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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm hoping the same thing. i hope that when I get to hold my little boys next week, I'll fall madly in love with them and have that distraction until the issues in my marriage get solved. My husband has explained to me why he's been acting like a jerk lately and it's because it's hard for him not to be intimate with me and that's part of the process he's going through to break from his porn addiction. It's kinda like what drug addicts go through during the first part of rehab. I told him that he'll have to watch what he says to me duringthe next few weeks because it'll be more difficult to handle it then. Like they say "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything."


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all, I'm one of those people that like to read posts instead of respond to them. I'm more of a PM person! Anyways, just wanted to see how everyone was coping. I'm now 37 weeks and four days. I go to the doctor on Thursday. Hopefully I will have made some progress. I just want to hold my baby boy! and I want to see the look on his dad's face when he holds his son for the first time. I just want my baby to be here so I can start to fully concentrate on being a mother, instead of mulling over the A.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, July 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't wish going thru this alone on either of you; but I am so jealous (not in a malicious way) that you both have your husbands there with you.
My doc says I'm having preterm labor, and my parents (who I'm staying with since WH asked me to leave) are going on vacation. I called him to leave a message and ask him to be on call for me for the next week and a half in case I go into labor- not even a call back! And this entire time he says he wants to be there when she's born, blah, blah, blah.
It just hurts so bad!
I am glad that your husbands are there- be grateful even if they have cheated. They could just be AWOL like mine.
Sorry for the pity party but some days it's unbearable- hormones and all in the mix.
Please take care of yourselves.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NC)))

I can't even imagine being betrayed then going it alone. Glad you have your parents there for some support.

Sending strength


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 5th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks ((17 years)). some days it's too much, but mostly I know I'll be OK. I am blessed to have supportive parents. Many people are completely alone & I have a loving family. So great to have the SI family also.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, July 8th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update....I have had my baby, 7/4/07. A gorgeous baby boy. My H was a schmuck the entire hospital stay. He'd assured me, despite our little sitution, that he would be there for me. Wrong. He left within three hours of arriving to the hospital for an appt. with clients. 8:30 at night. YEAH WHATEVER, he's in landscaping. I was induced a bit early so it was a long first night. Within two hours of our son being born he left to take our daughter to see the fireworks, he failed to mention that the location he told me they were going to was canceled. WTF! The real kicker is that on the day of discharge he claimed that he had a lot to do in the afternoon and was just going to drop us off at home. Me, a newborn, and a 2-yr.old ALONE. That was Friday. He didn't show up on Saturday at all. Today he stopped by to get our oldest, no warning, just an early morning call of request. His latest suggestion, get this...he now wants to stay over a few nights a week to help me with the chidren. Who is he kidding?! I'm now attempting the 180. Still emotional and trying my best to avoid postpartum depression. Best wishes and hugs to everyone else going through this! It will eventually get better and easier, right?!?


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((30sucks)))
Congratuations! I am so happy that you have a healthy son!

About the other stuff, wow- that is really cold and insensitive! I'm so sorry your hospital stay and labor were interrupted with HIS issues! That's awful!

Why does he want to stay over a few nights a week? Did he say? Is he trying to win you back or what?

Take care of yourself sweetie and keep in touch.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Virgofire
♀ New Member
Member # 14432
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30Sucks...
Congratulations on your bundle of joy!!
What a wonderful day to celebrate your birthday every year..

I am really sorry about the situation with your WH. I am 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. I found out about my WH's A in late March '07, denial.. denial.. denial.. went through 3 confrontations before I set the laptop in front of him with the 'VIVID' proof. That was May 18th... nothing has been the same since.


VirgoFire
DDay 5/18/2007
Me 37
WH 30
Together 3 years ... Married 10 months.
baby on the way... 3 children previous marriage.. 16, 15, 12.. all love and adore WH.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Washington
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I have been horrified to read about what assholes so many of these men have been when they have a baby on the way.

Hope I'm not out of line posting here - our son is 21 months old, so we are still somewhat "new" parents.

Nothing could take me away from my son except a body bag, I just don't understand these guys who think some slut is more important than their own kids, especially newborns and little ones on the way.

I discovered my WW's online affair after only 3 weeks, thank God. During that time she was not only gaslighting me, treating me like crap, and ignoring me, she was ignoring our little son as well. When he would see her pick up her phone, he would go hit her! This child hardly hits at all otherwise. And he was asking for her all the time, and she would tell him, Go find your Daddy, go play with Daddy.

From the moment she came out of the fog, she was just sickened at how she had treated me and abandoned our family (emotionally) while she was getting her fantasy fun online. She was a really good mother before her stupid A, but is possibly even better now that she is back on planet Earth.

There can be hope for waywards if they pull their heads out of the asses for long enough to see how they are destroying their and everyone else's lives.

Best of luck to everyone.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
Virgofire
♀ New Member
Member # 14432
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone else worry about the affects on the baby while going through all these emotions?

Since my first suspicion of my WH's A, my emotional status has been like riding an endless roller coaster while wanting to get off the ride.

I sought counceling, that was not of great help. I was told to talk to my WH and tell him what I wanted. I was told I was feeling everything I was suppose to and to make an appointment whenever I wanted to talk about things. that didn't really sit well with me.. so I have been trying to handle this on my own.

One of my biggest fears is that baby girl is going to be affected emotionally as well or that the bond between her and her daddy will be affected.

This is baby number 4 for me... our first baby together. and of course when I think about the A and realize that we conceived Baby Girl that same time the OW came into our life.. it hurts like hell....

In one of the first DENIAL confrontations, WH even told me to go get an abortion... i don't think i need to tell anyone how that made me feel...

I often wonder what lesson I am suppose to be learning from this situation. Because I am not getting it!!!

Like many of us here... I have never felt this pain before and just when i think it is starting to go away.. it surfaces again.

I try and trust.. I try not to think about it.. then all the sudden something he says or something I see or read or hear makes me think of it all again. Like ripping a bandaid off of a fresh wound and making it worse.

I know it has only been a couple of months.. but I have a baby to think about very soon..

How do I get trust back?
How do I express happiness like the 180 says to when all i feel is sadness?
I try and go on a car ride when I feel an emotional outburst coming and do all my crying and screaming before pulling back into the driveway.

So many questions and not enough answers.

How do you get through it? When do the rollercoaster rides come to a stop?
When do I get to be happy again?


VirgoFire
DDay 5/18/2007
Me 37
WH 30
Together 3 years ... Married 10 months.
baby on the way... 3 children previous marriage.. 16, 15, 12.. all love and adore WH.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Washington
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Virgo
You aren't alone in worrying about the emotional affects your baby is receiving. It is hard and I wish we didn't have to be on this rollercoaster to begin with. I don't even like rollercoasters lol. I guess the one thing that helps me is just knowing that I will be a mom soon. This is my first and I can't wait. My H is just as excited as I am and it helps to hear about all the things he wants to do as a family. He wants to go camping, fishing, family vacations, etc. Just having him tell me those things is very reassuring that he isn't thinking about the OW. He is thinking about and concentrating on me and our son. Just hang in there. It does get easier. I'm not sure when the rollercoaster comes to an end, but eventually it will. Just think once it does come to an end you will be a stronger person for sticking it out.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
Virgofire
♀ New Member
Member # 14432
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the encouragement Dust to Dust.
Congratulation on your pregnancy. I am really glad to hear your husband is excited for the arrival of your son! :)


VirgoFire
DDay 5/18/2007
Me 37
WH 30
Together 3 years ... Married 10 months.
baby on the way... 3 children previous marriage.. 16, 15, 12.. all love and adore WH.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Washington
Virgofire
♀ New Member
Member # 14432
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I tried to talk to WH about how I was feeling about things. Guess that was not the right thing to do. Maybe I am Polyanna...but I want to know how others are feeling around me.
I just got back that I am a selfish person and can't handle change.
I left the house and went for a 3 mile walk..
I don't know how much more of this i can take. I have tears in my eyes all day long. I am sure my co-workers think i am a basket case.
I am feeling pretty hopeless right now and the only thoughts going through my mind are about leaving him but I can't imagine my life without him in it!
I just don't know what to do.


VirgoFire
DDay 5/18/2007
Me 37
WH 30
Together 3 years ... Married 10 months.
baby on the way... 3 children previous marriage.. 16, 15, 12.. all love and adore WH.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Washington
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((VirgoFire))) I completely understand spending the days with your eyes full of tears, walking off the "steam" with tears pouring down your cheeks, and being told you're selfish for trying to talk about what you're feeling! It's so hard.
And the rollercoaster! Yeah, it's starting to make me sick too!

I just keep telling myself that hormones are playing a big role right now and things won't be as pronounced once those get calmed down...of course it doesn't make those feelings any less real, it just tricks my mind for awhile. Long enough to keep going. I also worry about the effects of the emotions on the baby, but I keep being told by friends who have had this or similar experiences that what it really does is bond you to the child like no other. That gives me comfort also since I feel like my pregnancy circumstances have kept me from enjoying this experience or from feeling bonded. Like we've talked about before on this thread, the baby can feel "tainted" which is hard to admit, but a lot of us have those feelings. I have a sister and a friend who were married, cheated on, and left while pregnant. They both said that their bond is stronger with the baby because of the emotion that went into the creation, not just joy but despair also. They both also reassure me that there is life, love and hope after this. I'm still skeptical about that part.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crossbow, Thank you for coming and for your post. It is nice to know that there are men whose children *mean* something to them. I am so sorry you are dealing with the aftermath of an A and a little one. I am happy that your WW is trying and I truly wish you success and happiness is your M. Please keep posting here! I think it could really be a good thread if we had more people willing to check more often!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Virgofire
♀ New Member
Member # 14432
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((No Control))

I understand the tainted feeling. It has been very difficult to enjoy this pregnancy, which makes me feel guilty.

I wonder if the hormones are playing a big part of it.. and what it will be like after my lil princess joins us. The selfish part of me hopes he has a rotten relationship with her, but that is me being really really selfish. I just want him to hurt. In the beginning, I didn't. I wanted him to figure out why he did it. But now I realize all the words he said and the the things he did where just his way of shutting me up. My gut says it is still going on.. just no longer visiable to me. Everything is still so secret and when I talk to him about it... well I am selfish. I guess that is called gaslighting.

How are you holding it together? :)

What do I do when the WH doesn't want to change? I guess I already know the answer to that. It just hurts even worse to think about that outcome.


VirgoFire
DDay 5/18/2007
Me 37
WH 30
Together 3 years ... Married 10 months.
baby on the way... 3 children previous marriage.. 16, 15, 12.. all love and adore WH.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Washington
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do I do when the WH doesn't want to change?

Oh, hun, that is the 6 million dollar question, isn't it? I guess it comes down to what we feel we're worth and then fighting for that.
We're dealing with all of the pain and anguish of betrayal magnified by hormones and the feeling of a loving attachment to our SO's because we're carrying a piece of them! And evidence that (we thought) they loved us and were committed to us! It's so hard to stop and look at it without the coloration of our wants, wishes, prayers of what they will do or we wish they'd do...but to look at them baldly and see what they are doing to keep us happy.
What is he doing to show you that you matter?
Mine is doing everything to show me that I'm nothing to him...OK, fine. But again, it goes back to *me* deciding what I am worth and dealing with him accordingly. He can only treat me the way I allow him to; which at times has been awfully. BUT that is changing.
Now you have to decide: what does he have to do to keep you? What does he have to do to make you happy? What are the bare minimum efforts he must make in order to be deserving of you?!?
Then draw a line in the sand. Easier said than done, but at some point, must be done. (((VirgoFire)))


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the welcome! It has been hell even though it didn't last very long.

Our son has been settling down a bit more. Just after DDay (which basically began our R, WW was shocked out of the fog), DS realized that Mommy was "back" with us emotionally, and was very clingy with her and affectionate. It was nice to see him that way with her, as he has always been 100% Daddy's Boy.

Things are getting more back to normal with him now. He is still closest with Daddy, but showing a lot more attention to her than pre-A. I think she was a bit emotionally unavailable even then, perhaps. Also, my work schedule (mostly nights & weekends) allows me to do the lion's share of the childcare 9 months of the year, so he & I have spent most of his young life together.

He & I are both just so glad to have her back. 1st MC session was yesterday & went well. Hoping there is hope for us.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just another BS, but if my WSO was trying like your wife is, then I'd say you've got a great chance at R! That's such a nice change of pace!
Sounds like your little family might just be OK. I really hope so! As long as you're committed to the R too, you guys might come out closer and stronger, like i've heard about...that's something to celebrate!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
Virgofire
♀ New Member
Member # 14432
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 10th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((crossbow))
It is wonderful to hear that your WW is so open and willing to work on things. You will be one of those couples that come out of this stronger. I am really happy for you. (a bit jeolous :))
Congratulations on your beautiful son! Sometimes the children are what keep us sane during these rollercoaster times.
Good Luck with everything and Keep Posting... I love to hear the GOOD stuff.


VirgoFire
DDay 5/18/2007
Me 37
WH 30
Together 3 years ... Married 10 months.
baby on the way... 3 children previous marriage.. 16, 15, 12.. all love and adore WH.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Washington
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