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User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, January 21st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, hell's bells! I'm getting another BIG *gift* but psycho still won't tell me anything!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, January 21st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So dreamlife now what do you do?
How long do we let this bullshit go on?
When does it stop?

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Sep 2007
Bits
♀ Member
Member # 22422
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I 2nd Kodi's posting : )


Anyone with a Time Machine , please get in touch : )

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Alaska
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's going on, dream?

Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He might be lurking...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He might be lurking...

Oh! A lurker, eh? Hi Mr. DL!



Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and for him...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
2muchhurt
♂ Member
Member # 22071
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know a woman that is gaslighting, not telling the truth about her two affairs. Her husband only knows about one and she has told him is is EA only. I have proof that it was EA/PA for 7 months. Any ideas how I can clue him in without revealing who I am?

She moved out and he keeps kissing her a$$ and begging her to come back and go to counseling. When they were in MC she was still having second OM.


Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Alabama
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for forgetting the barf emoticon, dream.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2muchhurt, I admire you for wanting to let this man know the truth. I sure wish someone would have done (or would do) that for me.

Is the proof something that you can send in the mail? If it's solid, undeniable proof, that might be the way to go.

That said, and as difficult as it is, I wouldn't shy away from a phone call or a face-to-face meeting if need be. Having been "in the dark" for so long myself, I would welcome the truth no matter where it came from....

[This message edited by JitterbugRag at 7:22 PM, January 25th (Sunday)]


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
2muchhurt
♂ Member
Member # 22071
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She, WW, is someone that I work with but I know her husband. I believe she has been rewriting the marriage. Too many things do not add up. How can I get him the information he needs to make an informed decision about her. He doe NOT know the fact about her activities. I need a plan

Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Alabama
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2much, if we are stumped here, you might try posting this in General thread.

Does anyone know how they are going to work out Valentine's Day yet? (Because I do!
0


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2muchhurt,

It's difficult to come up with a plan without more information. A lot depends on the nature of the proof you have. But in any case, if you want to remain anonymous, there are really only two ways of going about that: mail and email.

Do you have the BS's email address? If so, you can set up an email account through yahoo, hotmail, etc., that wouldn't identify you and email the information you have. If you don't have his email address, you can do the same thing through snail mail.

Something like, "I've very sorry to write this, but I feel you should know that your wife is . . ." Then either give him the proof, or point him in the direction of getting the proof himself.

You might also mention SI as a good resource for him.

This is a tough situation, but I think telling him is the right thing to do.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone know how they are going to work out Valentine's Day yet?

I've really come to loathe Valentine's Day. I'm sure I'll get flowers and a sappy card . . .

Just remember fellow in-the-darkers: Valentine's Day is one of the key days to catch a cheater (also the days before and after).


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good ideas for 2much, JR.

I'm sure the CAT will send me a card, again...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
sportsfan
♂ Member
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2muchhurt,

You can PM me whatever info you have and i'll let the poor guy know - for certain he doesn't know me!


Posts: 1915 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great idea, sportsfan!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
theunwanted1
♀ Member
Member # 22669
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread scares me. My WH tries to tell me that he didn't cheat on me. When I read him the email (he wouldn't look at it) from the OW that specifically talked about the things they were going to do the "next time" he claims it was a joke. When I heard him on the phone talking about touching her and loving her he told me it was his daughter and that he didn't know what I thought I heard but it wasn't that. He prentends that everything is fine until i get upset (he calls it getting an attitude). Then he gets really "patient" with me. He has only told me the things that I can prove to him and then he pretends they are all innocent. It makes me want to scream! I really don't think I can be in the same place two years from now.


I can't bear to think about how my life used to be -- and how without a single warning it all slipped away from me.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Jan 2009
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to our unfortunate little thread, unwanted1. There's a very good reason that you find it scary: It is.

My WH tries to tell me that he didn't cheat on me.

That's why we're all here.

When I read him the email (he wouldn't look at it) from the OW that specifically talked about the things they were going to do the "next time" he claims it was a joke.

He's gaslighting you. (You can read about gaslighting in The Healing Library; you might also want to google the "gaslight effect.") Essentially, he's telling you something that makes no sense and then feigning surprise when you *say* it makes no sense. I.e., you're overreacting, you're crazy, you're jealous, making a mountain out of a molehill, and so on. This is very common and can, eventually, have the insidious effect of making you doubt your own senses. Don't let that happen.

And just for the record, "It was a joke" is one of the WS reactions I read most often on here. Lame, at best.

He prentends that everything is fine until i get upset (he calls it getting an attitude).

He pretends everything is fine because he doesn't want a confrontation with you. One thing that's helped me is to think about how my H would respond if he were truly innocent. Or how I would respond if the roles were reversed. That is, if my H thought I was having an affair, the very *last* thing I would do is try to avoid the subject. I would go out of my way to talk about it until it was cleared up. Wouldn't you?

He has only told me the things that I can prove to him and then he pretends they are all innocent.

Same here. I've caught him in many, many lies over the years and he's never come clean without solid proof. Even with solid proof, it's never what I "think" it is, according to him.

I really don't think I can be in the same place two years from now.

And I hope you're not. I wouldn't wish this on anybody (except maybe my H in his next life).

What do you want to happen? Do you want to reconcile? Do you want to investigate until you have evidence he can't deny? And if you get that evidence, have you decided what you'll do?

Again, so sorry you find yourself here. It's an awful place to be, but you're not alone.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH "slipped" up and now I have another minor piece of The Puzzle.
Actually, compared to what I have read outside of this particular thread, its not "minor" -- it is HUGE.

You know, it took me about two years to get really PISSED OFF and finally come to a decision about this torturous "way of non-Life"...then get my plan going.

One of these days, he'll be the one wondering about so much...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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