... stupid ass army.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Despisn3rdWorld
♀ Member
Member # 18660
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DNO: It's called Murphy's Law...sad but true

LMigs528: As your spouse stays in the Army for his family...you are bettering your education for your family...in the long run he will be glad that you stuck it out.

Hang in there the both of you...and a very Happy Homecoming!


BS - ME
FWS - HIM
Discovery - 03/12/07 made the heartwrenching, body shakin call...
Should have went with my gut a lot sooner...
Total Recon!

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Overseas
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I spoke with the director of my school program and I can only miss 4 days total before I am dropped from the program. I know it's WAAAAYYYY too early to be stressing about this but I want to be at my FWH's homecoming SO bad! Well, there is still 5-6 months left to figure something out. LOL


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL.. I moved my flight to his homecoming weekend.. So yea.. its SOOOOOOOO close now. I am only going out for 2 days so I wont miss any class. So far its working out. Hope it stays that way!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, May 5th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is everyone? I know for a few of us, its getting down to crunch time!!

I haven't been on in quite awhile. Anyone here remember me? Anyway... I just posted an update in general.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=231757


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
Despisn3rdWorld
♀ Member
Member # 18660
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, May 5th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is, without a doubt, to see another success on the Mil-side! Congratulations on reaching your R!!!


BS - ME
FWS - HIM
Discovery - 03/12/07 made the heartwrenching, body shakin call...
Should have went with my gut a lot sooner...
Total Recon!

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Overseas
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank-you! It's honestly the best feeling in the world.
I'm so happy I feel like I'm on cloud 9.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
missplum
Member
Member # 17266
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, May 10th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alex142
My husband is also in Kuwait -due home in 30 days. I have had a few down days when I needed to ask questions, some I put into letters in a non blame way, but the letters I recieved showed me that although I asked and when I asked I was in a bad place, I shouldn't have. He re reads my letters and they upset him so much, for him to think that he had an affair and had hurt me so much just kills him. So I stopped and keep letters and phone calls upbeat and concentrate on what we will do when he comes home and how much I love him and am glad we are working through it all. I have been married for 20 years and he has been in for 23 so we have had lots of partings and he has been to lots of conflicts, this one has been the worse. It seems longer because we had just began our R, and yet our letters are sweeter and more loving because we realise what we nearly lost. So, try to keep a journal to ask questions when it is the right time, when he is home and you can both sit down and go through things, and be able to hug each other when you hurt.
Hoping all are well and that our other halves are home safe soon.


Umm, excuse me OW, he isn't or wasn't YOUR MM he was and is MINE.

If you cannot see the woods for the trees, first get a huge axe then cut down that forest.


Posts: 157 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Wales UK
Topic Posts: 968
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.