I'm gonna have to be honest with you. I think your husband is most likely full of shit. The odds that he'll recieve an article fifteen for a drunken ONS are slim to none. While many people think that cheating in the military is illegal, it's not. At least not specifically. When they choose to punish them hey use the General Misconduct article. Or they punish them for fratenization, etc, etc, etc.
Why would your husbands internet usage be monitered? Believe me, the army has better things to do than sort through your WH's emails to find out whether or not he screwed around on his wife. Odds are he's hiding something, he's tired of talking about it and is making up excuses, or there's alot more to the story than he is telling you and they are telling him. If they were really monitering his internet usage, they would not tell him about it until they nailed him to the wall for it. Trust me on this one.
I used to work in Personnel and hav emany friend in both the Legal and CID/MPI side of the house. Before you sign yourselves up for some super encrypted email, ask yourself, and him for that matter, what on earth he has done that is so serious that the army has him under surveillance. Because I can guarantee you a romp with a civvie isn't cause for it.
So many things piss me off when I think about those times. Of course, hindsight is 20/20.
I sent a care package a week. Everything from boots (the heat and sand was horrible to a pair) to gloves, cleaning supplies..you name it, I sent it. He told OW he ordered everything from catalogs.
I was glued to the TV and cried many a' tears. 'Nuff said.
We talked every day, multiple times a day. Very seldom did anyone else answer his phone. One night, I called, and someone did. I asked for him and the guy said "Who's this?". I said "His wife"..he said "His wife???". Once again, hindsight is 20/20.
He took pictures of his office, screensaver and hooch. Of course, I and the family were plastered everywhere. I often wonder if that was for show and after he took the pics they were promptly taken down. It pisses me off that he made a conscious choice to cover a deception that I didn't even know about.
He'd make runs to Kuwait and I'd be glued to the tv. Little did I know he was running to her.
I think war zones/deployments make it very easy for them to lead a double life.
After searching for OW, I found out that she played numerous men. Not only was he cheating on me, but she kept a string of boyfriends in the camps that she was at. I found pleasure in telling WH all about it. Special, eh?
as far as the internet usage go - he is not the most internet savvy person so maybe he misunderstood. we are certainly still talking about it, he went and verified with the chaplain because i told him it was illegal and he couldnt get an article for cheating on me. so we are clear now.
Okay, I understand now...lol. He's been approved to go to qualifications. It's arduous and strenuous. Tell him to make sure he is in good shape before goes. There are some advantages to SF. He'll go more often, but they'll be shorter periods of time.
I'm glad that he was able to clear things up. Just out of curiosity, how does his CoC know about the OW anyway?
Stbx has been out to sea for almost 8 weeks and I have to tell you guys the silence has been so wonderful! He's totally ignored my emails about his lack of child support but I know he's gotten them because he's had contact with other people.
Anyway my oldest son logged onto instant messenger yesterday and came in the house and told me Dad's online. Hmmm interesting. I knew he would be pulling into port soon so I was not totally surprised. I figured the phone would start ringing shortly.
He's on one coast and we're on another. So as the day wore on and time grew short I knew he wasn't going to call. He can only call the kids from 8:30am-8:30pm because of past harrassment.
Today the kids and I are out and about and attending a family birthday party. I check my phone later on and low and behold there's a message from him. Caught him in an out and out lie. Tells me they just arrived(meaning today)and he understands because of the time difference that the kids are probably alseep..He's a dink and has no clue that is was only 5pm here. LOL
It's minor in the big scheme of things but it just proves he can't tell the truth about anything. We know he was there yesterday he just chose to put himself and his needs first, like thats any big surprise. Just continues to reinforce all my feeling about divorcing him being the right decision.
He's probably going to be sorry that he did call when I get done with him. I've found out since he's been gone that he's been transfering money into a checking account all the while leaving my child support short.
Our separation agreement is not yet signed. But at our last court hearing he agreed to leave support "as is" until we signed. I am calling my lawyer tomorrow so she can rattle his cage a little bit. I am so over his crap.
He's gotten away with to much and not been made to be held accountable.
Mommy to the 3 best things to come from my marriage.
A wonderful chick married to a turd ;o)
I'm feeling like I have been kicked in the stomache again...When will this stop??
My WH and OW are in Training in NJ for there upcoming deployment to Iraq and my SIL also lives in NJ, just found out today that the WH had the balls to email his Sister and ask if he could bring the OW to her house to meet them....how insulting is this?? Me and my SIL get on well together and she has already expressed how dissapointed she is with her Brother for what he is doing..
I found this out by logging onto his email (he doesn't know I have his password) wrong I know but it's the only way of finding out what he is up too..
He is telling me he doesn't know how he feels about me or the OW but in his email to his Sister he say's "I'm in love with this woman and I really want you to meet her" It makes me
I really want to lash out at something right now -- Maybe his new 42" plasma he just bought before he left...
What should I do?? confront him, or keep quiet and collect evidence for the military that he REALLY is having an affair??
My opinion is, if you confront him and therefore reveal your source, you will lose your only "in" to what's going on...and he'll just gaslight you about what you've read.
I would REALLY recommend that you sit on this info and keep monitoring, especially since your H will deploy with OW...the email will be your only link to what's actually happening (my H is deployed with OW, and if I believed what he told me, I'd be thinking it's over between them. Instead, because of reading his email, I know that she is giving him bj's when others go to meetings and sorry to be so graphic...I am at the Angry stop on the rollercoaster right now!)
Anyway -- stay in Stealth Mode, phillygal!! It will be better in the long run. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
Unfortunately, I am a member of this group as well!
My FWH just deployed Saturday to Kuwait for 6 mos. Since the whole 'A' we have PCSd which has been a God-send. The OW was a civilian...I still have not contacted her H because I am hesitant about professional problems if the OW's H goes anywhere with this. I want him to know, but I fear the professional fall-out.
I read in one of the posts about a woman who went to her priest about notifying the OPs spouse. He gave the advice that if there is retaliation motivating her to notify, it is not the right thing to do....God will take care of it. I feel this way as well....I want to notify him, yet I want to hurt her WAY more....I want to make her life MISERABLE!!!! And, that is not good nor is it healthy for me.
It doesn't help that we are coming up on the 1st ann of everything and he is away. Although, I can call him whenever I need to and he can call me. I just don't want the triggers......
Just wanted to pop in here and say hello.....
How is MiniMigs recovering from his surgery dear?
Just wanted to send out some really big hugs to all of you. (((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))))))
SO is being deployed in less than a week....this is my first experience with anything of this nature. My family is being greatly supportive and I'm really going to miss him. I guess I fear the changes in our relationship as well, it's been so nice for such a long time now.
My nephew just returned from deployment on Monday morning. And now, SO is heading out. Some days I rarely think of it, other days...its all I think about. Post divorce and infidelity, well....I just don't want to feel like I'm making a stupid decision by waiting for him to come home to me. I have no reason (other than our divorces, we were both the BS) to doubt his faithfulness and love. I know I'm taking a chance.
SG, checked out that website and absolutely love it. Was telling my family about all the sassy Tshirts and such and they said, you gotta have those....we'll send you some funds so you can get that! So, thanks.
Wanted to let you all know I was thinking about you. Military spouses are such strong people. I know that now that I've been given a taste of what it's like.
Hugs to all, Itty
FWH has been deployed a month and a day.
Six more months to go.
Breathe, just breathe.
If our marriage is so much stronger now (it appears to be), then why am I still so apprehensie about him being deployed? I know his crew is all male and I believe that the whole camp is male (with the exception possibly being the interpreters. But, on second thought, they are probably male as well).
So why do I still stress? I am 100% certain he is not having any contact with the last OW. I don't believe he is having any contact with any previous OW.
So what gives?
Thanks for letting me vent ladies! You are all so incredibly wonderful!
"Beauty is between one's ears anyway, isn't it?"
My counselor mentioned something about "what goes TDY, stays TDY." Makes me wonder how many other times he has done this.
My H had an affair, a pretty serious one from the sounds of their emails, with someone he works with. It started a month before he was deployed, she was not deployed, but they continued it through phone calls and emails (how I found them out). He promised to break contact, but he didn't. He kept it up for another month and a half till he came home, and lied to me about it the whole time. I found that out a couple of days after he had been home. He broke contact then, but I found out that a lot of people here and in Korea knew all about it. He is an NCO and she is an officer. Married with children also, (to another NCO, so they all work together, although not the same areas). He sent a no-contact letter, I have the return receipt with her signature on it, but she occasionally will go to his office "just passing by." I wish I had some recourse without getting my H in trouble. It isn't like his superiors don't know about the affair already, but it has been 15 months since he has been home now, and I hate to be the one to remind people of what happened, as I am sure it was "swept under the rug."
I have found out since, that this was not the only time he has done this, although this was the most serious since he thought he "loved" her, and I knew her and liked her. But I don't believe that what he has told me is all there is. My H has to leave in December, just for a week for training, but will be driving a long distance with another woman, and I am having a hard time with that. He then has to go for 2 months for training in February to the same base where he had another 3-month affair with someone. I hate this. I used to trust him completely. Now I don't know how to trust him anymore. Will I ever?
MiniMigs is doing well. We are going back and forth about another one right now so well see what happens. Thanks K!!