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User Topic: Pregnant/New Parents Support
OneStepAtATime
♀ Member
Member # 11537
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Reading these posts brings back so many emotions for me. The PA started when I was about three months pregnant with our twins, but D-Day hit when I was nine weeks pregnant with our fourth (about a year and a half later).

I think one of the hardest parts in addition to mourning the joy I should have been able to feel about being pregnant, was that when we decided to R, I put a lot of stuff on hold so I could get through the pregnancy and keep the baby healthy.

After our son was born, a lot of unresolved issues bubbled up again. He's about three months old now and we're in a much better place, but I still struggle sometimes (like today while reading these posts).

The instructions on the side of antibiotic ointment say not to use it on puncture wounds. This is because the danger is you'll heal the surface, but leave the deep wound unhealed and festering. That's the risk I think we take when we're pregnant and discover infidelity. Biologically, our bodies want us whole and happy and so sometimes the mind is happy to comply... for a while.

Anyway, my love to all of you.


Me: BS

Recovering each other and ourselves.
5 children: 8 mo, 2,4,4,9

---------------------------------
"Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and broken hallelujah"
(Leonard Cohen)


Posts: 693 | Registered: Aug 2006
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, June 20th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so helpful to read the stories of you who have come through this. Thanks for your wisdom and support. So happy things have worked out for you. Please keep posting here- it helps so much!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
emany
Member
Member # 10953
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 22nd (Friday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sad that there are so many of us in this situation. I can't believe so many of us are due around the same time!

My little guy is coming by c-section on July 6 unless I go into labor sooner. I'm on bedrest right now to prevent that, but I'll be full term (37 weeks) this weekend and it will be safe for him to come.

I'm having a very hard time lately, even though my husband has been doing pretty good on his end. I'm so worried about life going back to what it was when he was involved with OW (while I was pregnant with our older son and in the first few months after he was born) and any time I have even the slightest reason to think that that is happening I totally flip out. We had been doing so well with everything, but I get more and more paranoid the closer I get to delivery.

This week has been really bad.


Me (BS) 25
FWH 27
expecting baby #2
R is going well.

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jun 2006
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, June 23rd (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtinTX,

Wow, what you went through with your first husband was terrible! But it's good that you were able to find somebody else and have the pregnancy you should've had. If I was ever in your shoes, I'd think one failed marriage is one too many.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 24th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems like my babies have been tainted from the very start. First, I wasn't ready to have another child at the time that this pregnancy was confirmed, then when I finally try to accept this pregnancy, my husband cheats on me, and now h once again reminds me about how I didn't take the pill! He was happy about this pregnancy when I told him but he wasn't emotionally prepared for this to happen this soon either! Then when the sonogram showed that it was twins, that really blindsided us! For most of my marriage I've been pregnant, and we've hardly had any time alone. We had a babysitter who was available to watch my daughter but she's no longer available now, and it's gonna be extremely difficult to find somebody who can babysit 2 infants and a toddler! We're planning on having a vacation some time in August and we're planning on dropping the kids off with my parents for 2 weeks. They live out of state, we'd be staying there 3 weeks total but 2 of those 3 weeks he wants us to spend that time completely alone. I understand that but what's driving me over the edge now is that he gave me an ultimatum! He told me, my family can't even call me during those 2 weeks unless it's an emergency! If I'm not willing to do this he threatened to file for divorce! I never kept him from spending time with his friends and family when we drove down to see them and now he's doing this to me! After him putting me through hell for the past 3 months, he dares give me an ultimatum. He has no right! I realize it's partially my fault why he wound up cheating on me but he's hurt me more than he's ever been hurt in his entire life! I'm sorry, I just really need to vent.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, June 24th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, I just saw that no venting was allowed but my question is, what can I do? I really don't think my husband is being fair. What would any of you do in this situation?


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 24th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well, he did it again, and this time with a different OW. It was today and I found out moments after my last post. He's remorseful and admitted that he needs help. Now I'm stuck in a dilemma. I swore he would never have a second chance and now I don't know whether or not to ended. All I know is that I'm not going to be intimate with him for a long time. I've been through enough anxiety of STDs for the last 3 months. I just don't know what else to do, if I leave him, I'll be alone with 3 kids under two and I don't know if I'll be emotionally fit to raise them and if I chose to take him back, I feel like I'll be too easy on him. I still love him.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
hadnoclue
♀ Member
Member # 15053
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, June 25th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was fortunate enough to be in the dark about our problems during my pregnancy and the few months after. I knew our marriage was in trouble, but when I got pregnant (planned by both)I figured things would only get better and we could work on our problems.
D-day was 9months after my son was born, but A started when he was 2 months. In our last session of MC, after D-day, he confessed he fell out of love with me sometime around the time I got pregnant and by the time the baby was born, he did not want to leave because he wanted to spend time with his son (bull, his A took all his time and he was bearly home!!)
I feel like he betrayed me two times now, I thouhgt his A and our D was the worst thing that has happened to me, but to find out he stopped loving me...I don't know how to handle that, I can't rip him out of my heart just like that, how come he could?


A woman is like a tea bag, you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Me-BS 36
Him-FWH 37
Married 13yrs/together 18
Kids D-7 S-2
D-Day 5/15/07
In R


Posts: 107 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: CA
hadnoclue
♀ Member
Member # 15053
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 25th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Momof3,
if you love him, and he says he is sorry, maybe MC would benefit you both. But don't let him off so easy, he needs to know this is not okay. Maybe if you can both figure out through MC why he cheated, and if rhe reason can be reversed, you can decide if you want to stay in the relatonship. We did just that and the answer was no, we are in D proceedings. And you don't have to raise your kids alone, do you think he would not help? yeah, I know, we(women) end up doing most of the work even if there is joint custody. But you cannot stay in the M just because you don't want to do it alone, in the long run, it will hurt your kids more.
My IC told me that she's seen kids whose parents stay toghether for their sake until they are 18, the kids then feel betrayed when they find out. They feel that their lives were a lie, similar to how we felt about upon finding out about our H's A. That was enough for me to re-evaluate my priorities. But you and your MC can come to your own conclusions that are right for you.
Keep on being strong, but let us know how you are doing.


A woman is like a tea bag, you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Me-BS 36
Him-FWH 37
Married 13yrs/together 18
Kids D-7 S-2
D-Day 5/15/07
In R


Posts: 107 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: CA
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Sad  Posted: 3:08 AM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I love him. We thought we made progress after the MC after the first D-Day but I guess I was wrong. He does admit he has a problem and he gave this bull about me denying him sex. Yes, I admit I did it in the past and days before he cheated I tried to make it up and I told him that he knows that but he chose to flat out lie to me about his wearabouts on D-Day1 and go off and cheat on me anyways. Now he tells me I was doing it again and of course I was! Everytime I tried to make it up, I'd find him looking at porn moments later (i found the sites on the internet history) and to me that was a slap in the face after all he put me through! Also, I got horrible yeast infections I never got when I was pregnant with my daughter. I had them with her but they weren't as bad. I figure that he passed on to me some germs from the OW that I wasn't immune to. I tested negative for all STDs and I got test at the proper time. I feel fine for the most part now. If he cheats on me the third time I'll have no choice but to leave him. He knows I shouldn't have to stay married to a cheating husband and he even suggested we file for divorce some time after the twins are born. He's willing to let me go if I wished.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((momof3)))
I am so sorry for your pain and turmoil at the moment.
I am hopeful for you based on the fact that WH has been forthcoming about his actions. Also, he hasn't left. I know it's scary to be facing single parenthood- especially with 3 little ones like you have. But honestly, what you choose to do with the information you have is yours to own. I read where you said that he'll let you go if you choose. It's not up to him to let go! It's up to you to dig in your heels or turn and run. I don't think you want to run...
So, make some groundrules, you know, the absolute MUST HAVES, and let him know your bottom line. Give him your minimum expected behaviors and see what he does with that. This is your life and your decision, and he needs to show some action if he wants to save his family. Otherwise, he takes away your choice.
Hugs to you and your babies. Go forth and conquer girl.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess the best way to say it is, if I chose to leave, he wouldn't object. He knows that at this point he has no rights to me. I'll see how MC works this time. If I see any changes, I might see myself trusting him again.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, June 26th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hope it does work out for you two. I hope like hell that he accepts responsibility for his actions. I want you to be happy. You deserve it.
Trust is so hard. I myself wonder if I'll ever trust another man again. But if he can deal with your feelings and keep going forward, and adhere to your "rules", then I think you'll make it. I hope you do.
In any case, I'll be here to support if I can. I'm wishing you all the best.


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems like I'm in for the worst 6 months (or more) of my life. There's just no end to this emotional rollercoaster. My H and I are going to be separated under the same roof for a while. He once again reminded me of how I made him feel rejected. As if he hasn't caused me enough pain. I know I withdrew myself during this pregnancy during the first few months but I tried to make it up to him before he cheated on me. He has no excuse. Days before D-Day1 it was obvious to him I was trying to act like his lover again rather than the mother of his children but he went ahead and did it anyways, he was even being very sweet during those days, who could've thought he would cheat. After going through MC that month I still tried thinking it was my fault but he'd still be looking at porn and that was a slap in the face to me. How the heck can he expect me not to reject him!? Now he's trying to solve his porn addiction after he cheated a second time. He says he's having a rough time as if I'm not! He's killing me. He asked me today why I was crying when all he said was that he wanted to be left alone. I said it was because I feel alone. When he asked why I said it's because I'm hurting and there's no one I can trust. He tells me that now I know how he feels. I know he went through horrific dissapointment but the pain he's gone through can never compare to the pain he's caused me in the past 3 months. Then he says that I'll be alone most of the time while he's off on a deployment with the military (he's joining after he gets his degree) so I should get used to it! I know that but I never thought I'd feel emotionally alone. Yes, if I am a military wife I signed up for months of being alone, but I didn't sign up for him cheating! I'm not trying to just vent, I really need help. I feel like my faith and my children are all that's keeping me alive and I don't think I'll be any good to them with the way I'm feeling now.

[This message edited by momofthree2007 at 6:05 AM, July 6th (Friday)]


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
30sucks
♀ Member
Member # 14963
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, June 30th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to the hospital yesterday for observation. When I called my H to tell him, he became a freakin' ass. I mean had me in hysterics crying. He still wound up going with me, separate cars. UGH! All I wanted from him was a hug. But no. While we were there, I of course couldn't think of anything but having to have this baby alone, while we're still separated. He now claims that he doesn't want a divorce and wants to be with me. But get this....he's not ready to come home, it just wouldn't be fair to me or the kids, because...ready?
....he has to still figure out why. That's right, why he wants to be with me. Why he doesn't want a divorce. WTF??? I'm being induced on Tuesday, baby boy should be here Wednesday (4th). I suppose that will be my day of Independence. Pray for me, give me some hugs....I'm a wreck!!!!!!


I had the misfortune of being married to a self absorbed, morally bankrupt human being. ~~12bstrong

This was not my choice, but it will not be my undoing either. ~~yewtree


Posts: 478 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Virginia
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, June 30th (Saturday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30, wow I'm really sorry to hear that ((hugs)). I'm starting to mentally prepare myself for divorce should that happen but I'm praying it doesn't come to that. I have a c-section scheduled for July 11th. I'm going to be alone at the hospital too since H decided to just drop me off and stay home with our daughter.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
momofthree2007
♀ Member
Member # 14766
Angry  Posted: 3:35 AM, July 1st (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unlike the other day, my husband was being a real jerk yesterday, bringing up issues he knows we can't solve. I had to step out of the living room because he had nothing nice to say. The other day I saw this working out but yesterday I was having doubts again. I know he's remorseful about cheating and all but I hate it when he's so insensitive at this time when I'm about to have my twins in less than 2 weeks. After coming back from having a few drinks with one of his friends, he was sweet but I'm really dreading having to deal with this after the twins are born. I'm gonna have to avoid being around him all together.


H - XWH (32) RSA
D-Day 1, OW1: 3/20/07
D-Day 2. OW2: 6/24/07
Divorced, 08/23/2012
Married 7 years, together 9
One day fling each; online As turned physical physical

Posts: 491 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Florida
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 2nd (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry I haven't checked this post for awhile.
Oh, ladies...my heart goes out to both of you. It breaks for us all because we deserve so much better.
It is indescribeably painful to have to go thru this experience alone, especially when we are damnwell MARRIED and should have a loving, excited life partner.
I can't believe both of you are looking down the barrel of separation. Welcome to my world; I had hoped you would be spared this nightmare yourselves.
On the flipside, I am so excited for you to have your babies. I still have some time- not due til Aug 1. You and your healthy deliveries will be in my prayers.
This type of treatment from the ones who *love* us is especially painful during this most vulnerable time in a woman's life. It is especially heartless and cruel. It is immature and selfish beyond words. I cannot take it anymore; and I refuse to beg for scraps from someone whose character is clearly less than what I want in a man- let alone the one who promised to love me forever.
Girls, let's do what we have to do and then get our priorities straightened out. Less focus on them, more on us! I hate what all this energy wasted on HIM is doing to ME. I can't take it anymore- I'm out.
I wish you both all the best and if you want to R, then I wholeheartedly hope that happens for you. Let's keep talking here!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
17yearsrocked
♀ Member
Member # 14174
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checking in again sorry for any new here I may have missed.

((hugs)))

I am about a month from my c-section now. We set up the crib and went through all the newborn stuff this weekend triggering me big time so was a really crappy long weekend. I know it had to be done and somehow I know I need to accept this baby but I am so not there yet. Anyways hope all are doing.


Me (BS) 34
Him (FWS) 37 (Fallensaynte)
Together 17 years married 15
DDay 24/03/07
Children D15, S14, S2, Newborn baby girl

Posts: 803 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Canada
NoControl
♀ Member
Member # 14961
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

17 years-
I know what you mean with the not ready to accept the baby thing. I keep hoping that once I see her face I'll fall madly in love, but for now it's so hard to fathom. I've been so wrapped up in my own pain. I don't want to feel that way anymore.
I'm about a month out also, and haven't yet set anything up. I need to get going, but denial is permeating my life at the moment.
Glad someone else is still checking in on this thread!


"I Became Insane With Long Intervals of Horrible Sanity" -E.A. Poe

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jun 2007
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