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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Military Deployment/Affairs
Equalizing
♀ New Member
Member # 16895
Shocked  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello,
First entry today but have been using SI to sustain me through this hell we call infidelity. D-Day 04/2007 emails, calls, caught in person. Fast forward. OP is a as noted a confirmed serial adulterer no question, per my husbands(her lastest trophy) own admissions. She shared her history and previous "trophies"(including rank) during their 2 and half yr. affair. She works at an AFNG base as a civilian employee. some of her conquests still work there as high ranking officials. Is there any way to break in to this "old boy" school to ditch the bitch?? Honestly, her high wages are paid by us the tax payers and she maintains a protected status. I resent that. code of conduct must exist in some written format somewhere.

some one wrote that these people are referred to as Barricks Whore. Thats a good start. Open to all suggestions or ideas.


Be kinder than neccesary.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: fl
bluelady
♀ Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys,

I just wanted to introduce myself on this thread.

I'm 1.5 years past dday. It was a ONS that happened while he was away training. He kept it secret and I found out 3 months after the fact from a neighbour. She heard the rumor from her husband (who works with mine). Apparently everyone in their Sqn. knew.

H is being deployed to Afghanistan next year. He's to do 6 months work up training (starting just after Christmas) at a different base and then will be on tour for 9 months (total 15 months away from home). Overall, we're doing fine. I do tend to trigger more often when he's away (gee, I wonder why ). With no family and very few friends at our current location, I'm thinking it's going to be a rough year and a half for me.


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
bluelady
♀ Member
Member # 11061
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

some one wrote that these people are referred to as Barricks Whore.

Up here, we call them Shack Rats. (Shack is slang for Barrick)


Me (BS): 33

Divorced


Posts: 1437 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
DownNotOut
♀ Member
Member # 10076
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Soldiersgirl. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who is going through this (I'm always comparing - making sure I'm not crazy you know!)

Got to talk with FWH this morning for about 15 minutes. It was so good to hear his voice. He says he's frustrated with work related stuff and very, very tired. That makes me nervous. Exhausted people make mistakes. I would hate for him or another to get hurt because someone could hardly function from exhaustion.

Luckily he said he was going to be able to get a full measure of sleep today. I hope he takes it all.

Hi bluelady! Welcome to the thread!

Hi Equalizing! I'm sosrry to hear about what you are going through. Honestly, the OW in your situation sort of sounds like the OW in mine. She is married to an officer to boot!
As for what you can do about the OW, specifically due to her civilian contractor status, I don't know. I was thinking the same thing myself. I'm assuming it depends upon the branch of service, base, job description, etc.

Everyone else that I have talked with has advised me to just let OW be. Karma will come and get her eventually. I do have a hard time with that, but I am trying by focusing on my marriage and not on her.

Hang in there and welcome to the club no one wants to have to join.


"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
~ nimbyone

"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
~ bkewidow


Posts: 1606 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Unemployed and Hating It
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really there isn't much you can do. Do you know if their spouses know? If not, prehaps you can get enough info from your WH to get an anonymous letter to them outing them. Angry wives can pressure their husbands sometimes.

While I am in NO WAY suggesting this, I think the funniest outing i have ever seen involved a married LTC, a married Major, a deployment, and an irate wife who took out a full page advertisement in the local newspaper.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He then has to go for 2 months for training in February to the same base where he had another 3-month affair with someone.

Hi mlpw62. Thought I'd say hello since we are in the same boat. My FWH had the A while away at training and is nowback there, 1800 miles away. NC is a must!!! Is your H remorseful? If so, NC should be no problem. Mine has been NC since DDay. Luckily, he had 2 months at home beofer he had to go back and, had he gone immeidatly, things may havebeen different for us. But I felt okay with him going back...well, as much as I could. It is tough at times but we are making it work. He has only seen her once (in a briefing in aroom full of people) and told me right away. She too is a serial OW. She is enlisted and the base whore with said reputation who has more notches in her bed post than minutes in a day. Pathetic really. But I just wanted you to see the LD thing can be done. It is not the easiest but honestly, I have actually welcomed the distance at times.

Feel free to PM me anytime.


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
SadSpouse
♀ Member
Member # 13133
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the funniest outing i have ever seen involved a married LTC, a married Major, a deployment, and an irate wife who took out a full page advertisement in the local newspaper.

Good for the BS!!!! That took a lot of guts to do and I admire that!!

Hope everyone is hanging in there and doing alright tonight. The mind movies can be horrible even without a deployment.

SS

[This message edited by SadSpouse at 9:20 PM, November 5th (Monday)]


Everything happens for a reason......we may not know why at the moment, but God has a reason.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Midwest
Equalizing
♀ New Member
Member # 16895
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, November 6th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and an irate wife who took out a full page advertisement in the local newspaper.
Thanks DNO and blue..it is good to find someone who vented and we can live and learn thru that experience. A good weekend, lots of disclosure. should have done this much sooner. I feel sadder yet more calm. It appears that filling in the blanks of the A can relieve some anxiety, now to remove or replace the sadness, disappointment and anger with something healthier, ahh! The fog is clearing


Be kinder than neccesary.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: fl
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, November 8th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This question may be off-topic and I apologize if it is out of place.

My H (active duty AF) has internet access at work but claims since it is monitored closely no one is getting away with anything untoward. However, he gets e-mail sent to his home addy from his co-workers af.mil addies that contain porn.

None of the people who forward ever remove the list of people who the porn has previously been forwarded to and the list is full of af.mil addresses. All kinds of ranks too.

So, are they surfing for porn at work? Is this considered acceptable use of their work e-mail addresses?
Is my husband able to surf sites like adultfriendfinder on the job?

Just what am I up against here?


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
Soldiersgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8188
Default  Posted: 3:38 AM, November 8th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's encrypted. Honestly they should have those kind of sites blocked at work but it's possible to worm your way past it if you're good with computers. Also, if it is anything like AKO, they can log into their accounts at home and forward things from there where there is no limitations on what they can and can't see.

However let me point out that if they are using a government email addy to forward porn, then they are twits who are just DYING to be reprimanded.


You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. ~ Henny Youngman
No man was ever shot by his wife while doing the dishes. ~ Anon
It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to make it a failure. ~ Herbert Samuel

Posts: 1375 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Louisiana
letting_go
Member
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, November 8th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For all of you dealing with a civilian who is working for a contractor or is a contractor you can call their military boss and have them fired. You can also call HR on the base/post that you live on and report her.

Most likely an investigation will take place if you do not have proof.

Calling the HR office that the civilian works for will only allow the civilian to be under investigation until HR finds incriminating evidence to warrant dismissal.


"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)


Posts: 3705 | Registered: Feb 2007
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, November 8th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However let me point out that if they are using a government email addy to forward porn, then they are twits who are just DYING to be reprimanded.

Thank you, SG, that is kind of what I thought. Looking at the lists of names attached to the forwards, I think everybody's in it so nobody's going to get in trouble.

My main concern was just how much they were getting away with but I'm sure there's no way I could find out without ending up in mucho trouble.


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
Equalizing
♀ New Member
Member # 16895
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, November 8th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

letting_go
Interesting comment. I am not enlisted nor was my husband at the time of the affair but the civilian works at a government office and conducted communication while on the clock with office computers, telephones and mil. email addresses. I have the cell fone with the telephone log i.e. dates numbers times and copies of the emails between husband and shack rat. I would love to get her fired but don't know if I want the continued drama. She has a history at the base of sleeping with married men (to limit stds)including her ex boss who is now her husbands boss, yikes!! So she has her ass covered so to speak. We made a call this week to ask not to make contact with us/husband as we are reconciling. She is so full of her self, she just blew it off and said she would do want she wants and when she wants NO shit! Can't wait for that karmic train to wreck! I personally don't have any faith in HR. I have watched them in action ( or not) before. They stick tight to management in my experience.


Be kinder than neccesary.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: fl
letting_go
Member
Member # 13774
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, November 9th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Equalizing

Sending you a PM.


"To change and to improve are two different things."
Anonymous. German proverb.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass (1818-1895)


Posts: 3705 | Registered: Feb 2007
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, November 9th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to wish everyone a nice weekend. Since Monday is Veteran's Day, take a moment to feel strong and know that YOU have made huge sacrafices for this country too. (((hugs))) to you all!!!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
Piper317
♀ Member
Member # 15330
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, November 9th (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has a history at the base of sleeping with married men

This sickens me bc it seems there are so many of these pieces of trash out there. Serial OW, serial sluts, who use their positions to "meet" men or, as the OW in our case so casaually stated: "So what if I want to have men be like library books. When I am done with them, I can put them back on the shelf." Classy, huh? &^%$#@!


Married 8 years, together 11
BS(me)-34 FWH-37 d-day 7/3/07
♥R!R!R!♥
Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
Let your clarity define you.
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." ~The Wizard

Posts: 1476 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New York
NCaliGrlatHrt
New Member
Member # 16775
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, November 10th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh - it's been a little while - things seem to be good though. It is weird but I think I said this before, we seem to be closer now than ever. This whole thing has brought to the surface issues that we never knew existed and we are taking the proper steps to deal with them as best we can considering the deployment.

LMiggs - he is airborne and has been for 3 years, he actually went to SFAS (special forces something selection) and he was selected so he is in. He goes into the qualification course when he gets back. There is a 90 day hold and then he goes. I think he said in September.

Soldiersgirl - he has always been in top physical shape but yeah, he says he's gotten lazy during deployment because they don't PT them on a regular basis like they do here so he will have 3 months to shape up before he goes. Also - he told the chaplain, he actually goes to our church, lol. So it is good he has him to talk to.

No other updates here - just going to go read all the posts.


Posts: 9 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: North Carolina
LMigs528
♀ Member
Member # 13536
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, November 10th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in on everyone!

NCGH-- I fell very relieved everything is good. I knew a friend who got bambuzzled with a "Im SF HOOAH" guy who was nothing.

I wanted to share something with you guys. FWH will be home in about a month!
Someway, somehow this deployment is the reality check he needed. I know a lot of yall are afraid of TDY's and Deployments as open doors to freedom (and I really hope I wont end up biting my tongue- I dont think I will though)... Consider this space as a blessing. I miss my FWH more than anything but if it wasnt for this space right now he would still be the dipshit he was. There are many ways to make your space a beneficial experience so try to. I have recently embraced positive thinking and it has helped out so much. FWH has also and its made R all the much better. Hope all is well!


Just so lost... I hope this road I choose to travel will help Me get found.

Posts: 939 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Long Island, NY
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Angry  Posted: 11:42 PM, November 10th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would just like to say that I HATE DEPLOYMENTS WITH A FIERCE PASSION!

Leaving someone behind is not easy, but being the one left behind is the worst.

Not having any sort of direct control over communication isn't fun either. Waiting for calls to come in instead of having control as to when calls are made is not a fun "waiting game."

Supporting child(ren), a household, jobs, and other "on the homefront" activities are so time-consuming that it's not hard to be accounted for, but during a deployment, there's no responsibilities but work, and alot of time to be unaccounted for. I hate that.

I also loathe the fact that supporting my spouse during yet another deployment makes me tread a thin line between being the good stupid wife or the bad smart wife.
Show and express total support during a deployment, when you were cheated on during a previous deployment runs the risk of having me look like a good yet foolish wife two times over if I get bit in the butt again. But standing back and NOT being supportive makes me look like the bad wife if he ends up being on good behavior the whole time. Makes trying to decide what to do not the easiest decision.

Having your best friend far away from me and your worst enemy away from you all at the same time sucks as well. Should I be thankful that a person who cheated on me, my "worst enemy" is away or sad that my "best friend/partner" isn't with me? It's a teeter-totter of emotions.

I just had to rant, sorry
I hate deployments....
Period.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
cookie24
♀ Member
Member # 15124
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, November 11th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leaving someone behind is not easy, but being the one left behind is the worst.

Drowning...you are so right. I am active duty military and I have been in both situations. I know the stress and the hard work that is put on the person left behind. I'm currently deployed now, and I do my best to ease the situation as much as possible for my hubby back home.

We all deserve huge hugs for the sacrifices we go through.

(((((military families)))))


Me: BS (49), Him: WS (50)
D-Day 12/11/06 & 12/27/06
Another One 8/13/11
Divorcing

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Southern Cal
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