Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: am0930 (44292)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no. A commitment is a commitment. Either you keep it or you don't. They have toys for a reason..lol. I think that using the length of deployments as an excuse is a cop out and is BS. If you are that miserable, get counseling, get a bob, get a divorce. Do not get an AP.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
JulesDPH
♀ Member
Member # 17037
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you R or in limbo?

I guess we are in R. He finally decided a few weeks ago that he was willing to work on our marriage. But he still isn't ready to get rid of her pics and emails and his secret email address, and still has traps set to catch me if I try to snoop on his computer, has everything password protected, etc.... So I guess I'M in R and HE'S in Limbo.

How is your spouse helping you heal?

HE'S NOT!!!!! Read above! He is acting like nothing happened, and if I try to discuss anything about it, it turns into a fight and he starts going back to saying "this isn't going to work.....

What are you doing to help yourself?

I'm starting to eat again.... but I kind of like being 92 lbs. I read my scriptures, pray, talk to my bishop, love my baby boy, and hang out on this site a lot.

How are you helping your spouse or do you care?

I'm still putting up with shit that I shouldn't and being "patient" with him, I'm trying to change the things I need to about myself (even though my imperfections are still NO excuse for what he's done to me), I'm praying for him, I'm attending counseling with him, I'm forgiving him and TRYING to see him and love him the way the Savior does...


Me (BS): 35
Him (WS): 33
Married: September 14, 2004
Kids: 4 boys - his, mine and ours.
D-day: September 6, 2007 (yeah, this year was a 'fun' anniversary...)
Her (OW): 22
Currently working on R

Posts: 84 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Utah
rachiem
♀ Member
Member # 9925
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to give all you wonderful people in here huge (((((((hugs)))))). What you're trying to do is hard. I wasn't strong enough.


It's ok to not be fine sometimes.

Posts: 933 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: Idaho
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you R or in limbo?
We are in R. It took about 7 months to get to the point of true R. He is also deployed so it made the intiation of R difficult.

How is your spouse helping you heal?
I know this may sound, well odd, but he helped when he realized I didnt need him anymore. He realized if we were going to be married, he had to make me want him. And he is finally doing all the right things.

What are you doing to help yourself?
The biggest thing was go back to college. I have 1 year left. This gave me a sense on "Me" and my independence from our marriage. And it let me know that my life can go on, with our without him. He decided to jump on the "with" wagon. I also go to counseling still. Oh, and I wrote him a 19 page letter about how I felt about everything, what I needed and wanted out of him and our marriage, and generally laid it all out there for him in black and white.

How are you helping your spouse or do you care?
I encourage my husband and support his decisions. We communicate a lot better when I learned to be more patient. Ultimately, he had to drink the water, he could not be lead to it. Now that he's done it on his own, we are a team again.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, November 29th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to check in. Im getting ready for R&R we are (hopefully) expecting him to be home in the next 2 weeks :). My emotions are all over! Hope everyone is well.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, November 29th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am trying to prepare for R&R as well but the dates keeping getting moved because there are 4 pregnant women due around this time. :/ I know I shouldn't be so selfish but dang it! I want him home already! I have so much planned and yet part of me just wants to stay at home in bed the whole time. I seriously hope I don't have any negative feelings when it comes down to having sex with him again.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 30th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I seriously hope I don't have any negative feelings when it comes down to having sex with him again.

Remember tho, love isnt about sex. Im still fretting if Id get them in the heat of the moment too. I decided (and spoke to FWH).. Whatever happens happens. If Im ok, than wonderful, if Im not then hell have to wait. Unfortunetly, had he not cheated, we wouldnt be in this predicatment and he understands that now. GL!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, November 30th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honestly, dont' start psyching yourself out now. The more you worry about it, the higher your chances of having a bad moment are. you know how we ladies are mental...lol.

Seriously, just look at it this way. The men who are coming home to you on R&R are not the same men who left you. And neither are you the same woman you are. Just let go and enjoy the 2nd honeymoon!!


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, November 30th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honestly, dont' start psyching yourself out now. The more you worry about it, the higher your chances of having a bad moment are. you know how we ladies are mental...lol.

I need to keep reminding myself of this and just let it go for now. Thank you for your advice, ladies. It feels good that I am not alone.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, November 30th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there everyone!

Happy Friday (I hope).

I see some of you are getting closer to some R&R with your spouses. My FWH is away again (for training though) and he left in September. Well, I went to see him for Thanksgiving weekend and I too experienced a lot of what you are all talking about: the anxiety and such. (He is back where the A happened so it was really hard for me to go there.) Let me say this from my experience: I was nervous, happy, excited, nervous and, oh yeah, anxious. There was a lot riding on our initial meeting at the airport bc the last one was when he was home for a week (in June) and it was during the A. You know what they say about hindsight and I *knew.* I just didn't know I knew. (Note to self: NEVER ignore my gut again.) But I digress..... what I wanted to say was it went well. The first few minutes of alone time when we got back to his room felt awkward for me. I was not sure how we would be together (and I don't mean sex necessarily but things like, "Will we have anything to talk about that is not A related?" And we only talked briefly once about and it was okay!!!). Well, I got over it so to speak. When I let go and told myself to just "BE," well, a weight was lifted and I was able to relax. I realized that trying too hard to make it a good trip would inevitably make it roguh so I just kept reminding myself to relax. Breathe. Relax. Breathe. And lo and behold, we had a great time. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen. He was fully aware that I was going tobe calling the shots though when it came tobeing intimate. It actually was a bit funny bc when I was relaxed enough and things started to progress, limbs got stuck in clothing and it was an awkward first time sort of moment. We both giggled and that helped A LOT.

So without any doubt, trust yourself first, them second. Try to remember to breathe and let things happen naturally.

Hugs to all of you and good luck!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
letting_go
Member
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, December 1st (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever get tired of being the strong one?

I do.

My H has been in one after another fast paced, high pressured school for several years in a row; no break. I remember crying for him because I knew he was overwhelmed and I felt helpless even after asking what I could do to ease his burden.

I took on everything around the house and the only thing I didn't do was vehicle maintenance which he did when needed.

Now, with our antiversary behind us and with him being gone for a year I am exhausted and although I am still pissed off about a lot of stuff I just want to lay my head on his chest on go to sleep.

I sometimes feel like a wuss because everything I had planned on accomplishing I didn't so instead of looking at the 'planned' list that I didn't do I looked at the list that just happened.

I am learning how to play an instrument. I am socializing with a close few instead of a huge group. I have learned how to roller skate, heely, and hit a ball with a bat. I have traveled for business and pleasure without my kids. I have always helped other people and I have finally allowed myself to accept help.

With all of the things that I have done and with him sometimes still being an a** when I am exhausted I still want to lay my head on my Hs chest and go to sleep.


"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)


Posts: 3704 | Registered: Feb 2007
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, December 1st (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever get tired of being the strong one?

Yes. Every day.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, December 1st (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever get tired of being the strong one?

Nearly everyday of my life. Seriously, between the A, the Baby and general life stress I am very suprised I havent had a heart attack.


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course! Who in the world would choose to be the strong one? I dont' want to be the strong, dependable one. It blows. But, someone has to be and when your spouse won't do it you don't have much choice.

Btw Lisa...are we in the single digits now or what??


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

are we in the single digits now or what??

Not quite sigle digits, but the teens are bad enough. The air is downright ICY!!!

(sorry for the t/j.)


As for being the strong one....that is certainly a role I have never asked for but, as I see through IC, it is one which I have taken control of and sort of become. I never really thought that of myself outright until now (bc we all know that sometimes we feel the very opposite of strong) but my C finds it very telling that the only time I cry about stuff is in the shower, where no on can hear and I can blame my wet eyes on the water. I see her point.

Stay warm everyone!!!!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
ragingalone
Member
Member # 17029
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the only time I cry about stuff is in the shower, where no on can hear and I can blame my wet eyes on the water.

I use to do that prior to being married. Now, not so much because I have turned into a huge sap after having children. I am started to revert back to my old ways though. I prefer crying in the shower than anywhere else. Hmm.


Together - 9/17/2002 Busted him EA - 9/17/2007 (5 years EXACTLY after we got together)
Reconciling and renewed vows - 2/2/2008
D-day#2- 8/12/08 (another EA & profile)Seperated
D-day#3- 10/01/08 PA with OW#1
Filed for Divorce- 11/21/08

Posts: 275 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: heartbreak hotel
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kayti!! I AM!! AHH! I cant believe it!! It seems so unreal. I feel like there are a million things to do and not enough time lol. His Brother/SIL are causing so many issues its ridiculus. It stinks its only for 18 days but hey, thats better than nothing!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Piper I didnt see your post! Youre close too!! How awesome!!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
bluelady
♀ Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys,

We're getting closer and closer to H's deployment - he leaves right after New Year. It's our first deployment and I don't know what to expect so I find that I'm all over the board. And the closer it gets to him going, the more triggery I'm becoming. I hate that.

Friday, a guy he works with got a promotion, so they were all going out to celebrate with him. I had no problems with H going and I expected him to get home late - the guys usually end up at the home of one of them after the bars close so I'm used to that.

This time, however, I was triggering out of control. It carried over to the next day and we fought. Then, I got upset because we don't have that much time left together and I don't want to spend all of our time fighting. So, after the yelling stopped, the crying started and lasted, on and off, ALL DAY.

How do I deal with my increasing triggers without letting them get out of control and ruining the small amount of time we have left together?

I feel like a complete mess.


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


Posts: 1429 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Piper I didnt see your post! Youre close too!! How awesome!!

Uhm please excuse the interruption: this blonde moment brought to you by me. Apparently, I thought you were talking about the weather and now I realize you meant R&R!!!!

I feel like a nincompoop. Say it for me people: DUH!

(But ON the topic, my FWH will be home on the 22nd for 10 days. So for those in the single digits of the countdown, I ususally use the time to start pampering myself. Oh, and buy lots of razors. haha. Sorry if TMI, but it is funny and true.))


ETA: the fact that the weather is crappy here in NY and is our first real dose of winter threw me for a loop.

[This message edited by Piper317 at 3:15 PM, December 2nd (Sunday)]


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 968
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.