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Newest Member: PhoenixTake2 (45066)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Piper, we all know that feminine grooming standards are totally legit topics of conversation for military wives when discussing R&R and/or homecomings. Now, that being said, i totally suggest razors. never ever attempt to Nair Down There. A dear friend of mine attempted it and wound up with chemical burn so bad her hubby was convinced she had an STD...

Bluelady, hoenstly the only thing I can tell you is you've hit the hardest part. Couples who haven't suffered infidelity fight incessantly in that last bit of time. It's your subconcious way of protecting yourself. An A in your history only amplifies those tendencies. If you truly don't want to fight before he leaves, all you can do is swallow it down and try to make the best of it. It's hard, but it can be done, and it really is for the better when you are attempting to R in teh face of a looming deployment. Once he's there you two can work it out, but for the here and now, I suggest you paste a smile on your face and do the best you can. But that's just my two cents. Feel free to call me an idiot and ignore me. People do it all the time, i won't be offended, I promise.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couples who haven't suffered infidelity fight incessantly in that last bit of time.

That is so one of the truest statments I have ever read and I can so relate!! Every time FWH has to go away fir long periods of time, that last week can be torturous. As always, glad to feel a bit normal.


Thanks Soldiersgirl!!!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do I deal with my increasing triggers without letting them get out of control and ruining the small amount of time we have left together?

Bluelady: Every deployment was like that, the last couple weeks before H departs we argued bitterly, I cried, I raged and we distanced ourselves from one another.

Seriously, I think it is a defense mechanism that we think (subconciously) will help us survive the long "drought" that is deployment.

Now you throw an A into the mix and it amplifies everything.

All I can say is this. We made a concerted effort to stay connected and engaged with one another until he actually left. At times when I wanted to pull away, I would breathe through it and smile. It wasn't wasy, but I feel it was worth it.

H is trying so hard at communication (something very difficult for him). I feel like out M is on solid footing most days and I am generally happy.

Now I don't know the particulars of your situation but are you able to do something like that; stay engaged with your H until he leaves?

Regardless of whether H and I stay M or D down the road, I didn't want our last moments together strained by animosity.

This is, of course, my personal opinion and what worked for me.

In any event, I hope you are able to wheather this. Our thoughts are with you.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL @ Piper.. I totally sympathize with the weather throwing you for a loop. This snow definetly makes the day different. :)

Bluelady- Not only is that common (as I, umm, chased him around the house with a glass vase and metal candle holder 3 weeks before his deployment). Here is the catch though, FWH REGRETS his a-hole attitude he had then. He says all the time how its those pointless trips to walmart he fought about or him fighting and then not going to the park with our son he regrets. So they will eventually come around and realize how silly it was, but like Kayti said, its normal.

Now, since FWH is going to be home real soon, I have noticed we have been disagreeing more often. Not fighting because it gets diffused or we come to an agreement. Its still really annoying while its happening but its totally normal. I cant even begin to tell you all the emotions I felt before the deployment and all the changed emotions I feel now.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Just sending out my many hugs to all of you during this time.

Itty


...still has much to learn :-(

Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

**Soon to be Bow-chika-bow-bow! (wink, wink)**

I saw this on your tagline LMigs528 on another thread and I just about fell off my chair laughing.

How many days????

(I have 18 left.)


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ive got LESS THAN 1 WEEK!! This time next week, well I wont be on quite much! Thank KSA for that name! LOL!! ;0

Isnt it crazy how soon they will be back. I have so many different emotions I dont even know where to start. FWH has been NC for 6 months for real so she isnt even a figment of my mind because she is WAY out of the picture. I think I am more afraid of the whole being compared thing (since she was lhis last ) than anything else. I mean I know he isnt going to do that but its just something I need to get through.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL Lisa. At this point, you could be the worst in the world and your hubby will proclaim you a sex goddess. I wouldnt' stress too much. Deployments make men appreciate sex much more...haha.

And honestly since your hubby has come so far, I seriously doubt he can recollect anything positive about that experience at all.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are very right Kayti. I suppose I am a sex goddess and will rightfully proclaim myself The Queen of Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow!! :)


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How's everyone doing?

I know it's Holiday time and for those of us whose spouses are deployed, training, etc., holiday time can be a difficult time of year. I just wanted to say that please remember that you are not alone.

So have the best and happiest holidays you can have and here's to a brighter and more beautiful 2008!

BTW...FWH has been gone just over 2 months. We still have the majority of the delpoyment to go, but it is always nice to mark time passed. :)


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, December 7th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I brought up the EA in our last conversation which I shouldn't have done because he had been awake for 33 hours on a horrible mission and he only called just to hear my voice and hear the kids. Of course, after reassuring me that he did take a STD test and whatnot, he told me that he had to go. I feel like we left the conversation on a bad note and now I am SAD! Why the hell did I have to say anything!? We talk about it EVERY fucking time he calls. Why couldn't I just let it go this one time? Just by the sound of his voice, I knew he was tired and scared. I absolutely HATE how insecure I am that I HAVE to bring it up. And now I am worried that maybe that is the last conversation I ever have with my husband. I seriously hope he calls tomorrow.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, December 8th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*hugs RA*

I wish I could offer more than that. Just *hugs*


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, December 8th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs! I know that feeling of fighting/serious convo with FWH and then the convo having to end abrubtly and him having to go. It sucks. Hang in there. More Hugs!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, December 9th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to him, finally! I told him that I regret telling him that I am nervous about having sex with him the first time AND bringing it up AGAIN for the 50th time after he had been up for so long. He said "No regrets, babe. I know you are nervous. But just know, I love you, I am in love with you, and I respect how you feel. I fucked up. No if's ands or buts." More was said and I am no longer nervous.
I think our relationship is officially in R. :)


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, December 9th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think our relationship is officially in R. :)

YAY for you guys!!

Words like what he said, though reinforced with actions, are where true R begins.

My heart smiles for you!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 10th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think our relationship is officially in R. :)

YAY!! :)

T/J- He will be home SOOOOO SOON!! I have the effing butterflies. And a bruised and swollen nose because I have a son who whacked me with his toy like I owed him money LOL!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, December 10th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LMigs, I saw my husband on webcam today and you were right! This is the first time I have seen him since he has been deployed and it was GREAT! All I could think about was 'I can't wait to get him out of those clothes'.
Here's to a good R&R for the both of us (even though you have a bruised nose!).


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LMigs, I saw my husband on webcam today and you were right! This is the first time I have seen him since he has been deployed and it was GREAT! All I could think about was 'I can't wait to get him out of those clothes'.

YAY!! Isnt it amazing how all the negative emotions leave when you set your eyes on them!! Its like they regained their innocence while they are over there and doing the right thing.

You have a good R&R too (regular nose and all )


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY!! Isnt it amazing how all the negative emotions leave when you set your eyes on them!!

While they don't solve everything, webcams DO help a lot!!


I am brimming with glee for you guys who are getting some.......... R&R


(I have 11 days to go!!)


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very true Piper!!

I am negative 2 days! He shoulda been here already but got DELAYED AGAIN!! At least he should be leaving Kuwait shortly. I am being soooooooo impatient. Gimme my husband back damn it, youve had your time with him (pre post and during prickness).. Now I want my MAN!

A girls gotta get some........... Bow-Chika-Bow-Bow!! (hehe Kayti!! )


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
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