Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: goingunder (43138)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: For Those Still In The Dark
Catsbrains
♀ Member
Member # 18868
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I GOT MY PROOF!!!!

Found this email he sent a friend.
I forwarded it to him with a simple message. Tell me what you think.

*****,

Recognize this?

Yup, you guessed it. Simply couldn't take it anymore dude. Ever since I became a manager my status has elevated to rock star status - I just can't say no to the endless stream of pussy throwing itself at me. No shit. Of course that's not the "official" story I gave Cat - told her I don't want kids, my feelings have changed, I want different things than she does, etc. etc. Sucks because she is a great girl who deserves to be happy, but I just can't be that guy anymore. Moved in with a buddy of mine who is also a pit manager @ ********* - dude is the king of all pimps - we share a 5 bedroom house with a massive family room (building a bar a'la Batterson of course) & a sweet pool/spa combo out back. Gonna be a good summer.......

P.S.
Keep a lid on this - no one knows but you.

Any respect I had for you is gone. I can't believe you were going to be so cruel as to let me think there was nothing going on and you were "empty" inside. The "official" story is you lack integrity and character. No shit.

[This message edited by Catsbrains at 7:49 AM, April 11th (Friday)]


BS 37
WS 42
Married 6/6/04
Dday 3/6/08
Divorce Final 4/17/08

Posts: 237 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Las Vegas
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found this email he sent a friend.
I forwarded it to him with a simple message. Tell me what you think.

What I think is that he's a pathetic, insecure, middle-aged man who is deluding himself into believing he's Mick Jagger circa 1965. In the process, he's reduced himself to a tiresome stereotype, and he's reduced women to a body part.

What I think is that in a few short years he'll be sporting a garish gold chain and doing a comb-over with the few strands of hair left on his head. He'll become even more of a sad joke than he is already.

What I think is that he'll die a lonely old man, having thrown away any chance of having a mature, meaningful relationship with a woman who loves him for who he really is.

Hugs to you, Cat. I'm glad you got your proof. This guy *so* doesn't deserve you. When he said he's "empty inside"? I think he's right. . . .

I'm so sorry.



Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
Catsbrains
♀ Member
Member # 18868
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He still denies it. What nerve! Here is his reply:

Obviously that is just bullshit male bravado from one college roommate to another - trying to put a machismo face on a very devastating event in my life. I'm sorry you had to read that & I know no matter what I say you'll believe what I wrote to him was the real truth. I have no idea how that got sent to you.......very strange to say the least.


BS 37
WS 42
Married 6/6/04
Dday 3/6/08
Divorce Final 4/17/08

Posts: 237 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Las Vegas
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well he got the "bullshit male bravado" part right, anyway.

The thing that gets me is that even if that's all it was, it's *still* despicable! So disrespectful to you, his wife, not to mention juvenile and STUPID. And for him to dismiss it as though it were nothing?!?

I'll tell you, Cat, I've read a lot of posts on this site that have made me mad, but this one just about takes the cake.



Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
angels
♀ New Member
Member # 18489
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what an arse!


ahhhhhhhhhhhhh


the truth always comes out
i am just putting pieces together atm


Posts: 37 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: sydney
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cat, glad you got your *proof*!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Stay strong!

(((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cat, I'm am thrilled for you that you finally got proof! It makes a world of difference to no longer be floundering and stumbling in the dark.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Catsbrains
♀ Member
Member # 18868
Default  Posted: 4:22 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If anyone wonders if it better to know or to be in the dark...I can assure you it is better to know. I've been smiling ever since I found out and forwarded the email to his parents. His turn to feel humiliated. I am going to get over him in record time. In fact, I think I may have a date for Tuesday night! Haha


BS 37
WS 42
Married 6/6/04
Dday 3/6/08
Divorce Final 4/17/08

Posts: 237 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Las Vegas
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys, I posted this in EA topic, but I think it belongs here too. I will take any advice I can get. Its two different postings, here goes...
had asked Sprint for a full detailed bill for the calls in Feb. I found out she called him in Feb and they spoke a few times. Then the bill for the month of March showed some numbers blocked for the first week of March. Several calls and a couple for about 20 mins. About the time I found out about Feb's calls and I tried to contact her, those March blocked calls stopped. To this day he insists he only talked to her once in Feb, and that was it. The bill shows the first call for about 20 min then the following day another for 10 min. The following week she called him twice but I dont think thye spoke, those show for 1 min only. (bare w/ me)Thenk came those blocked numbers in March. I asked him and all he can say is that he
doesnt know where those calls came from and he doesnt remember.
I swear he thinks Im stupid. He rufuses to admit it. He never even asked to see the statement, now if you were being accused of something u didnt do, wouldnt u want to see it and figure out what happened? Now I know why he got so upset when I tried to contact her and tell her off, they were still communicating! I need your advice, what do I do. I dont have absolulte proof, ( he only confesses when I have proof.) I dont know what to do, I dont want to be
angry all the time, but do I just go on and pretend it didnt happen?? Help.
By the way, she refuses to take my calls.
(2nd post...)
I know, but since I knew for sure that she was calling till the end of Feb, then those blocked calls started for the 1st wk in March. They stopped suddenly when she knew that I knew. They talked for over 20 min twice, and he doesnt remember?? I dont think so. I know I know, I got to let it go for now.
I asked him to send an NC letter. He is working on it, he doesnt want to,but he says he will do it. Anyway, I read his first draft. REJECT! Altough he told her no more communication, he apologized for what he did the HER AND ME!! Telling her that she was a wonderful person and she deserved to find someone. I DONT THINK SO!! He was taking all the blame, but she deserves some credit. Am I right? I told him that it should say more like.... WE screwed up, WE betrayed BS (me).
Also, I didnt really love you, I love my wife, I was in love w/ the idea of another life. I told him that I dont expect him to end things badly, BUT, he doesnt need to be so wishy washy either.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2yrs, it sounds like what this all boils down to is that your WH is not truly committed to R. He's still in contact w/her, he's still gaslighting you, and he's not written a credible NC letter. These are not the actions of a remorseful WS.

I'm not telling you anything you don't know already and, being in seemingly endless darkness myself, I'm in no position to give advice.

My WH, like yours, admits to nothing unless faced with irrefutable proof. I bounce between seeking that proof and thinking what in hell is the point if that's what I'm reduced to? It's become paralyzing for me. The only thing keeping me here is my son. I know a divorce would devastate him and I just can't bring myself to do that to him.

I'm considering springing a polygraph test on my H. Have you considered taking this route? I'm still researching it--and I'm far from convinced of their accuracy--but desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. . . .

Sorry you're going through this. Sorry we're *all* going through this.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
feelinginthedark
♀ Member
Member # 10933
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

since my name here is feelinginthedark i should pst here. I get such little info that i have to work very hard to get some of the info get is that she is getting in his car in the morning from or house. I find his ver disturbing and sessful...such an insult to a family. i dont knoe how to look at it....hat he is abusive r just wants to save some money. I need videos to sustantiate the other info i get. it would be pc driven and have a live website. The cameras co not br found by him at al.

Posts: 606 | Registered: Jun 2006
BelleStar
♀ Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I've set him up to have him followed. I'm driving my car to work and he's taking his...gps and var too.

I need the final proof to confront him once and for all that he's one big F up and I deserve better. Wish me luck!


Posts: 1105 | Registered: Feb 2007
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck wishes coming your way, Belle!



Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Luck, Belle, and keep us updated!

Personally, its much easier to *know* than to be kept in the dark -- which to me, is a form of emotional *Torture*.

Its a lot easier to HEAL once you KNOW!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, Dreamlife. And it's a shame HE doesn't see that. (Of course, when I tell him that we could move forward if he'd just come clean, he insists he already has.)


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
BelleStar
♀ Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well all is set and all I have to do is wait until I can download the info tomorrow.

Once I made the offer to take separate cars, he jumped at the chance. He got unusually dressed up this morning and we didn't have our morning booty call, so I'm assuming he's saving it for his Ho.

This sucks! Waiting and hoping I'll get the proof I need. Nothing is worse than hearing that "its all in my head and he's done nothing wrong"


Posts: 1105 | Registered: Feb 2007
BelleStar
♀ Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well he must have thought something was up cause he played it straight. Did not go anywhere that he shouldn't have gone. The VAR was worthless as it only lasted an hour and engine noise obliterated most conversations.

He was going to drive in by himself today, but then thought about it and said we should go together. He's starting PT for a knee injury and will be needing his car and I will continue to monitor.
Thanks for the well wishes....seems the more I look, the more I feel like I'm in the dark, like a mushroom, being fed lots of BullShit!


Posts: 1105 | Registered: Feb 2007
Survivr
♂ New Member
Member # 19155
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him to send an NC letter. He is working on it, he doesnt want to,but he says he will do it. Anyway, I read his first draft. REJECT! Altough he told her no more communication, he apologized for what he did the HER AND ME!! Telling her that she was a wonderful person and she deserved to find someone. I DONT THINK SO!! He was taking all the blame, but she deserves some credit. Am I right?

You don't sound like you really want to hear this, but I'm going to take a shot at it anyway....

Have you read the article "Symptoms of the Wayward Spouse and Signs of Withdrawal"? It might help you understand what he's going through. The emotions he's displaying are far from atypical.

The fact that he's still behaving this way after two years, on the other hand, is deeply troubling. I agree with what others have said; he doesn't seem committed to real R.

IMHO she deserves 50% of the blame, and he deserves the other 50%. But the emotions he's experiencing are far more complicated than that.

I think part of the reason my R seems to be off to a good start is due to the fact that I'm trying to understand what my WS was, is, and will be experiencing.

It hurts to do it, and it's not fair that I should have to. But "fair" has nothing to do with infidelity. If my M fails, it won't be because I left stones unturned in my R efforts.

Good luck!


Me: BS, 30's
Her: FWS, 30's
M: Yes
D-Day #1: 4-8-08
D-Day #2: 5-4-08
R, hopefully

Posts: 7 | Registered: Apr 2008
capri
♀ Member
Member # 14940
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For all those ITD-- when do you quit looking?

Do the rest of you run into sometimes finding things that prove you right and sometimes things that prove you wrong, leaving you even more unsure than before?

I have found some more answers, some of which are good in a way, but they always seem to just raise more questions.


Me: free of the secrets and lies!!!
Divorced 10/2011

Posts: 4483 | Registered: Jun 2007
JitterbugRag
♀ Member
Member # 17294
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For all those ITD-- when do you quit looking?

I vacillate on this at least 20 times a day. (Aren't I the helpful one?) Sometimes I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't get proof; others I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't stop searching for it. Either way, it's not a healthy way to live--of that, I'm certain.

Do the rest of you run into sometimes finding things that prove you right and sometimes things that prove you wrong, leaving you even more unsure than before?

Gawd yes. I've discovered a lot of lies over the years, not one of which he ever confessed to without being faced with irrefutable proof. I have every reason to doubt his credibility. Even he acknowledges that.

The unfortunate result of this is that I've come to doubt *everything.* I see "clues" where there are none. My dumbest example to date? I found a strange cell # on H's phone that showed up repeatedly one month. I searched high and low; I even paid to have it traced--nothing.

Turned out to be my son's new cell #.

I have found some more answers, some of which are good in a way, but they always seem to just raise more questions.

Are these answers you've found making you doubt that he had an A? Or are they making you doubt your ability to discern fact from fiction?

In my case, I'm 99.9% sure that he had an A; I just know that unless I were to present him with video footage, DNA evidence, and 50 nuns swearing they saw the whole thing, he's going to deny it.

So I ask myself, how much evidence do I need? Why is it so important that I prove to *him* what we both already know? Well, there's always that .1% of doubt, isn't there? If I can be wrong about this thing, then I could be wrong about that one, etc.

In other words, I doubt my own senses, as well as the evidence I *do* have--all of which point to him having had at least one A. Another unfortunate consequence of being lied to and gaslit, of course, and exactly what my gaslighter H wants: to keep me off-balance just enough to doubt myself.

I'm making him sound more calculated than I think he is--I mean, I don't think he's evil; I think he's scared. Nonetheless, the results, for me, are the same: I don't feel safe in my marriage.

And what would happen if I *did* present him with video footage, DNA evidence, and 50 holy witnesses? My hope is that once everything was on the table, we could deal with it. But is that really true? If he doesn't have the courage to come clean, what makes me think he'd have the courage to do the long, hard work of repairing the marriage? The fact is, he's watching our marriage circle the drain right now and he's doing very little to stop it. Am I in as much denial as he is?

Okay now I'm just rambling. What was that you said about answers raising more questions??????


Posts: 490 | Registered: Dec 2007
Topic Posts: 840
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.