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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, July 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone thought... WHY??
WHY is their BS soooo very, very SECRETIVE?

Does anyone have a clue as to WHY they would be this way?

Short answer: because they have something to hide. Because they know they're doing something wrong.

[A major point for me, when fwh keeps insisting he didn't do anything really wrong-- only, on his more honest days, 'inappropriate,' but never wrong or hurtful. I KNOW he knows he was doing something wrong, because he hid it from me, and even discussed with ow3 how often to send her cute little forwards so as to 'look' how he wanted it to look.]

Long answer: in fwh's case, there's an alcoholic family background. When you grow up like that, it's easy to figure out that lying keeps the peace. From there (this part is my guess), you figure out that it really doesn't matter what you actually DO, because the story is going to be whatever keeps the peace anyway, so you go do whatever feels good. Does that make sense?


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, July 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Short answer: Correct!

In psycho's case...no alcoholism...but lots of Mental Illness to HIDE, especially on maternal side.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm even having DREAMS about this now!

I dreamt that psycho had gone to a "party" (fat chance as he has NO "friends" ) and when he came back home, he stripped off his PAPER bow tie and flung it in the trash.

I quietly retrieved it after he'd fallen asleep and he'd written his REAL e-mail address INSIDE of it

The odd thing was he had a word in it relating to a current male "friend" I have now ...so I was very puzzled.

I was extremely happy to finally KNOW some thing...but still confused at the melding of the 2.
Hmmmm...any dream analyzers here?
Anyone else have crazy dreams about about being still in the dark they are just infuriated and its spilling out into some odd "wish fulfillment"?

Maybe I should have posted this in F&G, but somehow, I just knew this particular thread would totally understand.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I'm back on the still in the dark thread...still don't know if I "qualify" because I did receive *some* information. The bitch of it is that I find out just enough to know that there's a WHOLE lot more that I DON'T know and will NEVER know because for some unknown reason he'll NEVER tell me and gets a boner from keeping me IN the dark! Even the things I KNOW and have PROOF of, he won't respond to! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!
He's the meanest man I've ever met- hell, I wouldn't have BELIEVED that someone that *black* inside could exist! Or that I'd ever FALL IN LOVE with someone like that...
Sorry, I'm ranting. It's just so hard not knowing and realizing you'll never know. When do you finally let go?!? I just don't WANT to care but I can't help myself!

All that aside, DL, here's my interpretation of your dream (please bear in mind I am a self-confessed amateur! )
I think him going to a party is your inward wish that he'd change (be different than he is now- and reckless/careless for once); the taking off the necktie to me means exposing a weak spot (neck, jugular)and his secret lays inside. Also as part of the secret is the new friend's name...I'm not sure but I *think* that's related to your affiliation of new friend with WH, as you are (rightfully) afraid of repeating same hurts with new person.
I know that might be completely off or oversimplified; maybe someone with deeper understanding of these things can shed some light???


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
ragingpain
♀ Member
Member # 10036
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, July 30th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DL,

Hmmm... maybe you are worried about your current male "friend" turning out to be like your ex?

Not saying he will or anything but maybe subconciously it's in the back of your mind?


And the flame burned away. But your still spittin' fire.
Make no difference what ya say. You're still a fuckin' liar.

Posts: 262 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: New York
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, July 31st (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spot on about my dream, NoC, and also my "new friend", raging!

IC said 'dreams are wish fulfillment'.

Thnx so much!

Oh, yes, esp. wanting psycho to be a bit more carefree n less uptight/controlled...& this new person...is...freaking...me OUT.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Sodown
♀ Member
Member # 2477
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's amazing the lies they tell to cover the truth and as someoen else put it, you have your suspicions and then you have your KNOWS but no confession. No feeling whatsoever in wanting to tell us the truth about the past. It is like it is there business and none of ours at all! What we dont' know won't hurt us thing!! Problem is we do know but we cannot prove it so we wait ( many times in vain) I feel for the weak moment on their part that is not going to come in this lifetime. Frustating is not a good word for it either. Mindfuck comes close but doesn't quite hit the mark either.


A dog will not tell you he has fleas but you can tell by the way he scratches. Graham Willets (Thanks to Treharris Mid Glamorgan)

Posts: 4797 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: anywhere but here...
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Sodown...for me, the word "TORTURE" hits the nail right on the head!!!

Doesn't it feel like it to you?

Its evil...its vile... its s l o w ...its omnipresent in our mind...evil fuckerrrrs!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, August 1st (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel that psycho is living in a coccoon of some type of veiled *secrecy*...maybe he's delusional and thinks he's 007.

Whatever he's up to, whatever he's doing...in that room at the Inn for nearly a year now is just soooo CREEPY.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning everyone!

Anyone a bit closer to "the truth"?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
whataretheodds
Member
Member # 15278
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've suspected my h for six months and can't find proof - just so many things don't add up. Like this week tucked down in our garbage was the wrapping for an entire baked chicken, 4 rolls and a pint of potato salad. Think he ate the whole thing himself? I don't. But I'm still waiting for proof.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What, how much can he eat at one time?

Do you think they had a picnic in the garage or...???

Wow, that IS a lot of food for ONE person...I mean, why not 3 rolls...4 rolls makes me very suspicious!
As in...'here is 2 for you, & 2 for me', right?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
whataretheodds
Member
Member # 15278
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think the picnic was in the garage - maybe elsewhere in our house or in his car. But based on how much he ate for dinner that night, I don't think he ate the whole thing by himself. Other red flags - I secretly keep track of how much $ he has in his wallet. He came home with a new cd yesterday and said he bought it. Funny thing is, there was too much money still in his wallet for him to have paid for a new cd. But it's very frustrating not knowing for sure.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2007
whataretheodds
Member
Member # 15278
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and don't forget the potato salad - who buys and eats an entire pint of potato salad all by himself??

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes!

No, I'd think there was some "sharing"" going on, somewhere...have you installed a key logger on the PC & checked the cell phone bills?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
whataretheodds
Member
Member # 15278
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I plan to install a key logger. Our home computer crashed and it's been in the shop. My h, who claims to be computer illiterate and also claims never to use it, has asked EVERY DAY since when we'll have it back. ?? You bet I'm installing a key logger just as soon as I get it back.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2007
whataretheodds
Member
Member # 15278
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to answer the cell phone question. I've been checking it, but haven't found anything, except for two to three times a week there'll be a "blocked number" call.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hmmmmm...that is not good.

Is he aware that you suspect anything?

Sometimes, they'll just hide even deeper if they think you are on to 'em...

This is "evidence gathering" time.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, August 3rd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Went to IC today and she agreed this "still in the dark" stuffs IS a form of gaslighting TORTURE.

Characterless, gutless, cowardly cretins!!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 4th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sigh.......


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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