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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jitter~ re: beating the crap outa him...well, one can only *dream*
sometimes.....

I'll put on my thinking cap about that new found OW e-addy & hope everyone here does, too!
That is just too good to lie fallow!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For all those in the dark. How do you let go? How do you learn to live with the fact that you'll never know what really happened?

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Sep 2007
Beautiful
♀ Member
Member # 4723
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kodi - I am D, but all the same, all I know is what I guessed.

I don't know anything. I asked him once to be honest with me, but he couldn't even do that.

I live with it knowing that my ex is broken. He is incapable of being honest with me.





Posts: 1256 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: from the land of steady habits
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If we are to recall the grief stages by Kubler-Ross, I guess when we finally arrive at "Acceptance"...& Move forward...& don't give the sneaky Fface any more *energy*...

Yeah, easier said than done, I know!

It will always be at the nether recesses of my mind forever, I feel.

Its also a form of torture and ABUSE.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For all those in the dark. How do you let go? How do you learn to live with the fact that you'll never know what really happened?

I don't know the answer to this, Kodi, but I'm definitely ready for it. I *need* to let this go. I know it's a waste of time and energy, but it's so hard for me.

I had a talk with my H the other day about how our troubles are affecting our DS. Unfortunately, I allowed the subject to veer off into our marriage. I keep learning the same damn thing over and over again: he's *never* going to be honest with me. I tell myself that's really all the truth I need to know. *That* truth trumps all the details of all the UNtruths he's told me over the years, doesn't it?

Maybe this is my way of not making the decision to end it. Sometimes I think I'm putting so much time and energy into these dead-ends to avoid the real issue: that my marriage is dead.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, Jitter...but I have had to face the fact that my M is 100% stone-cold dead...because I cannot accept being with someone (& calling him H!!!) who will keep me *in the dark*-- as the days go clicking merrily by!

And, I know this really, really hurts like Hell!

((((((huge hugs, sweetie)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, dream. It means SO much to me to be able to write these things here. No one IRL seems to understand.

HUGE hugs back atcha!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, September 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, September 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I did it tonite:

I e-mailed him as to WHO is on the beneficiary of his IRA! He has always kept me in the dark about this, too!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, September 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know the story behind this, dream. Do you mean you found out who it is and emailed him about it? Did he respond?

((dream))

My H keeps me in the dark about finances, too. Asshat.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, September 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caught him in yet another smoke & mirrors LIE about his IRA...he told me it was ME & DD...trying to confuse me w/ his life ins. policy which I have no idea if he's let lapse or what!

No, Jitter, I need to know WHO he has named as his IRA beneficiary & since he blatantly LIED & has it PW protected, it surely ain't me, is it?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, September 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to know WHO he has named as his IRA beneficiary & since he blatantly LIED & has it PW protected, it surely ain't me, is it?

Yeah. I get it. (Every damn minute of every damn day!)

Have you looked into a financial forensics person? I mean, you're his WIFE and you have a right to this information!

My H is *particularly* secretive when it comes to money. *Never* wanted a joint checking account. Huh. Go figure.

Asshats!!!


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, September 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jitter, I can't afford a forensic anything...min. 10K to start.

No guarantees.

I can initiate LS/D to get the ball rolling...

Mine has numerous bank accts that he does not know I have seen.
And, I've only seen the tip of the $ iceberg -- so far.

However, I'm working on a Plan.

Oh, & the IRS has free forensics!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, September 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow--10k to start with no guarantees? So much for that. But I'm sure you're right about the IRS being excellent at finding money (I just hope you don't end up being responsible for any unpaid taxes!).

Fingers crossed that The Plan works for you, dream. . . .


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, September 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, que sera sera, jitter.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, September 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Que sera, sera . . .

One of my favorite expressions . . . one of my favorite songs. . .

Maybe I'll get it tattooed on my forehead.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DL-what's going on!!!
Did you find what you were looking for?

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Sep 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:58 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ummm...not exactly, but I am a bit "closer"!

How are you doing, Kodi?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having a not so good morning.
This being in the dark is really eating away at me. I'm tired of all this bullshit and want to be able to get on with some type of normal life. Have an appointment with a new IC today,

So are you still playing PI?


Posts: 1333 | Registered: Sep 2007
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