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Newest Member: 2ndtimernd (45746)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Spouses with Same Gender APs.
Facade
♀ Member
Member # 17536
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Dream...

Hey, can I ask you guys something? (Please keep in mind that I truly don't want to offend anyone, and I'm not generalizing...these questions are specific to my situation.)

STBX clued me in to the mindset of his new circle of "friends." From what he's told me, their philosophy seems VERY anti-wife...you know, covering up for each other in their nasty little rendezvous, cheating on their wives and badmouthing them, and sharing their pathetic little stories about how their hetero marriages were just a big, bad mistake. Wah, wah, wah. They call us "breeders", or so I've heard.

Have any of you heard of this type of fraternization?


Posts: 537 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, yes!

Mainly on those online "groups" where they post about meeting at motels & "bring a lotta lube", having "dump parties", & call their wives..."Fish"!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Facade
♀ Member
Member # 17536
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, June 28th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dream,

Maybe I shouldn't ask this...WTH do they call us "fish"?


Posts: 537 | Registered: Dec 2007
Sadandshaken
♀ Member
Member # 18099
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this thread. And I have wondered about this with my STBXH. I am not sure if my H is Bisexual. I don't even know if this is the right place to ask this question.

He said he had A with woman but will not really confirm her identity. Several people have asked me if he is gay. I had not thought about it except I consider him to be a submissive male type person in a lot of ways. He didn't appear to be this way when I met him.

Anyway, after dday, our kids, who are 18 and 20 didn't know anything about an affair for quite a few months. They knew something BIG was up though. So, one day my daugher sits me down and says she has a question and is having a really hard time asking. She finally asks me if dad is gay.

I was shocked. Apparently, all her friends think he is. Since then I have had a lot of people ask me this. They wonder about a friend of his he was seeing a lot to just get together with was his partner. Made me start to think. Could someone help me decifer this.

I had thought he was bisexual and even asked him one day. He laughed and said I was attacking his character.

Any help is appreciated.


Me: BS
Him: WS
LTA: First he told me 2 years then I find out its 10
Married 25 years
DS 20 and DD 18
DD 11/18/07
4/08 Divorcing, can't take more lies.
I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait. And in His word do I hope Ps 130:5

Posts: 362 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: California
Facade
♀ Member
Member # 17536
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad and shaken,

Please PM me. I'd like to hear more of your story.

Let me say, from my own experience as a woman married to a gay man for 14 years...I wish I'd listened to that little voice in my head years ago.

We're all with you, dear...big hugs.


Posts: 537 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad, welcome...I hope every one on this thread checks out Lovefraud.com, please...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Syzy
♀ Member
Member # 15190
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, yes!

Mainly on those online "groups" where they post about meeting at motels & "bring a lotta lube", having "dump parties", & call their wives..."Fish"!

Not to generalize but many of these men are deeply in the closet, trying to prove their masculinity to themselves and other men and are generally sexist. Their ideas about gender and sexuality are deeply screwed up. Healthy gay men do not act like this and do not abide much sexism (at least in the 40 and under group)

To answer the question about "fish" the slang is a derogative reference to the way women supposedly smell.


BS
Dday Aug 17, 2006
R - what's that.
Me - Moved on long ago.
It takes two to make it work, but only one to fuck it up.

Posts: 945 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: So Cal
Hurtsadangry
♀ Member
Member # 9294
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, August 27th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found my way over here - see my profile. His latest fantasy is to have another man in bed with us while he (H) is "dressed". I just want to


Happily Divorced as of 7/13/2009 at 2:30 pm!

Posts: 1387 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Limbo
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hmmmm...are we M to the same man?

((((hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Hollowgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 19147
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, October 13th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont even know where to start. I have been married to this man for 26 years. Found out he had an affair with a W 6 months ago. This week caught him texting the word "sweet" to someone who asked him if he liked subs. I asked and he told me sub meant submissives. I asked him to tell me all of his secrets. He said he has had BJs from 10-12 men over the last 6 years. I am sure there is more to the story...I keep getting bits and pieces.
I am in shock. First about the affair. I have been treated like a princess for all 26 years. He has been the model husband. (so i thought)...I dont think I will ever get over all the lies. I know me well enough to know I would always wonder what he was doing. He'd become such a great liar!
Starting over scares me to death. I'm 46. I've never been alone...went straight from Mom and Dad to our home together. Highschool sweethearts.
I didn't even know this forum existed! I was in the recovery forum until I found out about the men.
Thanks for listening!


Hollowgirl...not forever just for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me:BS 46
Him:WS 45
3 children: S-25, S-22, D-16
Together 28yrs Married 26yrs
D-day: 4-12-08
Divorcing 9-1-09

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Phoenix
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, October 13th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hollowgirl, welcome!

Yes, it IS a dreadful SHOCK to hear about the MEN.

Have you been tested for STD's?
I would make an IC appt. immediately as well.
Is your WH "bi"?
Is there a possibility that he "acts out" due to being bipolar (hypersexuality)? Sex Addiction?

"Don't Call it Love" by Patrict Carnes is an excellent book (for SA.)

Please keep posting here and hang in there.

We will all try to help you all that we can.

(((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
Hollowgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 19147
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I tested negative to all STD's.

After he told me of the MEN...about 2 days later he said he'd remembered being abuse by a neighbor man when he was 8 or 9.

Our IC/MC said that he might be bipolar. Our 2nd son is bipolar and we've known about his disorder for years. My husband never displayed any of the symptoms.

My pastor said it sounds like SA.

I dont know what to believe.

Today we go to the counselor. Hope to get the whole truth and some answers.

Sometimes I think it would be easier for both of us to move on. If he gets well he could have a great realationship with someone new who didn't have all the lies in her past with him.

Thanks for being there!


Hollowgirl...not forever just for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me:BS 46
Him:WS 45
3 children: S-25, S-22, D-16
Together 28yrs Married 26yrs
D-day: 4-12-08
Divorcing 9-1-09

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Phoenix
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 16th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HG~ glad to hear you tested negatively!

Me, too. (But then again...9 months of staring at his back and wondering what was *wrong* probably helped, too.)

He sounds a LOT like my WH.

SA? bipolar?? bi/gay???

AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Well, I don't want him in My Life.
It is...what it is.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, October 23rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is my WH's 55th birthday and I suspect he's partying with a man.
Don't ask me how I know...I can just sense it.
Creep.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
SmileyBlue
♀ Member
Member # 19444
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, November 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone,

i just wanted to ask a question

is it possible for someone to go through a bi-sexual phase in their early 20s only to realise they are straight? not me btw!!! but my friend just found out her fiancee has hooked up with guys twice before she met him and she is shocked. he said it was just a phase and that he doesnt even think about it now but she is really upset and worried. I said to her it was possible for people to go through phases but i actually have no idea. shes worried he is gay and denying it although they have always had a good sex life and he has always pursued her.

some insight would be greatly appreciated!!

[This message edited by SmileyBlue at 3:49 AM, November 21st (Friday)]


Me: 27 - No longer a BS!
1 little Furbaby

"The bee's are dying? Oh no! Now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwich's?" - Homer Simpson


Posts: 2556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Australia
SmileyBlue
♀ Member
Member # 19444
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, November 21st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump!


Me: 27 - No longer a BS!
1 little Furbaby

"The bee's are dying? Oh no! Now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwich's?" - Homer Simpson


Posts: 2556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Australia
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, November 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

from what i have found out, this "phase"usually only happens when a STRAIGHT MALE has no access to a female...like in prison!
but upon his release, he will seek out a WOMAN, & not a man.
there also appears to be a lot of bisexual "experimentation"in youth, but as the bi man grows older, he longs for an exclusive homosexual relationship WITH ANOTHER MAN.
hope this helps...and, straight men do NOT look at GAY Porn.

google bonnie kaye.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, November 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Smiley,I feel its major denial.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25435 | Registered: Sep 2005
ThatWasFun
♂ Member
Member # 21110
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, November 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So far, I've never found anyone else who feels this way:

When I was in my early twenties, I dated a girl for a little while. I was quite taken with her. After three or four months of dating she told me that she couldn't see me anymore, because she needed to admit to herself that she was gay, and she had been seeing another girl for the last couple of weeks. I was very disappointed, but I was able to shrug it off rather easily, unlike the devastation I felt many years later when my XF cheated with another man. Here's why:

She was physically attracted to other women. Therefore, she wanted something I simply could not provide. I do not have tits or a vagina, and never will.

My WXF, on the other hand, could have gotten from me anything she got from the OM simply by letting me know that's what she wanted. Other than size, a dick is a dick is a dick, and techniques are learned.


This, too, shall pass.

Posts: 568 | Registered: Oct 2008
father of 4
♂ Member
Member # 5866
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, November 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My inclination is that he is not straight. I would advise not to go through with the wedding.


"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson

Posts: 7816 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: 3201'22" N 8106'05" W
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